Why some women are not wife material

[xxoo]

This whole thing doesn't pass the smell test. Think about it.....if tying the knot really is the natural progression, or pinnacle of self actualization from a relationship standpoint, then it wouldn't be so hard. But in reality, it involves ultimatums, cajoling, veiled threats of leaving, counseling, etc. Don't you all get it? Things that are meant to be shouldn't be that hard.

 

I agree.

 

More open conversation, fewer games.

 

Does the guy WANT to be married to you, or not? If he does, go for it. If he does not....why would you want to marry him???? Be careful what you wish for....

[musemaj11]

A man who strings a woman along and uses up her 'prime years' is no less manipulative than woman who seeks to lure a man into a binding contract called marriage that ensures that not only he is going to lose his freedom to explore other women, but he is also going to be forced to be her workhorse and channels all his money to her and her only for the rest of his life even after she has become old and ugly or has left the marriage itself.

 

The fact is that its all a battle between the sexes. Smart women will try to lock a man in as soon as possible while she is still young and attractive while smart men will try to avoid or at least hold off marriage as long as possible.

 

My personal advice for men is that sow your wilds oats when you are young and get married when you are 40 and marry someone young, beautiful and financially equal. This is the game plan that Im following in my life. Remember, despite whatever they say, marriage is not about love for women. All it comes down to is about MONEY, MONEY, and MONEY.

Edited November 28, 2011 by musemaj11

[Elizabeth Southerns]

Interesting. Another article recently explored why some women won't marry, but from a rather different viewpoint.

[Woggle]

I don't condone men who string women along but if a woman spends her childbearing years chasing a player who obviously will never marry her then she has to take some of the blame for that. In many cases they probably turned down a good number of marriage minded men.

 

Also if women want more men to truly committ to marriage then they should support reforming the divorce and family court system. More men would be willing to take the plunge if they didn't feel like they were playing russian roulette with their lives.

[Eeyore79]

So it's really just about making sure you can get the money in the event of a divorce?

*If your spouse dies in an accident, you inherit their assets and don't receive a huge tax bill.

*You're both classed as the legal guardians of your children, so in the case of a bereavement there would be no problems regarding child custody.

*You're in charge of each other's medical care - in the worst case scenario you would get to decide when to switch your spouse's life support machine off, and vice versa.

*You can claim social security benefits for your spouse if necessary.

*You can get insurance through your spouse.

*You are in charge of your spouse's care arrangements if they get sick.

*You are in charge of your spouse's burial arrangements if they die.

*You and your children have some financial stability if your spouse dies.

*There are immigration benefits if one spouse moves to another country.

*You get visiting rights if your spouse ends up in prison.

*You get visiting rights if your spouse is seriously ill in hospital.

 

It seems extremely cynical to assume that the only financial and legal benefit of marriage is to claim money if you divorce

[samsungxoxo]

They seem to be a lot more fixated on the childish imagination of marriage (or wedding to be exact) rather than having a healthy long lasting relationship.

 

I mean dude, wake the **** up. These days marriages dont last any longer than other types of relationship.

 

A marriage doesnt guarantee a woman a neverending commitment. It simply guarantees her a legal right over a portion of the man's personal wealth should he or she choose to leave the marriage.

 

To me, a never married woman is like a virgin man. She is just curious and dying to find out how it feels to be married the same way a virgin man is curious and dying to find out how it feels to get laid.

No to be sarcastic but if I was meeting a man with a negative concept about marriage that say that... the date would more than likely be over in 1 minute.

 

Property it's not that... I'm both going to school and saving my money to buy myself an apartment (I don't need a man to provide nor feed me). It's the fact that I would one day want to find a man that is into marriage. I don't want just a relationship that he can date whenever you want to and it's over, then start all over again with a different man. I actually want to live with him and deal with situations the both of us, someone I can see everyday and communicate.

[samsungxoxo]

Not true. Most women are interested in marriage and children from age 20-25 onwards

I'm interested in marriage but no kids.

[sunshinegirl]

Remember, despite whatever they say, marriage is not about love for women. All it comes down to is about MONEY, MONEY, and MONEY.

 

Interesting blanket theory. How would it would apply to my situation, considering I out-earn my husband by about $30,000? I was doing just fine financially on my own; I didn't need my husband's money, or his debt.

 

As to the OP's question:

 

I don't know anybody who felt they knew their partner well enough to get married after 22 months! Would you marry someone you knew for under two years? Did you?

 

My H and I were married about 18 months after meeting each other. We were in our late 30's when we met, and we knew ourselves and knew what we wanted in a mate.

[samsungxoxo]

I find this interesting cuz my bf insists that we have to live together as a trial run before he'd even consider marriage. I'd prefer to be committed (i.e. engaged) before we live together, but he says I'm being unreasonable cuz "everyone" lives together first nowadays and you can't marry someone without a trial run. I said even if he believes in cohabiting he should still respect my wishes not to, but he disagrees and says I'm just being stupid.

If he isn't respecting your wishes why are you still with him? Chances are he's going to waste your time (4 years fly sooo fast).

[samsungxoxo]

My personal advice for men is that sow your wilds oats when you are young and get married when you are 40 and marry someone young, beautiful and financially equal. This is the game plan that Im following in my life. Remember, despite whatever they say, marriage is not about love for women. All it comes down to is about MONEY, MONEY, and MONEY.

And I don't want a 40 year-old who can be my father nor a manwhore who slept around with hookers everyday.

If I'm 24 years old now, then a 24-28 year-old is within the age range. If I only had one sex partner then I'm looking for a man similar to me, don't mind he's been in a couple relationships but not a man that sleep with any skirt he saw down the street.

 

It's interesting how some men think we don't have expectation and that ''I slept with millions of girls in my youth'' will turn us on. Nope.

[LoveTKO]

Also, marry a woman who is open to the idea of bringing her hot girlfriend over a couple of times a year for some experimentation.

 

 

(just kidding....well)

[MikeT4]

The way I see it, you date someone in order to get to know them well enough to decide if you want to marry them. If you decide NO, you end the relationship and don't waste any more of that person's time. If you decide YES, you get married.

 

What I think is unacceptable is to drag out the dating for years on end without actually making a decision one way or the other. The woman is wasting her prime years sitting around hoping for a proposal; if her boyfriend was honest and admitted that wasn't going to marry her, she could be back on the market while she's still in her prime, and find someone who does want to marry her. The guy who takes a woman off the market for years and doesn't propose is ruining that woman's chances of finding a husband, which seems extremely selfish.

 

I have enormous respect for guys who don't waste a woman's time, who make a decision one way or the other and either marry her or end the relationship. I have no respect at all for guys who date a woman for several years, thereby wasting all the years in which she was attractive enough to find a good husband, and then dump her.

 

I realise that not everyone wants to get married, and some people are happy dating for years on end... and that's fine, as long as both people are on the same page and there's a clear understanding that the relationship isn't heading towards marriage in the foreseeable future. But unfortunately what often tends to happen is that the woman wants to progress towards marriage and the guy basically wastes her time. Too many of my friends have wasted their twenties on guys who never proposed but never admitted that they weren't going to. I've wasted a good few years myself!

 

Nowadays I see more and more women who realize that their prime years are limited, and if a guy makes no move towards marriage in 3-4 years they dump him and move on. Some of my male friends have been dumped for exactly this reason, and they later admitted that they would never have married her, so if she wants marriage she made the right choice in leaving.

 

It's completely wrong for a guy to string a woman along during her most marriageable years if he knows she wants marriage and a family. Of course she needs to tell him after dating a while that that is what she wants. Two years seems like more than enough for a couple to decide if marriage is what they want. If a woman goes to college, she's really got from 22-35 to have her babies, that's only 13 years. After that pregnancies are considered high risk due to advanced maternal age.

[musemaj11]

*If your spouse dies in an accident, you inherit their assets and don't receive a huge tax bill.

*You're both classed as the legal guardians of your children, so in the case of a bereavement there would be no problems regarding child custody.

*You're in charge of each other's medical care - in the worst case scenario you would get to decide when to switch your spouse's life support machine off, and vice versa.

*You can claim social security benefits for your spouse if necessary.

*You can get insurance through your spouse.

*You are in charge of your spouse's care arrangements if they get sick.

*You are in charge of your spouse's burial arrangements if they die.

*You and your children have some financial stability if your spouse dies.

*There are immigration benefits if one spouse moves to another country.

*You get visiting rights if your spouse ends up in prison.

*You get visiting rights if your spouse is seriously ill in hospital.

Yup, its all about MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

 

Marriage is a commitment only for the party who stands to lose the most by marrying.

 

A study shows that more women today marry up than 50 years ago. Coincidence? Yeah right. Marriage had never been and will never be about love for women. Only naive men buy that crap.

 

No to be sarcastic but if I was meeting a man with a negative concept about marriage that say that... the date would more than likely be over in 1 minute.

We men know not to tell women what they dont want to hear.

 

Interesting blanket theory. How would it would apply to my situation, considering I out-earn my husband by about $30,000? I was doing just fine financially on my own; I didn't need my husband's money, or his debt.

 

My H and I were married about 18 months after meeting each other. We were in our late 30's when we met, and we knew ourselves and knew what we wanted in a mate.

If you were a young and attractive 23 year old when you met him, I bet you wouldn't even have taken a second glance at him, let alone marrying him if you know what I mean.

 

It's interesting how some men think we don't have expectation and that ''I slept with millions of girls in my youth'' will turn us on. Nope.

We men know what to tell women and what to not tell them.

[xxoo]

If you were a young and attractive 23 year old when you met him, I bet you wouldn't even have taken a second glance at him, let alone marrying him if you know what I mean..

 

You think this doesn't happen all the time?

 

I'll have to tell the newlyweds down the street that they are a figment of my imagination

[PinkInTheLimo]

Many women make it all "too easy" for the guys.

Their love and their sexuality are the "prizes" yet it's given away at a cheap cost.

 

Floridaman, if you see sexuality as something you have to pay a price for, then don't be surprised you get so little sex in your marriage.

In my view sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship between adults who love each other, a way of enjoying each other, not something you have to try to "get" from each other.

 

As for the guys who don't marry the sexy girl but the one who looks like a good mother for their future children, I'd like to know how many of them are later stuck in a boring and sexless marriage.

 

A relationship is a process and each relationship has its own rhythm and dynamic. Marriage should not be a goal in itself. You don't have to be married to have a committed relationship, I know a lot of people who are living together for years and have a very strong relationship. These are often people who have been divorced and/or are older and don't feel the need to be married at all costs. Some of these couples do marry at some point, even after they have been 10 years or more together, and then the marriage is a celebration of the love they have already shared.

There is a big difference between just dating each other and buying a house together and having kids together. These are serious commitments with or without marriage.

 

I am not a man but I can imagine how this "he should have proposed to me by now" must be extremely irritating for a man because it must make him wonder whether his girlfriend just wants a husband or wants him for what he is. In any case, why should this always be done in the form of a man proposing to his girlfriend. Why can't it be a decision people take together?

Don't get me wrong, I would also prefer to marry rather than just live together with someone. But I would only want to do it if I have known this person long enough to have the feeling that I really can trust him.

 

Not being married does not mean you are a failure. Women who are financially independent can afford to be picky because we don't need marriage to survive in life.

[Quiet Storm]

Yeah right. Marriage had never been and will never be about love for women. Only naive men buy that crap.

 

 

 

I didn't marry my husband for money. We were high school sweethearts. Neither of us had any money.

 

I married him for love and twenty years later I wouldn't change a thing.

[stillafool]

Getting married is what idiotic men do.

 

You risk your hard-earned lifetime wealth and you give up your freedom to explore other women for the rest of your life.

 

Yes and from the sound of that article women are idiots for wanting to get married also. The article also makes it seem that women are dying to get married when just as many men these days want to marry and have kids. I truly hope all of these stupid double standards go away now that women can take care of themselves. Really? Who needs marriage anyway these days.

[Woggle]

Yes and from the sound of that article women are idiots for wanting to get married also. The article also makes it seem that women are dying to get married when just as many men these days want to marry and have kids. I truly hope all of these stupid double standards go away now that women can take care of themselves. Really? Who needs marriage anyway these days.

 

You got married so it seems that you need it as well.

[Floridaman]

No, don't just "give it away" so soon and so easily.

 

Let the other "earn it," whether that means living together (which I don't recommend) or getting engaged.

 

Never lived with anyone and didn't want to with anyone nor my future wife.

Didn't ask her to move-in with me and she as a traditional "Good Girl" woman wouldn't have had it had I asked.

 

Just seems some women foolishly think giving in that way, moving in together without any kind of commitment, will lead to engagement when if that's what she wanted, should have talked about that -- and making her feelings clear on that issue -- before moving in.

 

Being "not so easy" in that area shows some independence, as men often want what they can't have.

Included entire quote for context.

Floridaman, if you see sexuality as something you have to pay a price for, then don't be surprised you get so little sex in your marriage.

Was a figure of speech.

Women too often make it "too easy" as I posted, like in the back seat of your car.

Yes, talkin' from experience here.

 

I don't like how you threw up the state of my marriage here.

 

In my view sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship between adults who love each other, a way of enjoying each other, not something you have to try to "get" from each other.

Of course.

 

 

"Don't give it away so easily.....or make him earn it"

 

So it's all about the woman, like she's some coveted prize? And men must acquiesce according to the parameters of a woman's game plan? Again, that's where the disingenuous part of a relationship comes into play, the part where you're manipulating someone into doing this your way or the highway.

 

This whole thing doesn't pass the smell test. Think about it.....if tying the knot really is the natural progression, or pinnacle of self actualization from a relationship standpoint, then it wouldn't be so hard. But in reality, it involves ultimatums, cajoling, veiled threats of leaving, counseling, etc. Don't you all get it? Things that are meant to be shouldn't be that hard.

 

My future wife & did didn't start ML until about 4 mos., which was fast enough for me.

Had gotten too sexual too soon with some "easy" gals and know that can kill a relationship. So didn't want that to happen here with a woman I saw a future with.

[Floridaman]

So are you saying don't offer love and sex before marriage? Or just don't cohabit?

No, not sayin' don't have sex before marriage, as I know that's gonna happen and I had sex before marriage.

But the woman I dated and married set her boundaries on "living together," which I didn't want either.

 

Cohabiting isn't great and as the article notes, won't necessarily lead to marriage, like the women futiley hope.

[stillafool]

You got married so it seems that you need it as well.

 

I've been married along time. It seems now-a-days society is so hard on women. Maybe if I were a younger woman and never married I may not consider it anymore.

[Woggle]

I've been married along time. It seems now-a-days society is so hard on women. Maybe if I were a younger woman and never married I may not consider it anymore.

 

Do you regret doing it and would you marry him again?

[stillafool]

Of course. Men like my hubby are rare.

[Woggle]

Of course. Men like my hubby are rare.

 

Thanks. I always have this suspicion that most women for all the talk about commitment usually despise their husbands and regret marrying them. I am glad to see you are not one of them.

[stillafool]

No. I am his biggest fan!