YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Why do dumpers refuse to meet you face to face after a breakup? Why do they always seem to bypass this meet up/ignore the question when the dumpee asks it? Girl dumper perspective would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
stunned8165 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 They don't have the nerve. Why were you dumped? Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 In my case, he begged me to never just drop off the face of the earth if I wanted to break up with him, and to not start dating while we were still together, then pull the trigger and marry someone else right away. Guess what? That is exactly what he did to me! Every time I left him over the course of our three years together, he'd beg me to see him face to face, and every time I did he'd persuade me to not leave him. When he dumped me, he sent me an email. And has never said another word to me since then. He did it because he is a coward. He did it because he knew he was wrong and there would be drama. And the biggest reason? Because I told the other woman all about our relationship so that she would know what she is marrying and so that she could feel some of what I felt other all those years. Yeah, no fairytale for her. As part of her agreement to go through with the wedding he had to cut off all contact with me, his 3 ex wives, and every other female he knows. Oh, and give her his facebook, his email, his voicemail, his GPS, his everything. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Because some people get so upset over being dumped they may become physical with you. If not physical, it can become too emotional so some people feel it is safer to do it via phone. Also the person who is getting dumped may start to beg or ask quesions that the dumper can't answer or won't answer because it will inflict more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 They don't have the nerve. Why were you dumped? Stunned, She broke up with me over the phone but we talked for about a month here and there and she would constantly bypass the final meetup for closure. She wouldn't give me a reason.....Every time I asked for one final meetup she would end the conversation. She broke up with me because she felt like "something was missing" "relationship evolved into friendship".....It was a blindside. Link to post Share on other sites
stunned8165 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Stunned, She broke up with me over the phone but we talked for about a month here and there and she would constantly bypass the final meetup for closure. She wouldn't give me a reason.....Every time I asked for one final meetup she would end the conversation. She broke up with me because she felt like "something was missing" "relationship evolved into friendship".....It was a blindside. Sorry to hear that. I don't even know what the hell happened. All I know is her boss was helping her set up another house and she was having an affair with him. It was all of a sudden. She was so angry too. But you know what she was angry at? Herself. That's the ONLY reason she had to be angry. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 My ex broke up with me with a text and refused to answer any calls/texts/emails. Only conclusion is that he is a coward.... Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Stillafool has it most on point, I believe. The dumper knows the reasons why they ended things with the dumpee (or at least, they do most of the time), but they might not be so keen to voice these reasons in person because they either: do not have the bravery to see the pain they caused in the dumpee's face, they feel guilty, they don't feel it's worth it or that it would help with anything, or they simply just don't care. Dealing with those very things over the phone or text might be hard for them, but over the phone, you can always hang up or not respond back. There's always an easy escape if you don't want to deal with answering someone's questions. Same thing with Facebook, e-mail, etc. Being there in person, it isn't as easy to just escape or avoid the situation if it gets to be too much, because then you'd have to stand there and face it head on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Sunflower, Your ex is an idiot for breaking up with you, I have to compliment you on your pic......You look beautiful Link to post Share on other sites
stunned8165 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Stillafool has it most on point, I believe. The dumper knows the reasons why they ended things with the dumpee (or at least, they do most of the time), but they might not be so keen to voice these reasons in person because they either: do not have the bravery to see the pain they caused in the dumpee's face, they feel guilty, they don't feel it's worth it or that it would help with anything, or they simply just don't care. Dealing with those very things over the phone or text might be hard for them, but over the phone, you can always hang up or not respond back. There's always an easy escape if you don't want to deal with answering someone's questions. Same thing with Facebook, e-mail, etc. Being there in person, it isn't as easy to just escape or avoid the situation if it gets to be too much, because then you'd have to stand there and face it head on. Regardless, the dumper should have the decency to communicate and let us have the truth and closure. I think it's because they are immotionally imature. And no regard for the others feelings. In my case, my ex seemed really really confused at the end. Turns out there was another guy. Her boss. I can't wait for that honeymoon phase to end. I just keep getting this gut feeling she is going to be reaching out soon. Why? Not sure. Maybe because she suddenly appeared after five months twice in a week and a half in a location she knows I travel everyday.. Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 The thing is you have to find your own closure. There will always be more questions. Most of the time they are not going to be completely honest with you anyway because they do not want to put you in more pain this creating more guilt for themselves. Then perhaps you will fool yourself into thinking you have accepted the breakup and want to be friends with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I agree with most of what's been said. It can be for any number of reasons, fear, guilt, shame, compassion. At times, I think it's because the dumper just doesn't care. They can't fathom why it's such a big deal to you, when to them, it's nothing. How many of you got the "get over it" treatment during your break up? They did it for whatever their reason was, and now suddenly you're the bad person for not accepting it. They don't want, or care to, deal with your sh*t, to put it bluntly. I think it does everyone better to not try to analyze any of it. Take your ball and go home and let them continue their existence however they see fit. Now you're just free of their crap. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 I agree with most of what's been said. It can be for any number of reasons, fear, guilt, shame, compassion. At times, I think it's because the dumper just doesn't care. They can't fathom why it's such a big deal to you, when to them, it's nothing. How many of you got the "get over it" treatment during your break up? They did it for whatever their reason was, and now suddenly you're the bad person for not accepting it. They don't want, or care to, deal with your sh*t, to put it bluntly. I think it does everyone better to not try to analyze any of it. Take your ball and go home and let them continue their existence however they see fit. Now you're just free of their crap. :-) It's funny how you mention that dumpers try to make you out to be the bad person. My ex would constantly get annoyed at me for just wanting to see how she was doing.....She would say things like "you are not listening," "I don't want you to be nice to me anymore," "you are scaring me," etc. I mean all I wanted to do was keep in contact and have a final face to face meeting for closure. It's funny how they become so distant/cold and really try to mind manipulate you into thinking you are a bad person. Has this happened with others? Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 i got dumped over email last week. he made it clear to me that he had met someone else; that they really clicked and he would rather be with her. it sucked because even though we'd been dating for several weeks, i really liked him. i thought the feeling was mutual and that things were developing. so it was quite a shock. that being said - - i'm kind of glad he dumped me over email as opposed to face to face. it would have been too awkward. and i wouldn't have wanted him to see my face fall as the reality of his words began to hit me. i mean- - i have to give him credit for be honest. but it still hurt to hear. i guess there is no way to tell someone you're dumping them in favor of someone else without making that person feel like sh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 It's funny how you mention that dumpers try to make you out to be the bad person. My ex would constantly get annoyed at me for just wanting to see how she was doing.....She would say things like "you are not listening," "I don't want you to be nice to me anymore," "you are scaring me," etc. I mean all I wanted to do was keep in contact and have a final face to face meeting for closure. It's funny how they become so distant/cold and really try to mind manipulate you into thinking you are a bad person. Has this happened with others? My ex gave me the same load of bs. That I intimidated her, etc. I made it clear that I never have hit a girl and never would. One time when we were sleeping (I was asleep) I rolled over and accidentally elbowed her, I felt so bad about it that I made her a wonderful breakfast and got her flowers. That was the only time, lol. Complete accident. She would do everything possible to start a fight with me towards the end, she even yelled at me for wanting her to sit next to me while watching tv. Ridiculous. Everything I did towards the end was my fault. It took me some time but I realized that she was trying to do everything she could to rationalize to herself that I was a bad person and she should breakup with me. I even caught her, when she said the morning we broke up that "If I had just, done ----, then she wouldn't have broken up with me." she later admitted to a friend (who told me) that she decided a few weeks back that she was going to do whatever it took to end our relationship. She is a heartless, soulless, coward who didn't even give me the courtesy of a face to face explanation of why she was leaving. Later I found out that it was to move out to California with her best girlfriend, who, I might add is the biggest douche on the planet. After everything I did for this girl, for her to act like this was a major slap in the face. As far as I am concerned, she does not exist. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 It's funny how you mention that dumpers try to make you out to be the bad person. My ex would constantly get annoyed at me for just wanting to see how she was doing.....She would say things like "you are not listening," "I don't want you to be nice to me anymore," "you are scaring me," etc. I mean all I wanted to do was keep in contact and have a final face to face meeting for closure. It's funny how they become so distant/cold and really try to mind manipulate you into thinking you are a bad person. Has this happened with others? I think your ex was angry because you don't seem to get the message. If she is telling you things like the above you should never want to see her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 My ex dumped me by text with a dear John letter. The ******* refused to meet me face ti face if coarse. Why is that too much to ask for? And I got nothing but verbal abuse. Great way to end things right? I guess some people font have a conscience? Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 I think your ex was angry because you don't seem to get the message. If she is telling you things like the above you should never want to see her again. Easier said than done Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Lots of dumpees point of views i read. I'm a girl dumper and I asked to meet with my ex-boyfriend a couple of days after our argument which was in fact the break-up conversation. At that time, I thought that meeting would have saved our relationship and unleash some sort of reaction out of my boyfriend like: "Hello boyfriend? I'm really out of this pseudo-relationship, do you even care ?" He was all cool with it, not lifting a finger, saying he's already been dating and stuff. Meh. I felt kinda stupid to end it now when he had been busy with other people behind my back. Seems like he made me dump him. When we parted he started crying like a baby and I just gave him a hug. Dumpers sometime don't have the choice than to go away. Well, in my case anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Why do they refuse to meet you face to face? Because they think you will still try to impress them, in hopes for reviving the relatioship. If not impress, then maybe you will beg, cry, threat- just for the sake of R., this is what they think. Also maybe physical revenge? Thats for sure circulated in my mind often, so thats why also. ---> stillafool has a point Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 There's a difference between ending things in a nice way and being a comets as*hole about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I mean complete as*hole. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 God forbid if these people feel even one ounce of guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Why do they refuse to meet you face to face? Because they think you will still try to impress them, in hopes for reviving the relatioship. If not impress, then maybe you will beg, cry, threat- just for the sake of R., this is what they think. Also maybe physical revenge? Thats for sure circulated in my mind often, so thats why also. ---> stillafool has a point I see what you mean....my ex wouldnt answer my calls the last week we were dating cause he said he didnt want to hear my crying..and that hurt. a lot. so my guess is he broke up wth me with a text and continued to ignore all calls, emails and texts cause he knew i would cry and beg. When I broke up with this guy 2 years ago I understood he was hurt and needed to talk so I answered every call and email he sent cause I felt bad but I wanted to somehow make him feel a little better cause I did care about him a lot..our lives were just going different ways so we couldnt keep a relationship going. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 My ex refused to answer if he was cheating. Never did get an answer to this day. If I was cheated on I'd prefer to know about it and not to have anything unresolved. Link to post Share on other sites
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