My last rage.

[davesterr]

Ok so i just found out who my ex dumped me for.

Some f*cking skinny douchebag punk who thinks hes the sh*t by taking topless pictures of himself on facebook and pretending to be a badass by making racist comments all day.

Seriously this guy is a frikkin nobody who will go nowhere in life.

I can't believe I got replaced by this freaking douchebag kid.

 

You know all this time i kept going through the past thinking what i did wrong what i could've done better.

All this time i was thinking and telling myself i wasn't good enough for my ex girlfriend no matter what i did or how much i sacrificed.

No matter how i gave up my entire life for her and was willing to die for her.

I kept telling myself i was worthless and not good enough unless i somehow would be an actor in the frikkin twilight movie.

Only then would i may be good enough to get her back as ridiculous as it sounds.

And you know what? For the longest time i really did believe i wasn't good enough for my ex whether it was true or not.

But one thing i know for sure: I am definitely way better than that f*ucking douchebag poser that she is dating now.

 

So i am done crying everyday blaming myself im nobody and that life is misserable and wanting to die.

Because even though i may not be with my ex anymore , i sure as hell aint gonna just sit here and cry while she's off being with that freaking douchebag.

 

Im gonna go to the gym and work my ass off.

Take all this rage and depression and anger and sadness and turn all this negativity into something positive.

Im gonna let it be the fuel and reason for me to get out of bed every morning and work my damn ass off.

Cuz there is no way in hell that that kid is better than me.

He's a freaking nobody and im not gonna just sit here and take it.

 

I hope that everyone here on this forum finds the courage , strength and reason to make their life better.

For the longest time i was stuck , paralized in fear and beating myself down.

Feeling worthless and sad because no matter what i did i wasn't good enough for my ex or atleast that's how it felt cause i couldn't get her back.

But all that self destructing is now over because if shes dating some f*cking moron who thinks hes the sh*t then i sure as hell know im way better than that guy will ever be.

And if hes good enough to date her , then im definitely good enough for her to be her boyfriend.

Shes just too blind to realise it.

That guy will never love her like i did.

He wont even come close to doing the things i did for her like flying across the damn world twice.

Heck this guy is a freaking tool who im guaranteed is stupid enough to even cheat on her with every chance that he will get.

But you know what , it is no longer my job to shield her against the world.

It is no longer my job to keep her happy or to make her smile.

I gave her everything i had and loved her with all that i got.

I will never be mad at her because she never tried to hurt me intentionally.

However i am defnitely done sitting here crying everday and beating myself up because that idiot she replaced me with will never even come close to who i am.

And just by knowing that i am feeling good enough to take on whatever is against me in this world.

From now on im going to do everything that im affraid of.

Because i am sick of living a life in fear and depression.

It's time to make a change.

And now i found the strength to do so.

The strength of anger and disbelieve that i got replaced by a freaking nobody.

And im gonna use that to make my life better.

 

There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.

And im ready to make mine.

Adios.

Edited November 22, 2011 by davesterr

[YouNeverKnow86]

Dave,

 

I am sorry to hear that man, things will get better. How did you find out? How long have they been together for? Did she lie to you about this guy? Just trying to relate to my situation and when I find out myself.

[karmaqueen]

Now you KNOW you deserve better and I'm sure you will get what you deserve in time. I hope you can move on now and look after yourself. Good Luck:bunny:

[davesterr]

She's been with him for 6 months now. She never lied to me about him and she didn't cheat on me. She met him when we weren't a couple anymore so it's not that im angry at her for being with someone else.

Infact i truely do love her and i want her to be happy.

Even if this means it will kill me knowing she will be with another guy and do all the stuff that will make me sick to my stomach just thinking of it.

However i am angry at myself for thinking i wasn't good enough all this time.

Beating myself up , thinking im worthless.

Thinking of the past about what i could've done better and thinking of the future of what it would take for me to even have a chance of getting her back knowing that that was impossible.

Because of this i kept telling myself i would have to be someone so great and amazing to even have a chance.

For me to be a famous hollywood actor only then would i be worthy enough.

And now to find out she's with a complete douchebag who's a loser that isn't going anywhere in life just shocked me in disbelief and disgust.

Im not hating on him because he's with my ex.

I am simply stating what he is since it's the truth.

 

I can't believe all this time i've been digging my own hole untill i reached rockbottom because i thought i was a failure crying everyday about her while she's dating this idiot who's a complete joke and wont ever even come close to doing the things i did for her or loving her as much as i did.

 

In the end im mostly just angry at myself for making me feel this aweful.

It saddens me that my ex girlfriend didn't realise and doesn't realise what she had with me.

And that she somehow rather dates this wannabe tough guy kid.

But just knowing that she is , and that this kid is a freaking joke who doesn't even come close to who i am , makes me feel so much better.

I will never get my ex girlfriend back no matter what i do or try and i accepted that.

But atleast now i am done feeling in complete agony and being torn.

Because there is no way im gonna just sit here and cry while she is dating a frikking douchebag who thinks hes a player.

 

All this hate , all this anger and disbelieve i got from this.

Im gonna use it all to turn my body into a greek sculpture and look at my best.

Im gonna turn all this negativity and heartbreak into something good.

 

It is like that Terminator movie: Judgement Day.

Where in the scene Sarah Conner is sitting at a table , feeling completely torn , sad , hopeless because she knows the nuclear war will come soon and 3 billion people will die.

At that moment she has a choice to either just sit there and wait for the nuclear blast to kill her when it would happen.

Or she could face life and create her own destiny no matter how hard or impossible it seemed.

And that's what im going to do now.

I refuse to sit here feeling hopeless and let life go by untill i die.

I will do whatever it takes to get out of this place , this hole called a heartbreak and depression mixed with anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

Im not gonna just sit here and die while she's having fun with that idiot because i felt like i wasn't good enough for her.

If he's good enough to date her then im great.

And now im determined to become my very best and im letting all those feelings i got inside from that give me the strength to do it.

 

I found out through my ex girlfriends best friends facebook.

Someone who is a friend of my ex girlfriends boyfriend posted on her wall and mentioned him so i went to his profile on his friends list and looked for his name.

When i saw him i just couldn't believe it.

This is the guy i got replaced for?

Some f*cking douchebag who takes topless pics of himself pretending hes badass because he makes racist comments on the internet while hiding behind his computer?

He's a frikking joke and i can't believe the girl i truely love falls for this moron.

But you know , in the end all i can do is just accept it.

 

I accepted the fact that me and my ex girlfriend will never be together anymore no matter what i do or tried because i already gave up my whole life for her and did everything literally possible within my power in this world to get her back and for some reason it wasn't enough.

And it's true that no matter how much you move on you will never truely stop thinking of your ex without being torn untill you find someone new that you love who will seal your heart.

I know that won't happen anytime soon and to be honest i gave up on love all together.

So as of now my ex girlfriend will always be the girl i will truely love and stay emotionally attached to whether i like it or not.

However atleast now i have found the power to get up everyday and work my ass off.

Because there is no way in hell i am gonna just sit by and wait for the nuclear blast to kill me when it happens.

 

I will never get my ex back and i understand that no matter how unfortunate that is.

However now that i know she's dating a freaking nobody just proved that all my thoughts of me not being good enough weren't true.

She just doesn't see who i am.

And knowing i am good enough and that im not worthless is all i needed to know in order for me to get back in life.

And thats exactly what im going to do.

And knowing that she's dating a complete idiot just fuels me so much to just go through the pain area and beat all of my fears even more.

Nobody is going to stop me and definitely not some f*cking douchebag who will never even come close to loving my ex girlfriend like i did and who would cheat on her whenever he has the chance to.

 

I am now ready to face life.

And there's no way im gonna let Judgement Day happen.

Edited November 22, 2011 by davesterr

[YouNeverKnow86]

She's been with him for 6 months now. She never lied to me about him and she didn't cheat on me. She met him when we weren't a couple anymore so it's not that im angry at her for being with someone else.

Infact i truely do love her and i want her to be happy.

Even if this means it will kill me knowing she will be with another guy and do all the stuff that will make me sick to my stomach just thinking of it.

However i am angry at myself for thinking i wasn't good enough all this time.

Beating myself up , thinking im worthless.

Thinking of the past about what i could've done better and thinking of the future of what it would take for me to even have a chance of getting her back knowing that that was impossible.

Because of this i kept telling myself i would have to be someone so great and amazing to even have a chance.

For me to be a famous hollywood actor only then would i be worthy enough.

And now to find out she's with a complete douchebag who's a loser that isn't going anywhere in life just shocked me in disbelief and disgust.

Im not hating on him because he's with my ex.

I am simply stating what he is since it's the truth.

 

I can't believe all this time i've been digging my own hole untill i reached rockbottom because i thought i was a failure crying everyday about her while she's dating this idiot who's a complete joke and wont ever even come close to doing the things i did for her or loving her as much as i did.

 

In the end im mostly just angry at myself for making me feel this aweful.

It saddens me that my ex girlfriend didn't realise and doesn't realise what she had with me.

And that she somehow rather dates this wannabe tough guy kid.

But just knowing that she is , and that this kid is a freaking joke who doesn't even come close to who i am , makes me feel so much better.

I will never get my ex girlfriend back no matter what i do or try and i accepted that.

But atleast now i am done feeling in complete agony and being torn.

Because there is no way im gonna just sit here and cry while she is dating a frikking douchebag who thinks hes a player.

 

All this hate , all this anger and disbelieve i got from this.

Im gonna use it all to turn my body into a greek sculpture and look at my best.

Im gonna turn all this negativity and heartbreak into something good.

 

It is like that Terminator movie: Judgement Day.

Where in the scene Sarah Conner is sitting at a table , feeling completely torn , sad , hopeless because she knows the nuclear war will come soon and 3 billion people will die.

At that moment she has a choice to either just sit there and wait for the nuclear blast to kill her when it would happen.

Or she could face life and create her own destiny no matter how hard or impossible it seemed.

And that's what im going to do now.

I refuse to sit here feeling hopeless and let life go by untill i die.

I will do whatever it takes to get out of this place , this hole called a heartbreak and depression mixed with anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

Im not gonna just sit here and die while she's having fun with that idiot because i felt like i wasn't good enough for her.

If he's good enough to date her then im great.

And now im determined to become my very best and im letting all those feelings i got inside from that give me the strength to do it.

 

I found out through my ex girlfriends best friends facebook.

Someone who is a friend of my ex girlfriends boyfriend posted on her wall and mentioned him so i went to his profile on his friends list and looked for his name.

When i saw him i just couldn't believe it.

This is the guy i got replaced for?

Some f*cking douchebag who takes topless pics of himself pretending hes badass because he makes racist comments on the internet while hiding behind his computer?

He's a frikking joke and i can't believe the girl i truely love falls for this moron.

But you know , in the end all i can do is just accept it.

 

I accepted the fact that me and my ex girlfriend will never be together anymore no matter what i do or tried because i already gave up my whole life for her and did everything literally possible within my power in this world to get her back and for some reason it wasn't enough.

And it's true that no matter how much you move on you will never truely stop thinking of your ex without being torn untill you find someone new that you love who will seal your heart.

I know that won't happen anytime soon and to be honest i gave up on love all together.

So as of now my ex girlfriend will always be the girl i will truely love and stay emotionally attached to whether i like it or not.

However atleast now i have found the power to get up everyday and work my ass off.

Because there is no way in hell i am gonna just sit by and wait for the nuclear blast to kill me when it happens.

 

I will never get my ex back and i understand that no matter how unfortunate that is.

However now that i know she's dating a freaking nobody just proved that all my thoughts of me not being good enough weren't true.

She just doesn't see who i am.

And knowing i am good enough and that im not worthless is all i needed to know in order for me to get back in life.

And thats exactly what im going to do.

And knowing that she's dating a complete idiot just fuels me so much to just go through the pain area and beat all of my fears even more.

Nobody is going to stop me and definitely not some f*cking douchebag who will never even come close to loving my ex girlfriend like i did and who would cheat on her whenever he has the chance to.

 

I am now ready to face life.

And there's no way im gonna let Judgement Day happen.

 

Dave,

 

I am in the same boat as you, we are better than our ex's. Happiness is the greatest revenge of all, just live a great life and it will all work out. Did your ex girlfriend have "single" as her relationship status? Or was there no status at all? I feel like some girls keep things secret on Facebook after a breakup so they don't look bad (getting a bad rep for dating another guy right away).

[davesterr]

I won't say im better than my ex. However i am definitely better than her current boyfriend.

As far as i know my ex girlfriend deleted her facebook.

We broke up as friends and she never did anything wrong to me.

I always said that she is perfect and always still will.

She never hid anything from me and tried her best to help me get over her by giving me closure , helping me by listening and talking to me and by being there for me whenever i needed her.

However it was just too painful for me to stay her friend and to keep talking to her.

So i came clean with her and told her everything how i felt.

How much hurt i was , how much i loved her and how much pain i had to go through everyday.

She listened and tried to help me and was really sweet.

I told her i would always be there for her if she needed me and that i would never forget her.

She said she would be there for me and would never forget me either.

 

In the end i got the perfect closure.

However it didn't stop me from going into a huge depression.

Feeling immobalised due to fear , anxiety , depression , despair and simply feeling worthless with nothing left to live for.

The truth is that i still don't have a real reason to live for.

However atleast i no longer feel worthless or not good enough and that's a huge start.

 

I dont know about your ex girlfriend or what happened between you two.

But i will always love mine and she really is the greatest girl i could wish for.

It's just sad that she's no longer mine.

But i learned that sometimes we can't have everything we want no matter how hard we try when there's another person involved.

But that's just something i will have to accept and live with.

 

I hope that i will live the best life i can and the same for my ex girlfriend.

Even if we can never be together anymore ,

I do want her to be happy and have all her dreams come true.

Because i truely do love her and in a way I always will.

Edited November 22, 2011 by davesterr

[IfiKnewThen]

davesterr. i am a great admirer of your advise. all the time u ever took to help others. the long posts... the thought put into them. just terrific stuff. seriously. i have bookmarked one or 2 of them so i could go back and reread your advise even though it wasnt for me and was intended for someone else.

 

because...you made so much sense and was so compassionate.

 

i really believe that the good you put out in life will come back to you. i fully understand the self hate, not feeling good enough..the mourning and living in hell, just feeling like a worthless piece of dirt. really knowing you deserve peace but not feeling like you can ever have or hold it again because someone you loved didnt think you worthy and you look at your own downfalls and say yep.....i am not. and you think.. for me to have lost this....wow...yeah i must deserve it.

 

maybe some of us do. but we deserve second chances...maybe not with them..but in life.

 

 

there has been an awakening in your case. to see that guy on face book and say..wait a minute here... this person acts like a buffoon and she is with him? it jolts the senses and sensibility.

 

this is really a good thing. and you know it. its a platform to stand on and say enough of this self loathing and regret. and although she was good to you and gave you good closure...it says..in some very real sense, wow maybe i was looking at her too high on the pedestal. if she can be with him...her standards this low...maybe she isnt for me either?

 

she is so many things...it felt so good. but she is not your real match and fit. and this confirms that much of it. thats little piece of truth and information is the key to unlock the self prison you have been in. it will still take time...because freedom is a state of mind and you have the key to yours now. all of ours is different.

 

so your mad you wasted time on crying over her...and its good to turn this around now. but you are and were a better person for caring so much to begin with. and truly caring to the end. its just okay to feel something else now. and youre right to take that feeling and knowledge and let it catapult you to a better place. one that says you are good enough and can and will lift you from this depression, and longing.

 

you are smart , you are wise , you are good enough. you helped so many others too. youre a blessing not a curse. appreciate all that you are..and find someone else who appreciate you too.

 

we never know what someone else is suffering inside least they put it here.

 

i am glad your moving forward even more than you were b4.. i know somehow it will work out for you.

 

i wish you the very best.