Major setback

[Heartache3]

It's been a little over 9 months since my ex broke up a 3 year relationship with me, and today I had a pretty bad setback.

 

She left me for some other guy and they broke up in June. I have kept NC for about almost 3 good months now but today I let my curiosity get to me.

 

I have her blocked on my facebook but my brother does not. I notice occasionally that she comments on our mutual friends' posts because these friends mention her name in their posts and carry on a conversation with her (and to me appears one sided). Anyways, my brother can see these comments and clicks on her profile. I come into the room and notice her profile open, and I see her posed in a picture with a different attractive guy with his arm around her... :/ And on top of that, other pictures show that she got a brand new car (she's only 20, had a Lexus throughout our relationship that she didn't even pay for, nor did she EVER pay for gas or insurance). What a spoiled person!!

 

9 months on, I should be able to see stuff like this and not feel so down. But I can't help but feel so much envy right now. How come she gets to have a brand new car (that I KNOW her parents got her), go on dates (I assume this new guy she was with was a date), have a successfull part time job? I have none of these, I have a broken down 1991 camry back home and no job to help pay my way through university. And to make matters worse I have no success with women, none of the women I've talked with are remotely interested in a relationship.

 

 

I should be thankful for what I have, but it's hard to feel that way when facebook makes it seem like my ex has it better

than me. She was so cruel when she left me, and in October emailed me to apologize for everything she put me through. I saw no reason to respond, I have so much anger toward her and now an overwhelming feeling of jealousy. I can't bear even seeing her picture or hearing her voice again, it's that bad.

 

I'm so glad I'm not living in the same city anymore. And I think it's best that I deactivate my facebook for a while... I need to get away from this.

 

Above all... I just wish I had a new girlfriend already. I don't want to go back to my ex anymore and I see so much better in other women. Some that I have met have been amazing, way more beautiful and WAAY more kind and down to earth than my b***h of an ex.

 

Thanks for allowing me to vent, today has been a bad day.

Edited November 27, 2011 by Heartache3

[wow123]

I'll start by saying FB is a killer and you should ask your brother to defriend her, or you should block her. Plus it makes everyone's life look much better than it actually is. Many people see ex's from a lot longer than 9 months ago and get upset about engagements or marriages.

 

This is not a big point, but people generally don't take pics on a date unless they're in a R. At this point it doesn't matter, but I wanted to point that out.

[Heartache3]

I'll start by saying FB is a killer and you should ask your brother to defriend her, or you should block her. Plus it makes everyone's life look much better than it actually is. Many people see ex's from a lot longer than 9 months ago and get upset about engagements or marriages.

 

This is not a big point, but people generally don't take pics on a date unless they're in a R. At this point it doesn't matter, but I wanted to point that out.

 

I have had her blocked since September, it's just that my brother can see her posts through mutual friends even though he's not friends with her either. And you're right about Facebook, I have developed a very negative feeling toward it and decided to deactivate my account for a while.

 

Hm, you might be right about her picture. But like you mentioned, it doesn't matter. For some reason I got pretty upset over this but I'm feeling a lot better now. Frankly I dont

care at this point... I feel strong not falling for rebounds like she has and I can say I've healed quite a lot since February. At this point all I want to do is achieve indifference and eventually find someone even better.

Edited November 27, 2011 by Heartache3

[Heartache3]

Update. Just found out from one of my friends that this guy is indeed her new boyfriend.

 

I know I shouldn't care, but this is just ridiculous. She can't even go 4 or 5 months without hopping into a relationship!! Does she NEED someone to feel happy? All I can do is laugh at how pathetic she is. Leaves me for the first guy within a week of breaking up with me, he ends it in June but she continues FWB with him till September, then tries to come back to ME to be friends. Now she's with this guy. And even STILL... on my birthday in early Nov she texted me, not to say happy birthday but to try to be friends again.

 

What's with this girl? Does she not have the capacity to be happy on her own? I've been doing great since we stopped talking in September, until all this is happening.

 

:/

 

I wish I could live in another world and not have a single thought or update about her. And be in a relationship with someone a million times better. If only...

[Steadfast]

Does she NEED someone to feel happy? All I can do is laugh at how pathetic she is. SNIP What's with this girl? Does she not have the capacity to be happy on her own?

 

Before you throw stones, make sure you're not guilty of the same thinking.

 

It may be hard to believe, but you're in a great position. You are young with your whole life and tremendous opportunities ahead of you. Imagine going through this with children and the financial issues of divorce.

 

My advice to you is; work on making yourself a whole person. Cars, clothes, jobs and being in a relationship is not a sign of success. There are tons of unhappy, rich people in relationships. Why? Because they never learned what true love is, or need the adoration of others to feel better about themselves. Don't fall into this trap. Change your thinking now, while you are still young and the lessons are not so tragic and damaging.

 

Don't rush romance. Be very choosy about who you spend your time with. Make your life something that someone special would want to be a part of. Don't lose yourself in any relationship; develop your direction and build your self-esteem by being passionate about what you do and passionate about all of your relationships; not just the romantic ones. Cherish your family, friends and mentors. Keep it balanced: work, family. friends, love.

 

Anyone who places any amount of importance on what you make, where you live, what you drive or who your connections are is someone to be avoided. Remember the parable of the old mountain man who fully tested his walking stick before trusting it with all of his weight. Do the same; be smart and keep your eyes open when dating. Look past the physical.

 

Everyone loves and loses at some point. Some more than others. The right woman will be just as cautious as you. That's the one to go for!

[Heartache3]

Steadfast, you have given me some of the best advice I've ever received on Loveshack.

 

I just looked at my posts again and realize that my attitude toward all this really sucks. You're absolutely right, I should be very grateful that I am in a good position right now. There's no reason for me to be sulking like this.

 

From here on I'm going to do my best to develop my direction and self esteem. Nothing that my ex has right now really matters. What I have right now matters. And what I should be working towards matters. Maybe I shouldn't be so eager on getting a girlfriend so quickly, as though I'm in a race against my ex. I just have to throw out that jealousy, man up, and pick up the pieces and start building my life back up.

 

Thanks Steadfast for helping me realize this.

[Chi townD]

Dude, your story mirrored mine...but I did something different. A long time ago, I had a girlfriend and I found out she cheated on me. I confronted and she admitted to it and broke up with me. She stated that I was a loser and was never going to amount to anything working dead-end jobs. She was moving on to someone that had goals in life. She was right to a point. That motivated me. I went to College ( she said that I would never go to college), and I found that I enjoyed the challange of it. I did extremely well and continued on. I graduated and started working in my career field, now I'm a College Professor. I met my current (and only) wife and she's a professional woman as well. We own our own house, yay! No mortgage! We travel any chance we get. Matter of fact, we just returned from two weeks in Flordia soaking up the sun. Why? Because we could.

 

What happened to the Ex? From what I heard, she ended up marrying the guy she cheated on me with. He was going to college but had to transfer to the University of "I'm pregnant and you need a job". Last I heard, Mr. Direction in Life smokes pot and drives an ambulance (scary huh).

 

So, I got my revenge! By living a good life!

 

So, now get yours. Go to the gym and change your body and change your wardrobe. Stay focused on College 100%, it doesn't last forever, so do your best. Get started in your career. Then, picture yourself in a new car driving up you your swanky Townehouse. Picture yourself preparing dinner for your new girlfriend who's coming by in a little bit. And picture yourself enjoying a glass of wine with her in front of the fireplace. If you can picture it, you can do it!