Are these really signs of lying or just BS?

[anp1005]

I have read on a few websites that the direction that someone's eyes move in tells whether or not they are telling the truth. It says when they move their eyes up and to their right it means they are constructing a response (lying) and when they move their eyes up and to their left it means they are remembering something (truth). In your opinion is this true with everyone? I've caught myself moving my eyes up and in both directions whether I was telling the truth or lying.

 

On another site it says that when people use terms like "have not, will not, etc" it means they are lying vs. people who use "haven't, won't, etc." Do you believe this to be true?

 

I asked my bf last night if he has ever cheated on me and he said "No, I have not." Does it mean he's lying since he said "have not" instead of "haven't."

 

It might sound crazy but I'm now obsessing over this and thinking he's lying. I have no other reason to believe that he would. Should I worry about his eye direction and the way he words things or am I nit picking?

[Andy_K]

Be very careful with the eye direction thing. It's not as simple as 'telling the truth' and 'lying', rather the eye direction tends to represent the type of stimuli/sense associated with the response. Visual/audio/kinesthetic for whether it's up to one side, just to the side, or down and to one side, and left or right for whether it's a created image/sound/feeling or a remembered one.

 

However, it's not 100%. Nor does it work the same way for every person - some might have the left and right or up and down switched. The only way you could get a reliable answer from it would be to establish a baseline response by asking him a dozen questions he'll tell the truth to and a dozen he'll lie to. Then you'll find out what response is normal for HIM.

 

 

Regarding, 'haven't', and similar contractions. The theory here is that someone who has something to cover up or deny is likely to use more words to do so.

 

If you ask him whether he's cheated and he just says 'No', it's more likely he's telling the truth than if he says 'No, I have not'. But again, you need other questions to establish a baseline response because what is normal for this particular guy may not fit the basic rule.

 

In short, you need a lot more data before reaching any conclusions.

[PegNosePete]

It all sounds like a load of cobblers to me. Eye movements are not reliable enough to make this kind of judgment. And contractions is just silly, so Data was always lying? There could be plenty of other reasons why he said "have not" instead of "haven't", the most obvious one to me is that the question pissed him off as it would do to anyone if you asked it out of the blue.

 

Apparently a good way of telling if someone is recalling a situation truthfully or not, is to ask them to replay it backwards. As in so you slept on her sofa what did you do just before going to bed? And before that? And before that? It is much harder to construct a story backwards than forwards.

[anp1005]

Be very careful with the eye direction thing. It's not as simple as 'telling the truth' and 'lying', rather the eye direction tends to represent the type of stimuli/sense associated with the response. Visual/audio/kinesthetic for whether it's up to one side, just to the side, or down and to one side, and left or right for whether it's a created image/sound/feeling or a remembered one.

 

However, it's not 100%. Nor does it work the same way for every person - some might have the left and right or up and down switched. The only way you could get a reliable answer from it would be to establish a baseline response by asking him a dozen questions he'll tell the truth to and a dozen he'll lie to. Then you'll find out what response is normal for HIM.

 

 

Regarding, 'haven't', and similar contractions. The theory here is that someone who has something to cover up or deny is likely to use more words to do so.

 

If you ask him whether he's cheated and he just says 'No', it's more likely he's telling the truth than if he says 'No, I have not'. But again, you need other questions to establish a baseline response because what is normal for this particular guy may not fit the basic rule.

 

In short, you need a lot more data before reaching any conclusions.

 

Usually when I ask him if he has cheated he just says "no". I'm a paranoid person in general so I have asked him numerous times in the past. Sometimes he says "no" other times it's "no, I haven't". I'm not sure if he's trying to cover something up or just trying to make it clear to me.

[KathyM]

I have read on a few websites that the direction that someone's eyes move in tells whether or not they are telling the truth. It says when they move their eyes up and to their right it means they are constructing a response (lying) and when they move their eyes up and to their left it means they are remembering something (truth). In your opinion is this true with everyone? I've caught myself moving my eyes up and in both directions whether I was telling the truth or lying.

 

On another site it says that when people use terms like "have not, will not, etc" it means they are lying vs. people who use "haven't, won't, etc." Do you believe this to be true?

 

I asked my bf last night if he has ever cheated on me and he said "No, I have not." Does it mean he's lying since he said "have not" instead of "haven't."

 

It might sound crazy but I'm now obsessing over this and thinking he's lying. I have no other reason to believe that he would. Should I worry about his eye direction and the way he words things or am I nit picking?

I've read articles like that before. How to read body language, how to tell if someone is being truthful, etc. I don't believe it's a fool proof way of telling anything. There are, however, lists out there of warning signs of infidelity you may want to look at, which I think are a lot more reliable as an indicator. They list warning signs of infidelity to be:

 

1. He starts to dress up more than he used to when he goes somewhere without you or when going to work.

 

2. He's suddenly making much more effort on his physical appearance, such as working out, grooming, etc.

 

3. He makes excuses to leave for errands at night.

 

4. He's late in getting home without a reasonable explanation.

 

5. He has a sudden interest in doing his own laundry.

 

6. He's secretive when he's on his computer or phone.

 

7. He seems distant and you have a gut instinct that something isn't right between you.

 

There are several other signs, but I would consider body language and wording to be highly unreliable. These other indicators are pretty much right on, from what I have read.

[RiverRunning]

I agree with Kathy. Also, does he have close friendships with other women/exes? Definitely a red flag to watch out for.

 

You say you're paranoid in general, which leads me to believe you've probably been this way in other romantic contexts. You've got to start building up some self-esteem and, if he's not showing any warning signs, start putting a little more faith in him, or you will find yourself single. Pick up some books on self-esteem, maybe.

[daisydukes]

I can help you because my boyfriend ( use that term losely now)Anyways.... I found him texting another girl while I was out with him no less and I asked him are you seeing other women? He said would never in a angry tone. I said I hope you are telling the truth to me and he said you shouldn't of even asked such a stupid question again he had mad tone. I want to believe him but come on now if he was being faithful he would of said oh baby I would never ever do something like that given me a hug and said stop worrying I love you! Instead he got upset turned around and blamed me for even asking him such a question. If you gut believes he did trust it because 9 times out of 10 when you have that gut feeling something is up. Did he get angry when you asked him? Did he seem nervous?? If he did any of those yes he might be lying.

 

I know you want to believe him just like I want to believe my boyfriend when he said he would never but sometimes you have to trust what you believe in and know if something doesn't seem right it probably isn't and it is up to you if you want to stay with them and in my case I am still deciding because I love him but at the same time I cannot forget how sneaky he was.

[blueskyday]

I once had a (cheating) boyfriend. I asked him out of the blue, in the middle of a conversation, if he had ever cheated on me.

 

I got the deer in headlights look. His eyes widened in fright, but his mouth tightened, and DID NOT open slightly like it would if he was surprised. Fear, it was, then. Busted.

 

And it was true. All he could do was shake his head. No words came until later, and of course he denied it.

 

Found out later he most definitely cheated. Read up on micro-expressions. They are the first reactive expressions people have for less than a second. They can't control them, and you will often see them right before another expression covers their face.

 

But micro-expressions are the REAL expressions of truth.

 

When I think back to the few cheaters I dated, I always worried if they were cheating. With my ex husband, however, who I knew and was married to for years, I never ever once asked myself that...and he was NOT a cheater.

 

Many private investigators will tell you that something like 80% of the time people who think their partners are cheating turn out to be right. The fear that brings one to investigate is often intuition.

 

I simply couldn't stay with anyone who made me worry about their fidelity, whether they were actually cheating or not. If they weren't cheating and I felt threatened, then it might be they need too much outside validation, or were flirts. Either way, I like to feel secure and since I wouldn't, it would be a deal breaker if I felt worried for an extended period of time.

 

I think you are worried. Pay attention to that, and keep your eyes open for a while. See if it's a passing thing, or if your intuition is bugging you.

Edited November 23, 2011 by blueskyday