Rimer Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Hello My story in short. My long time (8 years) GF wanted to break up almost 3 months ago. Now i've been living alone for over a month and I feel so lonely, depressed and like there's never gonna be a good day again. The biggest problem right now is that fact I'm home alone. I fear being alone. I've dated since I was 16 and never lived alone in my life. Now I got a handful of friends and only 1 really close one so I can't harass them all the time. Right now I'm not the mental kinda state that I could make new friends even tho I want to but I just cant for some reason. I fear living alone in my apartment it's just me and my cat. I don't feel like going out all I do go to work, gym, my parents house and home (about same cycle everyday). I go out on the weekends sometimes with friends or coworkers. I'm on anti-d for 2+ weeks now. I feel like i'm going to be alone the rest of my life that i wont find anyone. How can I cope with the feeling of loneliness of being home alone. Are there any excersices I can do to help? I know the first thing people will say is get out of the apartment but I have to face the fact I can't do that all the time. I have to face the fact I'm going to be ALONE in my apartment and I fear this situation so much it's driving me crazy added to fact i'm still heart broken from the break up. I need your advice. Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I've actually added guys that have never lived alone to my list of deal breakers. This is weird to me. What do you mean you don't know how to be alone? You just... be. Find something that interests you. A TV show you can laugh your ass off loudly and obnoxiously to. Sure you can do exercises, get a treadmill, do crunches, learn to play an instrument, video games, experiment in the kitchen. Use this time to develop your own identity and figure out things you like to do solo. Being happy as your own unique individual brings the girls to the yard. Link to post Share on other sites
josie54 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 You just... be. Agreed. The fact that you've never been alone probably makes this something crucial that you should experience. You really have to be good being with yourself before you're really good with someone else. Read books, watch movies, force yourself to go for a walk, call one of your friends and go to a movie together. Even if you don't feel like talking much or you're not super-close to your "handful of friends," you can still sit in a theater and watch a film with them. There are two exercises you might adopt: The first is to "act as if." Think about what you would do if you were comfortable being alone. Then act "as if" that were true. That means you might not feel like going for a walk, but you might think that someone who was comfortable being alone would. So you act "as if" you were that person, and you take the walk. At any given moment, you can ask yourself what you think that person would do, and then you do that. Eventually, it becomes more comfortable. If that doesn't work, then the second exercise is sheer force of will. Tell yourself you may not feel like reading a book or taking a walk or watching a movie or chatting up someone you're in line with at the store, but you're going to force yourself to do it anyway. Each time you do, you're practicing at being better at being single. And the more you practice, the better at it and more comfortable with it you'll be. However, you don't want to get sucked into the "woe is me" hole. No matter how real your pain at being alone is, you have to realize that's not who you have to be. You can live your life differently, even if you don't feel like it. And the more you live differently, the more you'll feel differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rimer Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Thanks for the responses I'm on 5 days NC now. We saw last time sunday and I told her I need my space now and she said she needs her space too. It's been a difficult time and I think why I fear being alone the most is that I feel like i'll be all alone for the rest of my life if I don't get my ex back. Crazy thing is.. I know that's not true but for some reason I keep telling myself that. Replaying it over in my mind "i'm not gonna get anyone else, i'm doomed to be all alone rest of my life, i'm not worth anything, everything I try to do won't work out anyways so why even try" I know I HAVE to get rid of these emotions but I don't know how. Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Hello My story in short. My long time (8 years) GF wanted to break up almost 3 months ago. Now i've been living alone for over a month and I feel so lonely, depressed and like there's never gonna be a good day again. The biggest problem right now is that fact I'm home alone. I fear being alone. I've dated since I was 16 and never lived alone in my life. Now I got a handful of friends and only 1 really close one so I can't harass them all the time. Right now I'm not the mental kinda state that I could make new friends even tho I want to but I just cant for some reason. I fear living alone in my apartment it's just me and my cat. I don't feel like going out all I do go to work, gym, my parents house and home (about same cycle everyday). I go out on the weekends sometimes with friends or coworkers. I'm on anti-d for 2+ weeks now. I feel like i'm going to be alone the rest of my life that i wont find anyone. How can I cope with the feeling of loneliness of being home alone. Are there any excersices I can do to help? I know the first thing people will say is get out of the apartment but I have to face the fact I can't do that all the time. I have to face the fact I'm going to be ALONE in my apartment and I fear this situation so much it's driving me crazy added to fact i'm still heart broken from the break up. I need your advice. Thanks in advance Hmmmm I think I know what you're talking about. I also just ended an almost two year relationship and living alone again its a very strange experience....it is very lonely.... But I have done this before...and I know ,eventually, you will feel comfortable being alone....its all a matter of getting used to it. I really wish I knew of exercises that help you feel less lonely...Id do them myself...What Ive done so far is make sure there is background noise at all times, whether it'd be tv, radio, anything. When my place is too quiet it makes me extremely sad and lonely. I know you dont want to bother your friends and family, but make sure you connect with someone at least once a week. Also, maybe try something you have never done before. I for one will hopefully at some point make myself say hi to a stranger (that appears safe), after that, I will hopefully say hi and ask how their day is...basically, make myself be more social. This creates a challenge to look forward to, as well as might lead to meeting new people increasing your social support. One thing I can tell you is that being lonely isnt bad....i think sometimes being afraid of being lonely makes it worst...so allow yourself to feel lonely, allow yourself to be sad....sit with the feeling and eventually it will pass. The more you try to avoid it, the more power it'll have over you. Good luck, and PM me if you want! Im lonely over here too! Link to post Share on other sites
BigDumbFoot Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Hi Rimer. I'm sorry to hear about what happened between you and your ex. I'm in a similar situation as you are. About 5 months ago my girlfriend of 7 years decided she didn't want to be with me any more and basically dumped me. It's been about 3 months of limited to no contact. Any contact before that we would just end up fighting. So I would say that it was a pretty messy breakup. Anyway, things have been rough for the past couple of months, but one thing i can say for certain is that I'm glad that I have my roommates here to help me go through those rough times. I don't think there is any shame in living with other people. A good amount of people our age have roommates. Besides, who can afford to live alone these days? As long as you aren't super dependent on them, and they don't become a crutch for you, I think you can benefit from having roommates. At least for a while. Just a thought. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
BrentB Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Social and Dating Life Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rimer Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Thanks for all the responses. It's good to hear people coping with it who are in the same situation. Hopefully i'll be able to get something off these tips and stop this moaning in self pity. It's driving me nuts 4givrnt4gtr How do I pm here? I have no idea been looking everywhere Link to post Share on other sites
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