Chitowngirl Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I was very hurt and bothered when I found out my boyfriend was texting with a female friend a lot, greeting her with, "Good Morning, Beautiful." And she would say, "Good Morning Handsome." They would say good night the same way. I told him his relationship with her bothered me, so he said he stopped chatting to her. I have no idea if he did or not... but then I found out he was texting A LOT with his hair stylist. I met her so I felt ok with their relationship, but then I found out on the day of their last appointment, he text her afterwards, "You looked absolutely beautiful today." I think that's completely wrong for a boyfriend to tell any female friend that... but would you accept that? Am I just being insecure? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBellyBoop Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 To me that's highly inappropriate over the top flirting when some ones suppose to be in a committed relashionship.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chitowngirl Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I vote inappropriate too. This is someone who needs to get a clue that there was life before texting and norms of appropriateness have long existed that he needs to observe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chitowngirl Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 I vote inappropriate too. This is someone who needs to get a clue that there was life before texting and norms of appropriateness have long existed that he needs to observe. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 It looks like your avatar is beckoning such from others ........... sorry, but seriously. Hypocrite much? heh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chitowngirl Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 It looks like your avatar is beckoning such from others ........... sorry, but seriously. Hypocrite much? heh. Posting a picture of myself doesnt make me a flirt or insecure, or seeking attention from others. You posting this RUDE, insecure jealous comment in the JEALOUSY FORUM is ironic. HEH. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) Posting a picture of myself doesnt make me a flirt or insecure, or seeking attention from others. You posting this RUDE, insecure jealous comment in the JEALOUSY FORUM is ironic. HEH. Hmm. Hardly. Just pointing it out --- you want others to think you're beautiful (or sexy? sultry? I never stated your avatar wasn't provocative) but you can't handle your bf thinking others are. What is that, anyway? It's not just a picture of yourself, your FACE isn't visible, lol. Insecurity... mm? Isn't that why you have your ahem... breast avatar up anyway? If you were confident, would you *need* that? Probably not. But to each their own (And in any case, I'm sure it bleeds far deeper into your real life, heh). Edited November 26, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chitowngirl Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) Hmm. Hardly. Just pointing it out --- you want others to think you're beautiful (or sexy? sultry? I never stated your avatar wasn't provocative) but you can't handle your bf thinking others are. What is that, anyway? It's not just a picture of yourself, your FACE isn't visible, lol. Insecurity... mm? Isn't that why you have your ahem... breast avatar up anyway? If you were confident, would you *need* that? Probably not. But to each their own (And in any case, I'm sure it bleeds far deeper into your real life, heh). Your contribution to this thread has been POINTLESS. Abusive? Yes. Helpful? No. Your avatar is snow, so I will assume you do tons of coke. heh. Seriously get a life, lose weight, go to the gym, and if you had a better face and body you would use a picture of yourself and you wouldn't waste your time ripping attractive people apart on forums. Get a life. BY THE WAY, you have been reported FOR HARASSMENT. Edited November 26, 2011 by Chitowngirl Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Your contribution to this thread has been POINTLESS. Abusive? Yes. Helpful? No. Your avatar is snow, so I will assume you do tons of coke. heh. Seriously get a life, lose weight, go to the gym, and if you had a better face and body you would use a picture of yourself and you wouldn't waste your time ripping attractive people apart on forums. Get a life. My goodness. Was that really "ripping" you a part? Well golly I apologize. You inquired if you were insecure --- yes, you're insecure. You're seeking "validation" for your side, but you will never get over your insecurities with that. While *I* also think it's inappropriate for someone in a relationship to be exchanging "compliments" like that, it IS the truth, eh? For better or worse, men see multiple women as beautiful. Even if he loves a woman, he will find others beautiful (too). It doesn't matter how attractive *you* are -- to him OR to others -- he will likely find others attractive (less and or more so, perhaps in different ways). What do you feel threatened about anyway? The reality? --- that others ARE attractive to him? Hmm... why not take solace in that you believe others are attracted to you too? Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Your boyfriend telling other women they are beautiful, whether via text, computer, or in person, seems like flirting to me. I understand why you feel the way you do, I would feel the same way. Most people get jealous when their partner flirts. It is a natural phenomenon in humans. Therefore, he needs to stop doing this. Your feelings on this should be his priority, not his insecure need to flirt and see if he gets a response back (which is what he is hoping for, and which could escalate). Yes there are personality types that are incorrigible flirts. I don't like to be in a relationship with those types. It generally sucks for me, I don't like flirty boyfriends who flirt with other women. Some other folks have personality types that may be better suited to be with a flirt and be ok with it (I am guessing these people exist). It's not cool in my book and causes hurt feelings and he nots to stop this behavior immediately. Ultimately I think he is hoping/ wondering if it could/would escalate into something more, and if it did, I wonder if he would 'bite' at the opportunity to get jiggy with someone else. My gut tends to think these personality types DO pursue the ones who flirt back with them. Your mileage may vary though with what he would ultimately do if the objects of his flirts started to really flirt back with him. It just needs to stop, let him know, don't put up with it because it will make you unhappy in the long run. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Dump him....a pretty girl like you should be doing other things...like hanging out with me on the South side...lol Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 I was very hurt and bothered when I found out my boyfriend was texting with a female friend a lot, greeting her with, "Good Morning, Beautiful." And she would say, "Good Morning Handsome." They would say good night the same way. I told him his relationship with her bothered me, so he said he stopped chatting to her. I have no idea if he did or not... but then I found out he was texting A LOT with his hair stylist. I met her so I felt ok with their relationship, but then I found out on the day of their last appointment, he text her afterwards, "You looked absolutely beautiful today." I think that's completely wrong for a boyfriend to tell any female friend that... but would you accept that? Am I just being insecure? He has a Hair stylist???? I wouldn't worry about your "boyfriend" texting women....when he starts texting men then you know he's cheating on you. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 I vote for inappropriate, too. Flirting is fine for single people, but once you're in a committed relationship, I think it's very disrespectful to one's partner. I've seen both genders do that, and my observation is---it's mostly done by people who have a strong need for external validation---(which I also see as a high risk for cheating) Being bothered by that doesn't make you insecure, either, IMO. Texting a friend of the opposite sex , morning AND night seems a little excessive, for someone in a committed relationship.It would cause me to question my partner's level of commitment, and be concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 He needs a silence sandwich. I'm sure all his beautiful friends will help him eat it. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Just pointing it out --- you want others to think you're beautiful (or sexy? sultry? I never stated your avatar wasn't provocative) but you can't handle your bf thinking others are. There's a huge difference in thinking another woman is beautiful and actually SAYING it to her. Of course everyone is going to find other people attractive, whether they are in a relationship or not. But actually telling the other person "you are so beautiful" is crossing the line. Would you be ok with your girlfriend telling other men how hot and handsome they are? Chitowngirl, your bf is being totally inappropriate & disrespectful. I would rethink this relationship if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 There's a huge difference in thinking another woman is beautiful and actually SAYING it to her. Of course everyone is going to find other people attractive, whether they are in a relationship or not. But actually telling the other person "you are so beautiful" is crossing the line. Would you be ok with your girlfriend telling other men how hot and handsome they are? Chitowngirl, your bf is being totally inappropriate & disrespectful. I would rethink this relationship if I were you. Doesn't it hurt because of what it *could* mean? What's important is someone's "intent" and whether or not they are truly capable of being loyal (if that's what they have portrayed themselves as). Someone can cheat whether or not they give compliments - and they can be faithful whether or not they give compliments. Relatives tell one another they're beautiful - females tell one another they're beautiful - etc etc etc. Sometimes it's generic, sometimes it's because people think it will make someone feel good (especially if they seem down), sometimes it's because they *think* that (and don't want anything) and they're just sharing it --- there's all kinds of reasons as to why. Sometimes it *is* a form of building up attraction with the desire for it to lead into more --- but certainly not *always*. I've learned you either trust someone or YOU DON'T. A relationship cannot last if people cannot give one another the benefit of the doubt, and to accept that sometimes things can look really suspicious but be truly "innocent". You gotta have faith that your partner will own up to any mistakes they make on their own. Playing detective and stressing just leads into misery --- and of course I know this from experience. What makes giving or exchanging compliments inappropriate is *fear* and *worry*. Friends can indeed find one another beautiful and not want to be intimate together, or share a romantic life together, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Your contribution to this thread has been POINTLESS. Abusive? Yes. Helpful? No. Your avatar is snow, so I will assume you do tons of coke. heh. Seriously get a life, lose weight, go to the gym, and if you had a better face and body you would use a picture of yourself and you wouldn't waste your time ripping attractive people apart on forums. Get a life. BY THE WAY, you have been reported FOR HARASSMENT. Wow... you really can't take even the slightest criticism. This response is way over the top. The question I have is... Why is your BF complimenting these women? The answer to that will tell you if it's inappropriate or not. Also... learn to take some constructive criticism. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Am I just being insecure? No. I'd never tell a female friend she is beautiful, unless it was on her wedding day (because every bride wants to hear that). He is fishing for keeping options open. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I would be very upset by this behavior if I were the OP. It shows a disrespect for her and their relationship to be openly flirting with other women. This guy obviously doesn't have the sense of exclusivity that the OP has, and is just inviting other women to take an interest in him. Very inappropriate behavior for someone in an exclusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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