HenryII Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 So I am home with my suspected BPDw and we are getting by today. Have had a difference of opinion and may breakup. She wants to go to Florida and so do I but she wants to go now. I want to wait untill after my daughter has her fst baby. They don't get along at all. Any way I'm trying to be upbeat today but knowone has called to wish me a happy t day. Not my daughter, not my son. I sent them flower centerpieces yesterday with greetings, including 1 for my W which she was very thankful for. No one coming over because BPDw has no one over at all. I just wanted a shoulder to lean on. I am 65 and right now am so very depressed. I told daughter I 'd be there for birth. I also told W I'd take her to FL. Now I'm in a jam. Any advice. Someone has to be disappointed. I know, I live with W and daughter may have other baby's. But what if? Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HenryII Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Well, turned better. Got a text from D thanks for flowers and then son skyped me and got to see all his gang. They are 600 miles away. Feel a little better now . Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I am home with my suspected BPDw. Henry, I lived with my BPDer exW for 15 years. Based on that experience, I've described what it is like to live with a BPDer in Pat's thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3736365#post3736365. You may find it helpful to read. By the way, I'm so glad your two kids got around to contacting you yesterday to say thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HenryII Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Thanks DT, I will visit that thread. Been a ruff day with the suspected BPDw. She wants me to put her(the spouse) first ahead of my kids. 100% of the time. All the time I tried to ask her how am I to meet my needs to be with my kids and grandkids(whom she very fond of but don't see but less then once in a blue moon. She won't have company. To chaotic) and meet her needs too. Wants me to take her to FL, we live in the northeast usa, and leave her there then come back so I can be here when my D has her 1st baby. She is 37. My w can't even drive to the corner store how is she going to manage on her own in FL. I am the rescuer , enabler. Then she wants a divorce, halaluia! I don't care what it cost me. This will probably never happen. I don't get mad anymore, I just try to reason. Thanks again , did not mean to ramble. Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I just try to reason.But why bother to try? If your W has strong BPD traits, she is always carrying enormous anger right under the skin and any attempt to discuss a sensitive matter (i.e., any matter whatsoever) will trigger a release of that anger in 10 seconds. There aren't many important matters that can be discussed with "reason" and resolved in 10 seconds. Even when you do, whatever agreement is reached will be totally ignored by her a week later when her feelings change. For the most part, BPDers are only interested in creating drama, not finding solutions or reaching compromises. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HenryII Posted November 27, 2011 Author Share Posted November 27, 2011 But why bother to try? If your W has strong BPD traits, she is always carrying enormous anger right under the skin and any attempt to discuss a sensitive matter (i.e., any matter whatsoever) will trigger a release of that anger in 10 seconds. There aren't many important matters that can be discussed with "reason" and resolved in 10 seconds. Even when you do, whatever agreement is reached will be totally ignored by her a week later when her feelings change. For the most part, BPDers are only interested in creating drama, not finding solutions or reaching compromises. The reason I try is because she knows all about herself. She knows about the trama she suffered as a child. Parents not there after an eye op when she came out of surgery at age 4 Father an alcoholic. mother co dependent She always trying to be the peacemaker . Caring for her 5 younger sibs. She reads ALL the self help books she can get. Just came to me this am quoting for an Alonon book "Changes" The conection she is not making is with her emotional immaturity . She knows about it but that doen't make it go away. She sees a LICSW that is available by phone and they are talking now almost on a daily basis. She counsels her to keep assuring the "little girl within that everything will be OK" Another Psycologist we visti takes a dirrerent approach. "Your not in that home(where she grew up) so put that behind you. He came from the same type home. She is trying to help herself out. Its just that it an on going battle. Link to post Share on other sites
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