My Best Friends

[elegance]

Hello, all. I am new here and don't have a place to share my story. While I admit that I am wrong, I simply just don't want to be right... this is my story:

 

I was 19 year old and dating a man named Louis. I had just broken up with my baby's father who broke my heart, cheated on me, and left me with an infant to raise by myself (which I did, gladly). Louis was another loser that I picked because I was lonely, but he had a few family members that were kind of cool and I liked to hang with them a lot. A lot of his cousins would always come over to party and chill with me and my friends and we would have a great time. There was always this one guy, who was dating one of the Louis' cousins, that was always quiet and seemed out of place. Not thinking twice, I shrugged it off.. thinking it was nothing.

 

A few weeks later I was at work, at the time I work as a youth career advocate, helping my peers and other find jobs and also building my own skills to grab that job that I wanted. I got a text from this guy, asking me for some job leads. That was my job, so I did what he asked... turns out he wasn't qualified for any of the positions I had choosen. However, we started to texts a lot more, just because I had already knew him from previous get-togethers and he seemed pretty chill. Texts turned into 8 hour conversations. He worked in patient accounting at the hospital and for most of his shift, he was on the phone with me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but I didn't think much of it because I knew he loved her. Well, one day he asked me for sex. I was LIVING with his girlfriend's sister (even though I didn't know his girlfriend too tough, I knew exactly who she was). He brought the sister out to his house, then came to her house looking for me. I never answered the door.

 

Fast forward, I moved out of his girlfriends sisters house and back to the town in which he lived to be with a guy that I had known for some time. I knew I was still talking to this man, now we are both in relationships. However, I quickly found out that my new boyfriend and I were not compatible in the bedroom. We did not have sex AT all. His texts and offers of sex became more and more appealing. I took him up on the offer and I was entranced. It became an all out f*** fest. I would go sleep with him, come home to my boyfriend and child and eat dinner. We then wanted to spend a lot of more time together, so he allowed me to take part in his business. We did GREAT. However, along with that, I needed to meet his girlfriend.. so that way she would be more comfortable seeing me around. Fast forward, me and the chick click like whoa! We even decide to have three somes (don't judge me, I was gettin it). However, tings changed and I moved out of state. I come backj within the next few months... and he tells me hes thinking hes going to get married. I become depressed. I thought I would not feel anyway about it, but I did. I became attached. I grew fonder of him, and her. But mostly him. I wanted him, but I knew my place. It was something that I had agreed to. and I wasn't going to f*** up what they had, men cheat with women who allow it. So... fast forwarding, I watch their son on their honeymoon (because by this time, I am their best friend). And before they return, I left and didn't come back for a year.

 

Over the year, we talked, texted, skyped, argued, laughed. but no physical contact... I even got married myself to a complete jerk off.. (for the sake of my custody case but turned out to be a mistake). I was completely involved with another married man. I was in love, and he was telling me he loved me too, but he was in love with his wife.. (shoot, I was too. she was awesome. I loved her as well.. but I loved him more). Fast forward the year, my husband cheats on me.. I go back to where the couple is (i only ever went back to this place when my child has to go visit her father. which she is with him the duration of the time I spend there).. have sex with them, come back and immediately let my husband know. I didn't want him to not know who I was sleeping with, thats just nasty and I unsafe. 6 months later, I go back to the place that have sex with them again. Come back home for another two weeks, went back again. Now, she doesnt want to have threesomes. It was my birthday and him and I have sex. It was amazing. I was in love and I could tell he was falling for me too. They always argued, he wasn't happy, he would spend most of his time on video games, she would spend most of her time watching television..

 

anyway. here it is 4 months from that point. He never wanted to leave her and I never asked him to. I always wanted what was best for him. I loved him. I love his family. I wanted to be around them, and they loved me too and wanted the same for me and mine. Now he wants to be with me, told his wife the truth about me (because he found out she was cheating too) and is now planning on moving to where I am. I am relived and in love. I never meant to hurt her.. everyone hates me. I am 22 years old, goal oriented and focused. I know what I want, and I know I want him. He is my best friend. We are three years in and what I just shared only SUMS up what we have been through. We are both going to go together and get divorces and have even made our relationship "facebook" official. I feel bad for her, I do. But he was never doing her right in the first place. And no, I'm not scared it would happen to me.

 

People say that affairs are built on dishonesty... him and I have no secrets. all the truth is known. this is what we both want. I hate for my happiness to derive from someone elses pain, but I am so happy. We were meant to be together, and he agrees. We're both cheaters, for gosh sakes lol.. But i tell you what, this man's smile can light up my world Not only that, he is a good person. and you know what? you can comment if you want, but I guess I just realized that Im not looking for anything verification that I'm doing the right thing. I just want the world to know thagt being the other woman sucks, and it sucks for the wife as well. But if you got married on the wrong values doing the wrong thing, most likely it will end.

 

It's life.

 

(P.S.- after reading this post, i realized I talked about the sex a lot. only because thats where I felt that is where our souls tied. We also had great times together that had nothing to do with sex. in fact, besides the beggining, due to the fact I lived 500 miles away, it was NEVER about sex. just two people who fell in love. it happens)

[MissBee]

I'm gonna be frank...

 

You're 19, with a baby, you've talked about several men, you're cheating, now married and cheating, all these ppl seem interconnected, you lived at the gf's sister's house, your boyfriend was your AP's friend, involved with another married man, having sex with a couple...it's really all too much and I don't think any of your relationships, including your affair is built on anything substantial and sustainable but it all yells that there is some issue there.

 

 

Anyway, you're not looking for advice, but those are my 2 cents and while women older than you are, do the same things, so it's not only about age...I do hope that at some point in your life, this type of life stops being okay for you and your daughter and you can chalk it up to being young and dumb but move on to better things.

[Just Don't Know]

[Saul Goodman]

That is one more f'd up story........I gotta wonder if it's real.

 

I say we give elegance the benefit of the doubt, and see where this elegant thread goes.

 

Hmmm...

 

You know who I miss? Daisy love.

[elegance]

I say we give elegance the benefit of the doubt, and see where this elegant thread goes.

 

Hmmm...

 

You know who I miss? Daisy love.

 

I honestly don't believe anyone would make this up. I have been on a crazy roller coaster, and what I have posted is not even THE half of it. I just wanted to post to give others who are going through situations a little bit of insight of a rocky rollercoaster full of twists and turns that is finally over for me.

 

And for whoever said it's not built on sustainable grounds, they have to be kidding me. but of course, I have only posted what YOU need to know

 

Thanks for your comments and for anyone else going through thios situation, I'm not condoning it. What I did was wrong, however I am happy for the way it came out and positive that this had to happen. I believe we are supposed to be together (if even for a moment in time) to bring the best out of each other. and I'm happy.

[elegance]

I'm gonna be frank...

 

You're 19, with a baby, you've talked about several men, you're cheating, now married and cheating, all these ppl seem interconnected, you lived at the gf's sister's house, your boyfriend was your AP's friend, involved with another married man, having sex with a couple...it's really all too much and I don't think any of your relationships, including your affair is built on anything substantial and sustainable but it all yells that there is some issue there.

 

 

Anyway, you're not looking for advice, but those are my 2 cents and while women older than you are, do the same things, so it's not only about age...I do hope that at some point in your life, this type of life stops being okay for you and your daughter and you can chalk it up to being young and dumb but move on to better things.

 

 

I am 22 now, going through divorce. I have gone THROUGH some things. If i wasn't so naive at 19, I wouldn't know what I do know at 22 and thats making the best of your life, being happy, trying to do the right thing, even if other peoples don't agree. Thanks for your comment!

[elegance]

I'm gonna be frank...

 

You're 19, with a baby, you've talked about several men, you're cheating, now married and cheating, all these ppl seem interconnected, you lived at the gf's sister's house, your boyfriend was your AP's friend, involved with another married man, having sex with a couple...it's really all too much and I don't think any of your relationships, including your affair is built on anything substantial and sustainable but it all yells that there is some issue there.

 

 

Anyway, you're not looking for advice, but those are my 2 cents and while women older than you are, do the same things, so it's not only about age...I do hope that at some point in your life, this type of life stops being okay for you and your daughter and you can chalk it up to being young and dumb but move on to better things.

 

 

I appreciate your honesty, however I am 22 now. I know whats best for my daughter, as I was awarded sole custody. I am college student with double majors, I'm smart, and I know what I have going for myself. I had to grow up rather fast when I was younger and did some stupid things when I was younger, I can attest to this. For the past three years I had to go through some things and it was. not. easy. The reason I posted this was because its finally over for me and I wanted to share the fact that even out of all the craziness, I am HAPPY, not for anyone to judge what I have been doing LOL. But, again, appreciate it.

 

Happiness can come from situations like this if the other person is truly in love with you too. maybe I am a rarity? has anyone had an affair and it turn out to be a "success"?

Edited November 21, 2011 by elegance
spelling

[whichwayisup]

I say we give elegance the benefit of the doubt, and see where this elegant thread goes.

 

Hmmm...

 

You know who I miss? Daisy love.

 

You know when her name is mentioned it's less than a day or so before she appears again..

 

IF this post is actually true, and sorry, I doubt it is, every now and then we get some wicked trolling and incredible made up stories... Anyways, all I can say is, protect your kid. He/She doesn't need to be exposed to this stuff and I hope it's a LONG time before you involve your MM into your childs life. His divorce is going to be messy, since you know her well.. To her, it's double betrayal. (You say you slept with them both?)

[Saul Goodman]

I honestly don't believe anyone would make this up.

I don't see why not, it's not that hard to create decent works of fiction.

 

Nonetheless, this thread is interesting enough that I don't really care either way. Nor will I pester you about it.

Happiness can come from situations like this if the other person is truly in love with you too. maybe I am a rarity? has anyone had an affair and it turn out to be a "success"?

Oh yes, you are quite the rarity. It is estimated that roughly 3-4% of all affairs are exit affairs. I also recall that relationships that started from affairs have a 30% lower success rate (or was it that the success rate was only at 30%?) than those that didn't.

 

You know when her name is mentioned it's less than a day or so before she appears again..

Oh goody.

[bentnotbroken]

I appreciate your honesty, however I am 22 now. I know whats best for my daughter, as I was awarded sole custody. I am college student with double majors, I'm smart, and I know what I have going for myself. I had to grow up rather fast when I was younger and did some stupid things when I was younger, I can attest to this. For the past three years I had to go through some things and it was. not. easy. The reason I posted this was because its finally over for me and I wanted to share the fact that even out of all the craziness, I am HAPPY, not for anyone to judge what I have been doing LOL. But, again, appreciate it.

 

Happiness can come from situations like this if the other person is truly in love with you too. maybe I am a rarity? has anyone had an affair and it turn out to be a "success"?

 

 

Naaawww, not even close.

[elegance]

i feel so sorry for your child. all the moving around, dumping her off on people so you can go have sex with a married man. you say you were always upfront with the truth - did the wife know all about you having sex with her husband? did she know you would see him and have sex with just him? you are 22, you have a lot of maturing and growing to do.

 

i know you think things are so wonderful and all is right with the world. check back in 6 months from now and i bet things are different. most people are totally different at 30 than they were at 20 and i would bet you will be like most people. what matters the most is your daughters safety and security and running from man to man is not a good thing for your daughter. you admit many of these men are/were losers, yet you allowed them around your daughter and involved in her life. put her life first and not the man of the moment.

 

Dont feel sorry for my child LOL, she visits her father, which is the only time I leave state, and has no IDEA about anything (she is 4) and very well taken care of. Thanks.

[elegance]

WOW. I honestly didnt think that this was the response I was going to get. Isn't this a forum for people that have been in this situation, not for people to judge me? Im actually flattered that people would think that I would waste time to make this up, but also a little hurt that I actually came here for a little support and finding none. Uhmm, thanks? Please, I would rather you keep your mean words to yourself. Stop talking about my kid, I don't **** in front of her and she has nothing to do with this. She is actually one of the smartest and brightest kids you would ever know and I'm pretty good at keeping her separate from my issues. She is NOT around different men, and she has known my new boyfriend since she was in diapers, our children grew up together.

 

 

Stop commenting if you are judging because I read the guidelines before I posted this and I see about three that are in violation.

 

Positivity welcomed!!

[elegance]

Oh also, the wife was cheating too. Doesnt want her husband, just mad I'm with him now.

[Saul Goodman]

Ah, c'mon now ele, you pretty much said in your OP that you didn't need any verification from us.

 

Anyways, to counter all of the negativity on this thread, I shall give you some virtual hugs and a wish of good luck.

 

(((((((hugs)))))))

 

Good luck.

[Saul Goodman]

Elegance, if your story is true, it's really sad. You are so young and you've started out your adult life troubled no doubt. I can't help but think you are the same age as my daughter if her life was this, it would hurt me. So many men and so much cheating either directly or indirectly already in your history. I hope you find happiness but yet I hope you soon realize that happiness does not come from a man, it comes from inner peace about the choices we make. Sadly sometimes some of the choices we make when we are younger come back to haunt us years later.

 

Take care!

 

Yeah, that was quite a bit more thoughtful than my own post.

 

Ah well. Live life and learn, ele.

Edited November 21, 2011 by Saul Goodman

[Saul Goodman]

That's the best thing you can do for her.. She doesn't need any advice or anything. Sounds like she's got it all figured out... I do hope she keeps us all updated on her wonderful life....

 

Mmmhmm.

 

Young love.

[elegance]

When one proves to be dishonest in one aspect of their life they tend to be dishonest in most all.

 

First contraction of truth.

 

You said the baby's father left you to raise the child alone. Then when questioned where is the child as you are parading with all these men she is with her father.

 

 

Sorry but your life does not sound very elegant to me.

 

 

You know what? it's not elegant!! Life is what you make it. So i appreciate all the negativity you people and spread and will not longer look at the replies! I just wanted to share my story with people who have been in this situation. My daughter is very happy and yes, we have been through many custody battles. My babys father has 7 children, if you must know. Im not asking you to judge my parenting skills, I got it I just wanted people to read and really be happy for me. I voluntarily put myself through pain for someone I feel so connected with. I waited for three years, had the time of my LIFE waiting, to be honest. Now I am in love with a man who cant hide or deny his feelings for me either. It's pretty simple. We have a unique situation (that you only got the half of) and thats that.

 

Ohh, and whoever said that my happiness comes from a man?? LOL I can't share a situation without you people jumping to conclusions. You dont KNOW my whole life. I gave you a given situation I have encountered. WOW, stone me to death, wouldja?

 

Take care and God bless everyone.

 

Whats the world without enigma?

 

 

Okay, so now you can say what you want because I wont be coming back!! To anyone else who may be reading this, if you are not bitter and in love, and really truly believe you are in love, don't let anyone destroy your dream!!

Edited November 21, 2011 by elegance

[Lemon Drop]

You are of the age you could be many of our(s) daughter. You might want to listen and just slow it down a bit. Those feelings are endorphins and they do lessen/go away after a bit. I have endorphins older than you are.

 

We have been around this rodeo a time or two, isn't that why you came here?

 

Just slow it down... take care of yourself and your child and learn to live without all this drama. It's addicting and leads to poor choices. Like having a baby with a guy who has 6 already. You love her, but he wasn't such a good choice. Either was your husband. Drama keeps you on the roller coaster and once you get off, you are off balance. Try to make better choices for your life so you have a good life.

[Saul Goodman]

Okay, so now you can say what you want because I wont be coming back!! To anyone else who may be reading this, if you are not bitter and in love, and really truly believe you are in love, don't let anyone destroy your dream!!

 

She really is channeling daisy.

 

Whats the world without enigma?

 

It's a shame that you aren't coming back, because I want to know what this means.