Ladies and Gents: Can You Help Me Buy An Engagement Ring?

[bicyclethief]

I want to ask my girlfriend of Five years to marry me. I'm 28, she's 24.

 

I need advice: I want to buy her a ring, but i want to know how much to spend.

I don't make tons of money but decent. I looked at a jewelry store and saw some nice

diamond rings...some $400....some $500.....some up to $1000 Dollars.

 

Would I be cheap if I got a 500 ring??? Does it really matter how much it costs?

am I paying more for the Diamond than the actual gold??

 

I'm a little clueless about this stuff. Don't have many friends who are married or engaged.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[moimeme]

I believe the theory is that you spend three months' salary on the ring. I have never understood this business of the guy getting the ring first. I mean, I suppose it looks like the TV proposals, but what's wrong with asking her to marry you and then shopping for a ring together?

[brashgal]

This could be dangerous, especially if she is particular. I suggest looking at some together, either in a brochure, online, or in the jewelery store to see what she likes. There have been a few disappointed ladies who have complained here recently about the engagement rings their fiances have purchased.

[DerangedAngel]

I never understood the three months' salary thing. Why only three months? Kidding. Really.

 

I think moimeme and brashgal have some excellent suggestions. The only way to guarantee that she will like the ring, is to have her choose it herself.

 

However, some women (like me) would absolutely hate this. I would feel so weird walking into a jewelry store and having my future husband tell me my budget as I run around looking for my engagment ring.

 

I really think if I knew he put thought into it, I would love whatever he picked out.

 

I guess you just need to decide what type of girl she is. Will she expect you to have the ring? Does she have it all designed in her head and need to show you what she wants?

 

If you decide to pick it our yourself, pay attention the the other jewelry that she wears (silver? gold? simple? flashy? dainty? etc.). Does she have any close female friends that could help you? Perhaps her mother?

 

Good luck!

 

-Deranged

[shortbus74]

Gotta agree with DerangedAngel....

 

 

Get her mom or another close family member to her to help you out on this....

 

Good luck!!!

[moimeme]

I would feel so weird walking into a jewelry store and having my future husband tell me my budget as I run around looking for my engagment ring.

 

Or, you could enjoy the feeling of making a major purchase together. It's all in how you look at it

[wideawake]

For what it's worth, I think you should have at least some idea of what kind of ring she wants. Maybe just skim through some pictures or something. Just talk to her about it. Round stone? Single Stone? Gold? White Gold? Etc...

[tiki]

I say never get married and stay single forever. And that way no one argues over ring size/price. Ok, I'm kidding. Do ask her for her preference. Call me whatever ya want, but if I got a gold engagement ring knowing that I've never worn gold, my feelings would be hurt that he didn't take into consideratin my preference.

 

 

Originally posted by moimeme

I believe the theory is that you spend three months' salary on the ring.

>>>Americans say two months salary, we must be cheap and easy...lol

...not that two months salary isn't a lot of money. IT IS!

[HokeyReligions]

If you are just starting out and don't have a lot of money, you can ask her mother what shape stone she prefers and just buy the diamond to give to her, and then tell her that you want to shop for a setting together so that she can get exactly what she wants. Also, you can tell her that you want to build on this ring -- a ring can be reset and changed later after you have more money.

 

Somewhere around my 12th or 15th (don't remember now) anniversary, I took my engagement ring and had it placed into a new setting with baguetts and smaller side stones around it because I wanted something new. I still have the old mounting, but I'm much happier with my 'new' ring.

 

That might be something to consider now as well. A smaller diamond now can become a side-diamond to a larger one later on if she wants to go that route. Also, a lot of places will let you 'cash in' your diamond when buying a larger one. I did that with a necklace once. I had a small diamond and when I wanted to move up to a larger diamond I use the small one as a trade-in. Some people are so attached to the stone that they don't want to replace it, but then other people (like me) don't attach an emotion to a specific stone, but to the person and reason they gave it to me. (Plus, I can be pretty materialistic when it comes to diamonds! I like the flash! and I like wearing some of my assets!)

[jmargel]

Do it in a casual way. Like I did with mine. Her & me were watching TV one night and I said 'Oh, I like that ring you have on your finger', so then I took it & tried to put it on mine (as a joke) and then asked 'what size is it'? Bingo.. Then I got her size without her suspecting anything.

 

Next, it was kinda coincidence, but she was looking at a magazine and there was a ring on the one page. I asked her 'What kinda rings do you like'? Some chicks like big gawdy diamonds and some prefer small. Then you have the design of the ring. It's frustrating, but any woman who really cares about you won't care about the type of ring you give her. She should wear it with love & be proud someone has chosen her to be his wife.

 

I got her ring from zales. It's only a 1/3 ct. but it has a platinum setting (alot heavier then the gold) and feels alot nicer. The diamond is one step down from the best. I could've went for a bigger diamond but the quality would not be as nice. You can see her's sparkle from like 20 feet away. With tax, that ran me about $1,500

 

They have rings on there from $500 to $20,000 I wouldn't go any lower than a 1/3 ct. unless you can't afford it. My ex-fiancee's ring only ran me $800 but was only a .20 ct. and you can tell the difference.

 

Talk to the jewlers as well. Ask them to explain what the 'color' is and what the 'clarity' is. They range on a letter scale.

 

Hope this helps..

[bicyclethief]

*******

*******

sORRY GUYS, sHOULD HAVE SPECIFIED.....

 

 

I already know what kind of ring she wants, I know what size, etc.....

 

We looked at a place once a few months back when were flirting with the marriage idea

and she showed me which ones she liked.......But we smiled and laughed and kinda blew it off

afterwards. She wants me to ask her, She's always hinting in subtle ways. I want to

 

My only prob is, I can probably afford Something around $700-900 maybe even $1000.

But i was curious if that is considered "too Cheap". I don't want to get her something cheap.

She had commented once at how she thought expensive rings or spending tons on a ring was silly

to her.

 

Yet, i don't want to get her something cheap...she means a great great deal to me. I love her so much.

 

Plus, i don't trust the jewelry cats....They'll try and sell you the most expensive one.

[bicyclethief]

P.S.

 

 

 

Thank you for all of your help and advice guys/gals, I really appreciate it...

[faux]

Hmm. Some people do not believe in rings, as they seem to think that the rings do not really even do anything, and that the money used to purchase the rings can go to far better use. I don't really have an opinion on the issue. I think that, if you want to buy her a ring to enhance the proposal, she should be happy with whatever that you get for her.

 

Hmm. That or.... well... hint for her to ask YOU to marry her. Just a thought, as that would be much more interesting, I think.

[jmargel]

What you can afford is not cheap. There's nothing to worry about there.

[DerangedAngel]

Not cheap at all! I'm sure she will be happy with the ring you choose.

 

(About a year or so ago I used a website to, like, design my "dream ring". The final cost was around $9,000. Not gonna happen.)

 

-Deranged

[bruno]

You can save a lot of money by shopping online. Not at Blue Nile, there are other good sites that have excellent prices on great stones. Blue Nile has a markup that these places don't. Don't buy from chain stores like Zales or Kay, their stones are mostly all poorly cut and all graded by IGI (almost always inaccurate).

 

I just bought an engagement ring for my girlfriend. It's a 0.62ct, I color, SI1 clarity, AGS0 ideal cut H&A round brilliant stone set in 14k yellow gold ring for $1,250. It also came with a free arrow viewer so I can see the perfect arrows pattern in the stone. It's the most sparkly thing I've ever seen in my life and I'm so glad I shopped online.

 

Save yourself the time, money and misery. You can get yourself a nice 1/2ct stone in your budget, and when I mean nice, I mean an ideal cut sparkler. If you want some help, get in touch with me as I just finished my purchase after months of research. My mind is clogged with prices and information about buying diamonds.

[whispering_willoww]

As a woman, if you really love someone, and want to be with them, nine times out of ten you know about them and the situation they are in financially. I know that with me and the guy I am dating, neither one of us is rich and we both have several bills to pay. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow and got me a ring, it really wouldn't matter how big it is because it comes from the heart. marriage is more than some flashy diamond on someone's hand. What you signify to someone when you ask them to marry you is that you love them with all of your heart and soul and cannot see spending the rest of your life without them. Sounds like a fairytale in some extent but it is true. it's not the ring that matters it's the promise you are making to that person. If she knows you, anything you do will be wonderful in her eyes. If she is caught up with the fact that her ring is small just let her know that it's not what you really wanted to give her but it is all you can afford at the time. Wait a little while and later on down the road when you see your way clear financially, suprise her with a new ring, more along the lines of what you wanted to give her.

 

I hope this helps some. Good luck and don't worry!!!

[Thinkalot]

My fiance and I bought my engagement ring together, because I wanted to find an antique ring, which we did! It's beautiful and I love it. I also loved searching for it together and purchasing it together, as a joint purchase. OUr finances were already shared anyway, and it seemed silly to think that he should have to carry the cost as some separate purchase. He then hid it away, and brought it out recently for the official proposal. I've spoken to other couples who went about things this way too. That way you have a ring to propose with, and you know your lady will love it! Sure the surprise factor gets lowered, because as the girl, you know a proposal is coming, but you still don't know how, or when. The way he proposed to me was great, romantic and fun.

[CantWaitForJune]

Just to give you a little push... I just bought my sweety her ring, and I'm going to give it to her next week.

 

She hasn't seen the ring, and she doesn't know it's coming. We're both recently out of college, and still putting our ducks in a row, when it comes to money and work.

 

It cost $850. It's not the biggest diamond (.30) and its not flawless (I1), but the style will look so nice on her hand, and the whole point of giving her the ring at this point is to let her know, and let the world know, that I want to be her special guy for the rest of our lives.

 

Years from now, when (if) we become more financially stable, we can upgrade to a nice, larger diamond, or an accessory type piece like a wrap.

 

In any case, I am excited, and you should be to! If she's a great a girl as mine is (and I have no reason to think she isn't), then she will love a $300 ring or a $3000 ring.

 

Have fun and good luck!

[SingleInTheCity]

My (ex) fiance used my favorite magazines to help him chose my ring. I subscribe to InStyle, Vogue most of the majors for my business. I peruse them almost daily because part of my business has to do with fashion. At any rate, there are plenty of ring ads in these mags and one night he climbed in the bed with me and subtly asked me what I was looking for and at that time it was an idea for a client who was going on Good Morning America. As I flipped through the pages he said look at that ring - now there is a nice ring and I said yeah it's cool but definitely not my style and he said it's not why and I explained and that was that. Then another ring came and he said is that your style and I said no why are you going to buy me a ring - he said don't you wish Girl I'm just trying to check out what you do and he playfully rolled over so I said okay c'mere I'll show you what is stylish and I flipped through the books and showed him a couple of Tifffany's rings and then a Harry Winston - which I said was THE ring. He said why and I explained. A few days later I was watching a documentary on Ann Wintour (editor of Vogue) and they showed Rolex watches in pink and yellow with matching rings and I commented how beautiful BUT trendy that look was. I said I would hate to have a colored diamond because it seems Faddy. A few more weeks went by and a girl my friends and I know but don't care for got engaged and her fiance is a pro basketball player - she was running around showing people her 8 carat engagement ring and we all were laughing about how gawdy we though that was. So when I came home I told my fiance how tacky I thought her ring was - I said you something babe I'm really a simple woman and told him the carat size I thought appriopriate for our age group.

 

That man is a genius, he took a mental note and on New Years Eve of that year he presented me with the most beautiful 5 carat Harry Winston engagement ring. It was tasteful yet elegant and it was ME. I was shocked and happy.

[diamondbloke]

Hey if people can buy cars and homes on Ebay, you can find a good engagement ring. Seriously I have never had a bad experience on Ebay. The key is...looking at feedback, doing searches, and if you are home bidding at the last minute. Looking at feedback is KEY. There are many reputable dealers on Ebay. Anyhow it is a viable alternative and for $1,000 you can get some amazing deals on Ebay. I haven't bought an engagement ring on Ebay....yet, for an obvious reason. But I have bought my GF many jewlery pieces that she has loved at a fraction of what they would have cost me anywhere else.

 

If you ever do buy an enagement ring on Ebay make SURE shipping is with insurance. Many sellers knowing how much the rings cost, include that in their shipping charges. Just make certain you have it.

[sumdude]

OK, I just finished going through the whole thing and I can give you a few pointers. I saved at least $1000 bucks and found a great stone and setting that appraised for almost twice what I paid. Plus the fact that my baby loves it.

 

1> Take your time! Prices vary like carzy. The same stone can sell for anywhere between $1000 - $3000 depending on where you buy it.

 

2> AT ALL COSTS AVOID BIG MALL JEWELERS! They're prices are way high, stones of average quality and they hard sell you like mad. The overhead they pay for rent and the fancy displays come right out of your pocket. Go to a few smaller places, like in strip malls. Small businesses are more likely to be able or willing to cut a deal. Visit a few to get a feel.

 

3> Educate yourself. Here's a couple good sites to check out with great advice. Note the 4 C's and go with a GIA certified stone. There's a lot of BS and voodoo out there about diamonds. Most people are totally misinformed and a lot of jewelers like it that way.

 

4> There are some good sites online like like <Name removed>. You may not want the stone to come by mail but it's a good way to at least judge prices.

[vegasawaits]

I think the whole expensive engagement ring thing is silly. I think a person should be shown how much you care for them not by how much you spend or how big the diamond is....but rather by how you treat them everyday.

 

My engagement ring came from Wal-mart. It has a nice small, but shiney CZ set in it and it is made of 10k gold. I know it cost about $20 and it means more than any high priced engagement diamond ever could.

 

I dont think you should cheap out to the extreame (ie, nothing adjustable or that will turn her finger green). but why on earth would anyone be happier with a $1,000 ring than a $20 one? isnt the real gift knowing you get to spend forever with the person you love.

 

And planning a wedding (even a cheap one) costs quite a bit of money.

 

I would think that money could be better saved for the future or help take the edge off of wedding expenses rather than spent on a piece of jewelry.

[diamondbloke]

While I agree to a large extent to what Vegaswaits is saying, I think there has to be a balance for everyone. Not everyone would be OK with a CZ engagement ring and I respect that as much as people being ok with a CZ. This is after all not just another piece of jewlery, it is THE piece of jewlery. I have thought the same things though, you can use the money for a honeymoon, wedding, college fund whatever. Everyone has to decide for themselves and there is no right or wrong.

 

But assuming the person wanted a diamond engagement ring here is some hints I can offer from just going through the process. I did buy one on Ebay at a pheonomal price. I won't know for sure if this is wise or not until I get apprasied and find out if they are real diamonds or not. In any event I have seen many wonderful genuine diamond rings in the $300 range on Ebay that would easily be in upwards of $1,500 elsewhere. You just have to be paitent and know your max price and not get caught in a bidding war, since other rings will always come along.

 

General advice wherever you buy is to know the 4 Cs. The color and clarity ratings can be a bit confusing at first.

 

I personally have never had a bad experience on Ebay and have bought over 50 items. I have bought some wonderful jewlery items at a fraction of their retail cost there. Although I did not buy from them, one seller in particular caught my eye as very legit (over 2,000 feedbacks, with 100% approval). The Ebay seller is ajdiamonds I have no connection with them at all, nor have I bought anything from them. But check out the feedback for youself. It is important to check as many as you need to to feel comfortable, 5, 10, 100 whatever. Ask them questions also. Most of their diamonds are 'clarity enhanced' but they tell you that upfront. Bottom line is that Ebay is a global marketplace and it is also a place where you can bypass the malls and almost all other types of traditonal kinds of jewlery buying. It can elimante 2 or 3 or 4 markups along the way. No advertising budgets, no rent being paid, no salesman salaries, etc. etc. It is you and a wholeseller in direct contact. If you have ever been in a 'Third World' country and seen the sprawling markets where everything is negoitable, it reminds me of that. Be careful on Ebay and it can be the solution to buying an engagement ring you thought you could never afford. As anywhere though, caveat emptor.

[katie79]

Uh...from a woman's point of view, maybe you should go ring shopping with her. Most couples do that now. Or you could just pop the question one day and go looking for a ring the next day. I'm sure you'll pick something she loves, but to be safe, since she's going to be the one wearing it forever, let her pick it. Or go buy a loose diamond that you can afford and then go pick a setting. The jeweler will put the stone in for you.