my ex affair partner gone awal

[goldengirl86]

Hi guys this may sound like a stypid question, but i have not ehard form my ex afafir partner for a couple of days and wonder if i am over reacting if he wants nothing more to do with me etc.

 

We are currently still friends and he is going through a really hard time! Here is some background. Recently after an incident involving his wife of which they had a fight she put the kids in the car and he pursued and they proceeded to bumb into each other, she lost control of the car, the police were called and he was arrested. he already had an AVO on him and was not allowed to threaten or intimitate her. However, they had reconcile and where getting along swell. Anyway the court has forbidden him from having any contact with her or the children, plus there is a possibility of him going to jail.

 

Perhaps i am over reacting, but he has just stopped talking to me in the past. I know these are big issues and perhaps he does not feel like talking to anyone.

Can someone help offer some advice, as i love him alot and this is killing me!

[SoMovinOn]

My advice would be to change your phone number, move and do whatever else you have to make sure he *can't* ever contact you again, or one of these days, you'll be the person he's running off the road.

[goldengirl86]

I actually seriously think i am nuts, i know he has done so much bad stuff to his wife, and have not even mention the stuff he has done too me, not like the stuff he has done to her! But other hurtful stuff, some could say its worse i dont know.

 

But i love him and worried about him, though who knows he could be with her and violating his bail agreement i dont know! she does not care about the stuff he has done to her.

 

But its hard because im concerned about him, it human nature to worry about someone you love. It hard because he is the only man i have ever loved. So i got the whole first love thing going on!

Plus im a little bit angry at myself for allowing him to do this to me again, i have literally been nothing but good to him and ok so he going through a hard time, but is it really so hard to reply to a friggin text and let me know your alive.

 

i literally am obsessed, calling him and texting him, help me please! i have never been like this before and he has done it to me before.

[bentnotbroken]

How much are you going to love him when he kills his wife or one of his kids with that stupid crap? I going to tell you what I would tell my own children...get a grip and get some help. NOW.

[alexandria35]

This man is sick and twisted and I would be scared for any woman that he is with. Goldengirl men like this don't change. Well maybe a very few do and thats only if they are really motivated to change and they are willing to spend years in therapy. I didn't read anywhere in your post where you said this guy realizes he has huge issues and he's committed to longterm therapy so I would say he is a lost cause. Not only that but I would also say that any woman who stays involved with him probably has some pretty big issues of her own.

 

Instead of worrying and wondering what is going on in his head and in his life maybe you should take some time to ponder yourself. Have you asked yourself why you would love a crazy dangerous abusive man? Do you come from an abusive background? Do you feel like your life is dull and flat whenever there isn't any drama in it? Do you struggle with self esteem and self worth? You really need to ask yourself why the first man you fell in love with is an abusive loser.

 

When I left home as older teenager I had oodles of guys chasing me. I went on lots of dates and mostly felt unimpressed and aloof towards most of the guys pursuing me. Then I met a total selfish controling emotionally immature bastard and BAM!! I was head over heels in love...lol. I had left home at sixteen to get away from the misery of living with my crazy stepfather. My mother was difficult too but it was mostly my stepfather who made my life hell and I desperately wanted my freedom from him. Then the first guy to come along and make me feel as crappy about myself as my stepfather did is the guy I fell madly in love with. I thought me and this guy were meant to be together and that our love was fated by the universe but really I was just a classic cliche example of young woman reliving her childhood issues in her romantic relationships. There was nothing special about the guy or our intense love or even me for that matter, we were just your typical emotionally f**ked up people. If anyone had asked me back then why I stayed with such a jerk I would have said it was because I loved him deeply. Years later I realized the strong attachment I had to this guy was just a byproduct of my own sickness. If he hadn't come along I would have just fallen in love with someone else who made me feel like a piece of ****.

 

Golden girl you say it's human nature to worry about someone you love which I agree with, however it's not a normal healthy woman who comes to love a man like this in the first place. Most normal woman would look at this guy and go Whoa! No way!! Not only have you become attached to a sick abusive man, it is compounded by the fact that his is also very much married with kids! Why have you allowed such a sick relationship into your life? What does that say to you about yourself? The fact that he is abusive and nuts didn't deter you. The fact that he is a married man with kids also doesn't deter you. What would deter you? What are your standards? Where are your boundaries?

[MissBee]

This man is sick and twisted and I would be scared for any woman that he is with. Goldengirl men like this don't change. Well maybe a very few do and thats only if they are really motivated to change and they are willing to spend years in therapy. I didn't read anywhere in your post where you said this guy realizes he has huge issues and he's committed to longterm therapy so I would say he is a lost cause. Not only that but I would also say that any woman who stays involved with him probably has some pretty big issues of her own.

 

Instead of worrying and wondering what is going on in his head and in his life maybe you should take some time to ponder yourself. Have you asked yourself why you would love a crazy dangerous abusive man? Do you come from an abusive background? Do you feel like your life is dull and flat whenever there isn't any drama in it? Do you struggle with self esteem and self worth? You really need to ask yourself why the first man you fell in love with is an abusive loser.

 

When I left home as older teenager I had oodles of guys chasing me. I went on lots of dates and mostly felt unimpressed and aloof towards most of the guys pursuing me. Then I met a total selfish controling emotionally immature bastard and BAM!! I was head over heels in love...lol. I had left home at sixteen to get away from the misery of living with my crazy stepfather. My mother was difficult too but it was mostly my stepfather who made my life hell and I desperately wanted my freedom from him. Then the first guy to come along and make me feel as crappy about myself as my stepfather did is the guy I fell madly in love with. I thought me and this guy were meant to be together and that our love was fated by the universe but really I was just a classic cliche example of young woman reliving her childhood issues in her romantic relationships. There was nothing special about the guy or our intense love or even me for that matter, we were just your typical emotionally f**ked up people. If anyone had asked me back then why I stayed with such a jerk I would have said it was because I loved him deeply. Years later I realized the strong attachment I had to this guy was just a byproduct of my own sickness. If he hadn't come along I would have just fallen in love with someone else who made me feel like a piece of ****.

 

Golden girl you say it's human nature to worry about someone you love which I agree with, however it's not a normal healthy woman who comes to love a man like this in the first place. Most normal woman would look at this guy and go Whoa! No way!! Not only have you become attached to a sick abusive man, it is compounded by the fact that his is also very much married with kids! Why have you allowed such a sick relationship into your life? What does that say to you about yourself? The fact that he is abusive and nuts didn't deter you. The fact that he is a married man with kids also doesn't deter you. What would deter you? What are your standards? Where are your boundaries?

 

All that you've said!

[whichwayisup]

Hi guys this may sound like a stypid question, but i have not ehard form my ex afafir partner for a couple of days and wonder if i am over reacting if he wants nothing more to do with me etc.

 

We are currently still friends and he is going through a really hard time! Here is some background. Recently after an incident involving his wife of which they had a fight she put the kids in the car and he pursued and they proceeded to bumb into each other, she lost control of the car, the police were called and he was arrested. he already had an AVO on him and was not allowed to threaten or intimitate her. However, they had reconcile and where getting along swell. Anyway the court has forbidden him from having any contact with her or the children, plus there is a possibility of him going to jail.

 

Perhaps i am over reacting, but he has just stopped talking to me in the past. I know these are big issues and perhaps he does not feel like talking to anyone.

Can someone help offer some advice, as i love him alot and this is killing me!

 

You need to step back and focus on your own life..And also ask yourself why you're involved with a guy who is violent and cruel. LOOK at how he treats his wife and his own flesh and blood - His children!! His family!! You think he's going to treat you with love and respect, honour and care one day? Please, think again. This guy is SICK and the best thing you can do for yourself is run away from him and this situation, otherwise you might find yourself in the hospital one day or worse.....

 

Anyway, you call him your EX-MM. Why are you still hanging onto him if the A is over?

 

You *think* you love him and want him, but why? What is it that you actually love about him? Or is it you're addicted to the unhealthy pattern, how he makes you feel. (That's not love, btw. That's obsessive and addictive behaviour that feeds you.)

[MissBee]

You need to step back and focus on your own life..And also ask yourself why you're involved with a guy who is violent and cruel. LOOK at how he treats his wife and his own flesh and blood - His children!! His family!! You think he's going to treat you with love and respect, honour and care one day? Please, think again. This guy is SICK and the best thing you can do for yourself is run away from him and this situation, otherwise you might find yourself in the hospital one day or worse.....

 

Anyway, you call him your EX-MM. Why are you still hanging onto him if the A is over?

You *think* you love him and want him, but why? What is it that you actually love about him? Or is it you're addicted to the unhealthy pattern, how he makes you feel. (That's not love, btw. That's obsessive and addictive behaviour that feeds you.)

 

I agree with this as well!

[LoveTKO]

Why date someone with a propensity for violence? He's going to give you a left hook and uppercut one day.........be careful.

[goldengirl86]

yes i young, and yeah i did come from an abusive home! i have no boundaries or standards, though niether does his wife because she was just as much at fault by letting him do that to her and the kids. You say he does not love me, but what does that show of his love for her either. I post because i cannot be objective if i could see the situation from another person's perspective then maybe i can grasp the situation better.

 

I complain that he never listens if he had stayed away from her then he would not be in the trouble he is today. But there is someone even stypitier than him, me! because i have not listened, or learnt from my mistakes and that is why the situation keeps coming back around for me to do things differently this time around. Even though yes it hurts like hell, though on the plus side at least this time around i can actually get out of bed, and am not constantly crying.

 

I feel bad for him, because he has knowone, he has his family, but no friends i think i was the first true friend he had in a long time. But its been one sided me giving and him just taking and then throwing it back in my face, by doing stuff like this. I was not aware he had so many people that cared about him that he was able to be so selective. And treat the few people that have supported him like crap! And to just drop them like they are nothing, well me anyway. i dont know for all i know him and his wife have ignored the bail agreement and the AVO and are talking and seeing one another. She never cared about all the things he did to her, she still wanted him because she loved him soo much, and wanted there relationship to work, hell she even let him threaten her life and risk the lives of her children and still does not care. But ill give her one thing while she was out making lots of friends, she had him looking after the kids, making sure he only had her and the kids! so her support network is friggin huge!

 

Yes he is geting therapy, and anger management

plus i am getting therapy too. And dont think i dont lsiten to the things you guys are saying its is helping me to get strong so i can do what i need to do, and that is to let go! so the more comments the better! thankyou!

[bentnotbroken]

yes i young, and yeah i did come from an abusive home! i have no boundaries or standards, though niether does his wife because she was just as much at fault by letting him do that to her and the kids. You say he does not love me, but what does that show of his love for her either. I post because i cannot be objective if i could see the situation from another person's perspective then maybe i can grasp the situation better.

 

I complain that he never listens if he had stayed away from her then he would not be in the trouble he is today. But there is someone even stypitier than him, me! because i have not listened, or learnt from my mistakes and that is why the situation keeps coming back around for me to do things differently this time around. Even though yes it hurts like hell, though on the plus side at least this time around i can actually get out of bed, and am not constantly crying.

 

I feel bad for him, because he has knowone, he has his family, but no friends i think i was the first true friend he had in a long time. But its been one sided me giving and him just taking and then throwing it back in my face, by doing stuff like this. I was not aware he had so many people that cared about him that he was able to be so selective. And treat the few people that have supported him like crap! And to just drop them like they are nothing, well me anyway. i dont know for all i know him and his wife have ignored the bail agreement and the AVO and are talking and seeing one another. She never cared about all the things he did to her, she still wanted him because she loved him soo much, and wanted there relationship to work, hell she even let him threaten her life and risk the lives of her children and still does not care. But ill give her one thing while she was out making lots of friends, she had him looking after the kids, making sure he only had her and the kids! so her support network is friggin huge!

 

Yes he is geting therapy, and anger management

plus i am getting therapy too. And dont think i dont lsiten to the things you guys are saying its is helping me to get strong so i can do what i need to do, and that is to let go! so the more comments the better! thankyou!

 

And what ever she did or didn't do as a wife...is of no concern of yours. Comparing you childish acts to the childish acts of another do not make you look any better. By saying "she did so and so too" does not excuse your behavior or the fact that you allow it to happen to "YOU". That's like saying "she ran into traffic head on so why shouldn't I?" It makes no sense. Therapy is necessary for all involved, but that does not mean you need to be apart of their lives.

[goldengirl86]

Ok look i get it me= bad person! Fine there is nothing that anyone can say that can make me feel worse about myself then i have in the past.

Though me childish: No I have never pursued him, he pursued me and everytime he dumped me and went back to her, he was the one that came back to me not at my request, yes i wanted to be with him because i loved him, and no i dont need to be apart of there lives!

However, pleace tell me how my actions have been childish. 1 when he and his wife where playing chicken with there kids in the car, I was the one that said i would call the police and got him to drop his kids back of at her place, i allowed her into my home and answered every single question she had about the affair and answered honestly, i have not threaten anyones life, or allowed anyone to threaten my own or the lives of my children nor did would i ever had put there lives in jeopardy. Yes i consider him my friend because thats is what we started off as so yeah its hard to shake that off!

 

so i apparently I am the childish one, she thought it was mature to wish a disabled child upon me, to talk about my family when they had nothing to do with anything, to intimitate my little sister every single day! And that goes for him too!

 

childish the only thing i have done is yes get involved with a married man, though considering where on the other woman/man forum im sure im not the only one! And comparing my actions to hers may be a little childish, but i fiond it funny that married people can claim to put up with any kind of behaviour because there married, and they have to save that marriage at whatever the cost, or because there married then the love he feels for the wife is greater than what he feels for the other woman. Hello if he truely loved you in the first place he would never have hurt you.

 

I actually personally think i am the only one out of all three of us then actually claim to be a lttle mature, so wanting to make sure someone is actually still alive and that they are ok and be there for them, whether they deserve it or not makes me an immature childish little girl then hey im everyones fool.

 

You know what i cant compete with her, no i sorry i cant let someone threaten me or my children, no im sorry i would not let my husband cheat on me and stay and just forgive and forget and look at them with loving eyes again no, so yeah she won the prize and me im left heartbroken once again being played his fool!

 

so yeah im childish because i can actually communicate with my words, not through anger and intimitation. Im childish because yes im hurt that he is ignoring me again when i just wanted to make sure he was ok!

 

So i ask you this because its is obviously ok for them to be togther and raise there children in an abusive home, it does not matter if it happens once a child never forgets that one time.

 

Im the immature little cow that called welfare on both of them, trust me i was the only one looking out for those kids.

[whichwayisup]

They are addicted to the drama and obviously somthing keeps bringing them back together, probably make up sex.

Anyway, you are not his wife, you are not mother to their children. You are not obligated to him at all, his wife is and he is obligated to his wife and kids.

 

Stop putting yourself down.

 

You have to get out and leave them (him) alone and stay out of their life. You have no choice now but to walk away. Like it or not.

[NoIDidn't]

yes i young, and yeah i did come from an abusive home! i have no boundaries or standards, though niether does his wife because she was just as much at fault by letting him do that to her and the kids. You say he does not love me, but what does that show of his love for her either. I post because i cannot be objective if i could see the situation from another person's perspective then maybe i can grasp the situation better.

 

I complain that he never listens if he had stayed away from her then he would not be in the trouble he is today. But there is someone even stypitier than him, me! because i have not listened, or learnt from my mistakes and that is why the situation keeps coming back around for me to do things differently this time around. Even though yes it hurts like hell, though on the plus side at least this time around i can actually get out of bed, and am not constantly crying.

 

I feel bad for him, because he has knowone, he has his family, but no friends i think i was the first true friend he had in a long time. But its been one sided me giving and him just taking and then throwing it back in my face, by doing stuff like this. I was not aware he had so many people that cared about him that he was able to be so selective. And treat the few people that have supported him like crap! And to just drop them like they are nothing, well me anyway. i dont know for all i know him and his wife have ignored the bail agreement and the AVO and are talking and seeing one another. She never cared about all the things he did to her, she still wanted him because she loved him soo much, and wanted there relationship to work, hell she even let him threaten her life and risk the lives of her children and still does not care. But ill give her one thing while she was out making lots of friends, she had him looking after the kids, making sure he only had her and the kids! so her support network is friggin huge!

 

Yes he is geting therapy, and anger management

plus i am getting therapy too. And dont think i dont lsiten to the things you guys are saying its is helping me to get strong so i can do what i need to do, and that is to let go! so the more comments the better! thankyou!

 

Hi Golden

 

I hope you can see what is right in front of you. You are asking for help and others are trying to help you by telling you that he's dangerous. You respond by saying "but I love him". But he doesn't love you nearly as much as he loves his W, apparently. Either that, or he wants to control the both of you and has no concept of real love.

 

He's been ordered to stay away from his W, yet he violates his AVO and goes around her and the kids anyway. If he had any sense at all, he would have contacted her through a lawyer so he wouldn't face jail time for trying to see his family.

 

You say she "allowed" him to do hurtful things to her and the kids to keep their family unit. Others have said that is none of your business, and while I agree, I take it a step further. He's the one violating a court order to stay away from them and he's the one that practically RAMMED her car to keep her from running AWAY FROM HIM.

 

Open your eyes. The facts are right in front of you. This is not a good situation for you. Plus to answer your question, since he is facing the threat of jail time, has it occurred to you that he might be in jail and that's why you haven't been contacted?

[goldengirl86]

Ok i will go with that! yeah he probably does love his wife more than me!

Though considering he said he loved us both equally, equally but differently. And he has told her that he loves us both, i was there for that one as she asked him to choose her and me and his response was that he loved us both and was not choosing at that point in time. Though yeah he did later choose her, though he was not 100% sure his words not mine and then later said he regreted his choice. I know words are words, and actions speak louder than words.

 

I do know one thing for sure and that is he does love those kids, has he risked there lives yes, but he loves them more than anyone on this planet.

And at times choosing between me and her yeah when it came down to the wire it was easier to choose her, why take a risk with me and possibly fail when at least you know what your getting with her! Plus calculate the morgages, comfortability etc plus there are three very good reasons to stay with her! So yes love does come into the equation, maybe just not the type of love between a man and woman! And im not saying that he does not love her, do i think its greater or less to what he feels for me i dont know, if it was truely greater than eight month would not compare to eight years! and there would be no conflicting and back and forth ebtween the two of us! so yeah maybe he has let me go this time, and i will survive, but that is not going to change the fact that he is unsure about her and has been from the beginning. THERE IS NO DOUBT WITH THE ONE! I cannot control his actions or make him do what i want him to do! I just dont want him to become isolated and all alone with nobody, no friends and family nothing just her and the kids, Because eventually your children will leave home and then what will you have.

His family have said that thye should not get back togther alot of them have withdrew there support from him this time as well, along with his work mates etc. he has lost alot of respect. and if they truely do get back together, then he wil be even more alone than he was before! And im sad for him because i dont wish that upon him!

 

Sometimes two homes are better than one, and if your happy then your kids will be happy too!

Happy people dont cheat on the husbands or wives, and the difference between those people who go on to have stronger relationships after an affair is because the spouse who cheated knows that he wants his wife or vise versa, if there is even a little bit of doubt then in my mind that is when an affair marks the beggining of the end, do alot of people give there cheating spouse another chance yes, because they feel like they owe that to them and themselves and there marriage, but i know alot of them that say they wish the had not!

[alexandria35]

I do know one thing for sure and that is he does love those kids, has he risked there lives yes, but he loves them more than anyone on this planet.

 

WTH?? Do you have any idea how insane that sentence sounds?

 

He doesn't love his kids, he doesn't love his wife and he doesn't love you. He doesn't know what love is or how love and he will likely go to his grave as such. His wife like a mess too and you don't sound like you're too far behind.

 

You keep describing how f**ked up he and his wife are but what does it have to do with you? Why do you want to focus on them? Why do you want us to focus on them. How does having us agree with you that he and his wife are crazier than you, help you? Do you want to fix your life and find happiness with a sane individual or do you just want to stay where you're at? It doesn't matter if his wife is worse than you. She's not the one posting here so we can't help her. People are addressing you and your actions because you're the one here seeking help. Or are you? Do you really want help or do you just want us to give you pats on the head cause you're better than his wife?

[goldengirl86]

why am i focusing on them because it easier, thought he question in the beginning has somehow changed along the way, and more information has been added, and because lets face it whether everyone wants to admit it they are comparing me to her! it does not matter anyway!

Perhaps i do want validation that im a better person then her, but thats is from your guys point of view not mine.

 

Well he matters to me because he is my first he all i ever known, hes the one that taught me how to love etc im 23 years old this person was my first everything! so yeah he matters to me! i want to know that yeah im not going to die from the pain,even though it feels like i will.

[SoMovinOn]

Golden...

 

Making some bad choices doesn't make you a bad person. It's part of being human - learning and growing through our experiences.

 

The first thing you need to do is to quit thinking about his wife, his kids, his life, anything to do with him. It all really has nothing to do with anything. The only thing that matters here and now is you. He is bad. He's bad for you. This whole situation is bad for you.

 

In your responses, you talk about his wife, his kids, what he has or hasn't done... let it go. All of it. You need to get yourself as far away from him and everything in his life that you can. Move if you have to - to another state if you have to!

 

You already know how bad this is. You keep saying so. Stop. Now.

[goldengirl86]

the reason i focused on them in the last post was based on an comment made by a previous response! At the end of the day he has stopped contact and thats that!, so it solves that problem! He wants nothing more to do with me etc so i guess i was looking for a better understanding and definately am getting it, but by all means dont stop them!

 

i dont really know how i would be resposnible for his actions if he killed one oif his kids or her, because were all responsible for our own actions and he has made these chocies on his own i nevr made him do these things. I not there mother and i cant take them out of a harmful situation, nor am i there father putting them in these situations. I have done all that i can and if you think i have sat idly by saying nothing about his actions then your wrong!

 

And yeah it is best that i walk away and move on with my own life no matter how much it breaks my heart!

[Untouchable_Fire]

the reason i focused on them in the last post was based on an comment made by a previous response! At the end of the day he has stopped contact and thats that!, so it solves that problem! He wants nothing more to do with me etc so i guess i was looking for a better understanding and definately am getting it, but by all means dont stop them!

i dont really know how i would be resposnible for his actions if he killed one oif his kids or her, because were all responsible for our own actions and he has made these chocies on his own i nevr made him do these things. I not there mother and i cant take them out of a harmful situation, nor am i there father putting them in these situations. I have done all that i can and if you think i have sat idly by saying nothing about his actions then your wrong!

And yeah it is best that i walk away and move on with my own life no matter how much it breaks my heart!

 

Have you considered starting to date again?

[bentnotbroken]

the reason i focused on them in the last post was based on an comment made by a previous response! At the end of the day he has stopped contact and thats that!, so it solves that problem! He wants nothing more to do with me etc so i guess i was looking for a better understanding and definately am getting it, but by all means dont stop them!

 

i dont really know how i would be resposnible for his actions if he killed one oif his kids or her, because were all responsible for our own actions and he has made these chocies on his own i nevr made him do these things. I not there mother and i cant take them out of a harmful situation, nor am i there father putting them in these situations. I have done all that i can and if you think i have sat idly by saying nothing about his actions then your wrong!

 

And yeah it is best that i walk away and move on with my own life no matter how much it breaks my heart!

 

 

Re-read my post. I didn't say you were responsible for anything. What I asked was how would you feel? My question was based on your continued focus on what he, she, they do...not on what you should do. Remove yourself from the madness and stop making excuses for him and sneaky accusations at her. They are both jacked up parents and spouses. Love has nothing to do with putting your children in harms way...I know, been there, done that, got a t-shirt. It is all about being emotionally unhealthy and dragging everyone around you into the madness.

[SoMovinOn]

And yeah it is best that i walk away and move on with my own life no matter how much it breaks my heart!

 

I expect your heart may be broken a few more times before you find "The One". It's always hard, never gets easier, but, you will get through it.

 

((((Golden))))

[goldengirl86]

He has ended it by not talking too me, answering my calls and texts. To be quite honest im more bad at myself and knew i should not have trusted him again. He kept saying to have faith in him, but i knew he would do it again too me!! so this time hurts a little less, because im not as shocked by his actions. Last time he said he could not handle the pressure from both me and her so he pulled the pin on the whole thing, after making a huge effort for me to be his "friend" as it was too much for him to handle with the "bad thoughts" ( no idea what bad thoughts as he never said).

I said then when i spoke to him again that iw ould not forgove him again and i wont, though he wont contact me again!!

 

I guess he cant deal with the serverity of his actions and the consequences like possibly goping to jail, though he may be hoping that once again his wife will save him as its not her pressing the charges but the police! Plus not getting to see his kids or her for that matter, its alot for one person to deal with, i think even one of these is enough for one person to deal with. he got out of going to jail last time, so who knows he might get lucky again! the truth is though if this was anyone else and i heard the same stuff you guys have heard i would say the same things to me! I would probably be his harshest critic. I wanted to be his friend because i wanted him to know what it was like to have someone be there for you, like i am for my friends! i wanted him to know that love does not have to be that way! But because i am passive i think he took advantaged. I sorry for him because my pushing me away or just deciding hey she not worth my time anymore he's left himself even more alone! Or then again maybe he hss so much support or things are better now with him and i never meant squat to him he is finding this damn easy. I dont i just hate the immaturity of it all i would rather someone give you a reason there ceasing no contact etc! Be a man and stop being so selfish and immature and cruel!!!

 

He is not going to contact me again so i dont have to worry about getting involved again!

[whichwayisup]

goldengirl..........woman up and take the bull by the horns and realize YOU get to decide that you are done with him. From your post it just sounds like the only reason it's over is because you think he won't contact you again. It's up to YOU and until YOU decide it's over, he will probably contact you again and if you don't get some control and work out this stuff with your therapist you are bound to get yourself into another mess. Please don't date anyone else until you get you in a better head space. You are much too vulnerable and not thinking clearly.

 

Take care!

 

I second this. Listen to LG, she knows what she's talking about.

 

Take control of your life and make it absolutely impossible for him to contact you. Change your email address, your number and cell too.

[Ms. Red]

Golden Girl,

 

I know how you are feeling. I've been through something similar a few months ago. Sometimes it feels like it was just last week.

 

I cared about this person and loved him and thought I could save him and let him know he had a friend that cared. I knew he had issues but thought that I could be different in his mind and help him realize his potential and worth. He made me feel loved and cared for and we could tell each other anything. He was my best friend and I was his. It was a good friendship but the bad started to outweigh the good slowly over time.

 

One night during his rages at me, he ended up putting a huge welt upside my head and promised it wouldn't be the last. I was shocked and scared, he had never hit me before and always said he never would. But I had to protect myself. The next day he was gone....out of my life forever. I believed him when he said it wouldn't be the last hit.

 

You are not nuts or crazy. I've felt that way about myself. I still worry and care about him and hope that he is ok. I think I must be nuts to feel that way so I know how you feel. Friends have helped me realize that I can't just drop him from my heart like the flick of a switch. But I have to let my brain tell my mind and my body to protect me by letting it end.

 

You can hurt and feel the pain in your heart and mind but you have to let your brain protect yourself. It's hard as hell and it hurts worse sometimes and then eases up sometimes. But it slowly gets better day by day even if it's so minute that I don't notice it. I have some bad days that are more painful than others but I know that it is temporary and will get better again.

 

I don't know if I've helped but I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I wish you well.