nowwhatnow Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 its been 14 months since the BU and i am miles from where I started. I have not dated anyone, but i have started to develop feelings for other guys without it freaking me out. i still have triggers - a song, a restaurant, a movie - that when i see/hear them set me off into a depression. I feel like if i just find someone else i will forget about these but I cant seem to make a connection with anyone! ive started going out a lot - to parties and bars with friends, but i just cant seem to make a connection with a guy. not even close to how i felt with my last boyfriend. any suggestions?? Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I know how you feel, even though now, I don't have that many triggers as before. Sure, I may run into a few things here and there that remind me specifically of him, like certain songs, or a movie, a restaurant, or a book... and I know those triggers might always be there. That doesn't always have to be a bad thing, though, because as you go on in life and eventually find other people who you connect with (which you will), it can be a nice experience to look back and know that you once shared something special with that one person, even if you two are no longer together. But really, for me now, it's more just strong feelings of nostalgia -- which I think is different than triggers that cause deep depression when they happen. And even if it did take a while for me to get to this point, I don't think it's impossible for you to get there either. It's similar to exercise -- kind of a drag to get into at first if you haven't done it in a long while, but with every day and every month, you get more and more accustomed to it... and soon enough, you're back into the groove of it, and things are flowing a little easier than before. It's the same thing with getting back out there in 'dating', and once you've been on your own long enough and meet enough new people, you'll realize that you just have to keep hanging on there until you do meet someone who raises your interest. In the meantime, you'll have gotten a bit more comfortable with being by yourself, and you'll finally be able to breathe a little better. You'll start to not worry as much about whether you can find what you had with your ex again. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I have triggers from even my first love. And it puts me into a 'those were the lovely days...' . And I miss those perfect feelings. And cherish the precious memories. But as to have a depression from it ? No... What I've learnt from my past relationships is that I didn't see them coming. I was just living my life and being happy when they crossed my path. And that's when I fell in love. I never forced it, it just came. And I know the next one will be like that, unexpected. For the time being you could try to love yourself and be thankful for every day. I'm sure love will cross your path again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 thank you for the support. i know that everyone says you will meet someone else, but i just cant seem to make that connection with anyone else. and it just stresses me out even more, making me feel more lonely. its really nice to hear your points of view. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Maybe make small connections with several people (as friends) and get used to the free-wheeling, spontaneous and care-free way of behaving that makes connecting with other people authentic and enjoyable. Lots of little connections makes it easier to drop one or two if they become a problem and you still have a network of other connections to turn to. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts