This isn't easy

[Should I Get Out]

Well, I should probably start at the beginning. I am a 62 year old gay man who met a 24 year old young married man at my workplace. We became fast friends and after some time he asked me if I was gay. I answered that I was and that if it was going to be a problem I could bow out of the picture. He reassured me that it was not a problem, so our friendship continued to grow. I met his wife and 3 children soon after. I knew his wife for 3 months before we decided to tell her about me, she was in disbelief, I do not appear to be a gay man. She accepted it once the reality set in, and it was never an issue. After about a year into the friendship Brandon would throw hints at me that he wanted to experiment with his sexuality, it surprised me. You have to understand Brandon was a whoremaster, he was cheating all the time, and not one night stands, 2 and 3 weeks at a time with the same woman, then jumping to another and another. It never stopped, but neither did his moves toward me. We finally had a light sexual session, touching, kissing, and discovering. It was great. We never talked about it afterward. Things went back to normal after that. 3 months later it happened again, a little more risque this time, clothes off but still just touching, kissing, and discovering. Again, we never talked about it. 2 months later, again, but this time he wanted to try oral sex, both ways. It was short and not very good, I think he just wanted to see what it felt like. He wasn't repulsed or anything and the next day he mentioned it as being "WILD". I was stunned that he was willing to talk about it. Understand that all this time he was still cheating on his wife with other women, and now me. His wife had suspicions about his extracurricular activity with women, (never even considered we might be fooling around), so she went through his phone and the fallout was dramatic. She left him almost immediatley after. It's been 3 years now and we are very involved,full blown relationship, but he's still seeing women on the side. In spite of his filandering ways he's a good man, he works hard, loves and takes care of his kids faithfully, and pays his bills. We've grown to be very much in love but I can't deal with the women anymore. We've talked about it and got nowhere. As far as I know, he's never been with another man.

[bentnotbroken]

Seems like he hide nothing from you and he is who he is..a cheater.

[Emme]

SMH... Ooo child you just jumped right into the skillet and I know you saw the flames.

 

Your man is a sexual being by nature. He cannot be caged. You've had it with the women in his life. Him stopping, that won't happen. If a man who cheated on his wife that gave birth to his offspring... why would you think he would care about you? I'm just keeping it real. You knew what he was before you decided to be in a relationship with him. You have to now accept it or walk away.

 

I know it’s not easy for you. You are 62 years old. You know better. So do better. End it.

[Should I Get Out]

I hear and understand what you're saying. It's just a bit hard for me, at 62 I'm not going to get a shot at a 24 year old again, unless I support him financially,and that 's not going to happen, I'm not a John. Hell, at my age I may not get a shot with anyone again, never mind a 24 year old. We met innocently enough and I know he loves me, he shows me that every day, but he's not exclusively homosexual, I am. I never thought I could change him, I thought I could deal with his extracirrucular life, but I was wrong. My own insecurity I guess.

[MissBee]

If that is what you call a good man, it would be interesting to hear what you consider not good.

 

You knew what you were getting into, so I'm not sure if you deluded yourself into thinking he would change but you must have. Clearly he hasn't changed so the question is are you going to tolerate it or not?

 

Serial cheaters are a lost cause.

 

I agree....

 

It is particularly tricky when a serial cheater seems to have been living heterosexually all his life...then experimenting with men and still seeing women. That is also very questionable and while I don't know him and know whether he is truly bisexual or just someone who is caught up and who is impulsive (which seems to be the case)....the fact is, that alone should have made you wonder about him being ready for a relationship. I know how hard it is, and you perhaps do as well, for men to come out, furthermore a man who was married with kids...even if he is gay, that takes some time and processing and one doesn't jump from being married and having affairs with women to all of a sudden being in a gay relationship, when you're the only gay man he's been with. I imagine it is like being "born again"...where he would need to explore his sexuality and maybe even date others before settling down and being comfortable in his skin as a bi or gay man.

 

He seems to be neither. Whether he is gay, bi, straight or confused...he does have LOTS of issues and I think his infidelity and him being a "whoremaster" as you've labeled him are symptoms of greater issues. He cannot be a good man to you or any other human being at this point and I do think it would behoove you to discuss your concerns, the fact that maybe he should work on himself and give him the space to do so.

[MissBee]

If that is what you call a good man, it would be interesting to hear what you consider not good.

 

You knew what you were getting into, so I'm not sure if you deluded yourself into thinking he would change but you must have. Clearly he hasn't changed so the question is are you going to tolerate it or not?

 

Serial cheaters are a lost cause.

 

I agree....

 

It is particularly tricky when a serial cheater seems to have been living heterosexually all his life...then experimenting with men and still seeing women. That is also very questionable and while I don't know him and know whether he is truly bisexual or just someone who is caught up and who is impulsive (which seems to be the case)....the fact is, that alone should have made you wonder about him being ready for a relationship. I know how hard it is, and you perhaps do as well, for men to come out, furthermore a man who was married with kids...even if he is gay, that takes some time and processing and one doesn't jump from being married and having affairs with women to all of a sudden being in a gay relationship, when you're the only gay man he's been with. I imagine it is like being "born again"...where he would need to explore his sexuality and maybe even date others before settling down and being comfortable in his skin as a bi or gay man.

 

He seems to be neither. Whether he is gay, bi, straight or confused...he does have LOTS of issues and I think his infidelity and him being a "whoremaster" as you've labeled him are symptoms of greater issues. He cannot be a good man to you or any other human being at this point and I do think it would behoove you to discuss your concerns, the fact that maybe he should work on himself and give him the space to do so.

 

Also...you chasing a 24 year old at 62 saying you won't get a chance again, makes me wonder about your priorities. That is, do you even care about having a real relationship or just some hot, young thing....even if this hot young thing is a mess who won't commit to you and who may or may not even be gay.

[thinkgal]

seems your just not sure what to do, in a way you want to stay with him because you have been together all this time and its a fun relationship that you enjoy except that the women he has on the side (which you knowing about it already is not really considered cheating) you want him to stop doing that. Now he has been honest with you in showing you his wild side lets call it and you have accepted it since the beginning so I really don't think he is gonna give that up since he was cheating on his

wife but of course is gonna bother you cuz as a relationship progresses is very hard

to accept a person you love and spend time with to be having fun sexually with other

people, because it will not only make one feel insecure but may also bring out jealousy.

From your post I think you enjoy been with him and this is not a normal relationship.

If it wouldnt bother you at all I would say keep on but since its bothering you him been with other people I say you will end up hurt at the end. As more time passes your feelings will grow more and its just gonna hurt you more. So really think over of what you really want, waht do you want in this relationship and can you handle this? if not then you need to prepare yourself to let him go and be with someone that will make you happy and you not worry who he's gonna see on the side etc.

right now is just women he has on the side,how will you feel if he starts with men too??..is just something to think about.

[Emme]

I hear and understand what you're saying. It's just a bit hard for me, at 62 I'm not going to get a shot at a 24 year old again, unless I support him financially,and that 's not going to happen, I'm not a John. Hell, at my age I may not get a shot with anyone again, never mind a 24 year old. We met innocently enough and I know he loves me, he shows me that every day, but he's not exclusively homosexual, I am. I never thought I could change him, I thought I could deal with his extracirrucular life, but I was wrong. My own insecurity I guess.

 

Honey, fake it till you make it... I know most of them are out for money. At 62 your wallet has to be nice for even a hello.

 

As far as the bold ... You thought you could change him. You hoped for it and wished it. You thought he would love you enough to end it with women and just be with you. You can't live a lie at 62. You need all of your brain cells before dementia sets in. It’s ok to hope. If you didn’t hope for it you would not have stayed with him. It bothered you from day one and still you compromised yourself. Don’t do it any more. There are men who are willing to have a serious loving relationship. They are out there, men who won’t bring you a surprise STD. You have no insecurities, your partner does. That’s why he all over town. At 62 if you wish to go through the ordeal of a heartbreak, it just might kill you. It’s no fun. I’m sure you’ve read many posts on here. Make a decision and make sure you can live with it. If you can’t do it anymore, end it.