OM's wife contacted me

[Untouchable_Fire]

I'm sorry, but it really sounds to me like she can take you to the cleaners in a divorce. She contributes very little, but will be entitled to over 1/2 of everything.

 

Tell me if this sounds like an interesting idea. It sounds like she wants to reconcile, but I think you need to test her. Draft up divorce papers that give you everything that you want... with no spousal support and you retaining all assets you want. Then tell her to sign the divorce papers and if things work out you two can get remarried. This way SHE has to TRUST you!!!

 

I believe she will refuse to trust you.... and that will tell you what you need to know.

[2sunny]

So - from what your W says - when you are working hard to provide a good life for her - she's gonna get busy cheating and feel entitled to it?

 

That's crazy!

 

It's hers. She should own her bad behavior.

 

You have some great boundaries set in place but I worry about her moving in ur place for free... She may never move!

 

Also, have her work full time! She obviously has too much free time to find trouble.

 

Contact with the MM's wide should stop now. And understand you are getting any "real truth" from your wife... She is minimizing her participation.

[jnj express]

You say you still love this woman, this woman is not the woman you married---she passed on in may. She became another person, when she decided that for some cheap, meaningless sex, that came from mystery and excitement---she knowingly, murdered your mge., stabbed you in the heart, took away your carefree life, and destroyed your peace of mind----she also left you her legacy----no matter what YOU WILL NEVER TRUST A WOMAN AGAIN----you may in the future, should you D., (and i certainly don't know why you wouldn't) you may meet a wonderful loving woman, but because of this woman you are married to-------you will still not trust her as you might have before all of this

 

You may not get taken as badly as some say----a good atty., can do wonders, even tho the codes are pretty cut and dry

 

This woman, treated you like a POS, no matter what you wanna think----she knowingly, and happily gave herself to another man, and allowed him to go, where only you by sacred vow, belong.----She could care less about you, as she came home night after night looked you in the eye, and said everything was good, even as you were relegated to sloppy 2nds

 

To top off how little she thinks of you, on one of the greatest of FAMILY holidays, Thanksgiving, what does she do, she connives, manipulates, and plans to make sure she is with her LOVER for the holiday, and not with her loving caring H.----How do you even contemplate looking at her, much less touching her, or talking to her.

 

Why are you giving her a break, she didn't do the same for you----she was gonna continue giving herself to her lover, for who knows how long---and she was never gonna tell you her dirty, dark, little secret-----your mge., would have been a lie till you went to your grave

 

Yes you will do what you want---but remember, this woman who falsely begs to be with you, and claims love---she is not the woman you married---she doesn't love you---for one who loves another, could never do to you, what she has done to you!!!!!!!!

[findingnemo]

I don't think she lied that much. The only thing she said that is untrue is that she's in love with you. Oh yes, and that she suspected you had a A.

 

The rest is probably true. It is quite hard for people to lie effectively and when caught off guard, will tell you what they are thinking. Don't ignore what she's said. If you take what she said at face value, then you can't stay with her. She has openly admitted to wanting to continue til January and then stop to have kids. Where's the lie? She is clear about what she is and how much she values you. Zero. She just wants you to be her provider and the father of her kids while she gets sex outside the M.

 

If you choose to believe she's lying, you will end up discounting her reasons for doing this. It won't help you because IMO you'll be ignoring the fact that she herself has told you in many many words that she doesn't really love you.

 

Why put her up in your condo? Throw her out. Tell her to go find her man and have kids with him in January. You can take as long as you want to begin the D process as you are distraught. But please, acknowledge what she's said to you so far. Don't even let her start explaining some more because with time she will figure out how to take back most of the things she said. Thank God that she failed to lie effectively and use what she said to make a decision. Thank God that she didnt have time to come up with a flowery story to make you doubt what you know. She actually confirmed to you what you suspected and went further by telling you her plans. Apart from saying she's in love with you, everything else she said negates that statement.

 

Run now. Even if you decide to reconcile, what she said to you will be hard to get over.

[jnj express]

She has to be pretty naieve---to not have figured out something was becoming very wrong---when ultra didn't answer her texts

 

What H., would not answer any texts whatsoever---she had to know something was up, so she came home early---she was worried, and I think deep down, she knew her sexcapade was over, and yes I am surprised, she wansn't better prepared with a cover story, for what she was doing.

 

It is a shame, for ultra---that he has a woman, for a wife---that thinks so little of him, as to think she could just have her cheap meaningless sex, have her little excitement, and mystery, and figure she would never be caught

 

In all actuality if it wasn't for sandra---she wouldn't have been caught

 

What is sad is that, as I said before----on one of the main FAMILY holidays---thanksgiving---she thought so little of her H., that she didn't even wanna be with him, preferring to be with her lover---It leads me to wonder, about her statement about cheap meaningless sex---if the sex, was nothing, then why would she wanna be with her lover on Thanksgiving, when if she really loved Ultra---she would have wanted to be with him, but her actions show differently, what does she really have with her lover????

 

As to ending her A., she never said Jan., yes she said the end of the year, or until she could get her H., to start working on a baby---but she might have decided, she liked her cheap meaningless sex, so much, that she might just have kept on taking her lover inside of her----who knows

 

All any of us knows for sure---this woman, as was stated above---really is a piece of work---an evil piece of work---who was just so willing to destroy her H., and what for, mystery, excitement, cheap, meaningless sex

 

I hope Ultra. figures it all out----this is not someone to continue on with, she really could care less, no matter what she says---her actions speak way louder----if he stays---he will always be looking over his shoulder, wondering, what she is doing for excitement???????

[stillafool]

 

She has no desire to let me go and leave me for him?

 

Of course not, who would support her financially?

 

She doesn't seem to know why she even started it in the first place?

 

But yet she said she did it for the sex. She sure needs a lot of it.

 

She did break down crying and was all over me with hugs and actually TRIED to kiss me. Broke my god damn heart to see her like that but I could not even get myself to respond and just kept pushing her back.

 

She was sorry she got caught and turned on the tears. Don't let your heart be broken over this as it was only an act.

 

 

A few of her "reasons" were, I had been working alot of hours and not alot of time between us? I only started the extra hours in September until first week of December. ( OH YA, this affair was not 3 months or so long, they were sleeping together in MAY.......MAY )This does not compute with me

at all.

 

So you know she was lying about the above, right? Did she ever come to you and say you are working too many hours and we need time for us? Probably not because those extra hours you were working was giving her more to screw the other man in your bed.

 

She also said that she thought I was having an affair on her with a woman in my downtown office who was there as a subcontract administrator for 10 weeks??? WTF, I asked her what proof she had of this and she said none. It was only a thought?

 

Again, this is a lie and I hope you realize it. She is blame shifting.

 

I asked her if she was ever going to tell me and she said NEVER. There affair was going to stop in the new year ( LUCKY ME ) when we were going to start to try for children, which she really wants.

 

She had no intention of stopping and if she became pregnant by the OM she would pass the kid off as yours. One thing was the truth and that is she never planned to tell you about this affair. I wouldn't be surprised if she has had more.

 

I asked her why I wasn't good enough overall?

She says " You are more than good enough" but she wanted something "exciting and mysterious"

 

This tells you exactly what she is - a whore. You are more than good enough but she still wants something exciting and mysterious?

 

She never said ANYTHING to me about problems we were having.

 

Of course not; but yet she thought you were cheating and working too many hours. She is a liar and has probably been lying to you for years.

 

 

We talk everyday together, she says im a " BEAST in BED" so I know that wasn't it? She tells you this and then says this:

I feel worse about everything now, she says he meant nothing to her emotionally that it was only "Sex"

 

So if you were really a "beast in bed" why would she need more sex from another man?

 

My wife never wanted me to find this out because she is " in love" with me.

 

Don't believe it for one minute. Women who are in love with their husbands do not cheat and they certain wouldn't f--k another man in their husband's bed. Your wife has no morals or decency at all and I certainly wouldn't let her raise my hampster much less any children.

Edited November 28, 2011 by stillafool

[Ultraman]

Morning guys, a new week begins

 

Had some more thoughts and discussions last night.

 

Looks like Sandra's Hubby is out of the house as of this evening. She is adamant about a divorce ASAP and on the surface at least, seems to be handling it disturbingly well? As for myself, that heavy drenched feeling just sinking into me physically. sandra and i were up late last night surfing together reading other forums and infidelity problems trying to understand all of this.

A lot of different endings to some pretty ****ty stories out there.

 

I believe there is still apart of me that thinks this can all go away if I try to reconcile? However a part of me is very weary about it. My heart is telling me one thing BUT my brain says something completely different.

I think my heart was the thing that blinded me a bit to all of this. I may have a long road ahead of me but MAYBE NOT.

 

Today, seems a different to me probably because I finally confronted my wife and now am a little more clear as to what is going on.

 

My wife is coming over tonight for a talk so i am trying to think of questions that i need some answers to.

 

Some one mentioned in a post here earlier about Sandra's intentions toward me? Didn't think any thing about it until last night. I think she MAY have been trying to get a reaction out of me. Questions like " Do you think you need to get back at her, maybe even the score somehow?" then asking me if I would like a back rub and neck rub, things like that? I don't think she meant anything by it but then again I had NO IDEA about my wife's extra circular activities as of late so who knows? I really believe she just wants me a s a friend and we are coping together which is a good thing in my book.I told her " I have no intentions of sleeping with anyone because my mind is mush" She totally understands and apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable in any way. She seems really genuine to me! NICE LADY!

 

For some reason I really don't think this will RUIN me. I pretty much know say 95%, that I do NOT want to fix my marriage. I have no desire to see a MC but one on one time with my therapist will do me some good. I truly believe that this will make me a better person in THE LONG RUN because it's just another experience to learn from...Optimism I guess?

 

As far as 'Paying for her affair" , don't think thats the case. my wife has sent me about 20 or so texts, have not answered any yet. things may be a little rough for her but I think I may help her out if she wishes.

I can honestly say that i do NOT hate her, i am just very upset about all of this and think maybe she is too. However sandra was telling me to expect her husband to be contacting her for maybe a place to stay. AKA my Complex and I really hope my wife says NO. I may show me maybe she is at least a little sorry for her actions?

If I DO find out, I may not be SO NICE after all. Again HER CHOICE!

 

A little bit of anger might help me out in the long run, more of a defense mechanism maybe?

 

Have an appointment with my lawyer and my father today ( Lawyer is a family friend of my fathers, Great Guy ). Don't think my wife will be getting half if divorce papers are served, so I have been told.

 

Just going to take it day by day for this week, i will post more times and thanks again for the replies.

 

will update this evening after i talk to my wife, thanks again

[Chi townD]

.

 

 

Some one mentioned in a post here earlier about Sandra's intentions toward me? Didn't think any thing about it until last night. I think she MAY have been trying to get a reaction out of me. Questions like " Do you think you need to get back at her, maybe even the score somehow?" then asking me if I would like a back rub and neck rub, things like that? I don't think she meant anything by it but then again I had NO IDEA about my wife's extra circular activities as of late so who knows? I really believe she just wants me a s a friend and we are coping together which is a good thing in my book.I told her " I have no intentions of sleeping with anyone because my mind is mush" She totally understands and apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable in any way. She seems really genuine to me! NICE LADY!

 

Might be two pronged with her. One, sleeping with you as a revenge thing. Number two (which I'm leaning towards) she was looking to get with you for solace, She knows that she's the one that torn your world upside down and she wants to do anything to lessen the pain that you're feeling. You're hurting and she's hurting too. She wants to feel less pain in her life and connect with someone that knows her pain because you're going through it as well. She could be looking for a breif moment to get away from the reality that is her life and feel something other than pain, anger and sadness. To feel a man's body holding her and giving her the warmth and security again even if it's fleeting.

 

But, the reality of it, is that it's only temporary and it doesn't solve anything. Afterwards, you two would be right back to where you started from and may regret what you've done. So, smart move on keeping a level head and staying the course.

[2sunny]

I can't see anything useful in further contact with Sandra. You have enough chaos of your own without her drama as well.

 

Is she planning to divorce?

 

Since your W is in your rental property now - she COULD move her OM in, she could also take on other paying renters. She could do whatever she wants there. And when she does, it will take many months to remove her - and a boatload of money in legal fees to make her move.

 

She is capable of finding her own place to rent- its not your job to provide your cheating wife with a free ride through life.

 

She will take you for anything/everything you will give. Stop giving.

 

It's time for HER to work and provide for her own cheating, sorry a$$. No further need to keep giving... You could sell your soul trying to make her happy...don't do it.

 

Never settle!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Best of luck.....

 

You need to understand that you are lucky. The house is not in your names and there are no children.

 

She may just have been getting something out of her system and is completely lost. This is no excuse.

 

Start a fresh, worry about yourself, your business and your health. Date when ready, and if you want to date your wife again, go ahead.

 

There are no easy answers.

[silktricks]

Best of luck.....

 

You need to understand that you are lucky. The house is not in your names and there are no children.

 

She may just have been getting something out of her system and is completely lost. This is no excuse.

 

Start a fresh, worry about yourself, your business and your health. Date when ready, and if you want to date your wife again, go ahead.

 

There are no easy answers.

 

The only thing I disagree with in this post is the lucky part. Not lucky, but out of a bunch of bad stuff there is some stuff that will help be not so bad in the long run. Especially the no children part.

 

You'll be fine. Take care of yourself, not her. She has proved that she doesn't deserve it. As stated, there are no easy answers, but whatever answers you find need to be good ones for you. Take your time to find them.

[Richard Friedman]

If you take her back you must be a masochist. Don't you believe you deserve better than a wife who thinks so little of her marriage she'd **** on it like that, by bringing this guy into your bedroom. And she wasn't even planning on telling you.. And if you let her move this guy into that condo you are a disgrace. I mean, you might not respect yourself but at least have some for your parents(it's their property, correct?). Do NOT let these degenerates take advantage of their hard work for one more second. Seriously man,your siblings seem to have some sense of pride. Why not you? Even this Sandra has more standards for what she accepts in her life.

 

P.S. I'd say go ahead and bone sandra. It wont make up for her husband nailing your wife in your bed, but youll get some self-respect back.

Edited November 28, 2011 by Richard Friedman

[jnj express]

You and your wife, are gonna talk tonight

 

She now, has ONE AGENDA---to get back into your good graces

 

She KNOWS, if you D. her, her life, even with some initial settlement money, is gonna be very tuff.

 

She will have to work, one maybe two jobs, just to make ends meet---she will now have to pay for her own vehicle, gas, insurance, repairs, her own medical, her own rent, her own utilities, clothing, food, necessities---LIFE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD TO HER RIGHT NOW

 

As for men--maybe she would hook up with the scum, that helped destroy everyone's life---but I kind of doubt, he is much better than her, as a worthwhile companion, as he blew up his own mge.

 

Your wife also knows---there arn't such good pickings out there---scummy guys, who want sex only, who want to live off the woman, guys who are druggies, criminals, crazies----there is nothing out there like YOU, AND SHE KNOWS IT----She is gonna do what she can to get you to take her back

 

Taking her back, what would that be like for you----No Trust, always looking over your shoulder, always wondering what she is doing, if she is not on her regular schedule, always checking to see who she talks to---being a PAROLE OFFICER---is that what you envision as your future

 

If you stay with her---SHE will trigger your sub-conscious, with visions, that will come at you at all times,

 

This is completely new to you---you will hit all the normal stages in time---you can read about your future, in all the other threads, as I am sure, you have already done

 

You probably now face a childless mge., with this woman, as why would you tie yourself, to someone, like her, who really thinks at times, you are nothing but a POS, as in her actions toward you---why would you tie yourself to her with a child.----On top of that, even if you knew it was more than likely yours, because of what she has done, doubt will always be there, that she went out and had sex with someone else, at the same time----FOR YOU SEE, YOUR WIFE IS A MASTER OF DECIET, OF CONNIVING, OF MANIPULATION---for lets be straight up about her---she cheated on you for 6 months, and you KNEW NOTHING---she knows how to cheat and get away with it

 

She is not someone to spend the rest of your days here on earth, with.

[nofool4u]

Hello, I am new here and was told that i might be able to get some advice from others.

 

Need it bad..

 

I am 32 and my wife is 33. I had absolutely no idea what was going on until 2 Saturdays ago when a woman came to my place out of the blue. She tells me that she knows whats going on and is disgusted with me about allowing my wife of 4 years to sleep around as we apparently have an " open marriage ".

 

If this is true, then we can stop right here. You have no basis to complain or confront your wife about anything.

 

Either you let your spouse F other people, or you don't. You open up your marriage, you take what comes your way.

 

And if you don't have an open marriage, then my apologies. Its not real clear.

 

 

Now if this open marriage is what the OM told his wife, and you do not in fact have an open marriage, then for god's sake, DO NOT have children with this woman.

Edited November 28, 2011 by nofool4u

[Untouchable_Fire]

I can't see anything useful in further contact with Sandra. You have enough chaos of your own without her drama as well.

 

Is she planning to divorce?

 

Uh... I can think of a reason for further contact. How attractive is she?

 

OP's wife is most likely going to take that rental property in the divorce anyway.

[Ultraman]

Good afternoon guys, bout and on the phone all morning.

Things look a little more bearable now. financially anyway...

 

was at lawyers office with the old man, the House is definitely not being split up. Legally speaking it does not even belong to me! My Father has complete control over property ownership and a judge cannot award her any of it EVEN if he/she wanted too! something to do with equity ownership through process of primary business capital?

Plus my company was mine before I knew her and she HAD signed a rock solid commercial pre nup through the states private ownership contractual agreement.

 

My attorney said that in 27 years in practice he has NEVER seen a spouse receive even a quarter of a business ownership awarded with one of these contracts in place. Lucky me, Its about time!!!!

 

Plus I found out that Infidelity DOES PLAY A BIG PART in a judges decision regarding these matters...and I DO have PROOF and a witness. Do not want this to come to that however...

 

So I am feeling a little better about that I guess?

 

As far as the condo is concerned. I am only an investor. Tina ( sister ) is has full ownership of all 3 pieces legally. How much of a silent investor is not the courts jurisdiction of due process in divorce court, only business and contract law. This is what i have been told.

Besides, my wife has to be out by the 4th on December because it has been sold as of September and the new tenants take ownership as of the 5th. Sister and father confirmed this today, wish i had known about it before letting the wife stay there.---OR MAYBE NOT---

 

Anyway, i remember reading a post about the "open marriage" aspect I mentioned in my first post. Sandra thought that an OPEN marriage meant an affair of any kind? I had too correct her on that and she understood. I know what an open marriage is thats why i called bat **** her when she asked me. hope that clears that up.

 

Just thought I would bring u folks up to date with whats going on, not that your interested but I will say this......

 

I have realized in only a few short weeks that I KNOW AND FULLY UNDERSTAND that I will never HATE my wife even after we go our separate ways. I am still young and decides that hate will only bring me down upon myself. It will be along time till I get over this and UNDERSTAND it completely I just hope that my wife does forgive herself and myself for this terrible chapter and we can both get past this.

 

She is coming over tonight to talk, but still don't know what to say or ask to be more precise?

 

Any ideas would be great and thanks again to everyone, My sister was right about some of you and your ideas.

 

THANKS AGAIN be back later

[Untouchable_Fire]

 

My attorney said that in 27 years in practice he has NEVER seen a spouse receive even a quarter of a business ownership awarded with one of these contracts in place. Lucky me, Its about time!!!!

 

I know this doesn't make you feel too much better about everything right now... but it will limit the trauma of the experience long term.

 

It's good that you don't hate her...

[jnj express]

What can she say---she chose another man over you, and she would still be with him, had the karma bus not come rolling along

 

There is nothing she can say, and no excuse for her to give---she knew what she had done/is doing, and willing kept doing it

 

What you have to decide---is---what do you want for the rest of your life

 

Just listen to her---don't say anything, let her say her piece---tell her to leave---then think about what is BEST for your future---take all the time you need

[whichwayisup]

I still think you need to tread carefully when it comes to Sandra. Her best interest may not be at heart for you, sure she's given you support and together you two have talked about your spouses' A, but, she, at the end of the day, isn't your 'buddy' or true friend. Fact that she even considering a revenge A and made a move on you, tells me she isn't thinking clearly either. You are vunerable and the last thing you need in your life is her messing with you, even if it to screw over her own husband (and your wife) out of spite.

 

Focus on what's in front of you, deal with this crap mess your wife handed to you.. Lean on friends and family, NOT Sandra. I'm telling you, she isn't that trustworthy. Just the way you post about her and the feeling I get overall, she isn't someone you want to rely on too much.

 

As for your wife, so far the remorse level and how she's acting/reacting shows she's no where ready to be forgiven, to be given a second chance to work things out. She's f..cked up big time.

 

Hope tonights talk goes well but don't be fooled by her tears or hysteria reaction/emotions. She is far from level headed to have a calm and open/honest talk with you. She's in blame mode and desparation mode, which doesn't make this easy for you.

[whichwayisup]

She is coming over tonight to talk, but still don't know what to say or ask to be more precise?

 

Be honest. Speak from your heart and speak your mind..You have absolutely nothing to lose by doing this.

Fact is, everything is so fresh and new, there's no rush to push a divorce or to fix anything.. You need time to adjust and think with the help of counseling. If you divorce, you want it easy and fast.

Respect has to be there, on both sides and I HOPE your wife is sensible enough to realize she has no choice now but to come clean and be honest about everything and she also must know that she doesn't call the shots (anymore).

 

One thing, be adament about the space thing, she isn't to push you or try to manipulate you in any way. Make it clear that she ruined ALL your trust and faith, that is gone.

She needs to own everything and not put the blame on you. Or accuse you of cheating when that isn't true. All that does is make her look like an idiot and irresponsible.

 

Any ideas would be great and thanks again to everyone, My sister was right about some of you and your ideas.

 

Hmm, who's your sister? *you knew someone was gonna ask, eh! *

[Mr_Confused]

I've been watching this thread with great interest.

 

Self confessed cheater here - can read my threads if you care to....

 

Not here to debate my actions, but did want to offer food for thought.

 

My wife and I have not had sex for ~5 years, we are married essentially in no way other than legally, we co-exist and parent our child. We are friends but not lovers, we do very little together as a couple, essentially nothing not related to our child or in the general operation of the home. My wife discovered my affair and showed little concern. I have reason to believe she is in an affair as well - I really don't much care. Not a good situation. But enough about me....just providing background for perspective sake because one thing stood out to me in your post I wanted to comment on:

 

Despite all of my marital issues, despite the lack of love, despite who may be doing what with whom, one thing I never did - although a readily available option, was bring anyone into the marital home - and more specifically the bed. I know it sounds crazy, but despite it EVERYTHING wrong in our marriage, it is a total lack of any respect to disregard the home a couple shares and the bed they lay in to conduct an affair. It to me shows a lack of respect at the highest level. IT also says a lot about who she is sleeping with.

 

Sorry to fan the flames.....but seriously....as someone in an affair....don't dismiss this. It shows total lack of remorse or consideration at the most basic level.

[stillafool]

Sorry to fan the flames.....but seriously....as someone in an affair....don't dismiss this. It shows total lack of remorse or consideration at the most basic level.

 

I agree. His wife doesn't deserve to come over to have a "talk". She should not be allowed back in the home.

[2sunny]

She's not sorry - she's only sorry she got caught... Big difference!!!

[Ultraman]

Afternoon, what an evening!

 

Had a long talk with the wife last night.

 

Nothing resolved inside myself anyway. I somewhat believe her when she feels bad because she had a very hard time even looking at me. A lot of things were said that I am trying to understand and she says she knows how I am feeling but I doubt she does.

 

She tells me she has not talked to the OM since they returned and really can't function in her day to day routines, I know that feeling all to well!

 

She would like to tell me everything thats happened but I say I really don't need to know. She did say that nothing happened in our bedroom but just the fact it was in my house is bad enough for me.

 

Was reading other posts about that and it seems that even some cheating liars agree thats pretty low, go figure!

She says it only happened once in our house in sitting room upstairs, like thats supposed to make me feel better and that she " didn't even climax "

What ever the **** that means???

 

She did ask if I was seeing someone else ( Like that matters ) and this is where I caught her on something. She said no contact but got a text from the other man, which she showed me but did not respond to. Asking her if I was seeing his wife more than just friends? thats why she asked and I said no. I did tell my wife that she had been here a few times and then I started getting grilled about it?

 

Personally I think she was trying to put blame on me but I stopped her dead in her tracks and told her what she did was a thousand times worse than her trying to get me to admit to something I HAVEN'T DONE.

Don't think I NEED TO PROVE ANYTHING to her.

 

Oh and I don't need any posts from others about having to explain myself to her in regards to other women because I have NOT ACCEPTED HER back in my life and frankly it WOULD NOT be any of HER business, period!!!

 

I know that I am a very forgiving and generous person overall and I DO Love my wife very much but everything with Councillors and therapists in order to SAVE the marriage is simply NOT in the equation for me at this time.

 

I was reading something about wandering spouses and the attitudes they have immediately after exposure and some seem to be true. Some thing called " Hysterical Bonding" which is hysterically funny to me was my wife crawling on top of me on the sofa like we were going to make out or something and her saying **** in my ear about how great I am and she " misses me between her legs" and my hands all over her. then it hit me right there. these were all things we were still saying to each other when i thought things were still good and had no idea why she strayed behind my back????????

 

maybe it was only sex, maybe it was only some dark sick fantasy of hers, maybe i should get past this and take her back and pretend it never happened or, maybe I should get rid of her all together and fly to mexico for a month to golf, and drink, and party? Which i will in march anyway.

 

She kept bringing up Sandra too me because she " worried " that we may end up doing something and that would, ready for this... ' Break my heart into a million pieces " WOW!!!

 

As far a Sandra is concerned, I most likely have lost the love of my life forever BUT maybe, just maybe I may have found a great friend in her.

It's like having a basket of 12 apples and you accidentally drop it in the river. you dive in to save them but only recover 5 of them. At least you recovered some of them. better than losing everything!

 

AND YES, SHE IS A VERY SEXY WOMAN. Her Husband is an IDIOT.

 

Told my wife to not expect anything more from the marriage for a while.

told her I am not filing for a divorce as of yet and that she can do what ever she wants without me in the picture.

 

I'm sure people will tell me that I should make a bunch of rules like, looing at her texts and emails, making sure there is NO contact between him and her, checking up on her every fifteen minutes and not allowing her to have a life? I am sure that a couple trying to " FIX" there marriage would consider this kind of life style BUT that is not where I am at the moment.

 

My wife is a big girl and I AM NOT a babysitter. If she truly wants to repair this mess then she has to prove it to herself before she can prove it to me.

 

Self integrity is the true core of any soldier on the battle field, without it, prepare for a folded flag and tears.

 

I however have no intention of fixing anything right now and I must accomplish a few mental tasks for myself and ONLY myself. I can say that people who hold on to this kind of hurt and despair just to throw it back when feeling down is a waste of self worth and only makes the wandering spouse feel worse, Hence I am not ready to reconcile ANYTHING IF EVER.

 

Well its show time for me, going to get fitted for a tux today for a wedding this Saturday and a girl friend of mine is my new date. Buddy said if I bring my wife, forget about coming all together and I'm in the wedding party, go figure!

 

going for him and his fiance and he's happy so I guess I am happy too.

 

hope there marriage stays stronger than mine did.

 

Peace out and will post later, thanx

[Lostinlife4now]

Ultraman! I like the way you think! You have really taken this and thought it out very carefully! I am proud of you!

 

Now go this weekend and have fun at the wedding. You deserve it....