Can anyone give me a good kick up the butt....

[smokey bear]

Right I know what i need to do.

 

If my ex ever came back im not in the place id like to be, if i met someone else im not in the place id like to be.

 

I need to get my act together.

 

I need to fling myself into work, im working enough to live, i should be working my ass off and spoiling myself, fixing my car and getting what i want while im single and dont have bills.

 

I have never been a needy chick, guess what im now a needy chick, how did i lose this how do i get rid of it.

 

Honestly i have always had 100% control over my emotions and now ive lost it, this is my whole problem... where did my mental strength go and how do i get it back. Anyone that comment on this would help me greatly to figure out why ive lost that mental strength.

 

 

IM LOOKING FOR TOUGH LOVE GUYS.

 

Read through my posts and tell me your honest opinions.

 

Im looking for words of strength of advice, i dont want hope, i dont want get back together talk, i want to hear get back together with me, love me, be me.

 

What helped you find yourself, is their anything that can help build my mental strength. Quotes and phrases about the bad points of living in the past. Techniques, forums, articles that helped you move on and let go.

 

Come on guys i need a kick up the butt, I know what i need to do i just need that kick out the front door. I think i also need to hear some horrible home truths.

 

Thanks

[Gdunkman]

I feel your pain smokey, I've been through this a year ago, completely lost, with no idea when I was going to get back to my normal life. You might notice that I've just experienced another breakup with the same girl, but this time it was way more simple, even though I have some emotional roller coaster, but it can't be compared to the one I had last year.

 

Last year I read How to survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams and followed all the steps described in the book. As far as I remember I read it twice, but started to feel much better after the first time. Besides the book I went NC with my ex, broke it several times, and I know I would move on faster if I didn't break it.

 

Additional help was reading and posting on LS and support from my friends.

Edited November 24, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[smokey bear]

Well we keep breaking nc and i know its what is setting me back, i get to about 4 days and start to feel great and then he txts or pops into somewhere i am.

 

I asked him how he feels, he just wants to be single.

 

Won't say that we will never get back together etc so now i need to give him and me some tough love and ignore him if he breaks nc again.

 

I just want to move forward now, i was for the last 1.5 months but now he's so frequently in my life its just stopped my process.

 

Now i have to stop hanging around with certain friends etc because the breaking nc is killing me.

 

I need to heal, i need to move on.

[smudge21]

When you find that magical kick up the butt that moves you on and heals you, then please pass it on.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, there is no real motivation to get you moving other than what you already have locked away inside yourself. Sadly, the key is still in your ex's pocket! I'm the same - good days, bad days.. they just go on and on and on. I'm sick of it. Really having a low period this week and just staying busy, but she's there, in my mind so much. Dammit!!!

 

You know what you need to do, it's actually doing it that's the hard part, and sticking to it. It's so easy to have a thought about the ex slip into ones mind or heart, then that single memory can set us back so far. All we can do though is accept the pain, deal with it when it comes, and be happy when it passes. Eventually it has to go for good, but there's nothing that can force it out.

 

I think the fact you know you need a kick up the butt is a good sign. Getting angry with yourself for feeling this way. Wanting so much to move on and heal. Feeling frustrated every single day that you can't. Just do whatever it takes to keep focused, and I mean whatever it takes. Whatever makes YOU happy, do it. Eventually you'll feel better, we all will.

[smokey bear]

Thats the funny thing smudge, I am happy, i can laugh and smile and go out and enjoy things etc.

 

My life is moving on, its just my healing thats not?????????????

 

I think the hardest part is that he's single right now, if he was seeing someone else exclusively it would put the nail in the coffin i think,

 

Acceptance and indifference is what i need, but its also not what i want because when that day comes i know i won't go back.

 

How the hell can i be so confused, im the dumpee!!!!!!!

 

This sucks, ill be glad the day its all over xx

[Rory12345]

smokey bear,

 

I don't know your story but I can tell you that n you need to kick yourself up the butt. It's all about you. Do things you want to do that you never have done, find a new passion or a new hobby. All us loveshacker's could sit here and tell you stuff till the cows come home but it won't give you the result you are looking for. My advice is to stop thinking negatively! Why cause more negativity in your life than there already is. Try to let go and just move on. It's easy to say it but I have managed to do it and so can you!

 

Regards,

 

Rory

[lymtal1]

sb,

 

no disrespect but you are your own worst enemy. the fact that you keep breaking no contact is what is setting you back. and the reality is this is in your control. is it easy? no. is it fun? no. can it be done? yes. but it takes some intestinal fortitude to make it happen. what you need to do is decide how long you want to be in pain.

 

go ahead, put a date on your calendar. then each day wake up and look at the calendar and tell yourself this will be another day of pain. then tell yourself why. say it is because i am not willing to do what i have to do to heal and move on. i want to continue on this same path for as long as i can because i know that i can't face what i need to do. tell youself that you are ok with someone else controling your emotions, your life, your ability to get what you want in life. then look in the mirror and see if you like what you see. if you see a person that has given up the strength she used to have to someone then you would be right. look hard. then ask how long are you going to let this go on. do it every day that you let them run your life.

 

then go make a list of everthing that you are letting someone stop you from doing. like getting in a good place financially, exploring new venues, learning, about yourself and potiential. making new friends, reconnecting with family. doing volunteer work. you fill out the rest, you will know what you are missing out on because i am sure you have thought about it.

 

you know what you need to do. get a plan together. write it down. start with how to achieve at n/c. change your number. block them from all social media. cut off mutual friends because right now it is about you gaining control of your life. quit making excuses and do it. we can't do it for you. then go out and read "getting past your break-up" by susan elliott. it was helpful. gives you plenty of thoughts, so use the ones that make sense.

 

you can do this, you have to. you don't want to be sitting here in 3, 6, 9, 12 months going where has my life gone and why am i letting someone run it for me. especially when they are not in it.

 

no one but you are responsible for your happiness. but we'll help. i wish you much luck.

[smokey bear]

Thanks guys, tough love definately works best for me so keep it coming.

 

Ive been here before, on the point of acceptance and moving on and the sucker reeled me back in.

 

He breaks NC 3/4 times im just the stupid fool that replies. Today i broke it though and i needed to. To give myself a kick up the butt.

 

Onwards and upwards!!!!!!!!!!