NIN Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 I have this problem that any girl I'm interested in either has a boyfriend already or isn't interested in me, and any girl that shows interest in me either I'm not atracted to or she's in another relationship. This is one of the main reasons I haven't dated anyone since my x and I broke up over a year ago. I'm wondering if I'm being to picky. Some of these girls that I have a shot with are actually pretty cute, but I find little things that keep me from being really atracted to them, like she's a little too skinny or something like that. And I like hanging out with them, but I just don't feel atracted to them. Does anyone have advice on whether I should date some of these girls even though I'm not totally atracted to them and it might ruin our friendships, or should I wait for the perfect girl that doesn't already have a boyfriend even if it means not dating for a long time? Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 25, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 25, 2004 Hey .... NIN, you said: I have this problem that any girl I'm interested in either has a boyfriend already or isn't interested in me, and any girl that shows interest in me either I'm not atracted to or she's in another relationship. Join the line forming behind me NIN. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Kelebek Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Originally posted by NIN Does anyone have advice on whether I should date some of these girls even though I'm not totally atracted to them and it might ruin our friendships, or should I wait for the perfect girl that doesn't already have a boyfriend even if it means not dating for a long time? Why should anyone date someone they are not attracted to? Especially as it might ruin friendships. Hell, we're all a little picky sometimes...of course you find things not to like about people you aren't attracted to. It's when you deliberately pick out silly things about someone you ARE attracted to - that's taking picky too far. But you aren't doing that, so I wouldn't say you're being picky. You just haven't found the right girl yet. Not even Miss Right Now. And when you do, the fact that she's too skinny/chubby whatever won't be a turn off...it'll endear her to you cos it's all part of the girl you adore. I think dating someone you're not attracted to is a far worse prospect that not dating at all for a while. Why settle for someone that's not quite what you want? Good luck to you, a wonderful girl who seems perfect to you will appear when you least expect it. It's a terrible cliche but it's actually true!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 25, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 25, 2004 Kel, That is without a doubt, one of the most insightful posts I have seen in a while. It's one of those posts where I was thinking "That's so true what she's sayin' there!" ... Like a light came on in a dark room. Well put! Kudos to ya! Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author NIN Posted May 26, 2004 Author Share Posted May 26, 2004 I think a lot of it has to do with the limmited number of girls I meet. I'm not the type of guy that just goes up and talks to random women at bars, so I'm limmited to my circle of friends and their friends, and my co-workers. So until I get a new job, or one of my friends starts hanging out with new people, I probably won't meet any new girls. So maybe I need some way of meeting new people. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 I've had a lot of girlfriends, 'specially when I was younger, but as you get older you start appreciating different things in women, and you DEFINITELY become more discriminating. I'm absolutely convinced that this is a healthy thing - if you were to submit to every girl's fancy in you, pretty soon you'll start feeling like a rag. Besides, it's unfair to the other person to start a relationship when your heart and mind is not 100% in it. You'll find yourself being dishonest about your feelings, to yourself and the other person. I've been there, so I know what I'm talking about. Never lower your standards - it's better to be lonely and content with your choices than hitched and unsatisfied. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelebek Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 Aaaw thank you Curt That cheered me right up, what a lovely thing to say!! And Nin, as Papillon says, Originally posted by Papillon Never lower your standards - it's better to be lonely and content with your choices than hitched and unsatisfied. Link to post Share on other sites
packersgirl Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Wouldn't you know it... I have that same problem too! Except flip the girls not being interested to guys and we're set... I know what you mean about being "picky". My mom had the nerve to call me picky! Its been over three years since my last relationship. I've tested the waters and been on a few dates, but the guys I went out with just didn't do it for me. I have pretty high standards, and I have not lowered them once for a guy (though the thought has crossed my mind.. hehe). Any guy I'm interested in is either not interested back, or in another relationship, and the guys that like me are not my type.. at all! There's another similarity we share. I've just gotten used to this. But, I don't find flaws to not date a person. I read once that if you're given the opportunity to go on a date, go on it! What is it going to hurt? One date does not commit you to a relationship! Plus, you can further break down what it is you are, and are not, looking for. As for now, I say you just go on living you're normal day to day life and not worry about girls. Kelebek said it... "a wonderful girl who seems perfect to you will appear when you least expect it" Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts