I am obsessed with husand's exes and overly controlling

[ashamed6]

Hello everyone.

 

It is taking a lot to get this all off of my chest. I need some real genuine change in my life or I fear that things may get worse. I don't know who to turn to or what to do though.

 

My husband and I have been married for one year, together for four.

We are in our twenties and let me start off by saying I swear I have the best husband possible. He's such a good guy and I don't give him the credit he deserves.

 

I am extremely controlling and jealous though...and I think I know where it all came from. My husband had two prior semi-serious relationships before me. He was young though, still a teenager. When we first began dating, BOTH of these girls were still trying to get with him, contacted me telling me lies about my husband, being downright creepy, so on and so forth.

Finally, since about mid-2009, they have no longer tried to contact him. The creepiest ex sent him a Facebook message about a year ago (he no longer has a Facebook btw) saying "freak" and I guess she just wanted to get his attention! She's the most pathetic of the two, I used to read her blog years ago and all of the entries about him. She seemed to think they were soulmates while my husband just thinks she was always creepy and obsessive.

 

Well, now I am the creepy and obsessive one! I try to look at their Facebooks all of the time (both are private) - I used to read one of their blogs every day. I just want to know all about them and what they do. It's weird, I know. My husband does NOT say their name (unless we're fighting just to spite me) because he knows I cannot stand hearing it. I cringe when someone says those names. I hate the LETTERS of the alphabet that their names start with. I won't watch a particular TV show out loud in front of my husband because one of the characters shares the same name as an ex of his.

 

Now, my husband in his free time enjoys just hanging around the house with me, as do I. He doesn't like to drink or hang out with other friends really. I don't ever hang out with anyone else. We visit with our family a few times a week though. I know it is unhealthy, we just work a lot and like to spend most of our time home, relaxing.

 

I freak out when he calls people. I'm even jealous of his Mom. I follow him around when he talks on the phone. I just always want to know what is going on. It's not that I think he's doing wrong, it's just I'm nosy!

 

I want to stop acting so controlling. He is at a friends house right now playing cards a couple of miles away. This happened because of a fight we had earlier. Our friend texted him and I wanted to know everything they were saying back and forth. I guess pent up anger for the both of us just caused a big fight. He threatened to go hang out with friends (a silly threat, I know, but he knew I wouldn't like it) and is doing so. Before he left he told me how much he loved me and that he just wants to feel the same kind of trust that he has for me. That he tries so hard to be good to me and thinks he's a great husband, and that I don't treat him that way. He says he didn't even want to go, that why in the world would he want to leave me alone and go hang out with someone else...but that he feels I need it, a wake up call I guess.

 

I don't know. But here I am. Such a confused woman. My husband and I have a strong relationship and share so much love..I know he doesn't do anything wrong, I just want to know everything, I don't know, I'm just ****ed up I guess, I need some help.

 

Thank you for reading and any advice you have to offer.

[Nikki82]

Easier said than done, but you need to just start controlling yourself. Start small. Start by NOT following him around the house when he's on the phone.

 

Remind yourself that it is not right to be jealous of his own mother. Remind yourself that it is NOT attractive to be so controlling, untrusting, and nosy. This can and probably will make you lose him if you don't stop.

 

If your relationship is really so great, then start treating him with the respect he deserves before you lose a good thing.

[bigmomma1974]

This type of behavior that you are showing is very unhealthy for both of you. You need to do some soul searching to find out why your behaving this way. you say hes a great man and wouldn't step out on you but your pushing him further and further away when you behave like this. Here is the only thing I can think of to help you, start seeing a therpist and get to the root of this issue before it is to late. G/L