shes not the right person, but having hard time accepting it

[nyc12]

long story short:

when i was 21 I fell in love, hard. for 7 or 8 years things were pretty good. unfortunately we both saw our lives going in different directions. we both still care deeply for one another, but somehow know it wasnt meant to be.

 

accepting this has been the hardest time in my life.

 

anybody else in a similar experience? or moved on from a similar experience? any words or wisdom or advice is appreciated.

[Lonely Ronin]

accepting this has been the hardest time in my life.

 

anybody else in a similar experience? or moved on from a similar experience? any words or wisdom or advice is appreciated.

 

I know how you feel, The first thing you have to do is not rush the process, it's going take time, how much depends on the person, it took me over a year, and learning the fact that she started dating again.

 

Focus on yourself right now, do things to improve yourself like, working out, having fun with friends etc. When your ready to try again, you will know.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Yeah the important thing is to realize it's not going to be an easy transition and still going to love her very much and realizing that it doesn't have to be cold turkey from the get go but eventually you will pull away.

 

Remind yourself that it doesn't mean you do not love this person and this person does not love you, there is a reason everything happens and the time you had together where you would improve each others lives is over. You need to take your own course yet you can still love that person, you don't have to forget about them and stop..in time that will transition on it's own to a more stable place regardless of the title.

 

The next thing is to realize it's going to hurt like a bitch, like a thousand axes thrown at your chest and not one missed...it's going to feel like that scene from Robocop where he's taking all the fire and being gunned down by the police and he has to roll under the parking structure concrete thingy to the next floor for protection...it will feel like the end is near but eventually the music will start playing again and you'll be alright coming out a stronger man.

 

I've had the unfortunate experience of having to do this twice, and it took me a long time to get over them because i always felt like maybe i made the wrong choice, maybe i belonged with this person. But whenever i tried again it just validated that something wasn't right.

 

You can't recapture those moments again, you can't relive the good times where everything is ok. Value them and honor them by empowering yourself and being a better man out of it. With that being said feel what you gotta feel, go through it, cry, isolate yourself, get depressed, masturbate...cry while in the middle of masturbating(just dont touch your face cause you might have some splooge on your hands), trust me you'll get through it, believe that but don't try and deny your emotions and write and express your feelings....it does wonders. whenever you feel blue write a blog or in a notebook, get those feelings form your chest onto that paper it works extremely well for me and i noticed I'm able to express myself better and stop that rotating door of feeling the same **** over and over but not getting over it, expressing it is getting over it no matter how many times it takes, write the same **** 100 times if you have to.

 

It takes time, work on yourself though, don't go jumping into another womans arms, that'll just complicate things...be strong and take the bullets alone, or maybe with family and friends, just don't be wounded duck where another woman comes into the picture and tries to tend to you, that'll just give her all the wrong reasons to be with you (just in case you were like me in the past)

Edited November 27, 2011 by Ninjainpajamas

[zaphodb2002]

I was with my last girlfriend for 3 years, and while that's not nearly as long as you, I can sympathize, we just broke up yesterday because we wanted different things out of the relationship, and we knew we'd just end up bitter and angry with each other if we stayed together. It's been hard. I've been equating the feeling to a death in the family; you knew it was time for the person to go, and they went peacefully, but they left a big empty space in your life, and you feel cheated that there was nothing you could do to stop it from happening. It would have been a lot easier to shout and be angry, or even feel guilty, but you can't. Hopefully it gets better. At least talking about it, and knowing I'm not the only person in the world this happens to, is nice.