smokey bear Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I can't start a journal for some reason so this im my wee nc post, to help myself. NC day 1 I can't believe its back to day 1. He breaks it as much as i do, now we don't even do the whole "goodbye forever, take care " thing. So i need to enforce it, really inforce it. Time to change my number and distance myself from the places we bump into each other. He knows he still has me, after all this time. Its sick. Im sick of the whole situation, before i was trying to be patient with his "i dont know what i want", now i just think its never going to happen. I know its on him, i know he needs to figure it out himself but its hard when you cared for someone so long not to help them along in life. But there is nothing i can do, all i can do i look out for number one and the best for number 1 is to go nc and heal. They say it takes 21-30 days to beat an addiction, im going to do it. Its nothing and well within my reach, im more than capable of this. What would i say to him if i could, You'll get through this, its frustrating but so enjoyable at the same time but one it does die it hits you like a ton of bricks. You won't know it till it does and you wont look back and reflect until it does, but its a great experience and you learn what you want in life. You dont find yourself but you do realise what you want, after that you take steps to find yourself. I was capable of doing the last few steps with you, I don't know if you'll do the same. You don't feel love for anyone, not even yourself, I hope when it comes back the love for me does too, I hope more that its not too late. Your fighting yourself, why can you not just execpt yourself as you are and just try to do things that compromise with others lifes. You hide and you run, you always have but normally you do face up to the feelings, emotions and actions. This time is just taking longer. You've done a complete 180, that's how i know your not yourself, people dont change, their core person doesn't change, we just put boundaries in postion to change our life and how others treat us. What your eperiencing just now can't be the true you, it isnt, ive known you too long to be happy with the person you are now. You even tell me yourself, your not happy. Why do you keep talking to me, are you addicted to me as much as im addicted to you. Keep your chin up xxx Link to post Share on other sites
AlexisMacabre Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 i have something similar to this, my ex and i have been together for 4 years and have a son together and well he left me for the 3rd time already out of no where this time but, we had become friends, he breaks contact or i do plus we have a son so there is reason but he can just call his mother if he needs to ask but we were friends since friday and it all ended yesterday out of some kind of rage he had, it sucks but i need to forget him and get over this addiction also. it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 It does suck but only if you let it. NC day 2. Didnt think about him once untill 11pm, woopeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! Great day, go me..... Bet this good feeling doesnt last long, 6 days i give it lol. Hey at least im realistic Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 p.s good night everyone xxx sleep tight Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 Day 3, another good day, only thought of him when i stopped at 8pm, its wore off now. Dont think ill keep this nc journal up long, i reckon soon ill stop counting the days. Nc is good, has helped me a lot of times i just need to stick to 100% this time. Onwards and upwards. Take care LSers Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 day 4 dreamt about him last night, felt good all day then really bad in the evening, the anxiety is back. There are always hard parts to nc, roll on the good parts lol. Ill be glad when this is all over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Day 6 He broke contact today, asking questions about our joint property. It annoys me that dumpers have no respect for nc, he just breaks it when he wants. Ive asked him to delete my number. Ill be changing mine shortly. He sends kisses on his txts, why.... cause he wants something thats it, thats all we are good for, fall backs. Good point, no bitterness or badness. Bad points, only wants help. The thing i struggle with nc, is not responding. Its easy not to break nc but not easy not to talk back when its broke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Day 1 again, this is the easy part. I will not reply next time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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