Separated 1 yr 3 mo's Wife has slept with 2 people, I have slept with 4

[soooconfused]

thats the gist of it...i have been separated since Feb of 03. We have a beautiful 5 yr old daughter. I am 34, she is 30. She constantly lied about ever sleeping with anybody, she finally came clean with the fact that she has slept with 2 people since we have been separated. Because she initially lied i do not know whether or not she is lying about other things, like perhaps sleeping with more people than just 2. Yes, we are talking about trying to work things out, and what we both have done during the separation is causing major problems. More so for me, I think that is maybe due to the fact that guys are more concerned with the physical aspect of relationships..it is easier for her to overlook the fact that i have been with 4 people.

 

Am i being petty by letting the fact that she slept with two people eat me up? Please do not bring up the fact that i have been with 4 people, i dont mean to be selfish but this post is about my feelings and how to deal with them, not hers...plus, it seems easier for her to accept what i have done.......is this a major deal? Do i have the right to be pissed about what she did? and if so, how the hell do i get rid of the anger and move on??? thanks for your response.....

[supermom]

IMO you don't have the right to be mad....but feelings are never wrong..they just are.

 

You have slept with double the amount of people she has, and yes, I know you didn't want me to bring that up, but that is a big factor.

 

You both are just to blame, if there is any blame, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

Neither one of you should be sleeping with other people unless the marriage has no way of working out, then your next step is divorce.

 

Turn the tables...if she had slept with 4 people and you 2....would she have a right to be mad?

 

How do you know it's easier for her to accept then you?

 

Maybe you guys should make a decision...to sh*t or get off the pot. If you do make the decision to make it work....how about starting from there and forgiving on both parts the past 2 or 4 people and from that moment on....

 

If you CAN'T forgive her then you should move on...maybe friends?

 

Good luck, but don't be a hippocrite

[ready2moveon26]

I think you should think about why you were seperated to start with. Think about what happened to seperate the two of you. I completely understand how you feel, but think about this...she lied to you for a reason...she didn't want to hurt you or her chances of getting back with you...on the other hand...she told you the truth for the same reason. She can't live with the lie and will not be able to fully accept you back into her life if she didn't tell you about it. If you truely want this marriage to work, you will accept it and she will accept what you did as well.

[Papillon]

Yeah, I think you're being a hypocrite - but of course you realise this without us having to tell you. But anyway - why the hell are you keeping score? It's not a game....

[hope&pray]

You have to find a way to get over this. Anger is a very strong emotion but with that you can say and do stupid things. Love is a much better feeling emotion!! Time is suppose to heal all wounds and it hopefully will heal this one. Just think if you leave and the marriage ends and time does heal your wound, you won't have her anymore and probably won't be able to get her back.