Closure and Updates from those who posted quite a while ago

[SimonMas]

I find the people in LS simply amazing. I read a number of the threads and could relate to all the tears, hope and joy the people in LS have gone through. It is a pity, though, that many of the posts were simply left hanging. I was kept in suspense reading them and wanted or rather curious to know what decision they have finally made (whether they broke up or reconciled or whether NC broken) and how they are feeling after posting their challenges especially if their postings were done quite a while ago. What I am saying that it would be good if there is a beginning and an ending. I suppose it brings some closure to the issue and the LS community could also be inspired that there is indeed hope and laughter after tears and challenges.

 

If any of the people in LS (especially those who posted quite a while ago) could update us either in this thread or some other thread, that would be great!

[solobeary]

I never posted much so I doubt anyone's hanging on my story, but I've stopped posting partly because I'm feeling OK, and partly because I'm not 100% no contact so I'm worried that people will go mad on me, or that I'll encourage others to follow my bad example. I'm very low contact though. Short work-related (though not 100% necessary) email about every fortnight, always initiated by him. I went no contact in the beginning and he broke it after about 1 month (after some breadcrumbs which I ignored or responded curtly to) to apologise for how he treated me. It was an insightful and moving apology by his standards. He admitted he took all his **** out on me, and that the way he treated me was incredibly selfish.

 

Break up was mid July, 4 years together, 3 living together. I still miss my ex a lot. I'm glad that he dumped me though. It wasn't a healthy relationship, I loved him to death and always wanted to see the best in him, he took me for granted and took out all of his emotional issues on me. I'm capable of having a better relationship, I know that. More equal, less needy, more happy. I'm terrified that I'll never meet anyone again, though. I'm only 24 so I can see that's kind of silly, but I've always considered myself unlucky in love...!

 

 

I'm tempted to start a journal. Does anyone know when you get access to the journal feature on loveshack? I've got PM access, but no option to post to a journal.

Edited November 25, 2011 by solobeary

[Emilia]

I posted in this section once or twice a long time ago, now have moved to 'Dating' and 'General Relationships'. I find the Coping section too depressing to read sometimes.

 

I don't believe in no contact either but have extremely low contact with my ex. I pushed for some communication because I wanted to make amends with him rather than remain on bad terms. It is possible that I'll never speak to him again but now that there is no bad blood anymore, that doesn't seem to be such a terrible prospect and my anxiety has mostly gone. His job is pretty much the most dangerous kind you can have and if anything had happened to him before we made up I would have been devastated.

 

He made clear there was still emotional attachment on his part and he wanted to cut those ties, now that I made sure he knows he can always call me and that he matters to me I'm ok if he doesn't get in touch for a very long time. I hope that he doesn't disappear from my life forever but I'm ok.

[smokey bear]

Bump, good post, anyone else?

[jquest1280]

I've never posted my story because I don't think LS existed when I had my episode nearly 5 years ago. It would have helped me a great deal!

 

Heart broken in a million pieces, I said I wanted to remain friends with him (foolish me). If I had been honest with myself, I would have admitted this was just a ploy to win him back. But he wasn't coming back, tho he was nice enough to return my texts. But not in the way he used to talk to me, which I missed terribly. My frustration boiled over, and I picked a fight. I apologized soon after, but he was not talking to me. I felt like I fell into an abyss. (This is how it pretty much happens to everyone; a predictable pattern like the 5 stages of grief).

 

After a month, I had calmed down, and asked for a meeting, which he was kind enough to grant. It was the closure meeting. I remained heartbroken for 2 years more. I went through what you all go through, to-send-or-not-to-send the text, the breadcrumb response, the occassional meeting at common and unavoidable events, the lack of special treatment like before, to outright being ignored.

 

Gradually, the pain began to dull, and as I had vented all my energies on work all that time, by year 4 I landed a significant promotion. It was just about the time I had stopped missing him and thinking about him everyday. I moved to another country and learned another language. With all these adjustments, he's not on my mind much anymore, though think I still love him - but will not go back except under the right circumstances.

 

I'll be seeing him next week at one of those common unavoidable events. It will be the first time for me to see him after I have declared my heartbreak "over". For the results of that meeting, I'll have to leave you hanging...

[SimonMas]

I've never posted my story because I don't think LS existed when I had my episode nearly 5 years ago. It would have helped me a great deal!

 

Heart broken in a million pieces, I said I wanted to remain friends with him (foolish me). If I had been honest with myself, I would have admitted this was just a ploy to win him back. But he wasn't coming back, tho he was nice enough to return my texts. But not in the way he used to talk to me, which I missed terribly. My frustration boiled over, and I picked a fight. I apologized soon after, but he was not talking to me. I felt like I fell into an abyss. (This is how it pretty much happens to everyone; a predictable pattern like the 5 stages of grief).

 

After a month, I had calmed down, and asked for a meeting, which he was kind enough to grant. It was the closure meeting. I remained heartbroken for 2 years more. I went through what you all go through, to-send-or-not-to-send the text, the breadcrumb response, the occassional meeting at common and unavoidable events, the lack of special treatment like before, to outright being ignored.

 

Gradually, the pain began to dull, and as I had vented all my energies on work all that time, by year 4 I landed a significant promotion. It was just about the time I had stopped missing him and thinking about him everyday. I moved to another country and learned another language. With all these adjustments, he's not on my mind much anymore, though think I still love him - but will not go back except under the right circumstances.

 

I'll be seeing him next week at one of those common unavoidable events. It will be the first time for me to see him after I have declared my heartbreak "over". For the results of that meeting, I'll have to leave you hanging...

 

jquest -hahaha....good luck with the meeting. You will be fine.

[iPhone]

I posted a long time ago, but not under this account.

 

In short, my ex and me dated for about 13 months. We lived an hour away from each other, so we would usually just see each other on weekends. Anyway, I loved her to death. She said she loved me to death too for those 13 months.

 

One day out of literally nowhere (and I do mean straight out of left field) she said she wanted to take a break but she still loved me tremendously (lol like I cared to hear that part).

 

Anyway, I came on here. People told me to go completely no contact. I did.

 

She eventually came back and said she misses me and wants to get back together and all that. I saw her one time soon after she said that, and she broke down in tears and said she doesn't ever want to go without seeing me again.

 

Well, I was overjoyed with her response and, as a result, moved too fast, almost as if we had never broke up in the first place. As you could guess, she pulled away fast.

 

I stopped talking to her for a long time. Finally texted her; she has a new boyfriend. Oh well. I feared hearing her say that for so long (thus, one of the reasons I didn't speak to her), but once she said it, I didn't feel as much as I would have thought.

 

 

 

I have been with a new girl for 2 years. Even more physically attractive. However, there are irreconcilable issues that I feel we can't work through. Sucks though, because I do love so much about her. More than I loved my exes. Not looking forward to the process again.

[swfc_77]

i posted about my situation maybe 12-14 months ago.

 

together for 2 years

 

split up, another guy involved, didnt work she came back and moved back in.

 

it didn't work (again), i was rather ashamed of myself for being treated like a fool.

 

i came here for advice and still very occasionally have a look, but in the end i just moved on and got over it, i haven't seen my ex for over a year and i dont think it would bother me if she walked past me in the street.

 

i went NC and despite her txt's, abuse, accusations and silly games to get a responce i stayed strong and ignored 99% of her txt.

 

the 1 time i spoke to her on the phone was after several hours of her trying to call/tx me and i just said " look lets leave it now, we dont really like each other and i cant really be arsed with the lets be friends act so lets just go our seperate ways" this 6 months after we split.

 

it was hard for her but i never heard anything from her again.

 

i do still think about her and wonder why things happened how they did, but thats life. i was good to her and there for her in every which way possible, and i think she expected me to carry on even thought the relationship was dead and buried.

 

it was hard and i learnt a valuable lesson, but lifes too short to worry about people like that. i have my family, a new GF and good workmates so i'll stick to keeping them happy and being there for them.

 

i feel nothing for my ex, the relationship was in my eyes a bit of a joke now i stand back and look at the bigger picture, its not bitterness over the split i just see it for what it was now, were as before i had the blinkers on.

 

in the end i just grew tired of the bull $h1t, and dragged myself up.

[radiodarcy]

as you can see -- i have posted quite a bit since i joined last year. this site has been instrumental in helping me stick to NC and keep my sanity through what was a very difficult time for me.

 

since then, i have gotten over the ex and started dating again - - something i thought i would never do. i really didn't think i'd never love anyone as much as i loved him.

 

even though i haven't met anyone else -- i can honestly say, that while there's a part of me that will always care about him - - i really don't love him anymore.

 

like Emilia, i recently contacted him after 8.5 months of NC. not because i wanted to reconcile (i definitely *don't* want to do that) - - but more because i just wanted to see if i could handle being in contact with him after all this time.

 

also, i still had some residual bitterness towards him that i found was holding me back in terms of opening myself up to other people. the overall conversation with him was pretty uneventful and i doubt i'll ever speak to or hear from him again.

 

but i don't regret doing it - - it did help me get rid of that bitterness and has given me a sense of peace.

[J0N]

This is a good thread, I'm surprised I haven't seen a similar one.

 

My story:

 

We broke up last October, she pulled the rug out from under me. I was devastated. We went total NC the next day, I told her that I thought it would be best if we took some time. Seven weeks after the breakup I sent her a polite email that wished her luck but reinforced the fact that we should not be friends or see each other again. I was respectful and I even asked her not to respond, she didn't. I decided that permanent NC was the only viable option for me.

 

After that, I actually made it a point to fall off the face of the earth (as far as she was concerned). I got a little extreme with it. I stopped going to our old places, stayed away from her place and other places that there was even the slighest chance we could have bumped into each other. I blocked her and her friends on FB, changed my email, got rid of everything she ever gave me, changed my phone number, quit my job, got a new job 1,000 miles away. Needless to say, I haven't heard from her since the day after our breakup.

 

I knew the advantages of NC and how the best thing to do for both of us was to vanish. I could honestly say that these days I am 97% over her. I still think about her everyone in a while, but days go by without giving her a second thought. I have no desire to hear or see from her, ever again. I basically live my life as if she does not exist. I decided a while ago that if she ever contacts me I will only respond if she apologizes. She was really evil to me and while I don't wish any harm towards her, I do not respect her.

 

This may seem extreme, but I honestly think it was the only way I could ever deal with this. This was the first time I had ever been dumped. I would advise all recent dumpees, to not remain friends. It's not possible, and no your situation is not different. NC really is the only way.

 

These days I am happier, I have made tons of new friends. I have moved on with my life. She is now just some girl I dated in college.

[J0N]

Bumping this thread.

 

Anyone else from a while back, have any input?

[Trovador]

I also post mostly on the dating forum, after being in the Breaking up one for a long time...

 

Well, after exactly three months of zero contact, she called me to give me an update on her life... she is doing well and I think I would like to care about it but I don't... we talked (or rather, she did) about 45 minutes and I really got desperate and bored... we didn't talk about our past, although I told her I was just out of yet another relationship (it was true). She didn't mention a bf or something relevant to her romantic life...

 

I wasn't expecting a call from her. I didn't want it either.

 

I healed, but I am trying to forget another woman at this time. Correction. I am forgetting another woman.

 

In sum, I don't know why I worried so much about a woman, to the degree of signing to this forum, ha ha...

[Queen of Hearts 10]

I was a poster that was divorced April 2011. I loved my EX and still do but far far less. He doesn't cross my mind but maybe every other day now. I think he was on my mind all day every day. It took me about 2 years to get over him.

 

I never could do No Contact. But as I now have been dating and finding a few good men the No Contact has just happened naturally ! Thank the sweet lord for that gift because I use to stalk him, and call and text him so much he threatened me with a restraining order. So I just want everyone to know it can heal and the saying goes "The only way to get over a lover is to find a another." " And time heals it all." But it takes a lot of it.

 

As much as I craved my EX there we're other men just as gorgeous and even nicer than him. By the way his girlfriend dumped him after 2 months !! Yeah, a bonus to my pain I suffered !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Take Care all of you ! Keep your chin up you are beautiful the best is yet to come !!!! XXXXXXXXXXXX OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Queen of Hearts 10