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[reimeivn]

my mom just told me that the guy dumped me because i had sex with him, and that i was not good in bed.

 

he was my first boyfriend and i was his first gf and first everything too. i didnt get intimate with him after a year and a half. we were together for two years.

 

he dumped me i already feel like i am not good enough. now that my mom said that i feel miserable. i would like to think about my first love as something more than that.

 

she said that i was easy and that if i ever do that with my bf ever again, the guy will leave me because that is what they want. she made me cry a whole bunch. i am talking to somebody new and now i just feel like i dont want to have a bf ever again.

[wilsonx]

Your mom is not the guy that dumped you. She does not know. She can guess but she could be wrong.

 

I have been on a few dates recently with some good people but they are just not my type. I've had a few girls tell me I am not their type. Its ok, you move on and go to the next one.

 

Why can't you just tell yourself that, it did not work out. Reject the rejector. Tell yourself, he was not good enough for you. If I was you, I would not listen to what she has to say. How is it benefiting you and your self esteem by saying her own daughter is bad in bed

[Sugarkane]

Hi Reimeivn, I remember your story probably coz it reminds me so much of my own. Your ex was a complete jerk anyway. I mean what sort of person dumps you and then gets with someone new and then rubs it in your face?

What sort of person blames the WHOLE breakup on you? Hello you did nothing wrong and there was also ANOTHER person in the relationship!

What sort of person turns everyone against you for no reason?

 

Your ex is an immature jerk and you deserve better. He probably knew this so he brokeup with you. That's what my ex did. Your mum shouldn't be saying these things. It doesn't help you. You can't undo having sex with someone unfortunately. You probably did what you felt right at the time.

 

I also have to keep reminding myself that NOT everyone is like my ex. If you like this new person, maybe you should give them a chance?

[esteem-jam]

Your mom is wrong.

 

Sex can definitely can be improved, by practice, if your partner cared enough you would get better as apair. It can be improved, in fact, IT SHOULD BE worked on in a healthy relationship. If your partner cared enough, he would help you work on it.

[fallenheart]

Gotta back up what the others are saying: your mom is talking out her ass. She has no right talking about something she knows nothing about.

 

It sounds like she absorbed the ridiculous poison narrow-minded dogma that her parents subjected her to and never learned to change or adapt her world view, and now she's attempted to make you feel the same guilt and oppression that she did!!

 

You're in college right? It's a time to learn and grow and challenge everything you ever thought you knew about the world, and that includes understanding that your parents don't REALLY know everything.

 

You're an adult. Sex is perfectly normal and acceptable between two consenting adults!! Please believe this!!

 

I'm sure your mother loves you and is a good person, but she is just so incredibly wrong to say that to you!!

[reimeivn]

i just want to say thank you. the ex was not good in bed at all. first time for both of us. he was very selfish, even as a person though, that one i know for sure. i am seeing someone new so i know that the new one treats me a lot more decent.

 

and i really dont think as a mother she should have said that. she always told me how skinny i am and how bad i look anyways. i always felt as if i was ugly since i was a kid. her only real relationship was my dad, and it didnt work out, and i just dont think she has any reason to talk to me about any of my relationships at all. i know that i handle it better than she does.

 

one question though, she said guys only want relationships for sex, this one hurts my feelings because it makes me feel cheap. and since i am seeing someone new now, i feel like giving up.

[wilsonx]

You want to fix this, set boundaries with your mother.

 

Tell her how her comments make you feel. Own your feelings to her. You can't tell your mom she is wrong because she only has one thing to compare her experience upon. That's what she knows. But you can tell her that what she says to you hurts and she needs to correct her behavior towards you. If she continues giving you all this advice that hurts you, stop talking to her for a while until you can figure out the real world on your own or change the subject immediately.

 

I have this problem with my parents, they always want the latest gossip on my ex and Im tired of talking about it. I just change the subject and put the focus on them and their well being

[Kamila]

I'm so sorry your first didn't work out very well. Seems to me he's still immature and has a lot to learn about respecting women !

 

But that doesn't mean that your mother should put a layer on it. She's supposed to support you through the hard times. And if she's blaming you for being cheap well she's just as immature as your ex-bf ! No one talks like that to their daughter.

 

And for guys and sex, I don't know. Are guys after sex in a relationship ? Probably. But do they also seek a stable and healthy relationship with a woman ? I hope so. My ex-bf, I must say something good about him, was always respectful in the bedroom. He wasn't forcing me into anything and never said anything about 'bad sex'. If you love someone, I hope the sex is just magical. But he was much older, and maybe experience and age has something to do with it.

 

And you're not ugly ! You're a very lovely lady and looks are not the only things that matter in this world. A warm heart and the ability to care for someone is what makes a person beautiful.