I need someone to drill this into my head.

[That_girl]

I don't want to with him. I dumped him. Why am i so depressed after 7 months?? I still think about him every day. Sometimes I'm upset. I let him cheat on me and belittle me. And other days I feel like I made the biggest mistake in the world, and everything would be better if he were kissing me at that very moment. I can't stand it anymore. Why can't I just get over him and be done with it? Truth is, he treated me like ****. He's not a bad person, but he treated me like garbage.

I broke no contact twice, and the second time he asked me if I wanted him to call me back. I said no. And I've been regretting it. I want to message him and say "please,call me back,we need to talk I still love you." I don't know how I can rationally have thoughts like that. I've 12 degraded myself twice now and he was nice about it, but he's probably laughing at me. He cheated on me and lied to me, was almost physically violent toward me and I'M the one calling him and breaking contact??

 

I'm so stupid...I'm not proud of what I've let myself become. I just want someone to drill it into my head: He's no good. I think that's what I'm having trouble with, I want him so bad even though I know he's not good for me. Why couldn't he just be faithful and respectful to me? All I wanted was him. When I try to figure out what else I want for myself, all I see is him. I check my facebook messages every single day to see if he's sent me a message. And it's not like I'm on week 2 of NC. I'M HOPELESS.

[Thieves]

I don't want to with him. I dumped him. Why am i so depressed after 7 months?? I still think about him every day. Sometimes I'm upset. I let him cheat on me and belittle me. And other days I feel like I made the biggest mistake in the world, and everything would be better if he were kissing me at that very moment. I can't stand it anymore. Why can't I just get over him and be done with it? Truth is, he treated me like ****. He's not a bad person, but he treated me like garbage.

I broke no contact twice, and the second time he asked me if I wanted him to call me back. I said no. And I've been regretting it. I want to message him and say "please,call me back,we need to talk I still love you." I don't know how I can rationally have thoughts like that. I've 12 degraded myself twice now and he was nice about it, but he's probably laughing at me. He cheated on me and lied to me, was almost physically violent toward me and I'M the one calling him and breaking contact??

 

I'm so stupid...I'm not proud of what I've let myself become. I just want someone to drill it into my head: He's no good. I think that's what I'm having trouble with, I want him so bad even though I know he's not good for me. Why couldn't he just be faithful and respectful to me? All I wanted was him. When I try to figure out what else I want for myself, all I see is him. I check my facebook messages every single day to see if he's sent me a message. And it's not like I'm on week 2 of NC. I'M HOPELESS.

 

He's no good. You know that, he knows that (or knows that he's no good for you), and we know that now. I'm thinking that you want the part of him back that existed before he cheated, before he belittled you -- basically, before things went downhill. Don't we all desire that? But the truth is that after he managed to do all of that to you, he also managed to show you his true colors. So it's not really surprising that you'd want to hold onto him still, and believe that he's better than what he's done. Nobody likes to be wrong about the person they love. And while I'm sure he can be a decent person, the fact is that it doesn't really matter in the end, because he's done those bad things to you. Repeatedly, to you he wasn't being a decent person.

 

Which means that some way, somehow, as sad as hurtful as it may be, you guys are not really meant to fit together as a couple. You deserve someone who will not cheat on you and be abusive towards you, and he deserves someone who he doesn't feel compelled to do those things to. You both deserve healthy relationships, even if not with each other.

 

And so you're not hopeless. You're just going through the trials of heartbreak right now, and you want to fix what's damaged. It's not a crime to try and do that, we've all been through this and know how it all feels like a bottomless pit that never ends sometimes. But end it does, and will, when you begin to accept only the men who will treat you better than this in your life.

[That_girl]

I appreciate your reply but it seems like you're saying that it's my fault that he did this to me. So he HAD to cheat on me because there is something about me that is begging to be betrayed. Or I deserved the abuse?

[Mallow]

Nobody deserves to be abused. I understand how you're feeling, I left my ex of 5 years due to the mistreatment. Instead of seeing the negative, we tend to look back on old positive moments shared together.

 

You already know that he isn't right for you, you have been NC for a long duration. You're making progress, stay strong you will get through this.

 

Keep reminding yourself why you let him go. Don't play back any old positive memories, those are gone now.

 

I was relieved when I kicked my ex out of my life. I knew what I wanted in a future partner and what red flags to avoid. I am now able to to make healthy relationship choices.

 

Just hang in there, keep busy, talk it out with friends, you will make it.

[karmaqueen]

I feel like this too some days. I too was cheated on and lied to. No, you didn't deserve it and you weren't asking for it. They say love is blind- maybe that's what happened to us. Just hang in there- make sure you have got rid of all his stuff and photos etc, don't contact him and at some point it will get easier for you. Sorry I can't really offer advice, but I do know how you feel.