He said I was too nice.......

[shocked_confused]

Hey guys,

 

I met this guy while on vacation with friends in the summer. We connected well, both of us were attracted to one another, and it was always the two of us hanging out. And we did hook up a couple times. He commented several times on how chill and laid back I was. He told his friends he liked me and told me he had feelings for me.

 

Anyway, on the last 2 days of the trip he went all weird and distant on me. We would make small talk but then he would go off on his own somewhere or take off to other areas with his friends. It was strange, and kinda hurtful. On the very last day before we all left, pulled me aside and gave me his number and told me he would "explain things to me" when we got home. Just after he told me this, I saw him talking to my friend briefly (I knew it was about me). She later told he that he said, "I really like ******, but she's too nice and I'm not that nice". WTH?

 

Anyway, when I got home I didn't bother asking him for closure. We still chat from time to time. He'll message me on bbm to say hi sometimes. When I run into him at clubs/bars (he's from a nearby city), he's always really happy to see me, gives me a big hug, and goes out of his way to come talk to me/dance with me. So we're on good terms and all.

 

I didn't want to ask him for his explanation when we got back because I didn't want him to think it affected me that much. But what does it mean that I'm "too nice"? I never went out of my way to do stuff for him. I definitely have a bitchy side sometimes but he never saw that because I was all relaxed and on vacation! What is there to be bitchy about? I dunno, what do you guys think? Was he just playing me?

[Jane2011]

I'm a female, but even if I were male, I obviously can't speak for him. Who knows what his deal is as an individual.

 

But I will put in my two cents about "too niceness."

 

The whole "too nice" thing, to me, can be kind of arbitrary. There have been guys I've not been attracted to who were "too nice." And then others I was attracted to who were probably just as nice as the guys I considered "too nice." So clearly the ones who I thought I didn't like because they were "too nice"...well, it had to be something that I couldn't put my finger on other than that they were "too nice."

 

I'm dating someone now who is extremely nice, considering, and giving, and I'm pretty hot for him.

 

Here's my thoughts on girls, though. (My opinion really doesn't matter, obviously, because I don't like girls romantically). But...I don't like girls who are too nice and if I were a guy, I probably wouldn't either.

 

Don't get me wrong, I like women who are generally nice. I just am not crazy about "that girl" who is just so nice and lovely and would never say a bad thing about anyone or use a curse word. I like females with more of an edge to them.

[shocked_confused]

I'm a female, but even if I were male, I obviously can't speak for him. Who knows what his deal is as an individual.

 

But I will put in my two cents about "too niceness."

 

The whole "too nice" thing, to me, can be kind of arbitrary. There have been guys I've not been attracted to who were "too nice." And then others I was attracted to who were probably just as nice as the guys I considered "too nice." So clearly the ones who I thought I didn't like because they were "too nice"...well, it had to be something that I couldn't put my finger on other than that they were "too nice."

 

I'm dating someone now who is extremely nice, considering, and giving, and I'm pretty hot for him.

 

Here's my thoughts on girls, though. (My opinion really doesn't matter, obviously, because I don't like girls romantically). But...I don't like girls who are too nice and if I were a guy, I probably wouldn't either.

 

Don't get me wrong, I like women who are generally nice. I just am not crazy about "that girl" who is just so nice and lovely and would never say a bad thing about anyone or use a curse word. I like females with more of an edge to them.

 

Believe me, I'm a generally nice person, but I'm no angel. I swear, I get pissy sometimes, and I don't put on that sweet baby voice around guys. I do laugh and smile a lot, I'm funny, and I'm easy going and don't get angry super easily. That's the side that he saw of me. I wouldn't consider that too nice though...

[Ruby Slippers]

I think he's saying that he thinks you're too good for him. And if he thinks that, he would most likely make it true if you were together.

[Jane2011]

Yeah, whatever the guy's reasons, just forget about him. The man you want is the one who won't think you're "too" anything. He'll just be crazy for you! Don't bother yourself with this guy. You're fine the way you are and some lucky guy will realize it at some point.

[ja123]

I think he's saying that he thinks you're too good for him. And if he thinks that, he would most likely make it true if you were together.

 

That might be what he is thinking, and you're right: he'd make it a self-fulfilling prophesy.

 

Yeah, whatever the guy's reasons, just forget about him. The man you want is the one who won't think you're "too" anything. He'll just be crazy for you! Don't bother yourself with this guy. You're fine the way you are and some lucky guy will realize it at some point.

 

Bingo!

[whichwayisup]

Hey guys,

 

I met this guy while on vacation with friends in the summer. We connected well, both of us were attracted to one another, and it was always the two of us hanging out. And we did hook up a couple times. He commented several times on how chill and laid back I was. He told his friends he liked me and told me he had feelings for me.

 

Anyway, on the last 2 days of the trip he went all weird and distant on me. We would make small talk but then he would go off on his own somewhere or take off to other areas with his friends. It was strange, and kinda hurtful. On the very last day before we all left, pulled me aside and gave me his number and told me he would "explain things to me" when we got home. Just after he told me this, I saw him talking to my friend briefly (I knew it was about me). She later told he that he said, "I really like ******, but she's too nice and I'm not that nice". WTH?

 

Anyway, when I got home I didn't bother asking him for closure. We still chat from time to time. He'll message me on bbm to say hi sometimes. When I run into him at clubs/bars (he's from a nearby city), he's always really happy to see me, gives me a big hug, and goes out of his way to come talk to me/dance with me. So we're on good terms and all.

 

I didn't want to ask him for his explanation when we got back because I didn't want him to think it affected me that much. But what does it mean that I'm "too nice"? I never went out of my way to do stuff for him. I definitely have a bitchy side sometimes but he never saw that because I was all relaxed and on vacation! What is there to be bitchy about? I dunno, what do you guys think? Was he just playing me?

 

No, he wasn't playing you, he actually did you a favour. Sounds like he's a player in general and he genuinally liked you, respected you - To the point of not getting involved with you because HE knows what's he's capable of.. Hurting women. Maybe not intentionally/on purpose, but he probably doesn't want to commit to one girl, be tied down.

[shocked_confused]

I think he's saying that he thinks you're too good for him. And if he thinks that, he would most likely make it true if you were together.

 

Thanks Ruby,

 

A couple people have said the same thing to me, I just don't understand why he would think that...Even if I was too good for him, I thought guys liked going for girls that are "too good" for them? I guess I'll never understand.

 

Yeah, whatever the guy's reasons, just forget about him. The man you want is the one who won't think you're "too" anything. He'll just be crazy for you! Don't bother yourself with this guy. You're fine the way you are and some lucky guy will realize it at some point.

 

Thanks Jane,

 

I hope there will be someone who will appreciate my easygoing attitude.

[sugarmomma]

Yea I'm thinking maybe he isn't a genuinely kind person so what you need doesn't fit very well with what he has to offer. You have to be with someone who has the same capacity for being nice as you do. Not everybody sees kindness as weakness or a negative thing. Now being a doormat is a different ballgame but you don't sound like one.

 

I wouldn't waste time trying to analyze what he said.

[Cypress25]

Maybe he thought you were "too nice" in a sexual way. Like, too much of a good girl to have a one-night stand, which is what he wanted. Maybe he wanted a girl who's a little more...wild?

[Ruby Slippers]

Thanks Ruby,

 

A couple people have said the same thing to me, I just don't understand why he would think that...Even if I was too good for him, I thought guys liked going for girls that are "too good" for them? I guess I'll never understand.

When someone thinks a guy or gal is too good for them, what they really think is that they themselves aren't good enough for that person.

 

I agree with whichwayisup -- he knows he's a cheater, liar, or similar and he thinks you're a quality woman who deserves better. Don't try to prove him wrong. You won't.

 

Believe people when they tell you who they are.

[dizy]

I have to agree with some of the comments already posted. I have really nice female friends and I mean REALLY NICE. they seem to be completely honest, transparent, and sweet and nice and....boring. that been said I don't know if I would not be interested to date them if I was a guy. it's just annoying to see them nice all the time because maybe deep inside of everyone, no one really believes that everyone can be nice ALL the time and they are probably just not showing who they really are.

 

that being said I don't think he doesnt like you because you are "too nice". It's just another way of saying that you are perfect in the sense that he is physically attracted to you, he likes your personality but somehow just doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. I know it sounds like non sense but it actually happens a lot to me. I have male friends that i find attractive with whom I have a great time but seriously I can just connect to them as friends and nothing more. If you are just trying to figure out what does "too nice" means, I suggest you just give up, because it doesn't actually mean anything. but if you are still into this guy, my advice would be stay who you really are. dont be nice and friendly all the time because you want people to have a good impression of you. just don't smile when you don't feel smiling and don't be friendly when you don't feel being friendly. When people are always nice, smiling, cheelful they give the impression that they are not real and we don't really know them.

[grkBoy]

Hey guys,

 

I met this guy while on vacation with friends in the summer. We connected well, both of us were attracted to one another, and it was always the two of us hanging out. And we did hook up a couple times. He commented several times on how chill and laid back I was. He told his friends he liked me and told me he had feelings for me.

 

Anyway, on the last 2 days of the trip he went all weird and distant on me. We would make small talk but then he would go off on his own somewhere or take off to other areas with his friends. It was strange, and kinda hurtful. On the very last day before we all left, pulled me aside and gave me his number and told me he would "explain things to me" when we got home. Just after he told me this, I saw him talking to my friend briefly (I knew it was about me). She later told he that he said, "I really like ******, but she's too nice and I'm not that nice". WTH?

 

Anyway, when I got home I didn't bother asking him for closure. We still chat from time to time. He'll message me on bbm to say hi sometimes. When I run into him at clubs/bars (he's from a nearby city), he's always really happy to see me, gives me a big hug, and goes out of his way to come talk to me/dance with me. So we're on good terms and all.

 

I didn't want to ask him for his explanation when we got back because I didn't want him to think it affected me that much. But what does it mean that I'm "too nice"? I never went out of my way to do stuff for him. I definitely have a bitchy side sometimes but he never saw that because I was all relaxed and on vacation! What is there to be bitchy about? I dunno, what do you guys think? Was he just playing me?

 

I personally think he was looking for a loose girl to bang and then move on.

 

He gained too much respect for you to look at you in that sense, and would hate himself if he pulled a "pump and dump" on you.

[shocked_confused]

test test test

[Emilia]

I think it would have helped if you had spoken to him directly rather than have your friend's interpretation of their conversation but all in all I agree with Ruby

[shocked_confused]

Thanks guys for your replies, most of them run along the same lines of him having respect for me and not wanting to hurt me (even though he did). I always thought that explanation was used to make someone feel better, but I guess if most people here think the same thing then maybe that's what it is!

 

Martinman, for a while I did just assume that he wasn't interested. But if that's the case, wouldn't we have just lost touch and never talked again? He initiates convos with me and goes out of his way to talk to me, I dunno...

[shocked_confused]

I think it would have helped if you had spoken to him directly rather than have your friend's interpretation of their conversation but all in all I agree with Ruby

 

I know, I hate that I have my friend's interpretation of the whole thing. She didn't tell me until when we were leaving, and by then it was too late. I was a little bothered that she didn't tell me until hours after the fact, but that's another issue I guess. And I didn't bother asking him when I got back because I didn't want to look like I cared so much (and I was half hoping he would just come out and tell me since he was planning to anyway). Ohhh well.

[monkey00]

Maybe he used that line as an excuse to dump you. I'm the kind of guy that's pretty into nice, thoughtful, caring women. Obviously though she shouldn't be a doormat or I wouldn't respect her.

 

Don't worry, in time you'll find a guy that appreciates you for you.

[shocked_confused]

Nice guys finish last...

 

Lol nice girls in this case...

[Feelsgoodman]

I dunno, what do you guys think? Was he just playing me?

I don't know what you mean by "playing you". It doesn't look like there was any expectation on either side that it would more than a vacation fling. The "she's too nice and I'm not nice" line is pure BS though. That's just his way of giving you a soft landing. He wanted to make sure you didn't get the idea that a relationship might be in the cards. A man who is interested in a relationship would never reject a woman for being "too nice".

[Feelsgoodman]

Don't get me wrong, I like women who are generally nice. I just am not crazy about "that girl" who is just so nice and lovely and would never say a bad thing about anyone or use a curse word. I like females with more of an edge to them.

As a man, I'm going to strongly disagree with this. It's a huge turn off when a woman swears or gossips about other people behind their backs. What you call "a female with an edge", I call a low class ho. Instant deal breaker.

[Ruby Slippers]

Martinman, for a while I did just assume that he wasn't interested. But if that's the case, wouldn't we have just lost touch and never talked again? He initiates convos with me and goes out of his way to talk to me, I dunno...

He likes you, but he knows he would let you down. Now that he's told you you're too good for him, if you decide to ignore that and get with him anyway, he can let you down guilt free -- because he warned you. I'm saying don't ignore his very clear warning, or you will get hurt.

[shocked_confused]

I don't know what you mean by "playing you". It doesn't look like there was any expectation on either side that it would more than a vacation fling. The "she's too nice and I'm not nice" line is pure BS though. That's just his way of giving you a soft landing. He wanted to make sure you didn't get the idea that a relationship might be in the cards. A man who is interested in a relationship would never reject a woman for being "too nice".

 

I expected a lot more responses like this one because that's what I initially figured as well("too nice" excuse being bs). It's hard to know what to believe. Either way, he wasn't interested enough to pursue anything further. Thanks for your input.

[Feelsgoodman]

I expected a lot more responses like this one because that's what I initially figured as well("too nice" excuse being bs). It's hard to know what to believe.

It's actually very easy to know what to believe if you use your brain (instead of falling for the feel-good crap some other posters are feeding you).

 

The guy said that you are "too nice" while he is "not so nice"...the presumption being that he doesn't want you to get hurt by getting involved with a "bad" person like him. But that doesn't make any sense, does it? Since when does someone who is "not nice" care about other people's feelings? Isn't that what makes such people "not nice" in the first place...being selfish and not caring about others?

[jobaba]

Hey guys,

 

I met this guy while on vacation with friends in the summer. We connected well, both of us were attracted to one another, and it was always the two of us hanging out. And we did hook up a couple times. He commented several times on how chill and laid back I was. He told his friends he liked me and told me he had feelings for me.

 

Anyway, on the last 2 days of the trip he went all weird and distant on me. We would make small talk but then he would go off on his own somewhere or take off to other areas with his friends. It was strange, and kinda hurtful. On the very last day before we all left, pulled me aside and gave me his number and told me he would "explain things to me" when we got home. Just after he told me this, I saw him talking to my friend briefly (I knew it was about me). She later told he that he said, "I really like ******, but she's too nice and I'm not that nice". WTH?

 

Anyway, when I got home I didn't bother asking him for closure. We still chat from time to time. He'll message me on bbm to say hi sometimes. When I run into him at clubs/bars (he's from a nearby city), he's always really happy to see me, gives me a big hug, and goes out of his way to come talk to me/dance with me. So we're on good terms and all.

 

I didn't want to ask him for his explanation when we got back because I didn't want him to think it affected me that much. But what does it mean that I'm "too nice"? I never went out of my way to do stuff for him. I definitely have a bitchy side sometimes but he never saw that because I was all relaxed and on vacation! What is there to be bitchy about? I dunno, what do you guys think? Was he just playing me?

 

I've heard guys say it from time to time. Keep in mind, a guy with limited female options is RARELY going to reject a girl for being 'too nice' if he is attracted to her. Unless it's like born again Christian, Bible study 5 nights a week kind of nice.

 

So, he probably has options.

 

And, usually when guys say that, to be blunt, they think you're boring. They want someone who is more fun who can party with them, get loud and rude, and stuff. But that's just from your limited story.

 

When a woman says that to me, the translation is that "You're ugly..."