Random thought

[HoneyBfly3270]

Why is it when guys do something sneaky and untrustworthy do they then "care" so much about you not leavin them??? Why Does it matter? If they have it in them to do something hurtful then why do they want to save the relationship?

[Sazerac]

1) It's a pride thing. Their egos can't take the fact that you can live without them. When they realize they're expendable, reality comes back and socks them right in the face.

 

2) It's a security thing. They want the stable person "waiting in the wings" if their current escapade doesn't pan out. It's called having one's cake and eating it too.

 

Both of these are hallmarks of a very immature person with a sophomoric approach to relationships. Physical age doesn't matter, either -- I've seen seventy-somethings act like this.

 

No matter what the reason, dump these types -- they're damaged goods. Let them be someone else's problem.

[loversquarrel]

1) It's a pride thing. Their egos can't take the fact that you can live without them. When they realize they're expendable, reality comes back and socks them right in the face.

 

2) It's a security thing. They want the stable person "waiting in the wings" if their current escapade doesn't pan out. It's called having one's cake and eating it too.

 

Both of these are hallmarks of a very immature person with a sophomoric approach to relationships. Physical age doesn't matter, either -- I've seen seventy-somethings act like this.

 

No matter what the reason, dump these types -- they're damaged goods. Let them be someone else's problem.

 

Damaged goods? Meaning they've been hurt before and that's why they do this?

[Sazerac]

Damaged goods? Meaning they've been hurt before and that's why they do this?

 

That's a possibility, but not necessarily. By "damaged goods" I mean there's something fundamentally broken in them. Not necessarily irreparable, but not without a lot of growing up and probably a lot of help. Some of them may just have personality quirks, such as narcissism, and never have been hurt. Some may have had terrible upbringings, or the only experience they've had with relationships has been dysfunctional. Fact is, it doesn't really matter why they're like the way they are.

 

It's never wise to take on such people as long-term "fix-it" projects. They will end up dragging you down. Best leave that to the professionals who are trained to help.

[ate_the_paint]

I would venture so far as to say this is a human trait, and not just with guys. I've been had over by a few women in exactly the same way as you described.