my ex affair partner gone awal

[LilMissMovinOn]

Pleasure Saturn. Not sure I will start a thread on it though. If I did I may as well just return to working in the D.V sector (& I'm enjoying time away from the stress of being in that area which I love but which can also be very draining)

Edited December 1, 2011 by LilMissMovinOn

[goldengirl86]

I Broke down yesterday again, (though now only calling at night), and called him and sent a message saying i was sorry, and that i did not mean to hurt him and abandon him as a friend, when he was going through a really tough time. I keep thinking back to his message how he said that he guessed feelings could change in four days, and that he did not have that ability. I did not get a response so it does not matter, and pretty sure he has moved on. Its like all those time i forgave him and he cannot even forgive me once, its like im being punished for say it once and bamm now i want nothng more to do with you, i just makes me really sad that the one time because i had no idea what was going on he cannot forgive me and wont even show me the proper respect and REPLY. But its probably a good thing because now im resolved that im not going to contact him again, more conident than yestereday.

[RobD70]

I Broke down yesterday again, (though now only calling at night), and called him and sent a message saying i was sorry, and that i did not mean to hurt him and abandon him as a friend, when he was going through a really tough time. I keep thinking back to his message how he said that he guessed feelings could change in four days, and that he did not have that ability. I did not get a response so it does not matter, and pretty sure he has moved on. Its like all those time i forgave him and he cannot even forgive me once, its like im being punished for say it once and bamm now i want nothng more to do with you, i just makes me really sad that the one time because i had no idea what was going on he cannot forgive me and wont even show me the proper respect and REPLY. But its probably a good thing because now im resolved that im not going to contact him again, more conident than yestereday.

 

Find a self help book on co-dependency, you need it.

 

With any luck he'll land in jail one day and be out of everyone's life. He's a jacka$$ and deserves to be alone. Also one day you will gain some self esteem and stop being attracted to bad boys and learn that some men are just plain evil and manipulative.

 

You were used and are in denial about it but the fact is you were just a piece to him. Once you accept that then you can start to see reality for what it is.

 

He's going to kill someone one day. He's the exact type of person you see on TV that ends up killing their spouse.

[nofool4u]

I Broke down yesterday again, (though now only calling at night), and called him and sent a message saying i was sorry, and that i did not mean to hurt him and abandon him as a friend, when he was going through a really tough time. I keep thinking back to his message how he said that he guessed feelings could change in four days, and that he did not have that ability. I did not get a response so it does not matter, and pretty sure he has moved on. Its like all those time i forgave him and he cannot even forgive me once, its like im being punished for say it once and bamm now i want nothng more to do with you, i just makes me really sad that the one time because i had no idea what was going on he cannot forgive me and wont even show me the proper respect and REPLY. But its probably a good thing because now im resolved that im not going to contact him again, more conident than yestereday.

 

What part of the fact that he goes off half cocked, crazily tries to run his wife and kids off the road and almost killed them don't you understand?

 

I can see how a crazy ass, violent tempered man that would put his kids in harms way would appeal to you:rolleyes:

[Saturn]

Please I implore you to look up trauma bonding and co dependancy like the other posters on here have suggested...its got you written all over it. Its part of a sick disturbing power game honey and you need out now. He gets his kicks from making you feel worthless and needy of him. Its easy to take the power back but it requires will power. The definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour hoping for a different outcome. You know nothing will change...whats the best that happens..he says sorry and its rosey for a few hours then back to the same crap. Dont do it to yourself. He is not going to come running to you because he doesnt need to..you only last a few hours and then run to him again. Stop yourself!!!! Delete his number please...this will all pass. I bet you are a lovely girl, get yourself some prof advice for your issues...I empthasise with some of whats happening to you, totally different situation, different age to you but some similarities. Please get help honey you are stuck in a horrible situation and you need to get away from this man x

[Saturn]

Not wishing to sabotage the thread but it may be helpful to this thread..while I realise you dont want to post a seoerate topic on trauma bonding are you able to tell me how its dealt with. Seems to be lots about what it is but not so much on how to cure. I am down for counselling but I a just interested, thank you.

[goldengirl86]

I was not going to post again, as i have found some posters to be a little agressive with their advice. However, some of you have been amazing and some advice has been truely life changing.

It is my personal opinion when giving advice to always take a persons feelings into consideration and to try and not act in a judgemental way, but rather recognise someone pain and to not trivialise their issue or the reason they are asking for help. As lets face it alot of people only come online when they are at the end of there rope.

 

 

No i am not on drugs, antidepressants, but that is it. I sometimes write off my phone and do not edit, so what you get you get. But its nice to know that not only do you get picked on here for your actual issue, but your spelling as well.

 

The obsession thing and harassment. What i consider obsessed is a phone call and a few texts, which in the scheme of things is not that bad. I would consider obsessed sending one text. Though as you all know i have tried to contact him abit more.

And for him to have me arrested for harassment seems abit obsurd, especially since i could destoy him with all the stuff i know and make sure he never see's his children again and that he spends a long time in jail. And there have been times when he could not get through to me that he would call up to 12 times at once. And he is not exactly popular with the police in my area so i dont think he would do that, but who knows he could do it i dont know. And it would be truely horrible and i would die as to be arrested in my eyes would be the worst thing as that would put an end to alot of my career aspirations.

 

And just to clear this up he and I at one point in time before we did anything where good friends, he has since changed dramatically from the person i knew and fell in love with and i am truely sorry for that. The thought that someone could treat me like this, who claimed to love me has crushed me mind, body and soul and i will never ever be the same. I look back now and wonder if perhaps it was all an act on his part and that he only showed me the good parts of himself as he was always kind to me in the beginning.

 

Thanks everyone.

I think something we can think about is that has surely as there is as many wives that forgave there husbands there are just as many who did not. All women and men are not the same this site though tends to be very one sided, each situation is different and so is every person. But there is one thing that is universal regardess of what happens there is a whole lot of hurt.

[nofool4u]

*sigh*

 

You know what? NEVERMIND

[thomasb]

'And just to clear this up he and I at one point in time before we did anything where good friends, he has since changed dramatically from the person i knew and fell in love with and i am truely sorry for that. The thought that someone could treat me like this, who claimed to love me has crushed me mind, body and soul and i will never ever be the same. I look back now and wonder if perhaps it was all an act on his part and that he only showed me the good parts of himself as he was always kind to me in the beginning.'

 

Did you ever think that perhaps he was just as sweet and kind to his wife at one time? Before trying to kill her and his own children of course. That and 'he's not exactly liked by the cops in this town' should have gave you the clues you needed to run screaming in the opposite direction!

And you still want this degenerate?

[goldengirl86]

Only recently has he had problems with the police since the first incident with his wife, before that he never had any problems with them. i just thought i would explain that.

But yeah you are right about everything else, and i have no idea why i am defending him old habits die hard i guess.

Sorry.

As someone said i think the law will probably take this one out of everyone hands and he will probably go to jail, but i dont now he got of last time and he has a good lawyer so who knows he might not ge any punishment at all and everything will work out for him some way or another.

You think i am silly and trust me i do too, especailly since i get defending someone who does not even deserve my spit and who has treated me like nothing, hence done by not even acknowledging my existence.

But do like to believe everyone has a good side and i think i should treat even my enermy with compassion.

[NoIDidn't]

Goldengirl

 

I understand why you are defending him. In a sense, you are defending your own self in doing so. Defending the poor judgment that you've displayed in some of your dealings with him. But everyone has had moments of poor judgment, so no need to defend yourself here.

 

I don't think he was ever your friend in any meaningful way. I'm willing to bet that you did all the friendship related things and all he did was thank you for being such a great friend to him - while he never did those kinds of things for you, or did a bare minimum to keep you engaged. I could be wrong, but I've seen this type of friendship many times. The guy that's willing to use his "friends" in this way, isn't really being a friend.

 

And the fact that you feel like he punishes you for one thing, while you keep forgiving him over and over again. It makes you sound like an emotionally abused woman. From attacking his family to the sound of your responses about him, this guy is dangerous. I just hope you manage to get away and stay away from him before the ultimate happens to you or his family.

 

Please consider more than just taking antidepressants. Consider speaking with a real live therapist and tell her all said here and anything you haven't mentioned here. You don't have to live in the grips of loving someone that's only going to hurt you. And you don't have to be sorry that HE CHANGED, because that was never your fault.

[Saturn]

Look up psychopath..google it, the mm shows a lot of signs although you will know better..20 signs. If he is basically he doesnt feel the same feelings as a normal person and he will never change..you have to take back your power by saying no more contact, irrespective of whether he contacts or not x