md_matt Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 I think I'm going crazy. I don't know what's wrong with me. Up until about 3 months ago, I was fine. Now I'm getting married in two months, and suddenly I am finding myself flirting with strange women, pushing the boundaries with them, and seeing how far I can get with them. I haven't done anything worse than touching... no sex, no groping so far. I love my fiancee, but I am just having this powerful urge that I never even had when I was single. I'm in my 30s and I thought I would be done this stuff by now!!! Am I going crazy?!? What the hell is wrong with me?!? Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Sounds like you may not be fully accepting of the fact that you're about to get married. If your head was really into the marriage, you would be thinking about your bride, and what you're going to do with your new life together. Making plans, little trips, the honeymoon, paying bills, kids, etc... I don't know man, you may want to really think long and hard if this is the right choice for you at this point. I hope that whatever you decide, you don't do anything that would hurt your girl, i.e., keep your hands off the other woman, figure out what you want out of life, and than do what you have to do. What's the saying? "s*** or get off the pot"??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author md_matt Posted May 25, 2004 Author Share Posted May 25, 2004 All that stuff was there months ago... figuring out the finances, prepping the house for her to move in, lots of plans about all sorts of things. I was tired of being single, and I really loved the girl. Then, somehow, I just started getting this urge to push the boundaries with other women. There's this one kind of slutty chick who last week told me she wants to get together at my place this week to drink and "hang out" when she gets back into town. Last week I was all about saying ok, sure thing, see you soon, and now this week I don't even want the girl to call me. It's like I want to see how far I can get just to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 I notice you used the word "loved" past tense. Perhaps you should postpone the nuptials and get some couples counseling before you go any further. It might hurt your gf's feelings, but she will be a heck of a lot more hurt if you cheat on her. It's normal to get cold feet, and sometimes people get locked into focusing on what they will be missing out on instead of what they are gaining. That tells me that maybe you need a little outside, professional counseling to ease your own mind and help you make the right decisions for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author md_matt Posted May 25, 2004 Author Share Posted May 25, 2004 "Loved" is bad English on my part; I'm mixing tenses. I've had a professional therapist tell my fiancee and I that prior to getting married you can expect to have "dreams" about your past affairs. Whether or not she was trying to subtlely tell us that we'd be pushing boundaries, I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 There's this one kind of slutty chick who last week told me she wants to get together at my place this week to drink and "hang out" when she gets back into town. So, what exactly qualifies a "slutty chick"? Honestly, it sounds a lot like 'the pot calling the kettle black.' Perhaps you have self-esteem issues and require way too much attention in order to feel validated. Or perhaps you have TOO much self esteem and enjoy attention so much that you're not willing to give up that aspect of your bachelorhood, yet. Perhaps you suffer from the Grass is Greener syndrome...in which case, you'll never be completely happy single, married or otherwise. Or...perhaps you should just do the noble thing and decide EXACTLY what it is you want out of life, and who it is you want to be when you grow up, before subjugating anyone else to your indecisiveness. Unless you get a grip, you'll never even survive your bachelor party let alone the nuptials! ... An early mid-life crisis?????? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Is it normal to want to screw every woman in the world before you get married? no Link to post Share on other sites
Author md_matt Posted May 25, 2004 Author Share Posted May 25, 2004 Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO So, what exactly qualifies a "slutty chick"? She can suck start a Harley. She's been banged more times than a drum at a Who concert. Nailed more times than a board at a Black & Decker convention. Trust me, she's easy. Honestly, it sounds a lot like 'the pot calling the kettle black.' I've always been able to control my urges before. That's why this is odd for me to experience. I never really slept around when I was younger. Perhaps you have self-esteem issues and require way too much attention in order to feel validated. Never craved attention from anybody when I was younger. Or perhaps you have TOO much self esteem and enjoy attention so much that you're not willing to give up that aspect of your bachelorhood, yet. I like attention, true... I like the feeling of seeing women interested in me. Perhaps you suffer from the Grass is Greener syndrome...in which case, you'll never be completely happy single, married or otherwise. Probably some truth in this. Or...perhaps you should just do the noble thing and decide EXACTLY what it is you want out of life, and who it is you want to be when you grow up, before subjugating anyone else to your indecisiveness. Been there, done that, thanks. Your icon is interesting, too. Unless you get a grip, you'll never even survive your bachelor party let alone the nuptials! Maybe we're psychoanalyzing a little too deeply here? Hey, everybody, I'm saying I have this sudden urge to bang everything in sight that's not normal for me. I'm not saying I am banging everything in sight, nor am I saying that if given the chance I would bang everything in sight. I'm saying everything was fine and winderful, and then I got these urges. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Listen, it's just a phase!Since this is very much unlike you and you didn't give in to temptaion, you're fine. Us humans are strange creatures! Lots of things can trigger unusal responses from us! But if you keep very clear in your mind what's important to you and act accordingly, you'll be fine. If it's a phase, it will ware off, if it's temptation, you'll be stronger for not giving in! Hope you'll tell us more about married life ! Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Quite honestly, I think his reaction is pretty normal. He's making a life-changing decision by getting married. Marriage is (supposedly) forever. Lots of people don't put a lot of thought into that idea. I think the people who really think about sometimes get REALLY panicky. Or frantic to 'pack in just one last Spring Break fling' before settling down. Hell, I've been in a relationship for four years (a very loving one) but still can't fathom the idea that THIS ONE PERSON IS THE ONLY PERSON I WILL HAVE SEX WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. It's pretty shocking to the system. My BF and I have admitted it to each other, that it's a hard concept to swallow. Who knows? Maybe we'll start getting experimental in the next couple of years. We know couples who do that. Well, good luck poster and I wish you a happy wedding and all. I think your urges are normal as long as you dont' act on them. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 When you get those urges, do the following: 1) Think of your fiancee doing the same thing to you. Talking to men to see how far she can push them and see if she can get them into bed. Really get into this thought, and see how much it hurts you. Then think what you are doing to her. You are showing a BIG lack of disrespect to her. 2) Then think of all the postive things in your relationship with your fiancee and how you should treat her love as a gift, not as a right. Some people don't know what they have until it's gone. It's ok to have fantasies and urges. It's another to act on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 I want to screw every woman in the world, and I won't be married for years still. In fact, I have to meet someone, first! So I guess it's perfectly normal to want to screw evey woman in the world before you get married j/k Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 Hey, everybody, I'm saying I have this sudden urge to bang everything in sight that's not normal for me. Then perhaps you should buy a hammer and attend one of those nifty Black & Decker conventions. Now I'm getting married in two months, and suddenly I am finding myself flirting with strange women, pushing the boundaries with them, and seeing how far I can get with them. I haven't done anything worse than touching... I like Jmargel's suggestion. Everyone can benefit from a lesson in empathy. Just because you haven't had sex yet, doesn't mean that you haven't already crossed some lines. It depends on the boundaries the two of you have set in regard to your relationship (assuming you have already discussed them prior to getting engaged.) If you wouldn't feel comfortable having your fiance witness this kind of behavior, or partake in it herself, then the concerns you are having about your own behavior are a clear indicator that your internal alarms are sounding off. It'll do you little good to poll the masses to discover how "normal" you are in comparison to the rest of us nut-jobs if it would *not* be considered "normal" relationship behavior for your soon-to-be-wife. Your Fiance's opinion is what's most important, not those of the general public. After all, we're not the one's who'll have to live with you. So why not ask her? Link to post Share on other sites
HT_Nut Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 It sounds like "Buyers Remorse" before the actual purchase. It's a perfectly normal freak-out. You are going to be with the last woman you will ever sleep with. It's normal thoughts for a guy to go "I could've had that; I could've had that!" Just keep in mind that you are marrying this girl for more reasons than just sex. Are you willing to for go that for a line of "slutty chicks"? Nope, didn't think so.... :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author md_matt Posted May 27, 2004 Author Share Posted May 27, 2004 Well, here's an update on my emotional roller coaster. Last night I had my chance to meet up with the slutty chick. Instead of having the feeling of wanting to hook up with her, I didn't feel a single urge to be around her. In fact, suddenly the thought of screwing her just seemed repulsive to who I really am. I had zero desire to screw her, and every desire in my body to keep away from her. It was like all the fantasy in my mind just went away. Only two more months of this to go! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Then, somehow, I just started getting this urge to push the boundaries with other women. That's different than just having the urges in the first place. Last night I had my chance to meet up with the slutty chick. And you took that chance? I guess I should say good for you for feeling so repulsed. Why did you take that chance in the first place? Just pushing some more boundaries I guess. I wonder what would have happened had you not been so repulsed. And I wonder how you would have felt had your fiance decided to hook up with some slutty guy just to see how far she could push a few boundaries. Only two more months of this to go! How lucky for you & your fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Only two more months of this to go! Correct your thinking now: It will be two more months until you are married. It will be a lifetime of JUST being with her. Decide now if you can deal with it. If you can't it's better to end it now than break her heart later on down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
winterwonderland Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Is it normal to want to screw every woman in the world before you get married??? My answer to this quesiton is "NO". But it is normal to want to do this WHEN you get married! Link to post Share on other sites
Author md_matt Posted June 1, 2004 Author Share Posted June 1, 2004 Originally posted by winterwonderland Is it normal to want to screw every woman in the world before you get married??? My answer to this quesiton is "NO". But it is normal to want to do this WHEN you get married! You know, I think that's the best way to sum it up so far. A lot of the others seemed to have missed the point. I'm just freaking out, I guess. It's a huge life change and I'm saying goodbye to the single life I've known forever. Link to post Share on other sites
will_woman Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Please think over carefully about your marriage. I think you are not very mentally prepared for marriage. Do not rush into marriage as it also involves your future wife. I am sure you would not want to bring any unhappiness to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Love2BLoved Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 I have a guy friend that always use to tell me he wanted to have a lot of fun and screw as many women as possible before he got married so that when he did finally said "I do" he would know what is out there and would be all screwed out to want to cheat!!!! So that's just what he did and let me tell you that it did not go quite as he thought it would. Now he's so used to that "life" that he always cheats on his wife!!! If you cannot be commited then maybe she's not the one for you. Believe me, when the "right one" comes along, you will not even care to look at another woman!!! Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Originally posted by Love2BLoved If you cannot be commited then maybe she's not the one for you. Believe me, when the "right one" comes along, you will not even care to look at another woman!!! Maybe most people never find a "right one". Link to post Share on other sites
Love2BLoved Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Then if the "right one" never comes along DO NOT get married. You are just going to mess up your life and your partner's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 How about instead of waiting for the 'right one' to make you want to change.... try BECOMING 'the right one' for the kind of person you would want to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Ya know, some people are just never satisfied. They always think the grass is greener on the other side. The problems is, there is a hell of a lot of grass out there. It's all about WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE, not what you don't have. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts