OW won't go away or is He playing both?????

[Linlin]

My H and I are separating. For financial reasons we are both living in the same house with our 2 children. We have agreed that we need to live apart and then we can decide if we want to try counselling together. I have maintained, since I found out that he was having an affair that this is the way I want it to be. He waivers on this depending on his mood.

 

Unfortunately, this sometimes leads to arguing over what happened, fortunately when the kids aren't around. We are civil in front of them.

 

I have talk to the OW since she used to be my good friend. About a month ago he told her it was over (apparently). She is still living with her H and Kids under the guise that they are going to work it out. She claims that their only problem is sexual with him (she is repulsed by him) This has been leading up to her fooling around with other guys and then the affair with my H.

 

He has bugged me to call her to confirm that he told her it was done. I finally did, not maybe the smartest move on my part, and she refused to confirm or deny anything. She hinted he did not and then ran and called my H and twisted everything I said. Then also told him that she still loved himand he must love her. And that she didn't believe it was over and that those feelings don't go away. My H told me that is what she is saying. Apparently she belives he is playing both of us. He has also refused to meet as a threesome to disucc who is saying what. Although, I am not sure I could actually meet with her.

 

Since my H and I had a fight about her. He is now refusing to tell me anyime he speaks with her. Before, he was apparently being honest with me. Now he has clammed up about communicating with her. On the weekend he asked me how I was feeling about the future. I said that I felt negative where it involved us since even if I can get past the affair and all the other crappy things he did, I don't think she will leave us alone.

 

So, my question is, do you think that he is playing both of us or is she going to become a stalker if we try to work it out. Looking for all and any opinions.

[supermom]

I think he loves all this fussing about him....ego boost.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t39573/

 

If you want more of my opinion, above is a post to describe it.

 

You DESERVE better, your children DESERVE better....

 

Good luck hon!

[Linlin]

Supermom,

 

Thanks for the advice and the link.

 

I love what you and others have said.

 

It's funny but I call her a skank like the others referred to and would love to knock her teeth in or spit in her face etc. I should do it to him as well. Thankfully I haven't because I think of my two kids and the fact that they are not worth it and worth hurting my kids over.

 

I would still like to hear others opinions about what is being done around or under my nose.

 

Thanks

 

PS Just to let you know that the house is for sale and once it is sold I am buying a house for the kids and I and he can go live where ever.

[brashgal]

Sounds to me like he's playing you both, he doesn't want to cut her off in case things don't work out with you. If he truly cared, he'd make every effort to convince you that you are the only one for him - you wouldn't wonder about his whereabouts or his calls because he'd give you full access.

 

I endured this kind of behavior from my ex for 3 years through two different OWs. I think I only stayed because I thought that the first affair was over, and it was pretty much, because he went on to courting the second woman. It was a whole lot of heartache and I hope this isn't what happens to you. I think he would have continued to play us both indefinitely.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Apparently she belives he is playing both of us. He has also refused to meet as a threesome to disucc who is saying what.

 

That would say it all for me.

[JustBreathe]

i think he's playing you both also. he sounds like a cakeman to me. lies to you and lies to her so he can have both.

 

the reason i say this is if it were me, and i had been mentally deficient enough to screw my husband's friend and been caught and was truly regretful and wanted to save my marriage, i would do WHATEVER my husband asked. if he wanted me to meet with him and the OM present and ask any questions he wanted, i would consent to it. i would call the OM with him on the other line listening and try to set it up and that way my H could hear what OM was saying unbeknownst to the OM. if he refused to meet with us, i would state very clearly with my H on the phone that i would no longer speak to him or have anything to do with him, that i loved my husband and that he is the only man i want in my life.

 

i would be contrite and respectful at all times to my husband. i would do whatever he needed me to do.

[Linlin]

I really think that he is trying to scam both of us.

 

A week ago, I stated that I think I should call her H and fill him in on a few things. I talked to him originally when all this came out and he apologized to me for his wife's behaviour. I told him it wasn't his fault the is wife and my H were a**holes.

 

I know alot of things that his wife has said that she is not being honest with him about. This morning, my H says that "I think you should call the OW husband and tell him what you know. It would be good."

 

I thought about it and then said forget it "I am not doing your dirty work for you."

 

If the OW husband threw her out (right now he has taken her back unconditionally even though apparently she doesn't want to be there and still loves my H) that would give my H easy access to her.

 

Now I know that I can not prevent this from happening in the future but I will not have him make a fool of me while we are stuck together until the house sells.

 

I have told him that I give him less than 6 months before she is sniffing around again whether she is with her H or not. But at least then I will be out on my own and me and the kids won't be directly involved in their soap opera anymore.

 

I don't think she is going to leave him alone nor does he really want her too. He says that he doean't want either one of us, we are both too much trouble. Can you believe the nerve of him. I am not perfect but I have never even kissed anotherman since we have been together.

[EnigmaXOXO]

He says that he doean't want either one of us, we are both too much trouble.

 

Translation: I am hardly man enough to satisfy one woman, let alone two, nor do I have the stones to deal with the consequences of my own actions.

 

I'm surprised you let him live. That big ol' sissy must be scared to death to close his eyes at night. He probably goes to sleep wearing a cup.

[Linlin]

Sometimes I wonder why I have let him live. LOL

 

Unlike the OW husband who took her back unconditionally and they are going to be "stronger for it" (gag!!!) (Someone has no stones)

 

I kicked my H ass to the curb. Like I said, we are only in the same house for financial reasons until it sells. SInce I didn't give him to option of taking him back, I think this is his defenses coming out. This is his way of saving face to himself and others by his comments and actions.

 

I HAVE NEVER GIVEN HIM THE OPTION TO COME BACK OR GIVEN HIM ANY HOPE THAT I WILL TAKE HIM BACK.

 

He is the one that had to go to the Dr and get sleeping pills to take not me.

 

I give him 2 months until he sees how happy I am and how good I am going to look and then he will probably suggest that we "try" or until he gets bored with OW and her games.