anyone who has been dumped, and a few months after dumper wants u back?

[chados]

do not write if you haven't got back with your ex.

 

so anyone here who's been dumped. when it looked like they wouldn't be able to take you back, and all sudden they did. this could be weeks, months years whatever.

[BCCA]

Thats happened to me a couple times. Usually, it ends up being a waste of time, and there is no telling if/when its going to happen. When you break up, that means the relationship is BROKEN, and without both people making every effort to repair things, it just ends up being a waste of both of your time.

 

do not write if you haven't got back with your ex.

So, youre looking for false hope then? Why do you want to wait for someone who dumped you?

[chados]

Thats happened to me a couple times. Usually, it ends up being a waste of time, and there is no telling if/when its going to happen. When you break up, that means the relationship is BROKEN, and without both people making every effort to repair things, it just ends up being a waste of both of your time.

 

do not write if you haven't got back with your ex.

So, youre looking for false hope then? Why do you want to wait for someone who dumped you?

 

im not waiting im moving on, its just that people are going to write all kinds of stuff, just thought it would be fun to see if it actually happens. why did they broke up with you if i may ask?

[BCCA]

Here's the thing, whatever reason someone gives you for breaking up with you is probably only a small part of the actual reason. Most of the time I've gotten 'Im just not happy' or some other vague/general crap. People are going to say whatever is the easiest thing to say, and whatever they feel is going to be the easiest pill to swallow. No one is honest during the breakup talk.

 

The moral of the story is that it doesnt really matter why, the only thing that matters is youve been dumped. And people DONT dump people who they see future potential with.

[BCCA]

Also, even if it happens to other people that doesnt mean its going to happen to you.

 

Chances are, it wont, or if it does, its going to be a short-lived reconciliation.

[chados]

Here's the thing, whatever reason someone gives you for breaking up with you is probably only a small part of the actual reason. Most of the time I've gotten 'Im just not happy' or some other vague/general crap. People are going to say whatever is the easiest thing to say, and whatever they feel is going to be the easiest pill to swallow. No one is honest during the breakup talk.

 

The moral of the story is that it doesnt really matter why, the only thing that matters is youve been dumped. And people DONT dump people who they see future potential with.

 

 

of course not, but i do think its possible to improve yourself. not saying you should wait. but i dont think its impossible to reattract your ex. although i think i got what was coming to me. i just didnt show her that i loved her the last couple of months. and i can see that now.

[BCCA]

of course not, but i do think its possible to improve yourself. not saying you should wait. but i dont think its impossible to reattract your ex. although i think i got what was coming to me. i just didnt show her that i loved her the last couple of months. and i can see that now.

 

NOTHING you do can make someone change their mind. Unless you did one specific thing to piss them off, and thats the reason they broke up with you, this idea of reattracting someone is a pipedream.

 

And relationships are a two way street. If there was a problem then she should have talked it out with you. Waiting until she cant take it anymore and dumping you doesnt show me that she valued the relationship very much.

 

Stop selling yourself dreams. Youre saying youre not going to wait, but every question and comment youve made in this thread tell me thats exactly what youre going to do. How about instead of wasting your effort 'reattracting' someone who dumped you, you spend that effort attracting somone else.

[chados]

NOTHING you do can make someone change their mind. Unless you did one specific thing to piss them off, and thats the reason they broke up with you, this idea of reattracting someone is a pipedream.

 

And relationships are a two way street. If there was a problem then she should have talked it out with you. Waiting until she cant take it anymore and dumping you doesnt show me that she valued the relationship very much.

 

Stop selling yourself dreams. Youre saying youre not going to wait, but every question and comment youve made in this thread tell me thats exactly what youre going to do. How about instead of wasting your effort 'reattracting' someone who dumped you, you spend that effort attracting somone else.

 

 

 

thats not the whole story, and im not going to write it all down. no im not going to reattract her, im just asking if there's someone who experienced this. this is why i want people to stay with the topic. but thanks for your answer, appreciate it

[BCCA]

thats not the whole story, and im not going to write it all down. no im not going to reattract her, im just asking if there's someone who experienced this. this is why i want people to stay with the topic. but thanks for your answer, appreciate it

 

Honestly, you want to know if someone experienced this because thats what you would like to happen with you. Am I wrong here? Its not the kind of question you ask 'just becuase'.

 

I've been posting her for several years, and I've seen tons of stories about breakups, and a lot of people have asked the same question you did. Its not that its impossible to get back together with your ex, its just that its not something that you can control. It takes two to tango, if you know what I mean, and no matter what you do or say, if the other person isnt as into the idea of getting back together as you are, its not going to work.

 

Im not trying to be rude, and I do honestly wish you nothing but happiness in your life, but the absolute best thing you can do is just accept things for what they are and try to move on.

[leoc1973]

Listen man I know you are looking for hope. Most of us are! Thats why you are posting on the Second chances forum. I have been in 4 long term relationships. The first 2 broke up with me soon as I moved to the next girl they wanted me back. Begged pleaded all that other stuff. The 3rd I broke up with. She moved on and I wanted her back. She didn't want me back. The forth relationship we dated for 2 years and she broke up with me cause of a lot of reasons. I fixed all those things. Lost some weight got back in school got off the couch! She was on the fence for a while but just kept telling me I won't stay changed. The minute(actually the next day) she found out I had someone new that I really liked and was prettier than her she came running back. We were back together for 3 years. However I screwed it up again. If I wasn't such an idiot we would still be happily together so don't let anyone tell you that when something is broke its broke stuff cause its not! You are an adult she is an adult. you make your own rules. There is no playbook but there are certain ways that peoples minds work. If this girl loves you and I mean really loves you she needs to feel like she is losing you for good. Think about what drives you to want her so bad you have to flip that back on her.

 

Like I said you are an adult. If you really love this girl it can't hurt to try. Just don't let it consume your life. I mean what do you have to lose your already sad. You are just going to prolong it a little more. Do what you want and there are tons of success stories. They usually just forget about the rest of us when they have their guy or gal back. you only hear the bad stuff. Also look at any older couple and I will bet at some point most of them took some time off from each other at some point or another. Just be honest with yourself. Don't pretend in your own mind you are moving on when you are not. You will confuse yourself.

[nyckidd]

do not write if you haven't got back with your ex.

 

so anyone here who's been dumped. when it looked like they wouldn't be able to take you back, and all sudden they did. this could be weeks, months years whatever.

 

 

I will answer your question strictly based on what your asking (I think that's how a question should be answered).

 

And my answer is yes my ex came back in everyone of my relationships:

 

--I dated this girl for 7 months and she broke up with me due to the fact that she thought I was cheating on her, but I wasn't. I did NC right away, but was jealous of her new bf and ended up punching him in the face one day. I was young and probably just looked like a jealous fool. Anyway a year later she began talking to me and wanted to get back with me. I told her no because I had a new girl whom I loved. 6 years later we ran into each other and she told me that she is married now but regrets that she ever left me, and beats herself up over it all the time (pretty weird I know.)

 

--My second girl and I were together for 2 years and 10 months and she left me because I was very controlling and was verbally abusive (I did a lot of growing since and can honestly say I have, and will never treat anyone like that again.) I BEGGED her to take me back ,bought flowers, cried, poured my heart out for days. Then she changed her number and completley shut me out of her life. About 7-8 months later she wanted me back but I was happy with someone else. She BEGGED me to take her back and told me how sorry she was for leaving me etc. but I declined.

 

--My third girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and she left me because I didn't treat her as well as she deserved (I never put her first, and we were arguing a lot etc.) I tried to get her back once of twice but knew that doesn't do any good. 3 weeks later of NC she reached out to me and we began to talk. Sure enough she wanted me back so we could be happy together. It was so good at first, probably the best feeling ever, but it only lasted 6 more months till problems arose again, and there was a lack of affection/sex on my side. Just got pretty unhealthy again so she left. It's been about 2 months now and I lost hope for her coming back.

 

So, in each case I had no clue that they would be coming back, but they did in all different time frames with all different scenerios. It always comes when you least expect it, and usually you have either found someone else or have truley moved on and forgotten about them.

[nyckidd]

Listen man I know you are looking for hope. Most of us are! Thats why you are posting on the Second chances forum. I have been in 4 long term relationships. The first 2 broke up with me soon as I moved to the next girl they wanted me back. Begged pleaded all that other stuff. The 3rd I broke up with. She moved on and I wanted her back. She didn't want me back. The forth relationship we dated for 2 years and she broke up with me cause of a lot of reasons. I fixed all those things. Lost some weight got back in school got off the couch! She was on the fence for a while but just kept telling me I won't stay changed. The minute(actually the next day) she found out I had someone new that I really liked and was prettier than her she came running back. We were back together for 3 years. However I screwed it up again. If I wasn't such an idiot we would still be happily together so don't let anyone tell you that when something is broke its broke stuff cause its not! You are an adult she is an adult. you make your own rules. There is no playbook but there are certain ways that peoples minds work. If this girl loves you and I mean really loves you she needs to feel like she is losing you for good. Think about what drives you to want her so bad you have to flip that back on her.

 

Like I said you are an adult. If you really love this girl it can't hurt to try. Just don't let it consume your life. I mean what do you have to lose your already sad. You are just going to prolong it a little more. Do what you want and there are tons of success stories. They usually just forget about the rest of us when they have their guy or gal back. you only hear the bad stuff. Also look at any older couple and I will bet at some point most of them took some time off from each other at some point or another. Just be honest with yourself. Don't pretend in your own mind you are moving on when you are not. You will confuse yourself.

 

 

All good stuff here

[immitable]

Here's the thing, whatever reason someone gives you for breaking up with you is probably only a small part of the actual reason. Most of the time I've gotten 'Im just not happy' or some other vague/general crap. People are going to say whatever is the easiest thing to say, and whatever they feel is going to be the easiest pill to swallow. No one is honest during the breakup talk.

 

The moral of the story is that it doesnt really matter why, the only thing that matters is youve been dumped. And people DONT dump people who they see future potential with.

 

 

 

First of all people do leave people they see potential in, after long relationships people just get blurred vision and try to experience something new. They break up with you because you are going to be in their way if they are seeing someone else or are attracted to that other person. Most of the time this turns out to be a rebound and that's why you get so many exs contacting after certain time has passed.

 

My advice would be don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong and try to move on.

 

Try not to torture yourself with what ifs and the reasons. The reason is not that they didn't see potential in you the reason is that THEY don't know what they want or think the grass is greener on the other side, most of the time these people don't know how to communicate with their partner etc.

 

Let it go and concentrate on yourself.

Edited November 25, 2011 by immitable

[immitable]

do not write if you haven't got back with your ex.

 

so anyone here who's been dumped. when it looked like they wouldn't be able to take you back, and all sudden they did. this could be weeks, months years whatever.

 

 

People who got back certainly wouldn't be dwelling here on LS.

[chados]

BCAA, im trying to move on i really do, why im asking this is probably because i dont want that feeling that she isnt going to love me anymore, i want that egoboost that theres a change she will love me again. people want to be loved you know "selfish i know". its not because i think that she will come back after 1 month. and im going to go on dates. and hopefully i will be over her.

 

 

 

LEOC 1973, thanks. that made me feel better actually:)

 

 

 

IMMITABLE. must feel great that they regret themselves?

Edited November 25, 2011 by chados

[alphamale]

never go back to a job you left and never go back to an ex

[chados]

never go back to a job you left and never go back to an ex

 

well that depends, lets say your 20 and gets together again when youre 25? huge difference. lets say your 50 and gets together again when youre 55, sure it could work, but when youre young you grow up, what once was a problem might not be there anymore.

[leoc1973]

chados, Read a little about my story and you will see the mistakes I have made. My ex strings me along when she swears that she isn't. I told her I was done with her leave me alone and she still won't she flirts tells me how dreamy I am. Tries to talk me out of girls. Picking out their flaws. I don't wanna give you false hope but the key here is to make her really know that she is losing you forever women seem to have a problem with the forever part while men seem to have a problem with other men touching their woman and you have to do it while the wounds she is feeling are fresh. Down the road she might be able to fight it if she sees she's losing you. But probably not right now. Like I said if you meet her she will cry and you will want to comfort her by telling her you still love her. I am telling you that if you want her back you have to shun her! I am doing that now with my ex but only because I really have lost interest I will keep ya posted if she comes back.

[sardeen]

I know from experience that it may not work.

 

Got back with my ex after two days. She was being put down by her mom when I called and got angry over a joke I made on the phone. We hung out later that day and she mentioned she wanted to leave early. We then talked about the issue and everything seemed okay, but she left me about a few days later.

 

Maybe it was a case of us rushing back together or maybe she felt guilty about not loving me, but in some cases it is a bad bad idea and I know now.

 

I have not experience anything else, so I cant really typed any other opinion, but from my experience, it did not work out.

[wow123]

People who got back certainly wouldn't be dwelling here on LS.

 

 

Great point. Although the percentage of reconciliations is low, the percentage of those that would take the time to come on here and post is also low. Making it almost zero.

[intheEvent]

I understand all the push back from everyone here, but the OP did ask a legitimate question to poll the loveshack forum.

 

You guys ... I know the post is a controversial one because we want everyone to heal, over fostering false hope and delusion ... but having a "Second Chances" forum will materialize questions such as these.

 

And to be honest, sometimes this community loses sight of what romance and relationships really are ... which is just a cluster**ck of emotions and craziness, some good and some bad. To try and make a universal playbook and law of the land for something so vague and chaotic is as foolish as wishing for a second chance. Try telling me with a straight face that analyzing GIGs and the implementation of the NC rule is not in itself a form of delusion.

 

The human mind is worth more than a handful of tricks to extrapolate some other person's behaviors.

 

 

With that said, I've experienced the OP's inquired situation. It's never pretty and always ends in a mess, if that person was not meant for you. Right now I am in a particular situation where I hope she comes back in the coming months. Not because I will not move forward ... because I will, and I will continue with my life ... but that doesn't mean I have to move on and love someone else right away. She kept the door open enough, and I don't care enough about dating right now, that I can go on until she eventually finds her way back in my city. There is more to life than (romantic) love.

 

Find yourself, find peace, and love will find you ... whether it's your ex or someone else. Trust in the intertia of life.

 

I'm gonna go hug a tree now.

[chados]

I understand all the push back from everyone here, but the OP did ask a legitimate question to poll the loveshack forum.

 

You guys ... I know the post is a controversial one because we want everyone to heal, over fostering false hope and delusion ... but having a "Second Chances" forum will materialize questions such as these.

 

And to be honest, sometimes this community loses sight of what romance and relationships really are ... which is just a cluster**ck of emotions and craziness, some good and some bad. To try and make a universal playbook and law of the land for something so vague and chaotic is as foolish as wishing for a second chance. Try telling me with a straight face that analyzing GIGs and the implementation of the NC rule is not in itself a form of delusion.

 

The human mind is worth more than a handful of tricks to extrapolate some other person's behaviors.

 

 

With that said, I've experienced the OP's inquired situation. It's never pretty and always ends in a mess, if that person was not meant for you. Right now I am in a particular situation where I hope she comes back in the coming months. Not because I will not move forward ... because I will, and I will continue with my life ... but that doesn't mean I have to move on and love someone else right away. She kept the door open enough, and I don't care enough about dating right now, that I can go on until she eventually finds her way back in my city. There is more to life than (romantic) love.

 

Find yourself, find peace, and love will find you ... whether it's your ex or someone else. Trust in the intertia of life.

 

I'm gonna go hug a tree now.

 

 

 

great post. you just never know what happens in life, you shouldn't wait years for your ex to take you back, but like you said, i hope she comes back. thats the thing, you always do, sometimes its just because your feeling lonely and sometimes you cant see yourself with another woman. well as for me, after starting this tread i felt like my life was over.

 

i went out on a club in our small city where i live. never in my life would i believe that i could find someone here. i did find the most amazing girl this weekend. im not going to jump in to a relationship. but this feeling of loneliness is gone. and finally i realize that even though i love my ex. there is another woman out there for me. sometimes when your feeling lonely you automatically want the person back in you life, but not the relationship.

[citrusdrop1688]

My ex and I were together for a year. We broke up last January. We both still loved each other very much. We had problems with communication and expressing when we were feeling certain things. Ive never loved anyone so much , but we couldnt seem to be together and be happy.

 

6 weeks after the break up I contacted him and convinced him to try again. Both of us started to act even more out of character and yet again neither one of us was really happy. He was using me and I was letting him. They say no matter how much someone loves you theyll use you if you allow them to. That ended badly with me doing a slight violation of privacy.

 

A month later we started trying to date a bit again. Things seemed better then they had been before... but then he started to act really weird and he ended up completely withdrawing. Things ended again and this time I was determined to move on. Let go, even though I still loved him so much. I dated someone else for a few weeks. We had no contact... at the 6 week mark we emailed a bit, both talked about how hard it was, still missed each other, but neither of us was ready to try again. And that I wasnt willing to try again unless he showed that he wasnt going to treat me how he had after the break up.

 

Another 6 weeks goes by. So 3 months since we had seen each other. We decided to meet up for coffee... just catch up. I had convinced myself it would never work. That I wasnt going to be that person i was after we broke up. But whatever we had had that made us us, it was still there. He had dated a bit, but neither of us had slept with anyone or anything. We couldnt. Because that would have meant we were letting go of the other person for good.

 

Now, we're still working on things. We have had little things come up, and there have been alot of questions about the dating but things have been really good. Maybe better then theyve ever been. We both really spent that time really working on the things that caused us to break up. When things do come up we have consistently changed how we handle it. Both of us, because it was still that important to both of us.

 

The truth is though that most of the time when someone breaks up with someone it really is because they dont feel the same. The dumper isnt usually thinking about how they can fix what they did wrong and they arent pining over the person they dumped. I had convinced myself that even though I knew different he was like the other dumpers, he must not have cared anymore. That theres no way it would work out. We are in the minority though.

[chados]

My ex and I were together for a year. We broke up last January. We both still loved each other very much. We had problems with communication and expressing when we were feeling certain things. Ive never loved anyone so much , but we couldnt seem to be together and be happy.

 

6 weeks after the break up I contacted him and convinced him to try again. Both of us started to act even more out of character and yet again neither one of us was really happy. He was using me and I was letting him. They say no matter how much someone loves you theyll use you if you allow them to. That ended badly with me doing a slight violation of privacy.

 

A month later we started trying to date a bit again. Things seemed better then they had been before... but then he started to act really weird and he ended up completely withdrawing. Things ended again and this time I was determined to move on. Let go, even though I still loved him so much. I dated someone else for a few weeks. We had no contact... at the 6 week mark we emailed a bit, both talked about how hard it was, still missed each other, but neither of us was ready to try again. And that I wasnt willing to try again unless he showed that he wasnt going to treat me how he had after the break up.

 

Another 6 weeks goes by. So 3 months since we had seen each other. We decided to meet up for coffee... just catch up. I had convinced myself it would never work. That I wasnt going to be that person i was after we broke up. But whatever we had had that made us us, it was still there. He had dated a bit, but neither of us had slept with anyone or anything. We couldnt. Because that would have meant we were letting go of the other person for good.

 

Now, we're still working on things. We have had little things come up, and there have been alot of questions about the dating but things have been really good. Maybe better then theyve ever been. We both really spent that time really working on the things that caused us to break up. When things do come up we have consistently changed how we handle it. Both of us, because it was still that important to both of us.

 

The truth is though that most of the time when someone breaks up with someone it really is because they dont feel the same. The dumper isnt usually thinking about how they can fix what they did wrong and they arent pining over the person they dumped. I had convinced myself that even though I knew different he was like the other dumpers, he must not have cared anymore. That theres no way it would work out. We are in the minority though.

 

 

wow many ups and downs. they say it's always for the best, but its hard when your partner meets another one. hopefully you'll work things out

[citrusdrop1688]

There have been a lot of ups and downs. But since we started dating again its only really been up. Its been maybe better then it was in the beginning. I cant explain what happened with us to get us where we did, but I think a lot of it were things that we have either fixed or were more of situational issues.

 

They say that for a relationship to feel balanced there should be 5 good times for every one bad. Well we havent had many bad, but when they do come up we deal with them quickly, with open communication. There are still a few things that need to be worked out, but we are both really happy. And we've let go of all the **** from before.