girlfriend confused

[mark]

i met this girl about a month ago and we started dating. she had just gotten through a very tough relationship where she loved her best friend who didn't apparently want her. after about 5 dates she said that she was beggining to fall in love with me. well.. i had to go out of town on work and a few days later i heard from her saying that her best friend now wanted her and she was considering going back to him. this hurt me terribly but i really liked this girl and i asked her to think about it for a few days without meeting him. then about a week later she promised me that she would not see this other person again and that she wanted to make things between us work. now whenever we talk i can tell she is still is in a conflict about this person because she wanted him so badly and now she has the chance to have him but i don't know whether a relationship starting under such circumstances is entirely healthy. how come she started falling in love with me so quickly?? why did she go back to her ex?? why has she now come back?? she has promised not to see this other person ut he has been her best friend for years and they really get on well without the relationship bit being in the way. is it possible for her to stick to this decision of hers knowing that she has already done this going back to him thing once??

[Tony T]

Why do you need a girl who is in love with somebody else? Why would you want a girl who is so unstable she would tell you she is falling in love with you and then so quickly skip out on you? Why do you want to hold onto that? Why do you want to keep a girl with you who is not sure she wants to be with you?

 

YOU ASK: "how come she started falling in love with me so quickly??

 

You were a rebound. She was hurting. She needed someone to drown out the pain she was feeling. Now isn't that just flattering???

 

NEXT QUESTION: "why did she go back to her ex??

 

She has a long history with her ex. She is in love with her ex. That is who she wants to be with. You cannot change that reality. People go where they really want to be, unless they are sick.

 

CONTINUING YOUR QUESTIONS: "why has she now come back??

 

Can you say G-U-I-L-T. You guilted her into coming back with you...but she wants to be elsewhere. I almost can't believe you are doing this to the poor girl and to yourself. Even if she stays with you now, it won't be a keeper. You are just a rebound, NOTHING MORE!!!

 

NEXT YOU ASK: "she has promised not to see this other person ut he has been her best friend for years and they really get on well without the relationship bit being in the way. is it possible for her to stick to this decision of hers knowing that she has already done this going back to him thing once??

 

It is possible but not likely. She wants to remain friends with him because she is in love with him...I mean in love with him a whole lot more than she may think she is about to feel for you. The girl is hurting. She has really no business striking up another relationship so soon...before she resolves her feelings for this ex.

 

But this will be a learning experience for all of you. I think you are being terribly inconsiderate for what she is going through and awfully cruel to your ownself for trying to force a relationship with a girl who is in love with someone else and who will ultimately chop your heart up into little pieces and spit it out.

[Jenna]

There was a post the other day that had to do with rebound relationships- and we all wrote in and gave our opinions about what we thought about them- how each of us would define them- and why people have them. It was quite interesting- but I believe that YOU have the text book version of what a "rebound relationship" is.

 

I am so sorry that you have to experience this- I remember saying the other day in my post that a rebound relationship can be very theraputic for the "rebounder"- it allows them to get their mind off of the pain from the break-up. But not so good for the "reboundee"- who often gets the short end of the stick. Fortunately, you can recognize what is happening here- giving you the chance to end it before you really get hurt- and before you really hurt her.

 

Tony said it- "she doesn't want to be with you"- and I am sure that it doesn't have anything at all to do with you as a person- you seem to be very sweet and compassionate- but the fact remains that she is in love with someones else. Had you met her under normal circumstances- she would probably have fallen madly in love with you. (Right person- wrong time)

 

And about her telling you that she loved you- she may very well be telling the truth. You provided her with the means to remove herself from a painful situation -you listened to her- comforted her- consoled her- and cared for her. There are many different levels of love- and if you had done all of these things for me- I would love you too. But I wouldn't be "in-love" with you- I hold that love for someone else- as does she.

 

She can't control the way she feels- about him or you- so don't ask her to. Let her be with the one she is in-love with, if things are meant to be between you and her- it will work out that way when the time is right. There will be no need for "thinking it over"- no deciding "which one"- it will just happen as easily and naturally as breathing.

 

Good Luck. Jenna

Why do you need a girl who is in love with somebody else? Why would you want a girl who is so unstable she would tell you she is falling in love with you and then so quickly skip out on you? Why do you want to hold onto that? Why do you want to keep a girl with you who is not sure she wants to be with you? YOU ASK: "how come she started falling in love with me so quickly?? You were a rebound. She was hurting. She needed someone to drown out the pain she was feeling. Now isn't that just flattering??? NEXT QUESTION: "why did she go back to her ex?? She has a long history with her ex. She is in love with her ex. That is who she wants to be with. You cannot change that reality. People go where they really want to be, unless they are sick. CONTINUING YOUR QUESTIONS: "why has she now come back?? Can you say G-U-I-L-T. You guilted her into coming back with you...but she wants to be elsewhere. I almost can't believe you are doing this to the poor girl and to yourself. Even if she stays with you now, it won't be a keeper. You are just a rebound, NOTHING MORE!!! NEXT YOU ASK: "she has promised not to see this other person ut he has been her best friend for years and they really get on well without the relationship bit being in the way. is it possible for her to stick to this decision of hers knowing that she has already done this going back to him thing once?? It is possible but not likely. She wants to remain friends with him because she is in love with him...I mean in love with him a whole lot more than she may think she is about to feel for you. The girl is hurting. She has really no business striking up another relationship so soon...before she resolves her feelings for this ex. But this will be a learning experience for all of you. I think you are being terribly inconsiderate for what she is going through and awfully cruel to your ownself for trying to force a relationship with a girl who is in love with someone else and who will ultimately chop your heart up into little pieces and spit it out.