Is this normal behavior for a newlywed husband?

[lumnousgem]

I'm starting to have doubts that my husband is a "normal" person who can handle situations in a suitable way. I know my husband loves me unconditionally, but I wonder if he can getter better or a whole lot worse? I truly believe in working through problems together, but I also want to know if this behavior can be changed:

 

1. My husband has already had a pattern of quitting more than one job. It seems like every job experience he has been in is drama ridden and I'm wondering if the situation is him instead of the actual job.

 

2. When he's in a mood, it somehow affects everyone. My family is starting to notice this as well. He'll just sit there and not talk to anyone. He recently quit his job and my mom gave him an earful (she can be very critical and not perfect as well), so he through a silent tantrum and told some of my family members that he hates my mom when they asked him what was wrong.

 

3. He'll act out of anger. Not anything physical, but with words. He has no problem disrespecting and talking bad about my family. Trust me, they're not perfect, but I would never do say such a thing about his family, let alone show that something is wrong in their presence.

 

4. He'll start beating his chest or scream out when I'm uncontrollably crying or tell him I just need to be a lone for a while.

 

He's a little younger than me, so I'm wondering if he's still a little immature. I'm starting to cry and cry knowing that my family doesn't think he's normal, and I'm starting to question that as well.

 

Please help. I know I'm saying only bad things, but he's also very loving, puts me as a priority and thinks the world of me. I just wish he thought that of others. He has a hard time keeping relationships with others, even in his own family.

 

I'm a very social person who loves my family and friends. I'm worried a day will come where it will be just me and him...and we've managed to push everyone away.

[whichwayisup]

He has poor communication skills and some anger issues too. The way he reacts and handles things is HIS norm, but compared to many, it isn't the norm.

 

Hopefully he can learn to let stuff go, not over react and not get so angry. Let things deflect and not bug him so much.

 

I don't like how he treats you when you're upset, that's not right.

[lumnousgem]

I agree, which concerns me. I'm wondering how I'm able to get him help or is this some kind of disorder? More importantly, can he change or do I need a reality check myself.

 

He's not in deniable about his problems, but he hasn't worked through them yet. On a positive note, he would do anything for me so maybe we can just work on getting help together? Maybe counseling?

 

I just had a convo with my mom on how she has been embarrassed a few times by his behavior at family gatherings and she started crying. I'm so torn, because my husband is my priority yet that's really messed up his behavior issues are blatantly apparent. He thinks he's the victim, yet my mom does too....I just don't know what to do to rectify my life or how to bring it up to him.

[Nikki82]

You could make yourself fall out of love with him now by listening to your logic that tells you this guy is not right for you. Or...you could let your emotions rule until you are sucked dry and exhausted of any emotions for him. Sadly, the second option will probably take more time (years?) out of your life.

[lumnousgem]

We had been dating for three years before we got married, and we're coming up on four years together. Yes, there has been little tiny spats where I remember thinking his behavior isn't normal, but it's more apparent now. I'm sure it doesn't help that we live really close to my mom, therefore see her all the time. I know certain personalities tend to clash, yet if someone has said something to him he takes offense to or if he's at a social gathering he doesn't want to be at, he'll literally be a mute in a corner and nobody will want to talk to him.

 

It's hard for me to take, since I'm a very social person and I'm very respectful and talkative to his family....they will never see my bad side, you know?

 

It seems like him and all his siblings (minus the youngest) have some type of "issue" now that I know them better. He comes from a very affluent background with a perceived loving parental unit, but his mom suffered from depression before I came into the picture. Who knows what happens behind close doors I guess...they look like the perfect fam on the outside.

 

I'm not sure if me giving any background info will offer any advice on if I should start looking out for myself at this point or if he can change. I know he's willing to. but I don't know what type of help he needs to change.

 

Thank you!

[in_absentia]

He sounds like my ex, if he wasn't feeling very focused on if we went out with my friends he'd just sulk and withdraw, play with his phone at the table or whatever, or tell me I'd barely spoken to him all night which in turn made me feel guilty and on edge for the rest of the evening. It was just embarassing and all of my friends commented on it, too. If I was out with his friends or family and not having a brilliant time I wouldn't show it, I'd make the effort to speak to them first or at least act pleasantly interested in the evening until we left. It used to really wind me up when we went out for dinner with people and he'd complain I wasn't giving him enough attention, we were in a relationship so I thought it was normal, judging by other couples I knew, to go out and spend most of the evening speaking to other people given that you speak to each other every day!

 

I'm so glad I broke up with him in the end. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like your situation can be remedied quite so easily. Acting that way is hugely disrespectful to you, however, I understand that as a partner in a marriage you feel he should be your top priority, but I have no idea how you reconcile that with the fact that his behaviour is so clearly out of order.