Trust issues

[mickey90]

My boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years still doesn't trust me.

recently it has become a long distance relationship and i am tired of being accused of things im not doing.

 

reason he does not trust me:

 

I was a flirt in high school.

(I was friends with mostly guys, never dated or messed around with any of them, I just find it easier to get along with guys cuz they have less drama.)

 

 

I have never cheated on him.. ever!!

because of dating him I stopped talking to all of my guy friends and now he gets jealous of my friends that are girls..

 

now every time I turn around hes calling me a liar, and basiclly doesn't believe anything I say.

 

 

What can I do to change this?

[daisydukes]

I am having the opposite problem. My boyfriend talks to women says it doesn't mean anything lies and I catch him red handed and bring up would you ever cheat on me he says no and I want to trust him and believe these women he talks to are nothing but my instincts tell me otherwise. He is upset with me for accusing him of cheating but he talks to women when we are out on dates and is sneaky and doesn't tell me he goes out with them instead lies and says I am taking my cousin somewhere and then switches it taking my brother somewhere. He won't speak to me and tells me to leave him alone just because I brought up cheating and if he wasn't cheating or sneaking around and lying he shouldn't of gotten so upset and said oh sweetie you have nothing to worry about I love you but instead he got upset for asking if he would ever cheat.

[Untouchable_Fire]

My boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years still doesn't trust me.

recently it has become a long distance relationship and i am tired of being accused of things im not doing.

reason he does not trust me:

I was a flirt in high school.

(I was friends with mostly guys, never dated or messed around with any of them, I just find it easier to get along with guys cuz they have less drama.)

I have never cheated on him.. ever!!

because of dating him I stopped talking to all of my guy friends and now he gets jealous of my friends that are girls..

now every time I turn around hes calling me a liar, and basiclly doesn't believe anything I say.

What can I do to change this?

 

Does he have any past experiences that would lead him to be untrusting? Bad xGFs or something?

 

There is a chance he is just being controlling and trying to isolate you.

 

I'd say more likely though he is just insecure and your past history with flirting around is like acid in that wound. You may instead want to try and build up his confidence. If that doesn't work there is nothing you can do but end it.

[RiverRunning]

When I met my first boyfriend, I was 19 and I was so thrilled to finally meet someone who was interested in me too. Before long, he was telling me he hated everyone in my family, he'd feign illness whenever there was a get-together at my house, if I tried to play with my 1-year-old cousin he'd get jealous, and if I was hanging out with my best friend from childhood, who was GAY, he would call me 10 or 15 times in a row angrily. He'd go out of his way to exclude my family and friends from get-togethers and events.

 

He eventually accused me of sleeping with the gay friend (after a year together, we'd never had sex, so I think his friends fed the idea to him that I was getting it elsewhere). He even started putting me down because of my weight - I think in an attempt to bring my self-esteem and security down to his level. I broke up with him and it was the best decision I ever made.

 

Who cares why he is the way he is? That's on him to fix. If you are faithful, he will always question it. I don't think he will be satisfied until you either confess to an affair you're not having or you break up with him, in which case it will confirm it in his mind that you were unfaithful (my ex started telling everyone I slept with another guy).

 

Maybe he's just an insecure person. Maybe you really have given him legitimate reason to doubt that you're not telling us about or that you haven't thought about. Have you tried talking to him about exactly why he thinks you're cheating? What does he think will happen if he doesn't monitor who you talk to? The best way to start tackling this if you choose to stay in the relationship is to figure out why he's acting this way. And from there, either adjust your behavior if it's inappropriate or maybe find some resources to help him get over this.

 

But the fact that he is so controlling, especially in regard to FEMALE friends, speaks volumes to me about the nightmares this guy will give you. There are always other fish in the sea. I regret that I stayed with my ex until I was nearly 21.