**GF with EX 2 days after breakup**

[punkinless]

i'm better now. i just had one of them nights. couldn't fall asleep till 6am cuz i was thinkin about her, and i was thinkin about how my grades took a **** at college and i wasted a semester, and on top of that my roommate has a sleep disorder and snores like a frieght train. better now i guess.

[chados]

when you're start feeling alone you might feel regrets for alot of things you haven't done, or should have done. i was having regrets about everything, you can still work things out with your life. your still young.

[citrusdrop1688]

You have got to chill out a little bit. Part of the reason your thinking about her so much is because your choosing to. When you realize your thinking about her, make yourself think of something else. Something more neutral. At first it will seem like not much is happening, but slowly youll realize the time between thinking about her is getting longer and the time you spend obsessing is shorter.

 

Its very possible that she never had feelings for you. And im sure that sucks to hear but people that jump into another relationship before completely processing the last one tend to project the feelings they actually have for their ex onto the new person. With you not readily available that may have come to light. Or maybe shes just still in high school and immature. Shes young, very young. And so are you. Im sure this is a little more difficult since this is the only girl youve ever had any sort of relationship with.

 

Get out there, find things to go do and distract yourself. Consider going on a date. Just make it clear that your not looking for a relationship.

 

But please, most importantly, go find yourself some self respect. She kicked u to the curb for another guy, which would be enough for me, but she also went back to an abusive person, which indicates that shes got some personal problems. You let your partners treat you like that you wont respect yourself, and they wont respect you.

[punkinless]

i'm chill. just a bad day.

[chados]

agree with the above post, i've told you about my ex. and you will be amazed how often the feelings you have right after a breakup comes from loneliness. 1,5 week ago i felt like the most miserable guy in the world, and that was mainly because "she dumped me", i had some doubts earlier in our relationship, but i think guys have a hard time dumping the girl. well i met a new girl, and now i can see how crappy my ex were treating me just before the breakup.

 

i know this sounds like im desperate. but i was just lonely because of the fact that she wasn't there anymore. this is not something i choose to feel, you cant control emotions. i believe i moved on faster then my ex, and that felt good. it sounds so crazy and immature. but like i said, i cant control my emotions, if i feel better now, im just happy for myself.

 

if your miserable about something you dont have anymore, you can only see the positive things about it.

[macarena]

Listen

 

I have read through all your story. I know the situation is sad and the thing that is probably killing you is that she's not even bothering to care

 

FORGET HER and STOP HOPING THAT YOU WILL GET BACK TOGETHER., Hoping for something that isnt happening is depressive and apathetic. Stop conditioning your actions in order to attract her attention..like on facebioook. When posting things like the ones you mentioned, you look pathetic and look liek you dont have alife without her. That s not attractive, neither to your ex and to no one. Gain your dignity..and even your friends will respect you much more

 

You havr to move on, forget her. Write down a sheet and enlist all your future goals (even though I KNOW that you probably dont feel like doing anything but do it nonetheless).

 

Go out, read books, start activities. Invent things and fight with your depression and sadness and force yourself to be active and go out. It will get better and better and better. Sadness and depressive thoughts will slowly fade away. but you have to help yourself and you have to accept with urself that you will be no longere together

 

This is said by me, who last March just broke up with her first ever love boyfriend. We were 4 years together. The breakup was very hard on me. However I struggled all the way through. I didnt want misery and I guess neither do you.

[punkinless]

winter break starts next week and with the stress if school gone i'll be fine. and i got work and in my spare time i'll be ridin sled/wheeler like every day. lol. thats how i relive stress.

[mike588]

You have got to chill out a little bit. Part of the reason your thinking about her so much is because your choosing to. When you realize your thinking about her, make yourself think of something else. Something more neutral. At first it will seem like not much is happening, but slowly youll realize the time between thinking about her is getting longer and the time you spend obsessing is shorter.

 

Its very possible that she never had feelings for you. And im sure that sucks to hear but people that jump into another relationship before completely processing the last one tend to project the feelings they actually have for their ex onto the new person. With you not readily available that may have come to light. Or maybe shes just still in high school and immature. Shes young, very young. And so are you. Im sure this is a little more difficult since this is the only girl youve ever had any sort of relationship with.

 

Get out there, find things to go do and distract yourself. Consider going on a date. Just make it clear that your not looking for a relationship.

 

But please, most importantly, go find yourself some self respect. She kicked u to the curb for another guy, which would be enough for me, but she also went back to an abusive person, which indicates that shes got some personal problems. You let your partners treat you like that you wont respect yourself, and they wont respect you.

 

I was a rebound guy for my ex. and I find that interesting that she (my ex) may have been projecting her feelings for her ex. towards me.

 

Good point.

 

She went back to him.

[punkinless]

i'm just bein an absolute miserable person. almost everything i do i used to do with her cause we were attatched at the freaking hip. EVERYTHING. everything i do, hear, see, and say, reminds me of her.

 

i wake up. goodmorning text? nope. i work on my wheeler cuz its a money pit piece of crap. is she helpin me? nope. i go riding. is she sittin on the back holdin on for dear life? nope. i go to work and sit there by myself for hours on end doing absolutly nothing (i hav an easy job). is she there with me? nope. i'm at work and hungry. does she bring food and eat dinner with me at work? nope. i get outta work and go hunting. is she next to me in the tree stand? nope. i go to bed. do i get a goodnight kiss and text? nope. i leave for college. do i get a goodbye kiss? nope. i arrive at college. do i call anybody to let them know i made it there safe? nope. i'm bored at college durring the week. do i have anybody to talk to? nope.

 

i can't think of one thing i can do that dosn't somehow relate back to her. just goin to subway or mcdonalds or ANY resturant messes with me cause i know exactly what she would get.

 

i really feel pathetic. and i don't like it.

 

i still can't fall asleep before 4am most nights. i did quit drinkin almost completley tho cause i don't like it and it isn't me.

 

i still care about her and miss her. even tho she isn't the same person i dated. she just seems so much less innocent now. but i STILL feel like i could love her again with a little work on both our parts. idk. it messes with my mind all day. its been over two months. and shes still CRAZY for her old ex. they are all over each other. at school and at home. its gross.

[silly_panda]

First off, I'm gonna salute chados for being so patient with you... He had been very supportive and giving some good advice but you chose to filter and only accept the things that you wanna hear...

 

First cut is the deepest... But everyone (most if not all) go through it... From your earlier post, you kept blaming yourself and said it was your fault for this relationship to end... Seriously, I don't see what you did wrong... Even if you did something wrong, it's never one sided... A break up is always caused by both party and both will have their fault...

 

Now you are seeing her as your LIFE and as an angel sent from heaven... She is not your life, she is not an angel... She is just mere human that has her own personal emotional needs and she is selfish and immature... You pining on her so much is because of you are too used of the 'routine' that you used to have... Human are lazy... When we get used to a routine/habit, we refuse to change it... But change is a must in order to grow...

 

Now I wanna ask you... You wan her back rite..? What is your plan..? You gonna go all out and try to win her back..? Or you are going to wait til this relationship ends and HOPE that she will come back running..?

 

That's my question to you... I will respond back based on your answer...

[chados]

First off, I'm gonna salute chados for being so patient with you... He had been very supportive and giving some good advice but you chose to filter and only accept the things that you wanna hear...

 

First cut is the deepest... But everyone (most if not all) go through it... From your earlier post, you kept blaming yourself and said it was your fault for this relationship to end... Seriously, I don't see what you did wrong... Even if you did something wrong, it's never one sided... A break up is always caused by both party and both will have their fault...

 

Now you are seeing her as your LIFE and as an angel sent from heaven... She is not your life, she is not an angel... She is just mere human that has her own personal emotional needs and she is selfish and immature... You pining on her so much is because of you are too used of the 'routine' that you used to have... Human are lazy... When we get used to a routine/habit, we refuse to change it... But change is a must in order to grow...

 

Now I wanna ask you... You wan her back rite..? What is your plan..? You gonna go all out and try to win her back..? Or you are going to wait til this relationship ends and HOPE that she will come back running..?

 

That's my question to you... I will respond back based on your answer...

 

 

 

agree, and like i said. i've been in this situation only 2 weeks ago. it's the worst feeling ever. they say that sometimes its harder to loose a girlfriend then a wife. but humans are strange. its often easier to deal with a breakup then you think. you have to move on, start dating etc. people are selfish and will always think about themselves when they get dumped. trust me on this one, the dumper isn't going to enjoy breaking up with someone. she might enjoy her life now, but of course she didn't enjoy breaking up with you.

 

 

i dont think her relationship will last long, she might even go back to you after that, because she knows she can have you. you cant show her that. for 2 simple reasons. 1. she's not going to want you back if she knows she can have you, at least not for a long time. and 2. you will never heal if you're feeling sorry for yourself. your better then her. you can have better then her. just go out and get a date. you could attract her. you can and will be able to attract another girl. you dont know this now. but the mainreason you want her back is because you cant. she's not worthy of you. stop hurting yourself. if you get enough distance towards her, you two might be able to get back together later on. but right now you will only go back to where it ended.

[punkinless]

yes chados is very patient and i appreciate him and everyone else trying to help.

 

i'm bullheaded. if i want somethin you bet your ass i'm gunna try and get it.

 

silly_panda i was really just gunna wait till they break up. and then wait even a little longer to even try talkin to her. i think she is suffering from G.I.G.S. also when ever i tried to contact her, no matter how innocent, she would be very short with me and end the conversation as soon as possible. so i asked what was up and shes like, "i have a boyfriend, he dosn't want me talkin to you." and i don't want to break NC as i've been goin over a month strong. but i know NC is mostley for me to heal and not a tactic to win her back. and i'm not healing cause i see her all the dam time and theres not much i can do about it. i'm picturing "going all out" to win her back and it dosen't look good . . .

 

i really don't love her anymore. but i care about her ALOT and he is just bad news and the "friends" shes hangin out with lately are no good. idk. i pretty much just vent my feelings on LS so i don't have to in real life.

[silly_panda]

i really don't love her anymore. but i care about her ALOT and he is just bad news and the "friends" shes hangin out with lately are no good. idk. i pretty much just vent my feelings on LS so i don't have to in real life.

 

 

Then why would you wan her back..?

 

You are going to wait til her relationship ends... There is no telling how long that's going to take though... So be prepared... What are you planning to do with yourself while waiting for her relationship to die..?

[punkinless]

okay old cliche phrase. i love her but i'm not IN love with her. know what i'm sayin?

 

i plan to keep goin to college. and hangin out with my best friends. working. stuff like that.

[chados]

this is what we are trying to tell you. you may not be in love with her, but you want her back simply because you cant have her. it might be gigs, you might be a rebound, there's really no telling. i don't even think she knows it herself. you cant control emotions. what you can control is what you're doing with your life. and even if you think your doing yourself a favor, you're not. the only way to move on fast is to get a date. you wont realize this now. but just do it. lets say they they wont break up. then she's just not the right one for you. if he really is an *******, then she might not be that great after all. you need distance from her, thats the way if not the only way you can reattract her. if you end up with another girl its still great.

[punkinless]

you guys give great advice. weather i take it or not welllll . . .

i'll let you know right now. i'd do anything this very moment to get her back. its all i want. if some other girl plopped in front of me would i go on a date? sure. would a screw her? no.

 

i just want her bak and would do anything. period.

[silly_panda]

you guys give great advice. weather i take it or not welllll . . .

i'll let you know right now. i'd do anything this very moment to get her back. its all i want. if some other girl plopped in front of me would i go on a date? sure. would a screw her? no.

 

i just want her bak and would do anything. period.

 

 

You wanna get her back... We understand... And you had decided to wait it out til her relationship crashes rite..? So just leave it as it is cause there is nothing you can do when you wanted to wait...

 

Our concern is that what are YOU doing to/for YOURSELF during this period..? The thing is, when you are pining on her so much, nothing you do will feel rite... She will be constantly on your mind... It will be a painful wait for you and there is no guarantee that she will come back to you when her relationship ends... I hope you are ready for this... Good luck man...

[chados]

you did just admit you want her back because you love her and your not in love with her. you see why this is a problem? do you think your doing any of you a favor by not being in love when your together.

 

you don't have to do anything with anyone, its just a date. of course you don't want to do that. you got your mind on one single girl, and you will not think about someone else before you give yourself the permission do it.

 

i know this isn't what you wanna hear. you want to know how you can get her back, and trust me on this. no one can tell you that. people can give you tips about what they believe is the best thing to do. i know you understand this, but sometimes you need someone else to tell you. this is a difficult time in your life, but you need to let her go. the worst thing for you right now is being alone. your first girlfriend got together with her ex after 2 days and right now you probably got this feeling that you wont find someone else.

 

trust me YOU will. you're still in school, girls and boys are jumping from one relationship to another. why? because they don't know what they want in life.

i really do believe that the best way to reattract your ex is to date someone else. then she knows she's loosing you. not saying you should take advantage of another girl to get back with your ex. date someone interesting, and if you end up with her. like i said before, its great

[Chi townD]

Dude, you seriously need to detach yourself from this girl. PEROID! You're not sleeping at night, your grades are suffering and you can't seem to get her out of your head. Why? Because you won't go NC. With her! You're never going to heal from this relationship if she's still in the picture.

 

You put yourself in situations where you KNOW she'll be at...and what do you do? " And the Academy Award goes to...." You fake it. You fake BEING happy, You fake it as you don't care. DUDE!!! YOU'RE HURTING!!!! I venture to say that you look at her Facebook profile at least once a day. Thus, driving yourself insane.

 

You say you want her back. SHe's never going to come back if she see's you all the time and she see's that you're "happy". She's NEVER had the opportunity to miss you. And to be honest with you. She did you wrong, so whay would you want her back anyways!

 

You need to start NC. Block her on Facebook and stop putting yourself in places and situations that she's at.

 

Time to heal and move on, dude.

[punkinless]

i just assume waiting this relationship to fizzle out is the best thing to do but maybe not? idk. i'm goin no contact but i'm not using it right. i using it to make her want to contact me and not to better myself. i know i should be workin on myself but all of this on top of a stressful semester at college makes it hard. but break is gunna bring good times my way.

[punkinless]

i just saw your post Chi. i have been NC (meaning i havn't talked to her and she hasn't talked to me) for over a month. and we have been broken up for over 2 months. even tho it feels like frickin yesturday. is it still NC if i see her but don't talk?

 

i don't go places she is to see her, its becasue my best friends are also there and i wanna see them. i fake being happy so i'm not miserable to be around and because who wants to get back together with someone whos miserable? yea i'm miserable. yea i check her facebook. we're still freiends cuz if i un-friend her its just a bad message.

 

yes i want her back. why would her seeing me "happy" gunna make her never come back? maybe i shouldn't want her back. but the heart wants wat it wants no matter what the brain says. all you know that.

[punkinless]

ok. i got myself confused.

 

she was with "ahole" for 2 years before me. he abused her and cheated on her before she broke up with him. we got together 2 or 3 months after the breakup. she hated him big time and said i'm so much better and i saved her. but then we went on like a two week break like a year in and they kissed. she came runnin back to me and said she knew that she didn't like him and all she wanted was me. we lasted only months more (16 months total) before she broke up with me and literally sprinted back to "ahole." noone really understands WHY she went back to him as they know what hes like.

 

my questions is . . . is "ahole" the rebound . . . or was i the rebound?!? yes it matters. if i was the rebound then i'm pretty much screwed. but if hes the rebound then she'll be like "oh yeah, this guy is no good to me" and come runnin back to me. all of our friends say that we were good for each other but were in a ruff patch.

 

i don't want to be the rebound, as we were very serious. you know, talks of forever, you guys know the drill. but thats what it looks like . . .

[wilsonx]

ok. i got myself confused.

 

she was with "ahole" for 2 years before me. he abused her and cheated on her before she broke up with him. we got together 2 or 3 months after the breakup. she hated him big time and said i'm so much better and i saved her. but then we went on like a two week break like a year in and they kissed. she came runnin back to me and said she knew that she didn't like him and all she wanted was me. we lasted only months more (16 months total) before she broke up with me and literally sprinted back to "ahole." noone really understands WHY she went back to him as they know what hes like.

 

my questions is . . . is "ahole" the rebound . . . or was i the rebound?!? yes it matters. if i was the rebound then i'm pretty much screwed. but if hes the rebound then she'll be like "oh yeah, this guy is no good to me" and come runnin back to me. all of our friends say that we were good for each other but were in a ruff patch.

 

i don't want to be the rebound, as we were very serious. you know, talks of forever, you guys know the drill. but thats what it looks like . . .

 

One of the lessons you can walk away from this is if someone talks about an ex and paints them black, they are lying to themselves. They aren't over the previous relationship at all. FYI, hate is on the same side of the coin as love.

 

Hes not a rebound because she has feelings for him still even after their breakup and she came running into your arms. She never processed the breakup. If shes back with him, you were the rebound and she used you to numb the pain of the breakup. If you pay attention, the other person always abuses and cheats on them. They are looking for Captain save a hoe to rescue them. What is her ex like? Do you know? Have you spent 2 years with him?

 

I know you are hurting but it is what it is and you have to accept it and move on.

[Chi townD]

i just saw your post Chi. i have been NC (meaning i havn't talked to her and she hasn't talked to me) for over a month. and we have been broken up for over 2 months. even tho it feels like frickin yesturday. is it still NC if i see her but don't talk?

 

i don't go places she is to see her, its becasue my best friends are also there and i wanna see them. i fake being happy so i'm not miserable to be around and because who wants to get back together with someone whos miserable? yea i'm miserable. yea i check her facebook. we're still freiends cuz if i un-friend her its just a bad message.

 

yes i want her back. why would her seeing me "happy" gunna make her never come back? maybe i shouldn't want her back. but the heart wants wat it wants no matter what the brain says. all you know that.

 

Okay, I'm not saying not to be happy per say. All I'm saying is that you broke up a couple of months ago and she went back to her Ex. You still have feelings for her, so being around her probably isn't the wise choice. However, you can read through threads and see where people have been NC for SEVERAL months and the come to a situation where they HAVE to see there Ex...i.e. a wedding reception and they start freaking out. At that point, I would reccommend to look happy and different towards their Ex. In your situation, you've been around her a hell of a lot since the break up!

 

She hasn't had time to miss you, she see's you're happy; therefore, she can convince herself that she made the right choice by dumping you. "look! We broke up and I'm with my man and he seems so much happier since we're not together and we can still be friends and hang out. I made the right choice for everybody!"

If you made yourself scarce, she would be left wondering. If her texts and phonecalls and e-mails went unanswered, she would be left wondering. If she couldn't look at your status updates on Facebook, she would be left wondering....But, to be honest with you...I think she's done and moved on.

Time for you to do the same.

[chados]

she see's you're happy; therefore, she can convince herself that she made the right choice

 

 

i have to disagree here, woman tend to stay with with bad guys because they act confident. she left him because he abused her, but still felt that she was safe with him. by acting miserable and by trying to get her back he doesn't accept or respect her wishes to break up. its not about throw all your happiness in your ex face. but by acting strong and respect the breakup there's a bigger chance that she will come back. not saying he should take her back if she wants to. i think its time to move on

 

people are selfish when it comes to this situations. the dumpee is begging and sometimes even acts angry about the other persons decision "they dont respect the dumpers decision".

 

while the dumper mostly acts cold because they dont want to hurt you. but in the end they still want a reaction to see that your sad about it. and thats when it gets easier for them to move on, they just have to tell you, we can still be friends, maybe text you a couple of times to show that they care. sure they probably care about you, but by acting supernice they give you mixed signals and that is making your healingprocess even longer.

 

with that said. people dont know this, they dont know why they want you back if youre acting happy and tell them that you understand and are okey with this. its simply because people want what they cant have, and the dumpers always believe that they can use your friendship to heal. but when they realize your not there anymore they might miss you. but im sure it would be harder for a 50year old strong woman to just go back because she misses you. but for a 19year old girl it happens more often then people think.