Is she cheating? Am I reading too much into things?

[ConfusedGuy28]

I made a post about this girl here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t303611/

 

Since then - we've talked about things and I decided to trust her. She swore up and down she wasn't doing anything with anybody and hasn't since we first met. I decided to stay in Chicago and she said I can move in with her to her place (she offered).

 

A few things now:

1) She seems to be second guessing the move in. Makes sense because its only been 10 weeks or so (I'm only going to be there half the time because I have a lot of travel for work coming up) so it made sense. She had offered for a few weeks now and I took the offer. Now she's telling me how a friend of hers said I could take her empty 2nd bedroom if I wanted, etc.

 

2) I felt like she was acting a little weird again, so I checked her phone. No incriminating evidence - but I did find it weird that "Mike" (which turned out to be her ex-bf) has suddenly stopped texting her. No texts or calls since the night I confronted her. No record of him in her call logs - but when I clicked on her phonebook (iphone) it was scrolled down to his name - and she never calls anyone in the vicinity of his name.

 

3) She has this friend, "Jessica" - whom she always seems to hang out when I'm not around. Before we made things official, she was "at dinner with Jess." I left to go out of town, and she was "going with Jess to the parade." she calls me an hour later to tell me the parade was boring, too many people and that Jess pissed her off. The next day - she goes to lunch with "Jess" and they get a few drinks over 3-4 hours and "watched football at the bar" (???) - I have never met Jessica.

 

4) Last night she went for sushi with a mutual friend. Place closes at 11 but somehow they manage to stay there an extra 50 minutes. She texts me 15 minutes later (it's close to my place - she's staying there while I'm gone) - and says "heyyy you awake?" - I wait 5 minutes because I got the feeling she wanted me to be asleep. Text her back and nothing. So I go to bed and find she texted me an hour or so later and said "sorry totally crashed last night by accident! i know you're asleep now, just wanted to say good night"

 

5) When I'm at my place - I wake up around 4am almost every night. Twice when I woke up I noticed she was climbing back into bed. It seemed like she was coming from the family room - but she always says she's coming from the bedroom bathroom (but there's never any water running afterwards). Now that I'm out of town - I sleep through the night.

 

The other night I wanted to see if she was really asleep (again, around 4am) and I went out onto the couch for an hour or so. Come back into the bedroom and walk to the bathroom - turn on the light - and close the door. Then I walk back to the bedroom and she pops up to make sure the bathroom door is closed - kind of saw me and puts her head back down.

 

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I feel like this is all suspicous behavior. Really suspicous, and I thought we were past all this. I've yet to be wrong about my gut feelings when it comes to women - but she swears up and down, cries, etc that she's not doing anything.

 

I know I have trust issues (stems from my father cheating on my mother throughout the years, past relationships where I've caught 1 cheating on me and 1 talking to a guy behind my back) - and I've really tried to work on it. If a night goes by and I'm like "i need to check her phone!" i try and distract myself or reassure myself that she loves me. I am trying.

 

BUT - I just need to know. There's no point in me staying in Chicago for her if she is. I'll just go back home (another state). The only way I know that I could put my mind to rest is by invading her privacy (installing some sort of spying device on her phone) - so I know if she's texting someone and deleting them before she comes home. And that's horrible, because no one's privacy should be invaded for any reason. And when everything seems okay again - there she goes taking her phone into the bathroom, exiting out of her phone and from texting when I walk by, etc.

[val22]

If you already have trust issues due to past relationships and your parents then it's possible you are seeing things that aren't there.

However I would suggest asking your girlfriend if you can take her and Jessica out to dinner or something. If she makes excuses and doesn't want you to meet her then something is probably up.

[Chi townD]

HEY!!!! Nothing wrong with Chicago!!!!!! If your gut is telling you something then 9 times out of 10, your gut is right. SO!!! If you want to get to the bottom of things, you have to do some snooping. Go to wal-mart and pick up some Voice activated recorder's. You can get them relatively cheap. Plant them in the house where you think she sneaks of to and try to catch any conversations she may be having. Get some heavy duty velcro and velcro a VAR under her drivers seat of her car.

 

If she has an iphone, chances are she's plugged the phone up to the computer to re-charge it. If the phone sync'd up with the computer, all of her text conversations are in a folder on that computer, even the ones she's deleted! Do a search on the computer for software that will allow you to retrieve that folder.

 

And above all! Don't accuse her of anything! Go along with your life as if nothing is going on. The more you accuse, the better she'll get with hiding things. If she thinks that you're stupid and don't have a clue, then she's going to get sloppy.

[Space Ritual]

Another fellow Chicagoan chiming in.

 

all I can say is that you have been given pretty sound advice in both threads. I know it sucks that it takes some longer than others to figure it out, but you already knew her act was as fresh as a Foghat Concert....

 

Move on ASAP and by all means delete her from your life. Imagine you having a marriage and a mortgage and perhaps a child or two with this woman when all this began to come to light...not a pretty picture...

 

Best of luck:)