Is NC REALLY the way to go?

[DenumChkn]

I think if your only goal is to heal yourself then yes.. But nearly every article and advice column I keep coming across says it is not the thing to do if you still want your ex back. Here are two links of examples:

 

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/2_dating_list.html

 

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/no-contact-brought-back-my-ex-im-sticking-to-nc/

 

I think in both articles they make some pretty salient points as to why NC DOES NOT work when one is trying to recreate the spark with their ex.

 

Maybe some people here can refute those points and give me insight as to why we shouldn't occasionally e-mail/call our ex's to let them know we still care?

 

I'm just in so much pain right now, and it is compounded by the fact that it's been 3 months now and my ex has made no effort to contact me (since a bad phone call I made to her the day before her brithday that did NOT go the way I had hoped.. and upset me to the point that I ended up not even texting her or saying anything on her birthday.. and now I'm regretting it and wondering if she resents me because of it). I texted her once 2 months after that and got no response (granted I didn't ask her a question, just reminisced about something funny that reminded me of her and wished her well). It has not been another month since that and I don't feel like I have any closure and don't feel like I have moved on at all (in spite of following the advice everyone gives on here, exercising more, meeting new people, dating etc.)

 

Someone give me a reason not to try and call or e-mail her again.. I am so lost and can't get her out of my head, its debilitating and I feel I shouldn't still be feeling this way after 3 months (especially given that the relationship was only about twice that length).. She was the first girl I ever loved and I still feel blindsided by her decision and lack of contact since, I thought I meant so much to her and it hurts so much to confront the reality of the situation..

[jstobo]

If you need closure, then contact her. But you HAVE to accept the closure when she does not respond. You will not feel better. You'll probably feel worse for a little bit, but hopefully it will give you the closure you need to move on. I want to be honest though, based on what you have written, she has moved on. We all understand the need for closure though. Just prepare for the worst and you won't be disappointed.

[chados]

I think if your only goal is to heal yourself then yes.. But nearly every article and advice column I keep coming across says it is not the thing to do if you still want your ex back. Here are two links of examples:

 

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/2_dating_list.html

 

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/no-contact-brought-back-my-ex-im-sticking-to-nc/

 

I think in both articles they make some pretty salient points as to why NC DOES NOT work when one is trying to recreate the spark with their ex.

 

Maybe some people here can refute those points and give me insight as to why we shouldn't occasionally e-mail/call our ex's to let them know we still care?

 

I'm just in so much pain right now, and it is compounded by the fact that it's been 3 months now and my ex has made no effort to contact me (since a bad phone call I made to her the day before her brithday that did NOT go the way I had hoped.. and upset me to the point that I ended up not even texting her or saying anything on her birthday.. and now I'm regretting it and wondering if she resents me because of it). I texted her once 2 months after that and got no response (granted I didn't ask her a question, just reminisced about something funny that reminded me of her and wished her well). It has not been another month since that and I don't feel like I have any closure and don't feel like I have moved on at all (in spite of following the advice everyone gives on here, exercising more, meeting new people, dating etc.)

 

Someone give me a reason not to try and call or e-mail her again.. I am so lost and can't get her out of my head, its debilitating and I feel I shouldn't still be feeling this way after 3 months (especially given that the relationship was only about twice that length).. She was the first girl I ever loved and I still feel blindsided by her decision and lack of contact since, I thought I meant so much to her and it hurts so much to confront the reality of the situation..

 

 

since im new to NC and i want my ex back, i can only tell you this. i've had moments in my life where i was begging for them to come back, and that never worked. they just started to be angry and the only way they would even consider talking to you was when you texted them, when you emailed them or something like that. now its 1 month since my girl left me, i didn't try to contact her even once. you know what happened? she texted me 2 weeks after, and asked me about everything.

 

i felt sad even though i wanted to speak with her. i stopped talking to her after about 10 texts and said that im going to the gym. she said i talk to you later, good luck with your training. i texted her two days after and she responded once every minute even when she was with her friend. i made the conversation even shorter and said that i have to go. and then it took her about 15 minutes to say good bye.

 

 

she contacted me once again a week after, asked me about everything, she was really interested to talk to me. same thing her, i made it short. after 4 weeks i called her, she didn't answer because of work, she texted me what did you want when you called? i asked her if she had 2 minutes to talk, and she instantly called me sounded really happy, she started asking about everything thats been happening to me lately. and then i asked her for a coffee, she said yes:)

 

i cant tell you if this will work since we haven't met yet. but i never experienced this success after just 1 month before. thing is, she actually knows everything about me even though i haven't told her anything. she is keeping an eye on me

[DenumChkn]

Well I envy you then Chados.. I wish she would say something, anything to me - even if it was "You stink and I hope you die".. At least then I'd know where I stand.. But because she wouldn't respond to my text and won't take the initiative to 'check in' I have no idea what to think.. Guys always complain about getting 'bread crumbs' on here, well guess what? I'd kill to have those bread crumbs right now because nothing seems to alleviate the pain. I was out with a girl last night who likes me and we kissed a couple of times and I had a good time being out.. But as soon as I got home I missed my ex like the breakup was yesterday, and being with this other girl only reinforced that.. I don't know how to let go and move on. I still am holding on to a present I got for her that week of her birthday (stuffed in the corner of my closet so I don't have to see the reminder constantly) and she still has my favorite pajamas and a sweatshirt (which I really wouldn't mind having back with winter moving in fast!).. I guess I should just keep waiting, as her negative response to my phone call before her birthday and lack of a response to my text probably says it all.. I just don't get how she could be crying during the breakup, still hugging me and kissing me and saying she wants me in her life.. and then turn so cold on me less than a week later.. I know I wasn't perfect but I just don't know what to do to show her I still can make her happy.. All these articles talk about doing things that she can see or hear about that show you are making change.. How can I do that if she won't acknowledge my existence and we have no connection to each other at all? I feel like this pain is never going to go away..

[chados]

Well I envy you then Chados.. I wish she would say something, anything to me - even if it was "You stink and I hope you die".. At least then I'd know where I stand.. But because she wouldn't respond to my text and won't take the initiative to 'check in' I have no idea what to think.. Guys always complain about getting 'bread crumbs' on here, well guess what? I'd kill to have those bread crumbs right now because nothing seems to alleviate the pain. I was out with a girl last night who likes me and we kissed a couple of times and I had a good time being out.. But as soon as I got home I missed my ex like the breakup was yesterday, and being with this other girl only reinforced that.. I don't know how to let go and move on. I still am holding on to a present I got for her that week of her birthday (stuffed in the corner of my closet so I don't have to see the reminder constantly) and she still has my favorite pajamas and a sweatshirt (which I really wouldn't mind having back with winter moving in fast!).. I guess I should just keep waiting, as her negative response to my phone call before her birthday and lack of a response to my text probably says it all.. I just don't get how she could be crying during the breakup, still hugging me and kissing me and saying she wants me in her life.. and then turn so cold on me less than a week later.. I know I wasn't perfect but I just don't know what to do to show her I still can make her happy.. All these articles talk about doing things that she can see or hear about that show you are making change.. How can I do that if she won't acknowledge my existence and we have no connection to each other at all? I feel like this pain is never going to go away..

 

 

before she broke up with me, i knew it was a 50/50 shot to stay together, because i could feel it coming. i felt so sad that i actually talked to a therapist, only one time thought, i didn't believe it would make me feel any better, but that was the only time i cried, when i talked to a person that wasnt my friend. im not great by now, but im feeling better. i had a minor depression and i could not do anything but talking to my friends all day long about her.

 

 

listen, you made a huge mistake with that phonecall, probably begged her to come back right? you have to release that pressure you give her everytime you talk. swallow your pride now! NC doesn't work anymore right?, because you did the wrong thing. you should'nt first become her enemy and then go NC, you wanna breakup in a good way and accept her wishes, then go NC, you have to tell her that your okey with the breakup, and apoligize for your behaviour with the phonecall/birthday. tell her that you just dont want her to hate you anymore

[Dblock10]

before she broke up with me, i knew it was a 50/50 shot to stay together, because i could feel it coming. i felt so sad that i actually talked to a therapist, only one time thought, i didn't believe it would make me feel any better, but that was the only time i cried, when i talked to a person that wasnt my friend. im not great by now, but im feeling better. i had a minor depression and i could not do anything but talking to my friends all day long about her.

 

 

listen, you made a huge mistake with that phonecall, probably begged her to come back right? you have to release that pressure you give her everytime you talk. swallow your pride now! NC doesn't work anymore right?, because you did the wrong thing. you should'nt first become her enemy and then go NC, you wanna breakup in a good way and accept her wishes, then go NC, you have to tell her that your okey with the breakup, and apoligize for your behaviour with the phonecall/birthday. tell her that you just dont want her to hate you anymore

 

I agree, I don't think it's her that you want back so badly I think it's just human nature you want what you can't have or it's this picture you have in your head that is probably far from reality. Seems like you dwell on this mistake but at the end of the day at the time you felt it was the right thing. Little secret, nc helps you to get a screw on things and then you won't do anything in hast and thus make clearer thought out decisions

 

And how is it wrong anyway, you did what you did for you and that's all that matters

 

They say closure doesn't exist and I believe that. Also the reason you don't once a month or what ever contact them is because they know how you feel about them, and why shouldn't they contact you? Are you not good enough? Basically sounds like there is nothing you can do for this girl anymore and her actions have spoken louder than words

Edited November 21, 2011 by Dblock10

[DenumChkn]

Actually I didn't beg to have her back with the phone call, I was calling in hopes that we could arrange meeting the next day on her birthday. She said she was 'really busy' though (ie. "No") and acted so annoyed that I had called her.. I kind of get it though, I'm the one who said I couldn't do the friendship thing and that we should cut ties.. and then 4 days later I'm calling her. I honestly only did it because it was her birthday and I cared, I wish it hadn't been her birthday because then I never would have called.

 

The last time I contacted her a month ago via text I said I hoped she was well and that school was going well and mentioned nothing about the relationship or anything specific.. I didn't even really expect a response it was more for me so I could tell myself my last contact with her was a positive one.. I have to say though I'd probably be a lot happier if she had responded, as now it is crushing me to think that she thinks so little of me that I couldn't even solicit a simple "thank you :)" or whatever.. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't at this point. I'm tempted to write a short letter to say thank you for the good times and apologize for the way I ended things and include it with the present I never got to give her and leave it on her doorstep.. But I could see how that might backfire too and just make her think I'm desperate and needy. I don't know if I should be trying to get in touch with her or just staying to myself and hoping she comes around eventually to at least talk to me (I just really expected that she would have done that by now, and I'm beginning to question if she ever will..)

[chados]

I agree, I don't think it's her that you want back so badly I think it's just human nature you want what you can't have or it's this picture you have in your head that is probably far from reality. Seems like you dwell on this mistake but at the end of the day at the time you felt it was the right thing. Little secret, nc helps you to get a screw on things and then you won't do anything in hast and thus make clearer thought out decisions

 

And how is it wrong anyway, you did what you did for you and that's all that matters

 

They say closure doesn't exist and I believe that. Also the reason you don't once a month or what ever contact them is because they know how you feel about them, and why shouldn't they contact you? Are you not good enough? Basically sounds like there is nothing you can do for this girl anymore and her actions have spoken louder than words

 

 

 

it is human nature. but when you get dumped and she's acting cold against you. it might hunt you for a while, your starting to blame yourself. people want to be liked. i remember when i was a kid "around 15" i got dumped and started to chase her and i even got mad at her for ignoring me. then one day i woke up and told her that i dont want her to hate me, just wanna be friends. and she started talking to me again, sure it was hard when she got another guy 1 week after but it made me feel better in the long run

[chados]

Actually I didn't beg to have her back with the phone call, I was calling in hopes that we could arrange meeting the next day on her birthday. She said she was 'really busy' though (ie. "No") and acted so annoyed that I had called her.. I kind of get it though, I'm the one who said I couldn't do the friendship thing and that we should cut ties.. and then 4 days later I'm calling her. I honestly only did it because it was her birthday and I cared, I wish it hadn't been her birthday because then I never would have called.

 

The last time I contacted her a month ago via text I said I hoped she was well and that school was going well and mentioned nothing about the relationship or anything specific.. I didn't even really expect a response it was more for me so I could tell myself my last contact with her was a positive one.. I have to say though I'd probably be a lot happier if she had responded, as now it is crushing me to think that she thinks so little of me that I couldn't even solicit a simple "thank you :)" or whatever.. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't at this point. I'm tempted to write a short letter to say thank you for the good times and apologize for the way I ended things and include it with the present I never got to give her and leave it on her doorstep.. But I could see how that might backfire too and just make her think I'm desperate and needy. I don't know if I should be trying to get in touch with her or just staying to myself and hoping she comes around eventually to at least talk to me (I just really expected that she would have done that by now, and I'm beginning to question if she ever will..)

 

 

you weren't begging? but did you act angry or something?, or did you say, al right i respect that. maybe some other time?. if you were polite and you've been a nice guy against her, i cant really understand why she's being so cold. i do know that some of my exes has been really cold to me, because they felt pressured by me. i still think you should say that your okey with the breakup and you do realize why this happened. and tell her that you aren't going to write to her anymore, but just don't hate me. or something like that

[perfectlyflawed459]

Hmm I think every relationship is different and what might work for someone might not work for someone else. I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way to do things, but when all else fails I think NC is the universal option. From experience, I have had two guys come back to me after dropping them out of my life. It took one of them two months to come around and the other one three years, but I was already over them by the time they wanted me back. With my current ex, I noticed he took me for granted when we were talking again. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him because I found out he was also seeing another girl and refused to fight for him. He cried and told me she meant nothing but I still walked away. Once I dropped him, he started trying to talk to me, even ditching that girl just to approach me. He even told my mother something was missing in his life. I know I am not ready to have him in my life again so I have been ignoring his attempts, although I miss him sooo much. It is just nice to know I have some power in this situation and that now he has to wait for me to allow him back in. In the meantime, maybe he will continue to miss me and realize he threw away someone great. So for me, NC has been my best bet, but again, different relationships and different people may handle it different ways

[DenumChkn]

Weird I went to work tonight and got busy and all of this frustration and sadness I was dwelling on the first 2/3 of the day just kind of subsided.. I think it helps to just be distracted and talk to coworkers about the lighter side of life.

 

I think I was a little upset during the phone call because she answered and didn't know who it was and I said "oh so you deleted my number already?" :/ bad start, I shouldn't have been calling her in the first place but I was just desperate to try and see her one more time. The whole call went down hill from there with her being annoyed and me being defensive. Still, is it really that weird to want to see someone on their birthday after dating for 6 months when the breakup has JUST happened? Originally we were going to go to dinner but she said "yea my friend (the one who hooked us up) said she didn't think it was a good idea for us to go" (hey thanks for looking out for our relationship bitch, dear girls: STOP LISTENING TO YOUR ****TY JEALOUS FRIENDS WHO HATE SEEING YOU HAPPY WITH A MAN!) So it got downgraded from dinner to "im gonna be really busy" (ie **** off).

 

In any case, I think I will just continue with NC because I don't see any good coming from any further contact from my end at this point. When the time is right and she steps up I'll give her that present and get my PJ's back and tell her what you said in your last post chados :/

 

PerfectlyFlawed whoever that guy is he is a real fool for letting you get away based on your mature cadence and your gorgeous picture; most guys would bend over backwards for a woman like you and mind their P's and Q's (or at least keep their dick in there pants). I'm curious, were you the dumper or the dumpee in the three scenarios you described in your post?

 

Thanks for all the responses guys, I'm feeling quite a bit better already.. I think I need to break it off with this other girl though because I'm not being fair to her or myself about where my heads at right now.. I know how amazing my ex was to me and I refuse to settle for less than that at this point. I feel like kind of an ******* saying it, but I know my value and I'm not gonna sell myself short

[chados]

Weird I went to work tonight and got busy and all of this frustration and sadness I was dwelling on the first 2/3 of the day just kind of subsided.. I think it helps to just be distracted and talk to coworkers about the lighter side of life.

 

I think I was a little upset during the phone call because she answered and didn't know who it was and I said "oh so you deleted my number already?" :/ bad start, I shouldn't have been calling her in the first place but I was just desperate to try and see her one more time. The whole call went down hill from there with her being annoyed and me being defensive. Still, is it really that weird to want to see someone on their birthday after dating for 6 months when the breakup has JUST happened? Originally we were going to go to dinner but she said "yea my friend (the one who hooked us up) said she didn't think it was a good idea for us to go" (hey thanks for looking out for our relationship bitch, dear girls: STOP LISTENING TO YOUR ****TY JEALOUS FRIENDS WHO HATE SEEING YOU HAPPY WITH A MAN!) So it got downgraded from dinner to "im gonna be really busy" (ie **** off).

 

In any case, I think I will just continue with NC because I don't see any good coming from any further contact from my end at this point. When the time is right and she steps up I'll give her that present and get my PJ's back and tell her what you said in your last post chados :/

 

PerfectlyFlawed whoever that guy is he is a real fool for letting you get away based on your mature cadence and your gorgeous picture; most guys would bend over backwards for a woman like you and mind their P's and Q's (or at least keep their dick in there pants). I'm curious, were you the dumper or the dumpee in the three scenarios you described in your post?

 

Thanks for all the responses guys, I'm feeling quite a bit better already.. I think I need to break it off with this other girl though because I'm not being fair to her or myself about where my heads at right now.. I know how amazing my ex was to me and I refuse to settle for less than that at this point. I feel like kind of an ******* saying it, but I know my value and I'm not gonna sell myself short

 

 

 

 

yeah you see, she felt pressured by your call. do you know what i think is stupid, why she would even tell you that her friend didn't like the idea. thats immature enough to stay away from her in my opinion. she got nothing to do with your relationship. my ex has a friend that all of the sudden didn't call her anymore. the reason for that was because she was hanging out with me. of course she got mad with my ex, but she wouldn't tell her that. she even did the same thing to my ex, when she had a boyfriend.

 

boys tells people to ** of, they might regret it and apologize or they will continue with their bad language

 

girls are talking with other girls about you, and then they are freezing you out.

 

 

both are week behaviors but i think the second one is even more hurtful

[jordjones]

If getting your ex back is a priority, then a period of no contact is essential to get your head back on straight. Immediately following being dumped, in all likelihood, you are behaving in an extremely unattractive manner. While it is against human nature, take a step back, go no contact for a solid period (6 weeks to 3 months), and if they haven't contacted you in that time, give it a shot.

 

Even if you are desperately in love with your ex, after an extended period of no contact you will become less attached, even if it the effect is minor. This will help you in the long-run. Use the period of no contact to hit the gym, lose a few pounds and gain some muscle, go tan in the tanning bed, go get a new wardrobe. Then when you get that "coffee date" rock it. You will come into the reunion with increased stock and dating value. The dumper is not so motivated, and they will be like "oh ****...they look hot..."

 

DO NOT express your feelings at the reunion. You have higher stock, remember. Be calm, cool, collected, but don't be distant...be fun. Keep things rather short. Then two weeks later ask them out again, for a more formal date. THE KEY IN ALL OF THIS IS PATIENCE!!! If they loved you once, I believe they can love you again (unless you just really messed up in an unforgivable way). Just improve yourself and don't push!

[chados]

If getting your ex back is a priority, then a period of no contact is essential to get your head back on straight. Immediately following being dumped, in all likelihood, you are behaving in an extremely unattractive manner. While it is against human nature, take a step back, go no contact for a solid period (6 weeks to 3 months), and if they haven't contacted you in that time, give it a shot.

 

Even if you are desperately in love with your ex, after an extended period of no contact you will become less attached, even if it the effect is minor. This will help you in the long-run. Use the period of no contact to hit the gym, lose a few pounds and gain some muscle, go tan in the tanning bed, go get a new wardrobe. Then when you get that "coffee date" rock it. You will come into the reunion with increased stock and dating value. The dumper is not so motivated, and they will be like "oh ****...they look hot..."

 

DO NOT express your feelings at the reunion. You have higher stock, remember. Be calm, cool, collected, but don't be distant...be fun. Keep things rather short. Then two weeks later ask them out again, for a more formal date. THE KEY IN ALL OF THIS IS PATIENCE!!! If they loved you once, I believe they can love you again (unless you just really messed up in an unforgivable way). Just improve yourself and don't push!

 

 

i agree with this. you just have to let it go before you could get it back. thats the way the ebooks are saying you should do. although im not following any of them, they have some good points. some books even suggest to find a date to make her jealous. i wouldn't do anything like that myself, but i really do think it works. cause then they're really feel that they are loosing you. kinda fun how people can be controlled. i dump you, you ignore me, i want you back

 

let me ask you, have you tried this yourself?

[jordjones]

After 2 1/2 months no contact, and 1 1/2 month low contact, my "meet for drinks" is happening this weekend. I am more physically attractive then I have ever been. I think I should be able to play it cool. But I'm in it for the long game...I'll wait two weeks and ask her out on more of a date. Then I have Christmas/New Years to make a move, lol.

 

I'm unsure if it will work, and I am somewhat fearful of getting stuck in the "friend zone." However, I view the whole process as a learning experience. Can attraction be reestablished? Will I be able to increase sexual tension gradually? I've red all the books. I'll look sharp as hell. I won't talk about the past. I will *hopefully* get her drunk and have a good time.

 

In essence, that's what it's about. Good times breed attraction. We shall see .

[chados]

After 2 1/2 months no contact, and 1 1/2 month low contact, my "meet for drinks" is happening this weekend. I am more physically attractive then I have ever been. I think I should be able to play it cool. But I'm in it for the long game...I'll wait two weeks and ask her out on more of a date. Then I have Christmas/New Years to make a move, lol.

 

 

I'm unsure if it will work, and I am somewhat fearful of getting stuck in the "friend zone." However, I view the whole process as a learning experience. Can attraction be reestablished? Will I be able to increase sexual tension gradually? I've red all the books. I'll look sharp as hell. I won't talk about the past. I will *hopefully* get her drunk and have a good time.

 

In essence, that's what it's about. Good times breed attraction. We shall see .

 

 

 

interesting story, remember to keep me updated! im exactly where you are now. i will update you to if youre interested. let me ask you, did you contact her first? and how did she react when you asked her out?

[jordjones]

I'll post a complete summary of the low contact cat-and-mouse game I've been playing later this week. She initiated contact once during no contact. Since low-contact began (with my initiation), I have initiated contact at a 2:1 ratio. She always responds right away.

 

She sounded somewhat glad to hear from me last week. I hadn't contacted her for about 2 1/2 weeks. She is still single, to my knowledge. We're just supposed to "meet for drinks" this weekend. I'm supposed to text her on Wednesday or Thursday to make final arrangements.

 

I don't expect much. However, I know that I am better looking than I have ever been. I'm ripped, bulked up, and have a nice tan going - can't hurt, right? I've red every book out there. Cocky funny...yeah, yeah. Kind of treat her like my little sister, while gradually escalating keno and sexual tension.

 

The friend zone is my biggest worry. But if she starts pulling that ****, I'll just start talking dirty to her, in a classy, intelligent way. The question is whether or not when I look into her eyes, and tell her that she looks hot, if I can make her blush...lol

[chados]

I'll post a complete summary of the low contact cat-and-mouse game I've been playing later this week. She initiated contact once during no contact. Since low-contact began (with my initiation), I have initiated contact at a 2:1 ratio. She always responds right away.

 

She sounded somewhat glad to hear from me last week. I hadn't contacted her for about 2 1/2 weeks. She is still single, to my knowledge. We're just supposed to "meet for drinks" this weekend. I'm supposed to text her on Wednesday or Thursday to make final arrangements.

 

I don't expect much. However, I know that I am better looking than I have ever been. I'm ripped, bulked up, and have a nice tan going - can't hurt, right? I've red every book out there. Cocky funny...yeah, yeah. Kind of treat her like my little sister, while gradually escalating keno and sexual tension.

 

The friend zone is my biggest worry. But if she starts pulling that ****, I'll just start talking dirty to her, in a classy, intelligent way. The question is whether or not when I look into her eyes, and tell her that she looks hot, if I can make her blush...lol

 

 

haha, it feels like your writing a story about me, even though i don't fallow a book, she was the one starting to contact me, she contacted me two times. i gave her a call after 1 month and she also sounded glad talking to me. i do believe that looking your best will increase your chances. cause that will prove that you've moved on, and don't feel sorry for yourself. so you're planning on a meetup friday/saturday i guess?

[jordjones]

Yeah. It's kind of whatever at this point. I mean, don't get me wrong...I love her. I also recognize how my actions contributed to the break. But it's taken a hell of a lot of effort and patience to get to this point. This might be a one time experiment.

 

I think she's moved on mentally. But she has volunteered that she hasn't been with anybody else. We'll just see. And regardless of the outcome, for the good of Love Shack, I will post the results! lol

[chados]

Yeah. It's kind of whatever at this point. I mean, don't get me wrong...I love her. I also recognize how my actions contributed to the break. But it's taken a hell of a lot of effort and patience to get to this point. This might be a one time experiment.

 

I think she's moved on mentally. But she has volunteered that she hasn't been with anybody else. We'll just see. And regardless of the outcome, for the good of Love Shack, I will post the results! lol

 

 

haha well you dont know that, kinda find it more and more interesting how easy it can be to get back together if you play your cards right. if the dumper still got feelings of course. i think this mixed signals is a strong way to make someone miss you. she calls you asking about your life, you hang up in time, so he/she cant ask you about everything, then you wait a week and send her a text, end the conversation kinda quick again. then wait a few weeks until you ask her out. you know, "leave a little bit to the fantasy".

 

it takes time and its hard, but if you love someone its a mission you want to success with. if you love someone there's almost nothing you wouldn't do, some people could even go so far that they would hurt the other person just to win their heart. they say nothing is illegal in war or love. well whatever happens, it will be for the good. even if you get hurt you will know that you've tried everything, and you wont regret that .

[perfectlyflawed459]

Weird I went to work tonight and got busy and all of this frustration and sadness I was dwelling on the first 2/3 of the day just kind of subsided.. I think it helps to just be distracted and talk to coworkers about the lighter side of life.

 

I think I was a little upset during the phone call because she answered and didn't know who it was and I said "oh so you deleted my number already?" :/ bad start, I shouldn't have been calling her in the first place but I was just desperate to try and see her one more time. The whole call went down hill from there with her being annoyed and me being defensive. Still, is it really that weird to want to see someone on their birthday after dating for 6 months when the breakup has JUST happened? Originally we were going to go to dinner but she said "yea my friend (the one who hooked us up) said she didn't think it was a good idea for us to go" (hey thanks for looking out for our relationship bitch, dear girls: STOP LISTENING TO YOUR ****TY JEALOUS FRIENDS WHO HATE SEEING YOU HAPPY WITH A MAN!) So it got downgraded from dinner to "im gonna be really busy" (ie **** off).

 

In any case, I think I will just continue with NC because I don't see any good coming from any further contact from my end at this point. When the time is right and she steps up I'll give her that present and get my PJ's back and tell her what you said in your last post chados :/

 

PerfectlyFlawed whoever that guy is he is a real fool for letting you get away based on your mature cadence and your gorgeous picture; most guys would bend over backwards for a woman like you and mind their P's and Q's (or at least keep their dick in there pants). I'm curious, were you the dumper or the dumpee in the three scenarios you described in your post?

 

Thanks for all the responses guys, I'm feeling quite a bit better already.. I think I need to break it off with this other girl though because I'm not being fair to her or myself about where my heads at right now.. I know how amazing my ex was to me and I refuse to settle for less than that at this point. I feel like kind of an ******* saying it, but I know my value and I'm not gonna sell myself short

 

Thank you so much for you kind words To answer you question, I was going out on dates with the first two guys and they ended up choosing another girl over me in the end, only to realize that they should have chose me. Then I saw my ex for a year and half, we broke up, had on and off contact for a very long time, and finally admitted that we missed each other. We started just seeing each other again, nothing official or anything, and then I found out he was also seeing someone else too. I couldn't handle it because it did hurt so I just dropped him and ever since, he has tried on two occasions to regain contact with me.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it is me and if I am doing something wrong. I mean why can't I be the first choice ya know? But I don't think it is something to dwell upon too much because they always realize they made a mistake after some time passes. I have noticed, not to be rude or anything, that all the girls that get chosen over me are more willing to give sex quicker in the relationship and have that "I don't give a crap" non committing attitude. I guess that can only get you so far though seeing as how all three of these guys ended up unhappy with those girls haha I kind of blame it on my age; I am only 18 years old, so all I have delt with are guys around my age and my ex, who was a year and half younger than I was. Maybe they fear commitment, but who knows

[DenumChkn]

Thanks for the response PerfectlyFlawed459! I think you are right about the age thing, girls tend to mature faster than guys, probably part of the reason my ex was attracted to me (I was 26 and she was 19 while we were dating). I don't know about the sex thing.. I do recall really wanting it when we first started dating, but I wasn't trying to pressure her into it and I didn't feel like I was going to leave her if she wasn't ready or didn't want to do it.. Then again maybe that is linked to the maturity of guys your age you are trying to date. Don't worry, they will act less like walking balls of hormones as you get older and start to appreciate your qualities that extend beyond the flesh

 

I would keep doing what you're doing and being you because ultimately that is what is going to attract the type of guy you really desire to be with. Also, you are so young I wouldn't place to much stock in relationships right now anyway, focus on your school and figuring out what you want in life outside of relationships.. That is what my ex decided to do and I respect her decision, even though it hurts me like hell. That said, I do feel like she was somewhat like you, wanted the commitment and wanted me to treat her like a princess and as we spent more time together she grew on me and I started to do that.. I fell for her hard and fast after about 3 months. I feel like once I capitulated to these desires of her, that is when she started acting cold and distant and started thinking about breaking up with me.. I'd be lying if I said the experience hasn't hardened my heart and made me weary of really giving myself to another girl in the future.. The pain I have experienced the past 3 months and in the past when being dumped is not worth it, I will not be giving my unconditional love and trust to another girl in the future unless I have given it a considerable amount of time and thought. Why is it that when we give girls what they want out of a relationship they grow bored of us and move on with ease?

 

Sorry got a little rambly, hope everything works out for you and you meet someone great perfectlyflawed! From the sound of it you deserve it, as we all do

[PoppyLove89]

My boyfriend and I broke up almost a month ago, for the first few days he'd always reply to me etc but the more I text him, the more pissed off he became and why? Because he wasn't sure in himself what he wanted. I know him well enough to know that if he was 100% sure he'd made the right decision, he'd have told me so, point-blank: he's in the army, he doesn't beat about the bush to spare someone's feelings. He has no problems cutting people out.

 

It could be that your ex is either a) confused herself and doesn't know what to say at this point or b) she wants you to move on...DO NOT BEG HER/NAG HER/HOUND HER!!! You will only be emotionally suffocating her and she'll think she's made the right decision by leaving you. I've made this mistake, their feelings are still to raw to deal with things rationally.

 

I think my ex wants me to move on because he isn't sure what he wants. I have to respect him for that. If he loves me as much as he said, I have to trust that he'll come and get me - he promised me, he would. If he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. Our relationship was pressured because of his career and ultimately I think it was his career that pushed him to end things, he doesn't want to hurt me anymore by being away all the time.

 

I know it kills and I've been a mess myself: not eating, sleeping all the time when I'm not working, worrying, crying, been angry...the list goes on but this is just our minds grieving our relationships and the emotional attachments.

 

Maybe let the dust settle, her anger/pain/upset fade away a little and then just give her a "hey, how have you been?" keep it light and breezy. Then the ball's in her court.