Boyfriend problems

[PyroKitteh]

First off please don't judge me okay, this is how things are and we are working on it i just need some advice. Secondly thank you so much for those who take the time in reading this, and handing out some of your own advice. Me and my bf have been dating for about a year and 5months. He is very sweet, kind, and treats me like he should except for 2 things. He lies, about small things and seems disintrested in me sexualy.

 

Warning prepare for a laod of venting, and need of advice.

 

First a little more detail. We both work at pizza hut (great job i know) We have been putting applications in at some bigger places like Factories, and other higher paying jobs. We live with his parents, we are both still young. He his 19 i am 22. But we are working both our hardest t get better paying jobs so we can finally move out into our own place.

 

Next the lies. I trusted him 100% at the begining of our relationship, and never doubeted him for a second. Realationships need trust, and i belive that you trust untill you have a reason not to anymore. And i had no reason not to trust him for the first 8months of our relationship, then i started noticing the small lies. First at work I had asked him about something that was left to be cleaned, he said it was. I went and checked and it was the SAME EXACT way when id left the room in the first place.(i was busy at the time so i couldn't do it myself) I mean the smallest things? Why? He is a straight forward person, very stright forward and so i was shocked he lied. Of course i was upset, but didn't confront him. I just let it slide. And so the small lies continued. I eventually confronted him, and this leads into the sex area...becaues there are lies within it as well.

 

first I have no problem with porn what so ever, none at all. I watch it and enjoy it myself, So it doesn't bother me if he watches it. I understand that we all masterbate, and that its of course usually done in private. And for the first 8mnths everything was fine, we had sex 3times a week, almost 5 lol and had our own me times with porn. most of that was usually done when we are not around each other though becaues i had the impression we both loved intamacy more between each other then with an electronic device. Only becues he ALWAYS told me Why watch porn when you have the real thing. Well sex started to slow down alot, once a week, once every 2 weeks. and he was in the bathroom ALOT with his laptop. I of course confronted him, and he told me he just wasn't in the mood as much as he used to be, and that he wasn't looking up porn. So of course i knew it was a lie, my self esstem dropped a thousand levels, and i didn't understand why he had lied to me.

 

I of course checked his history, he had saved his favorite sites to go to. And i learned everythime he went in there he was looking up porn. I confronted him again, and I told him it hurt my feelings that he was lying that I felt that i was just gross, ugly, terrible in bed, and just plain unwanted. And he said that it wasn't that at all that I was always way better then his own hand. So I thought maybe he has a fetish he is afraid to share with me, maybe i can tell him we should renact some of them. We tried a few, he seemed completly interested in me for a while, and he sopped taking the porn to the bathroom. A few months later it starts all over again.

 

But he tells me he was just seeing if i would trust him again, with the laptop in the bathroom. Well there is more then one way to check someones history and of course he lied. I'm adventurous, and not bad to look at, He knows i'll do anything he wants. Well I confront him AGAIN, and he tells me this time that he is afraid of getting caught by someone in the house. His mom even actually threatened to kick me out if she caught us. So i understand this I completly do, but when she's not at the house thats our fun time. But on several days, (not all) When she has left the house I'll come onto him, he'll refuse then run off to the bathroom ith his laptop.

 

But now the laptop is no longer the issue, I spoke to him once more hopeing he would completly understand the way I felt by doing something that was kinda mean twards him, but it was the only way i thought i could get through to him. So for the past 3mnths he has not taken the laptop into the bathroom and HAS been(past tense) paying more attention to me. about a month ago he baught himself a toy, witch is fine i encourage it, I have my own toys that he knows of. He told me he was afriad to show me becaues he didnt want to hurt me, by me thinking i wasn't good enough. I praised him for telling the truth about getting it, and made sure he knew i was fine with it. BUT if he was playing with it more then me like the porn then i would just feel the same way again. So now recently things have slowed and let me tell you, I have my ways of finding out things, and started realizing he was playing with that toy more then me. Yesterday, I gave him a bj, ad not even 6hours later he ran off to "Take a Shower" I can understand having sex is scarce for us yes, but when we do something and he runs off later on to have more it again makes me feel like I'm not any good. But he always tells me constantly im beautifull, that im the "BEST" he's ever had.

 

But with all this lying, and topsy turvyness of the whole thing is throwing me into a spiral of dispare. Other then what iv told you, EVERYTHING IS GREAT! we get along have our own movie nights, we are best friends we NEVER argue unless its about the things iv spoken of. But its got to end, and end soon, we need to come up with a comproise untill we get our own place, becaues i don't deserve to go through this, feeling like im nothing but dirt. He even has spoken about getting married ad talks about it more then I do. What should I do? what can I do to maybe help this relationship before it all gets flushed down the toliet, I love him with all my heart, but With all the lies and the almost constant feel like im not worth even getting stared at i just cant handle much more. please someone anyone your advice weather you think i should leave or not would be greatly appriciated.

Edited November 21, 2011 by PyroKitteh