OM's wife contacted me

[whichwayisup]

Sounds more likely "SEXY Sandy" strikes again.

 

The OM wouldn't have the balls to do that!

 

This is a good possibility too. Which means she knows putting her name down would be cause for concern, which also questions her motives. We all know she 'tried to put the moves on you', test the waters to see if you were interested in having a revenge fling with her.. Just be weary of Sandra. SHe doesn't have your best interests at heart. I'm sure she's an OK lady and all but she definitely isn't thinking clearly. If it was NO big deal, then signing her name wouldn't have been a problem right?

 

Sunny2, I agree with you too.

[Ultraman]

Early for me this morning, didn't sleep well...

 

 

 

 

Originally Posted by Heart On

Sounds more likely "SEXY Sandy" strikes again.

 

The OM wouldn't have the balls to do that!

 

 

I don't think Sandra would send me flowers, She would have signed them or at least probably delivered them herself. Doubt they were for my wife since the delivery girl asked me by my first name? Highly doubt they were from OM to my wife, who would be dumb enough to do that???

 

--Your W arguing with her OM shows she is still highly emotionally connected to him.

 

Enough said...

 

Ya I thought of this as well. Feels pretty awful to think of but could be true. Maybe she doesn't want to fix anything? Maybe us being apart is pushing us further apart?

 

 

--Is he following her or did he know she was going to be there? If he is following her, creepy, and if he knew...she told him.

 

She did tell me she went to the mall with her mother and ran into him there. She thinks he was following her the whole time? Seems to be head over heals for her. Ya I kinda feel for my wife--NOT!

Told her that maybe they should spend the holidays together. Don't think she liked that!

 

2.50 a gallon says

 

Ultraman

 

No I never did reconcile with my Ex. It was my choice

 

What I was trying to say, is that, she wanted to reconcile, I did not, and even though we had been separated for six months and I thought that I was detached, I began to weaken when the holidays came around.

 

The day after Christmas I was back to normal

 

 

Guess I may be going through what u did? Did you regret it later? Not taking her back? My buddy never took his ex GF back after something similar and he never looked back. Was NOT married though.

 

--Steen719 I don't think I would go to the Christmas party at the in-laws. It sounds like the her father would understand and it sounds like a recipe for anger or sadness or both.

 

I understand why some people would think this way, however I am going out of respect for them and myself.. They are/were my in laws for years and I am close to most of them. Have not talked to her mom in a while but still talk to her dad alot. Should have a good time, FIL wants me to drink my ass off with him so looking forward to that. That's what the holidays are about and the Food. Not going to miss Turkey dinner because of cheating wife. Sounds funny but I really believe that. He invited my brother, sister and, Dad but only mu Bro going with me.

 

 

Originally Posted by whichwayisup

This is a good possibility too. Which means she knows putting her name down would be cause for concern, which also questions her motives. We all know she 'tried to put the moves on you', test the waters to see if you were interested in having a revenge fling with her.. Just be weary of Sandra. She doesn't have your best interests at heart. I'm sure she's an OK lady and all but she definitely isn't thinking clearly. If it was NO big deal, then signing her name wouldn't have been a problem right?

 

I really dont think Sandra has feelings for me that way. I think if she wanted sex from me or anyone for that matter, she would just "ask" for it. Trust me, this girl is very stable and knows exactly what she is doing or asking for. Intimidating too a point! I am not weary of her at all, she is just around and it's ok with me. I am not thinking of jumping in the sack with her for Christmas or anything.

 

And as far as replacing my bed, I have already done that and NO my wife has not slept in " MY BED " and don't really want her too. It's MINE.........

 

Things are still ****ty but seem to be getting a little bit easier day to day.

Still get mad here and there but just try to think of things for me and the little guy. Cant thank my bro enough. Sure will miss him when he leaves in the next couple weeks.

 

Will post again later on tonight, will be shopping most of today, Lucky me...

[2long]

Interesting what you said about how the OM may be following her around now. How he's maybe head over heels for her.

 

Hell, sounds like he's stalking her!

 

Anyway, this is a problem that she created and so she'll have 2 find a way 2 deal with it. If she doesn't like being stalked, she needs 2 file charges. And if the OM doesn't want 2 become a convicted felon, he needs 2 stay clear of her.

 

What she does or doesn't do about this will say a lot about what's left of her character.

 

-ol' 2long

[2long]

Highly doubt they were from OM to my wife, who would be dumb enough to do that???

 

A stalker would be dumb enough 2 do that. If he's so strung out that he's following her around, he might think that sending flowers like that might drive a wedge further between you.

 

[several years ago, I was on a jury for a stalking case. It was amazing the s2pid things the poor kid did "for love"]

 

-ol' 2long

[2sunny]

Where was her Mom when they argued? Was she there? Did you see her?

 

What was so important that she needed to cause a public scene?

[Steen719]

So, according to Sandra, is OM still trying to get back with her? Is she considering it? If so, she might want to know this about him "following" your wife. She might be able to shed some light on it. It sounds like she knows how to find out stuff.

 

Gut feeling is something is off. Either he is a nut (Sandra might shed some light) or your wife still has something going on. Maybe she is angry that his wife blew them in.

 

Glad your brother will be at the party with you.

[Ultraman]

Hello, hope everyone had a good Christmas. Mine was good overall but still strange not having my wife with me Christmas morning.

 

Things have been going alright personally for me lately. as good as they can get anyway! Got lots of great gifts and some spectacular " pitty " gifts from friends and family. Too much to list but Vortech Supercharger for my ride for those of you who understand.....forgot what my wife looked like for a few minutes, LOL....

 

I did end up going to my in-laws on Christmas eve and actually had a pretty good time. Lots of drinking and my wife was looking rather fine and paid lots of attention to me. Brother had a good time as well, drank to much however. Did not get home till 5 a.m. and was up Christmas morning at 8, ouch! Bought a pack of Cigarettes for the first time in 7 years and smoked my lungs out. Everytime I went outside my wife would follow me and talk to me about anything. Still a little uncomfortable around her. Her dad was great as usual and drank alot that evening and asked me a whole bunch of personal questions about my future and what my plans were? Her mother was nice to me as well and her entire family for that matter. None of them seemed to be able to look me in the eye though??? Can understand I guess!

 

I did find something out rather disturbing however. Her dad confided in me that his wife new about her daughters affair but kept it to herself??? WTF??? He swears that he did not know himself because his wife told him only a few days ago and he was pretty upset with her. He wanted to tell me as soon as he found out but was scared that I wouldn't believe him? We shook hands and I said it was all fine and good, but only with him. I did not say anything but I will honestly say " I am disappointed in her Mother " that she would keep this too herself. Is that normal? I also found out from my Dad in law that his wife had an affair in the late 80's with a guy she used to work with??? Unbelievable!!! Guess it runs in the family! I told him I was sorry to hear that but asked him if he ever thought about it even now and he kind of changed the subject. Needless to say I wont have much to say to my Mother in law anymore, PERIOD. I always knew I really never liked her that much but didn't really know why??? Me thinks now I do!

 

I did see my wife on Christmas evening because I threw a party and more people showed up that I had planned for. Including my wife! had a pretty good time and even had more fun than i thought i would. Myself and my wife exchanged gifts and she liked her necklace. She bought me a new cordless Snap On impact gun, WOW...I love it....It was nice to exchange gifts but still felt awkward a bit. Didn't have the same meaning if you know what i mean?

 

Some drama did arrive at my party. I invited Sandra to my place not thinking she would come BUT SHE DID and brought 2 of her girl friends. Wife didn't know she was there till she walked out onto the patio too see her and I talking. Guess I didn't plan for this. Did not feel bad about it though, not like I had a fling with her, but I am also not bending to my wifes personal feelings. NOT MY PROBLEM. They were however giving each other some dirty looks and my wife even trying to be " affectionate " to me in front of her. Pathetic is the only word I could use and told my wife to cut it out. This was MY party on MY favorite holiday and didn't want her to ruin it.

 

I told other people to be friendly with my wife and they were good for it except my buddies girlfriend who called her a " skank " in front of me.. I know she heard it but said nothing and smiled. Towards the end of the night almost everyone was pretty drunk including Sandra and my wife and some things were said between them downstairs. Some of us heard yelling only to find Sandy and my wife arguing with each other. My wife really wants to know what is going on between us. Even asked me? I had to kindly remind her that She was " ****ing her husband " but she is upset at Sandra??? I could tell Sandra was getting pissed off and even 1 of her girl friends was threatening my wife and she looks scary herself. ( Just a note, my drunk ass brother caught this whole thing on his phone camera ) Looked sick afterwards. Ya'll probably see it on youtube soon!!!

 

Anyway, I did notice my wife following her around and watching her. sandy noticed it to and told me but told her to ignore her. I was a little ticked at my wife and told her outside. She just kept asking me but my answer was always the same truth. She really doesn't think I should be friends with her. Thing is we are really more acquaintances than friends. Told my wife she could thank herself and Sandra's husband for that outcome.

 

Overall the party was great besides the childish rants of some. Another late night but everyone left, even my brother took a cab to our Dad's to get an early morning start. Ice fishing which I passed on. My wife ended up staying the night. She wanted to sleep with me in our room. Had to decline even though I knew i would get some and that was difficult. She was fine with that and we both slept downstairs in the spare room to some movie. Wife was pretty persistent but finally stopped.

 

I find myself a little turned off from her lately. Especially since i found out about her Mothers " work problem ". I feel really bad for her dad. he is such a great guy and didnt deserve that.

 

Guess good guys DO FINISH LAST sometimes!

 

before I go, just need to ask something.

 

Is it better to(1) leave things the way they are between us, separated, living apart, ME ME ME, OR (2) should I let her move back in and let her work her ass off to show me she wants me. She really wants to do this.

 

Right now I have 4 people for (1) and 5 people for (2).

 

Reply if you wish, thanx

[Spark1111]

Well,that decision is completely up to you. I do not think anyone here can advise you to what is in your heart.

 

What outcome do you desire? Do you truly wish to reconcile, or do you wish to punish?

 

What does Ultraman want?

 

Right now I think you are enjoying your freedom and do not want to give too much creedence to your wife's feelings or wishes. (The friendship with Sandra).

 

So until you feel passionately inclined to respect her feelings as well as your own and do the hard work of putting humpty dumpty back together again; than no, I advise you to stay alone and angry and slightly superior and vindicated in your "rightness," because, or course you are right.

 

There is no excuse or justification for betrayal. But that attitude won't fix it; mutual respect for each other's feelings will.

 

And until you think you can invest in that without recrimination, anger, jealousy, and superiority, than I think being alone is the best course for you to take.

 

Successful reconciliation is not for the feint-hearted, the egoistic, the angry, the spiteful, or the punishing.

[Spark1111]

Plus, stop asking family and friends for advice! People give advice based on their own personal perspective of infidelity.

 

My brother, his sister desperately wanted us to reconcile. His other sister, one of my daughter's (the angriest) did not.

 

There was no way anyone in my life was going to give me a fair assessment; People reacted based on what they thought they would do IF ever faced with infidelity....

 

The question is for Ultraman to know his own heart. That is where the answer lies.....

 

Do you?

[aeg512]

I do not think you would even be asking the question about letting your wife move back in unless you were thinking of it. It seems to me as if she does want to heal the M. Is she is IC, if not perhaps you should tell her to get into it and have a few sessions before you would let her move in. Afterwards you both should be in MC. You do seem to be handling yourself well in what has taken place and I would think you have the strength and ability to handle the rebuilding. You do need to tell her up front she has a lot of hard work ahead.

[2sunny]

You are creating more drama than you need to - especially by asking for both those gals to a party together!

 

What good could possibly come from your cheating wife being at a "party" with the wife of the man she's cheated with? Why would YOU create that situation?

 

The best way to understand what the right thing is for you - is to cut out all this crap. Put an end to the drama and sit quietly for a week or so - that way you can listen to your gut without all the distractions.

[EnigmaNY]

UM,

 

Great post.. "Not my Problem", is the perfect motto for these conversations. I don't have a problem with inviting Sandra and your wife's discomfort with her being there is just typical.

 

I had a secret life, which came to an end by the OM wife.. "How dare she expose my secret!! She's suppose to just deal with it. I'm going to give her a piece of my mind." Give me a break.. Cheaters, take 100% accountability for your actions, stop the blame games.

 

Your father-in-law is a stand-up guy.

[2sunny]

Your father in law seems nice - but remember that he stayed with his wife after she cheated. Did he say why?

 

Does he expect the same of you?

 

He is a victim of his own choices. You have choices too... What choice are you willing to make without betraying yourself? It's only up to you!

 

What do you think you deserve?

[standtall]

Ultra, in a sick way I amused at the paces your putting your wife through, but what is up with that Jerry Springer episode Christmas party that you set the stage for? That was a real no class maneuver.

[Bryanp]

She brought her lover to your HOME and had sex with him behind your back. What more do you need to know?

[Avery]

She brought her lover to your HOME and had sex with him behind your back. What more do you need to know?

 

No Kidding. What would you tell your little brother if HE was in your situation?

 

And why do you think you deserve less?

[2sunny]

Im starting to think this thread isn't real.

[twinsmom]

Agreeing with 2Sunny all the way...This stuff just doesn't happen in real life. Of course, I'm sure we'll be told that this IS real, and that he (sniff sniff), WAIT FOR IT!! certainly WISHES that this wasn't really his life, but yes, it really is...and so forth and so on...Just wait! An entertaining read, for sure..

[twinsmom]

I must give kudos for creative writing, however. No way this story is real. Just read it.

[twinsmom]

The last line of his first post: "I just wanna die". Oh boy, were we played..First she was "Sandra", then she became "Sandi", and he was then inviting her to his house for a Christmas party where his wayward wife would also attend.. Hello!! Good drama, for sure..

[SimonMas]

The last line of his first post: "I just wanna die". Oh boy, were we played..First she was "Sandra", then she became "Sandi", and he was then inviting her to his house for a Christmas party where his wayward wife would also attend.. Hello!! Good drama, for sure..

 

You may be right but it is an interesting read. I like to know how the story will end, though. I hope the OP will continue writing. I have bookmarked this thread and will be following it closely. It gets better with each posting.

[goldengirl86]

Right Now your wife is in survival mode, she wants to be with you so therefore is all over you!!!!! And your loving the attention and probrably think yay she has chosen me, your ego is getting abit of a boost. You talk alot about how Hot she looks, and how she keeps wanting and desiring you! It seems all physical.

Just ask yourself if at the end of all this when things quiet down, and she is not all over you like white on rice, How are you going to feel? Can you sit across from her at the table and not think about the fact that she had sex with him in your house, she lied to you, his feeling arent exactly coming out of left field either if he wants to be with her than she must have gave an indication that she wanted this to at some time , even though now she has changed her mind.

 

And how are you going to feel around everyone that knows, how is she going to feel knowing that everyone think she is a S***, feels bad for you etc. All her life she is going to have this hanging over her head, and all your life your going to eb the guy that took back a cheater.

 

It is your decision to make! The fact that she has been honest, she wants you and has told him so, then you may have a good chance at having a successful reconciliation. I think your leaning towards the second and will let her move back in and try and work things out.

 

You dont have any kids yet so you could make a clean break, i mean who knows this may happen again do you want to risk that with kids involved.

I mean look at your father in law that is you in 20 years. And the fact that he did not answer yes that he was happy, says it all doesnt it!!!!!!

[turnera]

We usually advise betrayed husbands to prepare a list of 'demands' that they will have to see before they let the WW back home. It usually includes:

Write a No Contact letter to the OM

Write down the passwords to her phone, computer, and any other electronic device she uses

Hand OVER said devices any time you ask to see them, without hesitation, and without 'changing' anything in them first

She finds and gets appointment with a marriage counselor

You two start going to said counselor for a couple months before she can come home, so you get on an even playing field and she comes to realize what she's done (she needs this time to suffer some physical/emotional consequences of being banned from your home, so she'll see what happens when she cheats)

She goes to your parents and her parents and admits to their faces what she did to you and asks their forgiveness for hurting you (this one is important)

 

Sometimes people will add things like her taking a polygraph, or her signing a postnup agreeing to leave the home and ALL financial stakes if she is ever caught cheating again. It's up to you how far you take this. Personally, the harder you make it on her, the better chance you have of her never cheating again.

[2sunny]

Where's your self respect man?

 

You invite your cheating spouse to your party - and she shows up? No way!

 

And then she stays for snarky remarks from friends? No reasonable person does that! And stays when her married OM's wife is present and spewing venom? No way! And you have no remorse in setting up this disastrous negative environment?

 

IF its true - then you have so much to learn. Nothing positive comes from growing negative energy bigger!

 

Sheez!

[twinsmom]

I guess I should be a little less cynical. Stranger things have happened on "Jerry Springer".