Why some women are not wife material

[alphamale]

Also, marry a woman who is open to the idea of bringing her hot girlfriend over a couple of times a year for some experimentation.

that marriage won't last long

[LilMissMovinOn]

Maybe you won't remain married forever. But the point of getting married is to at least make an attempt at having a "till death us do part" relationship. Most women would like to try to build a lasting lifetime relationship with a man, and you can't do that if you haven't made a mutual commitment. So even if it isn't guaranteed to work out, most people would still like the opportunity to give it a go.

 

By taking a woman off the market during her prime years and then not marrying her, the guy has ruined her chance to even make an attempt at making a marriage work out. Whether the marriage would have succeeded or not is irrelevant - he's taken away her opportunity to even give it a go.

 

Gosh. I really hope being a little older doesn't mean getting left behind forever! I'm in my early 40's & am kinda still hoping! LOL

 

I think there's a lot of women out there like me. I had a child young (he's now a young adult) & after splitting with his father early on & having a subsequent de facto r.ship for a few yrs which didn't work out I decided not to date again until my Son was an adult in order to spare him a possible succession of 'step father figures'. I used my time instead to pursue my edctn, career & to buy a home on my own. I've just come through am awful situation so am off the market for now but do hope there will still be someone kind & decent out there for me when the time is right. Then again I dont live my life pining for that person to come along. I'm climbing whole new mountains in my life & although it would be wonderful to meet the right person & be married I'm also really excited about the other things I have going on. I was interested in this thread though as once you get to my age it's easy to start wondering if maybe one just isnt marriage material. I'm a feminist for sure but I think that's a good thing. lol. Btw this feminist absolutely pays her share of the bill (unless it's a first or second date) in which case I'll shout supper or a drink or 2 after the main event!

Edited November 30, 2011 by LilMissMovinOn

[Woggle]

Being a feminist is okay as long as you are not anti-male. I support you if you are for equality and not misandry.

[LilMissMovinOn]

Being a feminist is okay as long as you are not anti-male. I support you if you are for equality and not misandry.

 

Equality to a point. I prolly wud be happy to be the floor mopper if he puts the bins out & clears the gutters (although the gardeners can still do the garden) LOL

 

I'm definately not into men being dominated by women though. Most women (feminists included) want a manly man who can support them with his special man skills. You know, one who can get rid of spiders (well ok. I admit I can do tht), tinker with the car (minor things only & yes I enjoy this too so am happy to help when needed) & a bit of painting or plastering. We want blokey blokes (sans dreaded video games lol). None of these metrosexual types either. If he spends more time in the bathroom than I do, Houston, we have a problem! lol

[LilMissMovinOn]

I find this interesting cuz my bf insists that we have to live together as a trial run before he'd even consider marriage. I'd prefer to be committed (i.e. engaged) before we live together, but he says I'm being unreasonable cuz "everyone" lives together first nowadays and you can't marry someone without a trial run. I said even if he believes in cohabiting he should still respect my wishes not to, but he disagrees and says I'm just being stupid.

 

Tell him the engagement IS the trial run & refuse to live with him unless you get the commitment you need first. A previous poster was right. It's too easy for guys otherwise (i.e why commit if you permit him not to?)

[Floridaman]

Tell him the engagement IS the trial run & refuse to live with him unless you get the commitment you need first. A previous poster was right. It's too easy for guys otherwise (i.e why commit if you permit him not to?)

Well-stated.

 

Wanted to say something similar to that poster but you said it much better than I could have.

 

This is the kind of thing I'm getting at, from a friend on another board.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/35369-what-i-will-teach-my-daughter-about-sex-relation-love-her-emotions-her-life.html

 

I will explain to my daughter ...if a Boy truly has HER interests at heart (some are struggling with LUST & pangs of LOVE, their very own hearts).... if influenced by Genuine feelings of care & interest in MORE than some booty.... these boys will stick around, they will continue to woo her, "wait" for HER- every part of her, they will listen to her, they will take "the time" - (of course they will be fantasizing like mad in addition) but still they will try to BE that gentleman for their "lady".....take her out , make plans to enjoy things together, talks walks & talk, call her just to hear her voice, learn of her as a person, ask what she enjoys & make that happen.

 

These boys may itch to get in her pants, but she should never JUMP... if she is interested in them, TEST them with the ruler of TIME, allow them to openly reveal their "heart" in regards to her. This is wisdom.

 

In the pre-Christian view, sex is sacred simply because it’s part of life. In the Christian view sex must be shown to be deserving of reverence. No problem! Here’s why it’s worthy!

 

1.First, Sacred Sexuality, implies an awareness that sex is the inception of life, of all that is. Without the sexual act, none of us would exist — at least not as incarnate bodies. Sacred Sexuality acknowledges that our life force and our sexual energy originate from the same source. It’s an expression of awe and wonder that transcends any particular culture.

 

.....

 

Sex is sacred because of its role in accessing peak experiences of love, oneness, and healing. Humans have an innate need for peak experiences of bliss, merging, and ecstasy. We have a deep longing for the (re) union of sex and spirit, for union with the Divine. When we access expanded states of consciousness through sex we validate our intuitive sense that sex can be worship and that worship can be erotic. Tantra and other paths of Erotic Spirituality teach us to embrace and honor the body as a temple of Spirit, rather than trying to deny our natural sexual impulses.

 

So when we bless, purify, or honor the body as part of a sexual encounter, when we bond more deeply as a result of lovemaking, or when sexual union catapults us into higher consciousness, we make sex sacred.

Edited December 1, 2011 by Floridaman

[alphamale]

Being a feminist is okay as long as you are not anti-male. I support you if you are for equality and not misandry.

a true feminist believes that women trump men, its part and parcel of their basic philosophy.

[Woggle]

a true feminist believes that women trump men, its part and parcel of their basic philosophy.

 

That is sadly what much of it has become but there are women who call themselves feminist that are not in anyway anti-male.

[LilMissMovinOn]

u

A man who strings a woman along and uses up her 'prime years' is no less manipulative than woman who seeks to lure a man into a binding contract called marriage that ensures that not only he is going to lose his freedom to explore other women, but he is also going to be forced to be her workhorse and channels all his money to her and her only for the rest of his life even after she has become old and ugly or has left the marriage itself.

 

The fact is that its all a battle between the sexes. Smart women will try to lock a man in as soon as possible while she is still young and attractive while smart men will try to avoid or at least hold off marriage as long as possible.

 

My personal advice for men is that sow your wilds oats when you are young and get married when you are 40 and marry someone young, beautiful and financially equal. This is the game plan that Im following in my life. Remember, despite whatever they say, marriage is not about love for women. All it comes down to is about MONEY, MONEY, and MONEY.

 

 

So sad to realise some men (& this just one example picked at random) are so cynical about women's reasons for aspiring to marry.

 

In fact research shows strongly that married men enjoy greater wealth, health & happiness than unmarried men. The same goes for married as opposed to unmarried women however the health & happiness benefits of marriage are greater for men than women.

 

I wouldn't go near a man who thought that marriage was all about women trying to fleece men of money. Then again, I'm financially secure & independent as a result of nothing more than my own sheer hard work.

 

As for finding a younger woman who financially equal that is unlikely. Wealth is built over time & younger women have had less time to aquire it because they are still paying off educational expenses or bearing to helping to bear the costs of raising children which are part of a younger woman's life.

 

No offence to the particular post quoted but this attitude is very anti woman. ie a total turn off in my book.

[LilMissMovinOn]

PS Career women can smell a man who is dating them for their assets, earning capacity & financial status a mile away. I can anyway & got rid of one ex-boyfriend a while back for exactly that reason

[Woggle]

It might be sad that he is so cynical but the fact of the matter is that for all the talk of commitment women initiate 70% of divorces. Many of these men end up alone in the end anyway so why not do it and get to keep what you work for?

[alphamale]

It might be sad that he is so cynical but the fact of the matter is that for all the talk of commitment women initiate 70% of divorces.

actually women start AND end 75% of all relationships

[LoveTKO]

u

 

 

So sad to realise some men (& this just one example picked at random) are so cynical about women's reasons for aspiring to marry.

 

In fact research shows strongly that married men enjoy greater wealth, health & happiness than unmarried men. The same goes for married as opposed to unmarried women however the health & happiness benefits of marriage are greater for men than women.

 

 

 

Really??

 

Are you telling me that most men suffering from depression, heart disease, cancer, etc., are single and they outnumber married men by a wide margin? I would like to see the hard numbers and statistics, not anecdotal evidence.

 

 

I am single and in my forties with more money in the bank and with a whole lot less stress than ALL of my married friends. Even if they are financially secure, they all complain about money, the kids, that sensation of feeling beholden to your spouse. I'm not intimating that marriage is a bad idea for everyone out there, but there are so many couples who don't properly plan their lives. Instead, they just wing it hoping that things will fall into place. Bad idea.

 

For all you married men out there, if you cease "dating" and courting your wife once you're married, or let yourself go physically, there will come a time around the age of 40-45 when she feels she's entitled to be appreciated by a real man who can sweet talk her. Don't stick your head in the sand and live in denial because they will do it with some other guy.

[xxoo]

Really??

 

Are you telling me that most men suffering from depression, heart disease, cancer, etc., are single and they outnumber married men by a wide margin? I would like to see the hard numbers and statistics, not anecdotal evidence.

 

There have been studies that demonstrate just that.

 

This article lists a few.

 

I am single and in my forties with more money in the bank and with a whole lot less stress than ALL of my married friends. Even if they are financially secure, they all complain about money, the kids, that sensation of feeling beholden to your spouse. I'm not intimating that marriage is a bad idea for everyone out there, but there are so many couples who don't properly plan their lives. Instead, they just wing it hoping that things will fall into place. Bad idea.

 

This is more about having kids than marriage, imo. You'd have these stresses with children whether you were married or not, and married people without kids tend to have plenty of disposable income.

 

Yes, raising a family is expensive, and stressful. But it also has the potential for great rewards. Renting a house is less stressful than owning one, but owning has more rewards. Similarly, after the investment of raising a family, there are the rewards.

 

For all you married men out there, if you cease "dating" and courting your wife once you're married, or let yourself go physically, there will come a time around the age of 40-45 when she feels she's entitled to be appreciated by a real man who can sweet talk her. Don't stick your head in the sand and live in denial because they will do it with some other guy.

 

Good advice, for both husbands and wives. Don't take your partner for granted!

[alphamale]

Are you telling me that most men suffering from depression, heart disease, cancer, etc., are single and they outnumber married men by a wide margin? I would like to see the hard numbers and statistics, not anecdotal evidence...

indeed :)

 

i've seen too many married women send their poor husbands to an early grave, where is that in the statistics?

[LoveTKO]

There have been studies that demonstrate just that.

 

This article lists a few.

 

 

 

!

 

LOL!....come on now. No disrespect, but per my post, I want real statistics and hard facts. The type of empirical evidence in your link can be interpreted and manipulated in many ways. "A Norwegian study....British researchers...a study of Naval officers...etc".

 

To be fair, I do agree that a HEALTHY marriage can definitely mitigate the ravages of stress and diseases, because having a strong support group with effective coping mechanisms found in a solid marriage will give you a leg up on your single counterpart who has to overcome an injury or ailment on his own. I've been there! I was nursing a nasty sports related orthopedic injury a couple of years ago and my on and off girlfriend decided to dump me....it was worse than the injury!! LOL! It sucked so bad and I wasn't able to think straight. At the same time, I also learned that you can't just use someone and marry them because you're getting older, in need of companionship, or don't want to die alone. That's just selfish.

[Lauriebell82]

Interesting article. I think it's more about compatibility and less about the time that you have known each other prior to marriage. Also, there is a correlation between age as well. Individuals who are younger tend to date longer and have longer engagements then those who are older. Several reasons for that, biological clock issues, feeling the "age pressure" ect. Some couples just know instantly that they have found "the one." It's based more on the people getting married and less on the length of the relationship.

[xxoo]

Well, I know how research works, TKO, but I'm sitting at home with Google....not in a university library. The list was meant to be a starting point, if you are interested.

 

Nevertheless, I found the original source of point number six:

6. Help You Live Longer

A UCLA study found that people in generally excellent health were 88 percent more likely to die over the 8-year study period if they were single.

Marital status and longevity in the United States population, Kronick and Kaplan

 

If you want the full text, you'll have to get that yourself

[LoveTKO]

Well, I know how research works, TKO, but I'm sitting at home with Google....not in a university library. The list was meant to be a starting point, if you are interested.

 

Nevertheless, I found the original source of point number six:

6. Help You Live Longer

A UCLA study found that people in generally excellent health were 88 percent more likely to die over the 8-year study period if they were single.

Marital status and longevity in the United States population, Kronick and Kaplan

 

If you want the full text, you'll have to get that yourself

 

 

My take on longevity is that I would rather be a single man dropping dead running a marathon at the age of 70, as opposed to living to the age of 89 with a lovely wife spoon feeding me Metamucil and prune juice, wearing diapers and watching reruns of Matlock.

[LilMissMovinOn]

Really??

 

Are you telling me that most men suffering from depression, heart disease, cancer, etc., are single and they outnumber married men by a wide margin? I would like to see the hard numbers and statistics, not anecdotal evidence.

 

 

I am single and in my forties with more money in the bank and with a whole lot less stress than ALL of my married friends. Even if they are financially secure, they all complain about money, the kids, that sensation of feeling beholden to your spouse. I'm not intimating that marriage is a bad idea for everyone out there, but there are so many couples who don't properly plan their lives. Instead, they just wing it hoping that things will fall into place. Bad idea.

 

For all you married men out there, if you cease "dating" and courting your wife once you're married, or let yourself go physically, there will come a time around the age of 40-45 when she feels she's entitled to be appreciated by a real man who can sweet talk her. Don't stick your head in the sand and live in denial because they will do it with some other guy.

 

The research & stats are all there (& have been for many many years).... Similarly, depression is far more common in single older persons than partnered ones (& in fact being single in later life is a risk factor for depression...)

 

As for abandoning a marriage b.cuz a spouse has gained a few wrinkles or kilo's that's just shallow. IMO shared values are the key to happy partnering. I decided not to proceed with a (different) ex as he did not share my attitude re healthy food. He was already on the heavy side (which I was happy to overlook as some people are natually heavier set) but I quickly realised his diet was so fat laden that if I stayed with him I'd eventually be in the same boat. My weight has increased as I've gotten older due to recent prolonged illness, & is currently more than I'm comfortable with (although I'm not fat). You can bet yr bottom dollar though that this is an issue for me which I will tackle with gusto before it becomes an entrenched problem. With that ex I was more concerned with the health implications of poor diet than anything else. He had other issues which were deal breakers for me but if the lack of shared values re healthy diet had been the only issue I still would have ended it. I've got got more things than looks right now to be concerned with, however, I don't subscribe to the let yrself go completely ethos just b.cuz one is the wrong side of 40 either. Health & charactar are the important things. There has to be some physical attraction of course but IMO that side of things is only wrapping & much less important than what's on the inside.

[LilMissMovinOn]

It might be sad that he is so cynical but the fact of the matter is that for all the talk of commitment women initiate 70% of divorces. Many of these men end up alone in the end anyway so why not do it and get to keep what you work for?

 

I think the stats are roughly that 1 in 2 first marriage by both parties fail. They worsen frm there for 2nd & 3rd marriages ect. If a marriage is unhappy though & one has tried every possible measure to remedy the issues there is no point staying. We only get one life & as the saying goes, it's not a dress rehearsal

[LilMissMovinOn]

PS All these marriage hogs btw! Pfft! I would be content to get married just once! lmao!! (but also happy to remain single if I don't meet the right person & will never marry for practical need or just for the sake of it)...

[xxoo]

My take on longevity is that I would rather be a single man dropping dead running a marathon at the age of 70, as opposed to living to the age of 89 with a lovely wife spoon feeding me Metamucil and prune juice, wearing diapers and watching reruns of Matlock.

 

My H and I plan to run races together at 89

[LoveTKO]

The research & stats are all there (& have been for many many years).... Similarly, depression is far more common in single older persons than partnered ones (& in fact being single in later life is a risk factor for depression...)

 

 

 

 

........but is that a reason to get married? I agree that being single later on in life could be deleterious to your overall health. At the same time, if you're living the single life having great sex with a couple of partners over the years, active in many activities, sports, etc., have a lot of friends and a strong social network, great career with no debt, and the price that I have to pay later on in life is a couple of years suffering from depression taking antidepressants ....so be it.

[FitChick]

I laugh whenever I hear men complaining marriage is so terrible, it's all about money, etc. After a divorce, it's the men who remarry at a higher rate than women. All the divorced men I know have remarried, but few of the women have. The women say they've had their fill of cooking and cleaning for someone else who tries to control them and they enjoy being single. Single men complain that middle-aged women just want to play the field, while the divorced and widowed men want a close, long term relationship. Divorced and widowed men die earlier than women in the same situation. Clearly the men get something special out of being married. Men who've never been married don't know what they are talking about because they've never experienced it.