sardeen Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Hello, I broke up with my ex about a month ago and have given up trying. We did get back together after our first break up, but she all of a sudden decided to cut all contact and block me from her life (check my last thread as it is more detailed.) While I am slowly getting over her, the thought of her being abused is what kills me the most and is something that I cant get over. In fact, on our last date, she mentioned to me that her mother was putting her down by calling her lazy and so forth. This did put a damper on our date as she was twitching and moody. Her mother and mothers partner also get into intense arguments (at one point even arguing in front of me, to the point where I had to sneak out and pretend I wasnt there) and would she would tell me how they would have her as a mediator. Surely that is too much pressure for a young lady with no education in psychology. There is also an issue with her father telling her she isnt a good enough daughter and claiming certain people do not like her, when it is not true. The guy does not live with her, but she makes the one hour trek to go see him and every time she came back, she would tell me how he would do the EXACT same thing. She is also being denied access to see her ailing grandmother by her aunt who threatened her with a lawsuit for trespassing if my ex even as much as called the house. Weird thing is that she kept going back to these people during our relationship and I know for a fact she may go back to them. I understand that blood is thicker than water, but when people are blatantly abusing you, something is gonna give. Some say she is not my problem anymore, but I cant think that. This is someone I genuinely care about. I still worry about her and want to cheer her up. The only difference is that she is kind of abusing me too. I am kind of okay with the fact that she left me for taking her for granted, but then I cant help but worry about how she is doing emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 With or without you, her family will still be f*cked up. You can't shield her from it either. Besides, f*cked up families are great at making f*cked up children and you'd be stuck with that. I know when you care about someone, you want to help, but there's nothing you could do while you were together, and there is absolutely nothing you can do now that you're apart. She's not the first with sh*tty parents, nor is she the last, there are avenues only she can pursue on her own to fix/avoid her family drama. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Sadly, we can only ever help those that actually want our help. You'll meet people like this throughout your life and that caring helping side of you will want to save them from whatever terrible situation they're in. But you'll only end up beating your head against a wall and be dragged down emotionally by getting involved. All you can really do is express how you feel about the situation, offer your help if they need it... and then let them make their own decisions. I guess during the time you two were together you've pretty much already done that, so all that's left is to walk away. As hard as it is to accept, this is not your responsibility. You're not Superman... and even he couldn't save his own adopted father! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Some say she is not my problem anymore, but I cant think that. This is someone I genuinely care about. I still worry about her and want to cheer her up. The only difference is that she is kind of abusing me too. There's an old saying and I know you've heard it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. You can't help her until she's willing to help herself. Look, I get it, you do care about her and if she came to you and asked for help with her current situation; you sound like the kind of guy that would do just that. But, until she actually comes to you...there's not much you can do...sorry to say that. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 The only difference is that she is kind of abusing me too. Since you are willing to go back for more abuse from her, then you must understand that she is also willing to go back for more abuse from her family. Just accept that this relationship is over, and stop trying to save her. She doesn't want to be saved. Not by you. Stop wasting your time. Move on with your life. And ask yourself why you are so willing to go back for more abuse. Change that, or you will always get involved with women who abuse you. Save YOURSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Hello, I broke up with my ex about a month ago and have given up trying. We did get back together after our first break up, but she all of a sudden decided to cut all contact and block me from her life (check my last thread as it is more detailed.) While I am slowly getting over her, the thought of her being abused is what kills me the most and is something that I cant get over. In fact, on our last date, she mentioned to me that her mother was putting her down by calling her lazy and so forth. This did put a damper on our date as she was twitching and moody. Her mother and mothers partner also get into intense arguments (at one point even arguing in front of me, to the point where I had to sneak out and pretend I wasnt there) and would she would tell me how they would have her as a mediator. Surely that is too much pressure for a young lady with no education in psychology. There is also an issue with her father telling her she isnt a good enough daughter and claiming certain people do not like her, when it is not true. The guy does not live with her, but she makes the one hour trek to go see him and every time she came back, she would tell me how he would do the EXACT same thing. She is also being denied access to see her ailing grandmother by her aunt who threatened her with a lawsuit for trespassing if my ex even as much as called the house. Weird thing is that she kept going back to these people during our relationship and I know for a fact she may go back to them. I understand that blood is thicker than water, but when people are blatantly abusing you, something is gonna give. Some say she is not my problem anymore, but I cant think that. This is someone I genuinely care about. I still worry about her and want to cheer her up. The only difference is that she is kind of abusing me too. I am kind of okay with the fact that she left me for taking her for granted, but then I cant help but worry about how she is doing emotionally. Here some words to live by... abused people learn to be abusers... now figure out how you fit into this picture. Women dont want Captain Save a Hoes... Learn this early on in your life... The typical nice guys that do everything for them and pull them out of ****ty environments in the end make manipulative boyfriends Link to post Share on other sites
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