Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Would you want to stay friends with someone who knowingly hurt you? I'm not talking about breaking up with you, I mean doing you wrong. You can claim to be friends but it's hard to trust when someone disrepects you. You won't see them the same. Anything is possible in time, but there are so many other people out there you can be friends with;) He didn't really hurt me because the breakup was kind of mutual. Other friends don't provide me with the connection and chemistry he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Who knows.. I don't think to much about it, because it will never work as friends... so there is nothing to consider. You're too cool! Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 He didn't really hurt me because the breakup was kind of mutual. Other friends don't provide me with the connection and chemistry he did. And the chemistry and connection you feel leads to sex,, then what? Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 He didn't really hurt me because the breakup was kind of mutual. Other friends don't provide me with the connection and chemistry he did. :rolleyes:Sorry, I misunderstood your comment. I thought you didn't understand why under the conditions Mike588 mentioned why he'd completely let go. For you, you never know. Maybe your ex doesn't see you as a friend and it would be weird for him to date with you around. Maybe he does want to be your friend but needs some time to deal. I am good friends with one of my exes but it was after a few months had past. Neither of us "asked" to be friends, we just started communicating here and there. But it was defintely platoinc and the "connection" was nothing like it was before, but I appreciate the friendship we maintain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 And the chemistry and connection you feel leads to sex,, then what? Hopefully back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 :rolleyes:Sorry, I misunderstood your comment. I thought you didn't understand why under the conditions Mike588 mentioned why he'd completely let go. For you, you never know. Maybe your ex doesn't see you as a friend and it would be weird for him to date with you around. Maybe he does want to be your friend but needs some time to deal. I am good friends with one of my exes but it was after a few months had past. Neither of us "asked" to be friends, we just started communicating here and there. But it was defintely platoinc and the "connection" was nothing like it was before, but I appreciate the friendship we maintain. I agree that we did lose a little of our connection and chemistry because it's different now. But the underlying would still be there and I miss having him around. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Hopefully back together. You care, he doesn't,, are you willing to be FWBs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 You care, he doesn't,, are you willing to be FWBs? Why do you think he doesn't? Because he doesn't want to be friends? Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) Mike is right. You are really advocating friendship and he obviously needs time. The person asking is always the person that wants it more (or at least enough to take action). I don't know your whole story but if you broke up with someone regardless on what terms, would you want them trying to be friends only so they could get close, go out together, maybe sex... would that make you want them back as a serious boyfriend? No because now you have that person in your life but you don't have to give them anything or do any work. You can take your time and do what you want as you know they're not going anywhere. Go for it, but be prepared it may not get you where you are trying to go. If you genuinely want to be friends, you have to go into it without ulterior motives. Because as your friend he won't be around as much, and your expectations (having him around, connection etc..) won't be met and you'll end up hurt. Perhaps that's why he doesn't want to be friends with you right now. Edited November 22, 2011 by M2155 Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Mike is right. You are really advocating friendship and he obviously needs time. The person asking is always the person that wants it more (or at least enough to take action). Sorry I don't get you. Do you mean that I want the relationship back more than he does? Or I want a friendship more? Go for it, but be prepared it may not get you where you are trying to go. If you genuinely want to be friends, you have to go into it without ulterior motives. Because as your friend he won't be around as much, and your expectations (having him around, connection etc..) won't be met and you'll end up hurt. Perhaps that's why he doesn't want to be friends with you right now. So he thinks he can't give me what I want (relationship) so he doesn't want to be friends right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Sorry I don't get you. Do you mean that I want the relationship back more than he does? Or I want a friendship more? So he thinks he can't give me what I want (relationship) so he doesn't want to be friends right now? Nobody knows WTF he wants except him. Stop only reading the parts you want and ignoring everything else. If he doesn't want to be friends, it doesn't matter if he loves you, hates you, misses you or honestly doesn't care if he ever sees you again, the end result is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
happypanda21 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 It was her who wanted to be friends at first. I was cool with it for 6 months because I thought I was over her. Until I realized that I loved her all of this time. She moved on with other guys so I went NC. 1 month 2 weeks into it and it can be easier at times, but still hard in the AM or late night without her around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 It was her who wanted to be friends at first. I was cool with it for 6 months because I thought I was over her. Until I realized that I loved her all of this time. She moved on with other guys so I went NC. 1 month 2 weeks into it and it can be easier at times, but still hard in the AM or late night without her around. Sorry to hear that. I hope you'll recover soon. Has going NC been better for you? Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 the person who dumps you will always suggest being friends as a way to make themselves feel like they are still the good guy. They usually don't give a damn about you as a real friend and they just need to know that they did the right thing before they walk away for good. If you agree to be their friend you're really forgiving them for leaving you from their perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 It depends on the circumstances. My seperated husband lives 5 mins walk away with my 20 year old son. He has my cat and I have to go to into the road to see my friends. I really want to stay friends and we were until new girlfriend and now I seem to be turning slowly into the enemy. We are in no contact. He never contacts me and when I do speak to him he is like a dictator. All one sided. So we are in no contact. This is silly as it is good to stay amicable when so close and adult kids involved. I feel I live too close now Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 the person who dumps you will always suggest being friends as a way to make themselves feel like they are still the good guy. They usually don't give a damn about you as a real friend and they just need to know that they did the right thing before they walk away for good. If you agree to be their friend you're really forgiving them for leaving you from their perspective. I didn't dump him to want to be friends to assuage any guilt. I just really want him as a friend or someone I want still in my life. It depends on the circumstances. My seperated husband lives 5 mins walk away with my 20 year old son. He has my cat and I have to go to into the road to see my friends. I really want to stay friends and we were until new girlfriend and now I seem to be turning slowly into the enemy. We are in no contact. He never contacts me and when I do speak to him he is like a dictator. All one sided. So we are in no contact. This is silly as it is good to stay amicable when so close and adult kids involved. I feel I live too close now Do you feel sad that you and him aren't amicable now? Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Your question was who usually wants friendship more. You say you want it and he does not want to be friends. You also say that you want it to lead to more, which means you are clearly not ready to be platonic friends. What I meant earlier was that maybe he thinks you ultimately still have feelings for him and knows that for that reason, you can't be friends right now becuase he doesn't want to hurt you or give you the wrong impression. It's very easy for us (when we want it) to mistake hanging out, connection, easing back into our old ways...as getting back together. And then you end up hurt when you see him going out with a new girl the next day. Its true only he knows why he decided against friendship, but we've told you the common ones and if you go into "friendship" with other intentions, you may end up hurt when what you want deep down inside doesn't happen. I'm not at all against friendship in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 I have so many questions. Whether he can't be friends because he knows I want more or he thinks NC is better for him or he doesn't want to waste time on me when he really wants to find someone else, anyone. It's not that I don't believe what NC can do. But I just feel I don't want things to end just like this. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Once you've moved on you'll look back and realize it ended the way it was supposed to. (At least yours ended. I just found out my ex was happily in another relationship.) Both of those reasons you mention = the same result. So you should just accept what he has asked, because if you try, you'll push away someone who could very well be your friend again in the future. It's normal to feel that way because it is a loss. I don't think there is any good way to experience a loss without some pain. Link to post Share on other sites
someguy03 Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) Either way, it will take a long time before you two can talk as just "friends". I tried going straight from gf/bf to best friends but it just didn't work. Too often she would take something the wrong way and wonder if I was trying to flirt with her or get back together, or vice versa. We just naturally connected well and got along, and enjoy eachothers company, so it only made sense we wanted to stay friends. But it took about 6 months before we could see each other completely as just friends. As for why he doesn't want to be friends, it depends on his "mutual reasons" for wanting to break up Edited November 26, 2011 by someguy03 Link to post Share on other sites
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