OM's wife contacted me

[sadcalifornian]

The reason you don't feel the urge to ask for the details of her affair is you haven't decided to take her back yet. Some BS's grill WS for details regardless, but some like you detach their feelings so much so fast that they really don't feel the need.

 

This shows you have a very good self esteem and a strong character. However, if you do decide to try for R, you will go thru the period of interrogation mode with her at some point.

[jnj express]

Your wife seems to be doing what is necessary, on her part to attempt to get into a R. Whether she goes far enuff to satisfy you, is up to you.

 

Her attempt at dating you, is basically her attempting to raise a new mge., from the ashes of the old dead mge., that she has killed with her A.

 

You can play this any way you wish, but do not be too much mr. Nice--guy, too quickly, she still must know that she has to be completely accountable, for what she did, and that this whole situation won't eventually be slid under a rug.

 

By your quick harsh reaction to her A., she has been yanked out of her so-called fog---and she understands what everything is all about, and is trying to win you back by courting you----once again what you do about it is up to you, and also whether in the long run, down the road, you can live with her knowing what she has done, and what she has allowed to happen with other men.

 

It is YOUR sub-conscious that you will go to war with, and which will cause you to decide, what you want to do about all of this, when decision time for you does come into play!!!!!

[2long]

jnj is probably right. Time is on your side, and taking time 2 figure out what you want will be smart.

 

There is another possibility, however remote. She's pregnant? That's happened here before. Just be careful, in any case.

 

-ol' 2long

[2.50 a gallon]

Ultraman

 

For what it is worth

 

I caught my Ex kissing the OM and kicked her to the curb. Our apartment managers were a husband and wife team. When the wife went away for the weekend to be with her sick mother, the husband invited my Ex and her OM over to party and to rub the situation in my face.

 

I then had a revenge affair with the apartment managers wife, when she found out what her husband was doing

 

When my Ex found out about the RA, she then broke down and wanted to reconcile and threw the OM under the bus. For me it was over, even though I loved her. She was supposed to have been the mother of my family of children.

 

At the Ex's instance and I saw it as my chance to tell my side of the story, we attended one MC session, where I explained that though I still loved her, I felt that I could never trust her again, especaially to be the mother of my children, and that I was deteremined to move on in life with out the Ex.

 

The Ex was still not deterred and continued to try and reconcile for the next 3 to 4 years. She would show up unexpectedly where I worked, where I shopped for groceries, my bank, the hobby shop, always dressed to the nines, lots of leg and lots of cleavage.

 

She would occassionaly call to see if I had changed my mind, she sent B-Day. Valentines, and Xmass presents and cards. Thinking of you and Missing you cards, all of which I found to be disturbing

 

I never did remarry and never did have a family. But love did find me again and have happily been in a very loving relationship for over 16 years.

[2long]

You're really no better than your ex-wife or her OM. You chose to sleep with another mans wife simply because he invited your ex to a party, and she brought her OM. Can't have much sympathy for you. You probably have more issue than you realize and I doubt you were a victim in all of this

 

I don't know. For me, this explanation of his sitch helps me 2 understand better where he's coming from when he posts on LS. His story might also be useful 2 Ultraman, in helping him avoid making the mistake of having an RA himself. Sure, he could have done better years ago, perhaps. But it is what it is, and it sounds like he learned something from the experience.

 

-ol' 2long

[robf1971]

You're really no better than your ex-wife or her OM. You chose to sleep with another mans wife simply because he invited your ex to a party, and she brought her OM. Can't have much sympathy for you. You probably have more issue than you realize and I doubt you were a victim in all of this

 

Actually 2.50 per gallon acted like an alpha male, and his wife was attracted back to him. Good for him!!!

[robf1971]

Hello again, sorry for no posts all week. staying busy, preoccupied with some work, legal and, family related issues.

 

Was reading personal posts from EnigmaNY and jstobo and just gotta say Sorry guys. pretty ****ty what you guys are going through and thanks for sharing. Did notice when reading other posts on this web site that it seems to be the same people posting responses on multiple forums. Some good and some bad responses even a few hypocritical ones at that not to mention some very bitter ones as to which I can relate somewhat.

 

Seems that the bitter ones may have not completely gotten over past hurt and that scares me. Certainly do not want to end up like that.

 

It seems that I may have a better chance, short and long term of recovering from this compared to others. Lets hope so.

 

My brother and I actually read the entire post about the Lorenzo revenge affair ordeal and the whole thing sounded crazy to us. But in the end it seems that they did last together and will live happy with each other. Don't see a problem with that because they found new love in each other from a terrible ordeal that they shared so good for them I suppose.

 

As far as my wife goes, I did have a few encounters with her last week. I can say for certain that I don't hate her as much as I thought I would???

not sure if that is normal but maybe still my love for her that keeps me from lashing out or over reacting? She blew up at me Thursday night because her Father found out from her sister about whats been going on. I did NOT tell her but my sister did. they are friends and do hang out together from time to time. Her sister and her husband came over Friday night during a get together to talk to me and says they supports me what ever my decision will be. had lunch with my father in law on Sunday as well and he is apologizing constantly about his daughters behavior. told him I can deal with it and that it was not his place to apologize for her. He's a super great guy and i respect him and my mother in law a lot. they support my decision as well if I choose to file for a divorce. I am lucky about that too as it seems that other posters horror stories show a cold shoulder and ignorance from cheating spouses family and friends. All of this reassures me at least, that I am NOT COMPLETELY at fault for this mess.

 

I had gone to a wedding on Saturday for a couple I know. I have to say did bring back some memories from my wedding day and ya, it was ****ty just standing there through the ceremony but I did it and am happy for them. Groom said later that night he could tell I was a bit of a mess but thanked me and was glad I could be there for them. Made me feel better i guess and actually had a pretty good time for the evening and the after party was good as well. got to see a lot of people that I have not seen in a long time and it was nice to not think about the wife for a while. My date was great as well and made me laugh. She knows what im going through so am fortunate to see that i am NOT ALONE.

 

Played hockey last week, 2 back 2 back games and my wife and a girl friend of hers actually came to watch us. she approached me at the end of the first game and brought me a coffee. The coffee was bitter, lol just kidding...

was nice of her I guess but I guess she can see how I am feeling and it looks like she genuinely feels bad about all of this. It still is hard but I did score 4 goals during second game and i gotta say she was cheering up a storm and I felt pretty good about it. gave her the 3 fingers salute and she laughed. Always did that to her If I scored 3 or more time. still couldn't get that natural hat trick though.

 

After the game both of them came out for pizza and beers with us and it was kinda like old times but not quite if you know what I mean. Her and I were playing VLT's a she was talking about us. Things like she is worried that I will get over her quickly and she says she still loves me and misses me. She misses folding my clothes??? Other things as well. She is seeing a therapist as well and trying to get her head on straight. Asked me I we could see a marriage councilor together but flat out declined.

 

Just to mention, I would NEVER see a MC for any reason, but may consider a marriage coach some time in the future if I chose to try to work this out.

Not feeling that however, and wife knows that. She tells me that she hasn't seem or talked too the other man for a while now and that she wants to see a movie on Tuesday with me. I told her i would but it would be a movie I wanted to see. She agreed ( That's a first for her ) and so It will be like a date. I have to ask, Is this a good idea? Bro says NO but sis says try it. I really do not even know who my wife is anymore so it is like a date with a different woman? Entire thing seems sureal and not sure if even a good idea but maybe will make me see things differently and right now, anything different is good.

 

I am going the approach of total good guy but not Mr. Push over. Have decided to be tough in every aspect but not an *******. I do love her still and think she loves me too but that is not to say we are getting back together. She says she will not be at work for a couple of weeks and that she found a place of her own with girl friend of hers. Asked me to help her move but said NO. told her that my life is about ME now for the next little while and she says she understands. Did not try to argue with me. She also apologized for yelling at me about her father confronting her and says she will call my sister to apologize as well.

 

I will give my wife the benefit of the doubt however do not want to lead her on in any way that this is the start of reconciliation of our relationship.

I do miss her a lot but she is giving me my space. she did ask why I am not asking her a lot about the OM or their affair? WHY the hell would I?

I am keeping my bitterness in check which i guess makes me look good but she says it makes her feel bad like i am supposed to be arguing with her and angry about everything! I think her therapist is telling her this is unusual but what would this do for ME??? I will say that it was not as hard top be around her as it was last week. shock and denial about it all? WHO KNOWS.

 

still taking it day by day, seems like i am living my life a quarter mile at a time and do not see any long term achievements for myself which is natural according to my therapist. The book i am reading seems to shed some light on some things i am feeling but my outlook seems to be different than the " Norm".

 

I am sleeping a little better, like the new bed but feels empty? Just me I suppose. Wife coming by this evening again to grab some things and talk again.

 

Would like to tell her how incomplete I feel without her but do not want to give any false hope to her or myself. Damn, damn, damn

 

Will post later on tonight and thanks again...

 

I do like your mindset on this but I think you were wrong to accept a date with her, your making things way too easy. I also think you not getting full disclosure on what happened during the affair as a pre requisit for reconciliation is going to bite you further down the line if you choose to go that way with her.

 

I think you also need to assume that she's still cheating unless she proves otherwise. If you do not have transparent proof that she's not still sneaking around then any attemt at recon is useless.

[Ultraman]

Well what can I say,

 

saw a movie last night with the wife then went to eat and for a drink and VLT's again. Uneventful overall. Tried to have a good time but still unclear of where I think this will lead? Find my self annoyed at things she says and does.

trust or insecurity issues most likely!

 

Went to therapy again yesterday then went downtown to an infidelity group and listened for about an hour and a half. Full of people that were still coping or reconciled or just trying to simply understand. ****ing depressing to say the least!!! So many different stories and situations from others. Things I am trying to understand about why and how? I am pissed off that this time in my life I am having too figure this out and learn about all this ****.....

I should be at the track or planning for Christmas or skiing in Duluth with my wife. Instead I am trying to cope with this garbage that has turned me inside out and upside down....What a WASTE.......

 

Finished my book I was reading and with the therapist meetings and the group meeting last night I gotta say that any type of reconciliation for couples " trying " to work things out seems like a roller coaster from Hell.

Just too many negatives with no real completeness.

 

Heard a woman last night talk about always snooping around her husbands belongings and obsessing about where he was, what hes doing, who hes with? WTF????? Who has time for that? Why WOULD YOU want to LIVE like that?

Another couple who had stayed together through a wife's affair. They both talked about emotions and turbulence in their marriage but decided to reconcile. Good for them I guess, they looked " reasonably " happy but what struck me was that he said he still thinks about it a few times a week. " Still hurts sometimes " . This after 7 years....7 YEARS???????? Holy ****....

 

Maybe I am just too busy or selfish or conceded but I KNOW i do not have that kind of will power for something like that..I have too say this though, with all thats happened in the last month or so, I am pretty sure I would have taken my wife back instantly in the first couple of days if it was possible but now completely at odds with the situation. The more time away from her the less I see her beside me. A part of me feels kind of guilty about it but I am still pissed at her and as much as i love her it seems to feel like a different love, maybe less love but different. Know what I mean?

 

Now my question for all is this....

 

How can my wife want to show me love and transparency and all that other crap if I am not under the same roof as her? this is what she asked me last night. I am heavily conflicted with this and thought about it before she even mentioned it too me. I guess i should let her come back but I am OK with being alone right now. I like hanging out with my bro and buddies and doing things for me that i have not done in a while..

 

Therapist tells me that what ever works is whats best to do for now but it is only a stage and I have to make a decision about the next eventually.

My book said that MC together would be a good idea but not buying that at all. Some posts on this web site have others saying how is separation good for marriage and how to keep tabs on a wandering wife if not with her. thats the thing, I am not keeping tabs on her and really don't care what she is doing. We really are not together right now and My gut tells me that If she really wants to be with me then she should " Act" like she wants to be with me! I know I would if i had done what she did.

 

i did share what I have been doing as far as therapy and meeting with her last night. She says she likes her therapist too and is understanding things as well. I really do miss her and that is normal but I really cant see myself being apart of this for much longer. My feeling for her are still real and with me but I think they are become faded over time but It is not as bad as I thought it would be.

 

I still hurt when I think about them being together and still don't believe she has been completely honest about everything but at the same time, I am NOT asking her anything really even though she says I am supposed to be. My therapist agrees that this is normal; for some people.

 

Its weird because i think I am strong about this but a friend of mine says that maybe I will snap and do something drastic.....even last night was telling myself that my wife was like someone new too me and that it's like dating all over again. Thing is though, I believe that if I want something new and the thrill of dating someone again, It should be with someone NEW, no?

 

My wife seems to be doing " the right things " but don't know for sure because I am not seeing her that much. She tells me she has not been with the other guy at all and not even talked to him . well here's one for everyone, Sandra called me last night too tell me her husband has been to my place to talk to me...ME??? Why, what the **** does he want with me???

 

Any ideas would be great, sis and bro have no idea at all.. told the wife this and she seems baffled too?? was thinking maybe about breaking his neck or at least a couple bones or three..I am not sure what I will do if he does come too my place? guess I wasn't home when he did. I can legally beat on him if he's on my property right? just thinking about him even right now as I am typing I am getting mad, not upset, MAD. hell i f I was a woman for 5 minuted I would most likely beat the **** out of my wife as well. I know thats a bad thing too say but I think I mean it.

At the end of the day though all of this is telling me certain things.

 

I will eventually completely forgive my wife for what has happened, I have too FOR MYSELF and hope she forgives me and my short comings if there actually were any? She has to figure that out on her own. I think my future with her as a married couple however is not so cut and dry for me anyway.

I really don't think I have the will and ways to fix our relationship as far as being together.

YES I am still angry at her

YES I sometimes want her to leave me alone

YES I want to forgive her

YES I want to forget about this and move past it

YES I have too, absolutely have too

YES I want to beat that son of a bitch into the ground

YES I wold sleep like a baby

BUT...I do miss her still and wish a there was a super pill that would erase all of this or a time machine that I could use to change things BUT there isn't. ****ty deal for me.

 

I really don't think I have 1, 2, 5, 10 years to dwell and relive bad memories every time I see and hear something that will remind me of it. For those who do choose this, good for you. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

 

On one positive note, Sister and I going to the humane society today. I am going to get a new baby golden retriever for myself. Had one for 9 years when I was younger but he died when i as 23 and I still miss him. That will be great for me, But my wife doesn't like dogs but LOVES cats. Maybe i will train him too only eat CATS. Hahahahaha. Cant wait for new puppy and new walking partner.

 

my wife will be coming by again tonight for some reason? hope she likes my new roommate?

 

peace out all, post again later thanks

[2long]

I don't think you want the OM coming over 2 talk 2 you about anything. You will accomplish more by ignoring his very existence (that will drive him bat***** crazy) than by essentially inviting him further in2 your life.

 

He also isn't worth the risk of going 2 jail for reducing him 2 garden mulch. You can't beat on him for coming on2 your property, only for entering your house without your permission (and even then, you'd have 2 prove that you were defending yourself).

 

Consider getting a restraining order 2 keep him from coming 2 your house or contacting you. But perhaps simply telling his W that you won't have anything 2 do with him and you don't care 2 hear any made-up explanations he might want 2 give you for screwing your W. Let him live with the guilt that goes with never being able 2 give you an explanation 2 clear his conscience - let him rot. You also don't need 2 hear any mental mas2rbation arguments about how you could all be friends after this. You want him out of your life. Don't invite him further in.

 

Forgiveness is for the forgiver more than the forgiven. I think it's good 2 forgive your W for her affair, just don't do it 2 quickly. She may be doing some of the right things, but it's still way 2 soon after the affair 2 gauge her sincerity.

 

I wouldn't see her so often. It allows her 2 postpone doing whatever it takes 2 prove she's sincere. For example, if you didn't see her and told her you wouldn't talk 2 her for a month, would she be able 2 resist contacting the OM all that time? It's probably not all that difficult for either of them 2 not contact one another right now - with your W getting a little attention from you and his W riding his arse. But if she can keep it up for months at a time and prove 2 your satisfaction that she's done so, well that would be something, perhaps.

 

-ol' 2long

[Owl]

Seems to me that you have no interest in reconciling, nor in forgiving your wife.

 

Nothing wrong with that...but that, in itself, is a decision towards the final resolution.

 

Why not just go ahead and file for divorce?

[2sunny]

i can't see any value in having her back in your home. what work has she done to REPAIR the damage SHE caused?

 

IF she hasn't done the work necessary - there's no reason to consider it.

 

this could take years!

 

SHE needs to be making changes/effort... that restore YOUR peace of mind. and make sure she serves up a healthy dose of it every day for a LOOOONNNGGG while before you need to consider anything!

 

step back - allow HER to find her way - provide herself with making a living - a home for herself - and being self supporting!

 

stop giving her things and a place to live! she will use you for anything you will give!

 

start taking care of you - and understand she needs to work on HERSELF - if she's not focusing on why she cheated - and making sure she changes, so that SHE never does this again - there isn't one single reason to even speak to her... unless you want more betrayal from her - because that's what she'll give you if you keep in contact while she finds the reason she hurt you and the M.

[whichwayisup]

Why don't the FOUR of you get together and lay everything out in the open. No hiding, no lies, no bullsh.it.

 

Something weird is still going on and I doubt very much your wife and Sandra's husband have been in NC mode. They have emailed or spoken, especially since he says he's already been to your house? Or is that a typo that he is 'going to' come by and talk to you? Either way, this has to be sorted out and dealt with.

 

I have a feeling there's abit more to this.

[2sunny]

is there any valid reason for her to come by? if not - say no!

 

has she given EVIDENCE that she's no longer seeing her OM? has she started counseling? has she found a place to live permanently? is she paying for it HERSELF?

 

she has work to do in order to grow up - stop fixing everything for her - she will learn to provide for herself that way (or find someone new who provides her with this spoiled lifestyle). give her time and space to show evidence of how she handles this grown up world.

 

there isn't one reason to keep giving when she intends to keep taking. keep her at bay until she shows a ton of change!

[Ariadne]

having too figure this out

I have too say

mentioned it too me

last night too tell me

a bad thing too say

I have too FOR MYSELF

YES I have too, absolutely have too

train him too only eat CATS

 

The word is "to," not "too".

 

Love the idea of getting a dog, and good luck with the wife. Looks like she'll be moving in soon probably.

[nofool4u]

ditch the b**** and move on to a better life.

[2long]

Why don't the FOUR of you get together and lay everything out in the open. No hiding, no lies, no bullsh.it.

 

Something weird is still going on and I doubt very much your wife and Sandra's husband have been in NC mode. They have emailed or spoken, especially since he says he's already been to your house? Or is that a typo that he is 'going to' come by and talk to you? Either way, this has to be sorted out and dealt with.

 

I have a feeling there's abit more to this.

 

interesting idea, getting them all 2gether for a little chat. Someone over on MB did this exact thing before she'd heard of MB. It worked, but I'm not sure it would usually work, and whether the risk of violence is worth it.

 

I agree that something is likely still going on. In any case, the safest thing for any BS 2 assume is that the affair is still going on until the affairees have proven 2 their satisfaction that it is not. This involves complete transparency in most cases - advised on most discussion forums. But it's nearly impossible 2 prove a negative, so even a truly repentant WS has a tough job ahead of them. The BS needs 2 also learn 2 trust their instincts, because in this day and age it's easier than cake 2 create a new email account, buy a secret cell phone, have rendezvous in supermarket parking lots, if someone wants 2 continue their secrecy.

 

I learned more about my marriage by trusting myself than by believing what my wife told me and showed me.

 

UM: Hate 2 say this, but recovery can take years whether you stay married or divorce. When you're in the beginning stages of dealing with a newly-discovered affair, it seems impossible 2 believe that you might still be thinking about it for years 2 come. But we all get through it at some point.

 

-ol' 2long

[Nikki82]

Just read/skimmed over this entire thread....especially reading Ultra's posts.

You're being very strong and your reactions are normal. This is a difficult time and it will take time to heal!

 

About 7 or 8 years ago, I had a boyfriend I was crazy about. He was very sweet to me until we moved in together. Then all the signs of cheating came and finally I had to find proof and found it in a text message of his from a girl talking about the sex they had.

 

I confronted him and moved out that day. I was heart-broken. Before that, I would never have even CONSIDERED the possibility of someone hurting me that way. He of course put on the water works and said how sorry he was.

 

He wasn't sorry. I came over to get more things and he was out with this girl again. He came back and found me gathering my stuff and I just kept repeating "you're not sorry. You're still seeing her AFTER being caught!"

 

One night, we did end up in a bar with mutual friends and he and I ended up dancing together. It was a good time, I admit and felt like all was well again. But that was just a short-lived last good moment with him.

 

It took me a few years to get over the hurt and to be able to listen to other stories of cheaters without getting red-faced angry. But it's in your best interest to be with someone who IS true to you and is honest with you. They're supposed to be your best friend...not a wolf in sheep's clothing.

[robf1971]

. I am going to get a new baby golden retriever for myself.

 

Fantastic, I think a dog is the one person? thing? that will never betray you. Right now it's the best friend you could possibly have.

[robf1971]

the safest thing for any BS 2 assume is that the affair is still going on until the affairees have proven 2 their satisfaction that it is not. This involves complete transparency in most cases - advised on most discussion forums. But it's nearly impossible 2 prove a negative, so even a truly repentant WS has a tough job ahead of them. The BS needs 2 also learn 2 trust their instincts, because in this day and age it's easier than cake 2 create a new email account, buy a secret cell phone, have rendezvous in supermarket parking lots, if someone wants 2 continue their secrecy.

 

I learned more about my marriage by trusting myself than by believing what my wife told me and showed me.

 

 

Yep,

 

If UM chooses to reconcile, he can't make it too easy for her. Otherwise she will just end up putting him throught the same thing again. As of yet UM's wife has suffered close to zero consequences for her action.

[2.50 a gallon]

UM

 

Some of her story just does not add up to me.

 

Afterwards she tells you that you are an animal in bed, yet still chose to take a chance on losing you with an OM who could not get her to climax while doing the nasty in your house. For the excitement and mystery

 

The scary word there is excitment. It has been my experience that excited women climax easily and quite often

 

That is another thing, doing it in your house, where the PI, or your neighbors could see a strange man entering your house while you were out of town. Sounds like could they not afford a motel, where they wouldn't be caught?

 

I can understand if the sex was mundane, that they only got together while you were out of town. But this last time she chose to lie to you, and run off with the OM while you stayed at home.

 

If she truly felt that you were an animal in bed, why was she not staying at the home zoo and feeding the animals?

 

She now apologizes, "wants to fix things, will never do this again, I'm so sorry, he was nothing, forgive me, I was a fool, I want you back", I heard them all, along with buckets of crockodile tears

 

Never forget waywards lie, is she lieing now?

 

"She works part time and does not have a lot of money . . ." from your posts it sounds as if your are doing well, and she has gotten used to living the good life and now sees how her life is going to take a major plunge should you divorce her.

 

Does she want you or your money back in her life?

[Steen719]

Other than being with him in your home, the thing that was telling to me what that they had a time picked to end it in the future, not then. And, it was picked so that you and she could start a family, not because she and he were tired of the subterfuge, lying and excitement of their affair, but so that you and she could have children. So...let's keep having fun, lie to our spouses, go through the end of the year through the holidays cheating and then when it suits her, she will stop. It is so calculated. That is cold thinking in my mind and not with you in mind at all.

 

BTW, I have a golden and I know what you mean. They are the sweetest dogs in the world and wonderful company. They make great roommates and are definitely more loyal than a cheating spouse.

[Ultraman]

How's it goin guys, just thought I would bring people up to date...

 

Interesting week is an understatement. Wife has been over a few times after I got back for things and to visit, actually had supper with her Friday before people came over. A lot of parties at my place lately. Lots of drinking and whatever all around. Keeps me at ease for the most part. Wife was going to stay but started to get uncomfortable when very few people were acknowledging her so she kindly left. I walked her to her car and actually sat with her for a few minutes or so. She tells me she is worried about my drinking and I respected that. It's NOT as bad as she thinks. I am not dying for a drink just trying to mellow out due to frustration and rage I guess.

 

I did talk to her about a divorce and she really needs me to think about it, says I am " throwing our life, marriage and, memories away". That kind of hurts coming from her considering. I still have a hard time even seeing her but I really do love and miss her. I understand that a separation is not the best way to fix this marriage BUT my therapist thinks this is good for me for the time being. She will wait for me if she truly loves me amongst other things so I'm told? Others tell me different but the thought of her staying with me is extremely discomforting. That's why I am not to proud of myself for what happened Saturday...

She asked if she could stay the night with me, just us.

 

Ordered Chinese and talked for a long time. This is just very " different " for me. I wish I could explain what I am feeling. Tried to tell my bro but he says he cant relate. It's just ****ed up. I Love her but hate her i think? She says I am different with her and she has never seen me act this way about everything in general, like my dog. ( Oh ya, I ****ing love the little bastard. named him Stomper, he's great ) anyway she actually asked me If I was serious about keeping him. Laughable! I said " What do **** do you think Princess? " She kinda looked shocked or something? says I have never talked to her like that since I've known her and I am " being aggressive with her " . I will say i apologized too her for that but I did NOT feel bad about it. I still don't!

 

Needless to say, still talked and talked. She tells me she misses me a lot and can't really sleep much. She has lost weight but I didn't say. She still goes to her club for running and exercise with a couple friends but says she's " confused " Heard that word 700 times this month..**** me...

 

Ended up talking about the other guy.

I did find out from a mutual friend of ours that they have talked in person and I did ask her, she said she had a few times but nothing physical between them. Hard to believe but no way to know. she said he has been to her new place helping her move, how nice of him and even nicer of her to ask him????????

 

Asked her why the guy was trying to talk to me? Apparently he needs to ask me about my relationship with soon to be ex? What relationship?

Wife says she needs to know as well. I really should of made up some story about us but told her that nothing was going on, and that is the truth. I will admit the whole revenge **** thing sounds better everyday but it's just not in me.

 

2 bottles of red wine later and she is all smiles and roses and giggles. Started getting real close to me and touching my leg and such. She was so ****ing hot and I was really not myself. One thing led to another and I caved like a 16 year old boy. Only words I can use to describe it was " HATE **** " if anybody knows what I am talking about???? Sorry but I just couldn't help myself. Guess she still has some power over me. Someone had posted earlier that she will use sex to get close to me! Probably should have remembered that!

 

I thought this would have made me look at her differently but It really didn't. I know she had fun but she was different too. Very weird. Passed out right on the couch. Next morning was interesting. I really didn't feel good at all about what I had done. She was up before me making breakfast and brought me coffee and sat with me. It was almost like old times but I know I am still hurt because I thought about her and the affair as soon as my eyes opened. Terrible feeling!!!!!!!

 

We ate and then she left. She seems like everything is back to normal somewhat? Is this normal in itself?

She also needs to come back tomorrow evening to talk about something " very important " with me?

 

Lucky me, post later if anything important..

[robf1971]

Hard to believe but no way to know

 

Yep, a red flag that she has no real remorse is that she's still lying to you. Her actions speak a 100 times louder than cheap meaningless words,

[standtall]

 

 

I did find out from a mutual friend of ours that they have talked in person and I did ask her, she said she had a few times but nothing physical between them.

 

I wouldn't believe that 1 bit.

[RobD70]

She also needs to come back tomorrow evening to talk about something " very important " with me?

Cancel on her or at least push this back.

 

She wants to feel like she still has control over you (that's the sex thing she did). You need to show she is not a priority in your life right now by having something more important to do at this time.

 

Don't let her think you will cave to her every time she persists. She needs to understand she isn't the center of your world anymore and that the sex didn't change anything. Blow her off for now. She ain't going anywhere just yet.