Can a gay guy want a girl?

[valentina]

I have a friend I go to school with who is openly gay. He has been with his boyfriend for almost 2 years. However, since I've met him people have been telling me that I turn him on. We do sexy dances together and he has even french kissed me before. Everybody thinks that we are boyfriend and girlfriend when they see us together. He has told me that he wishes he was straight and that he knows he would want me as his girlfriend. But he claims that he is pretty happy with his boyfriend. I don't know whats up. How can he act this way with me if he is really gay? Somebody please help me!

 

thanx!-

 

Valentina

[Jenna]

It sounds like this guy doesn't really know what he feels- at least in a sexual manner.

 

I know I am fixing to stir up some major controversy here- but what the hell.

 

I believe that there are people in this world who are gay by no choice of their own. I have done a lot of reading about the scientific aspects of it- and the changes that an embryo and fetus go through from the moment of conception. I think that sometimes -things just go wrong- kind of like a birth defect. The body is one way- but the mind is the other. (male and female) This would explain (somewhat) about the struggles that people go through- during adolecense- when they know they are (for instance) male- or at least their body looks that way- but they find them selves attracted to other males- instead of females -which most of us can agree would be human nature. In their eyes- for them to be attracted to the opposite sex is as absurd as you and I being attracted to the same sex. Neither of us -"gay" or "straight"- can fathom the idea of it.

 

I also believe that life experiences can cause a person to reject partners of the opposite sex- which ultimately causes them to "choose" the alternate lifestyle. People need love, affection, and sexual fulfullment (among other things)- and if they aren't comfortable getting these things one place- they will seek another way. There are only 2 choices left- #1-be alone and #2 engage in a same sex relationship. Often they will reject all people-due to family beliefs, their job, their friends etc... but eventually their need for human contact and love out weighs the negative aspects and they head down the road that will make them happier.

 

Regarding the second example- (again "my" opinion)- these people are not internally "gay"- they are still capable of being attracted to the opposite sex- but have buried or supressed those feelings out of protection for themselves.

 

Could this be the case with your friend?? Maybe something happened in his past? (sexual abuse by a female, neglect, or another trauma that caused him to shut out sexual feelings toward women)

 

If so, he may have made an astonishing revelation in you- that not all women are bad. He is capable of loving and being loved by another woman.

 

Of course he loves his partner- he is invested in the relationship- 2 years is a long time. They have been intimate- and shared all of the things that couples share in a relationship. He has emotionally as well as physically bonded with this person.

 

Your friend is likely to be a very confused person if he decides to change his life style- its not something you accomplish over night. Be very careful about getting too involved in this - there is much potential for disaster here.

 

Good Luck. Jenna

I have a friend I go to school with who is openly gay. He has been with his boyfriend for almost 2 years. However, since I've met him people have been telling me that I turn him on. We do sexy dances together and he has even french kissed me before. Everybody thinks that we are boyfriend and girlfriend when they see us together. He has told me that he wishes he was straight and that he knows he would want me as his girlfriend. But he claims that he is pretty happy with his boyfriend. I don't know whats up. How can he act this way with me if he is really gay? Somebody please help me! thanx!- Valentina

[Heather]

Oh wow I have something to say about people not choosing to be gay... well I was watching the Discovery channel and there was this program called Brain Sex on there. I don't remember if it is proven or they are still trying to prove it but here it is, they said if a pregnant woman is carrying a boy, and she becomes very stressed throughout her pregnancy (not the normal pregnancy feeling, Im talking seriously stressed)and produces to much estrogen(female hormone) that the baby boy could have gay tendancies.

 

As I said I don't know how true this is, but it was on the Discovery Channel and it does give you something to think about.

 

Heather

It sounds like this guy doesn't really know what he feels- at least in a sexual manner. I know I am fixing to stir up some major controversy here- but what the hell. I believe that there are people in this world who are gay by no choice of their own. I have done a lot of reading about the scientific aspects of it- and the changes that an embryo and fetus go through from the moment of conception. I think that sometimes -things just go wrong- kind of like a birth defect. The body is one way- but the mind is the other. (male and female) This would explain (somewhat) about the struggles that people go through- during adolecense- when they know they are (for instance) male- or at least their body looks that way- but they find them selves attracted to other males- instead of females -which most of us can agree would be human nature. In their eyes- for them to be attracted to the opposite sex is as absurd as you and I being attracted to the same sex. Neither of us -"gay" or "straight"- can fathom the idea of it. I also believe that life experiences can cause a person to reject partners of the opposite sex- which ultimately causes them to "choose" the alternate lifestyle. People need love, affection, and sexual fulfullment (among other things)- and if they aren't comfortable getting these things one place- they will seek another way. There are only 2 choices left- #1-be alone and #2 engage in a same sex relationship. Often they will reject all people-due to family beliefs, their job, their friends etc... but eventually their need for human contact and love out weighs the negative aspects and they head down the road that will make them happier. Regarding the second example- (again "my" opinion)- these people are not internally "gay"- they are still capable of being attracted to the opposite sex- but have buried or supressed those feelings out of protection for themselves. Could this be the case with your friend?? Maybe something happened in his past? (sexual abuse by a female, neglect, or another trauma that caused him to shut out sexual feelings toward women) If so, he may have made an astonishing revelation in you- that not all women are bad. He is capable of loving and being loved by another woman. Of course he loves his partner- he is invested in the relationship- 2 years is a long time. They have been intimate- and shared all of the things that couples share in a relationship. He has emotionally as well as physically bonded with this person.

 

Your friend is likely to be a very confused person if he decides to change his life style- its not something you accomplish over night. Be very careful about getting too involved in this - there is much potential for disaster here. Good Luck. Jenna

[Jenna]

I have watched similar programs and have also read a lot about it- and that was my point exactly when I mentioned the scientific aspects of sexual preference.

 

But I also believe that there are some people- who are born

 

with normal tendencies- and through some "event(s)" in their life- have closed themselves off to the thought of being sexually involved with someone of the opposite sex. (Example: A young girl who is repeatedly sexually molested by her father- and possibly other male family members over an extended period of time or even her entire adolescent years- she would be likely to be incapable of a healthy relationship or even the "thought" of one with another male. Yet, she still has a need for love and companionship-and can only find comfort and a feeling of safety with another woman. Thus making it a psychological condition rather than a biological one.

 

I believe either or both theories can be true- it depends on the individual.

 

I would venture to say that the majority of homosexuality is not from "choice"- because of the way society regards the subject- one might wonder why would anyone "choose" to put themselves through it?

 

As I said before- it is something that is the subject of much controversy- and everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs about it. There is also much ignorance and intollerance surrounding the matter- which regardless of what my personal beliefs are - makes me very sad.

 

Jenna

Oh wow I have something to say about people not choosing to be gay... well I was watching the Discovery channel and there was this program called Brain Sex on there. I don't remember if it is proven or they are still trying to prove it but here it is, they said if a pregnant woman is carrying a boy, and she becomes very stressed throughout her pregnancy (not the normal pregnancy feeling, Im talking seriously stressed)and produces to much estrogen(female hormone) that the baby boy could have gay tendancies. As I said I don't know how true this is, but it was on the Discovery Channel and it does give you something to think about. Heather

[Rivka]

Actually I think a gay guy CAN want a girl only for curiosity and delicate sorts of intimacy. I have known many gays in theatre who have flirted with impressionable, younger women- even gone out with them, kissed them and did heavy petting, but usually they are still more attracted to men. One good gay friend of mine actually had a short fling with a woman, and he described it as one of the most beautiful, delicate experiences he ever had, but the intercourse part was a disaster because he experienced premature ejaculation. The woman was very hurt and disappointed with the fact that during intercourse he only stayed "in" less than five minutes. My friend felt very guilty, but realized he preferred men.

[I wondered too...]

I also have a very close friend who is gay and has been in a relationship for a long time. We met about a year and half ago and I have use to wonder the same thing you are now. We talk intimately about everything in our lives - work, home, sex, whatever. Many times he's said "if I weren't gay, you'd be the woman I would want to make love to" and I've said the same to him.

 

He's constantly hugging/holding me, lightly kissing me on the lips at the end of an evening out with friends, loves to slow dance with me, up close and personal and often just touches my face or strokes my arm and little things like that. It's hard on me sometimes because he's a very attractive, smart and funny guy and if he weren't gay..... but I respect him and he respects me. We just find each other very attractive and, to be honest, enjoy flirting and teasing each other. But in the end, he is gay - just not dead to being turned on by a woman - he does it for me and I know I turn him on but that nothing will come of it. I don't feel he is adverse to sex with a woman because he's a very sensual guy but we both also know that it would never lead to anything more than just that. There's plenty of gay guys who can enjoy making love to a woman but their true preference is another guy.

[Tony T]

From a purely scientific and biological standpoint, first there is a very thin line between male and female upon conception. The sex develops from there. Any kind of genetic mutation can foul up the process, from giving a guy a female voice to giving a lady a beard and mustache...and all points in between.

 

Given the fact there are bisexuals, those who find they are attracted to both males and females...and each to varying degrees...logically it would follow that gay men could be gay to varying degrees and there could even be a hormonal aspect. These factors could make them attracted to or "want" a girl in varying degrees at varying times.

 

Let's face it. We are chemical people. Chemicals in the brain do a number on us. CAT scans, PET scans and other brain imaging has shown incredible effects on the brain by various drugs that can stop ceasures, reduce anxiety, diminish hunger, check depression and a host of other things.

 

So homosexuality can be in degrees and phase in and out with the chemistry.

 

And you heard it here folks, but I do believe that one day medical science will come up with a drug that can transform the brain chemistry of gays and turn them into herereosexuals...that is, if they stay on their medication.

 

Women will probably find these most attractive to them because while they are able to have heterosexual relationships, they will still have a mind that may more easily understand the emotional needs of women.

 

And maybe one day, in the evolutionary process, the female will be the strong and dominant species...without the help of medication.

[Jenna]

Tony- I was glad to read your post- regarding the chemical and biological aspects of sexual preference. I was afraid that in saying the same thing in my earlier post- I might be cast out on my ear- (or some other sensitive body part)

 

My mother and I have argued relentlessly about this subject- she believes that all homosexuals "choose" their sexual preference- and willingly live and immoral lifestyle (her words) But I already knew she was a little "wacko"- hehehe.

 

I went to school with a set of twins- one boy and one girl. And they were both gay. The boy was very feminine (even from the time he was a small child) - even in his build- he was very sensitive- never had a girlfriend and the general way he carried himself totally gave him away- he is now openly gay.

 

His sister- was very masculine- also in her build- she was very athletic- had a deep voice- never had a boyfriend and for the most part displayed most of the characteristics of an average male- she too had been like this all of her life.

 

When I first became familiar with the fact that we all start out the same (in the womb)- and that there is a delicate process that takes place to determine our sex-after conception- the whole idea of homosexuality became understandable. I immediately thought of the twins- and wondered what in the world went wrong when they were conceived.

 

Remember all the true stories that we see on 60 minutes and 20\20 etc.. about the babies that are born with female and male sex organs ?? One being the outer organs and the other being the inner- and even times when there are both-in both places? If that isn't evidence enough that things can go terribly wrong- I don't know what would convince people like my mother. It seems that it always goes back to a religous standpoint- but if one truly believes that God created all of us- (or God doesn't make junk)- then you would have to believe that God intended for these things to happen and therefore loves & accepts all people no matter their sexual make-up or preference.

 

Jenna

From a purely scientific and biological standpoint, first there is a very thin line between male and female upon conception. The sex develops from there. Any kind of genetic mutation can foul up the process, from giving a guy a female voice to giving a lady a beard and mustache...and all points in between. Given the fact there are bisexuals, those who find they are attracted to both males and females...and each to varying degrees...logically it would follow that gay men could be gay to varying degrees and there could even be a hormonal aspect. These factors could make them attracted to or "want" a girl in varying degrees at varying times. Let's face it. We are chemical people. Chemicals in the brain do a number on us. CAT scans, PET scans and other brain imaging has shown incredible effects on the brain by various drugs that can stop ceasures, reduce anxiety, diminish hunger, check depression and a host of other things. So homosexuality can be in degrees and phase in and out with the chemistry. And you heard it here folks, but I do believe that one day medical science will come up with a drug that can transform the brain chemistry of gays and turn them into herereosexuals...that is, if they stay on their medication. Women will probably find these most attractive to them because while they are able to have heterosexual relationships, they will still have a mind that may more easily understand the emotional needs of women. And maybe one day, in the evolutionary process, the female will be the strong and dominant species...without the help of medication.

[Tony T]

I have identified an adult phenomenon in which people in their mid-thirties right on up suddenly develop feelings for the same sex.

 

Upon closer examination, and more so in women, I find those people have a history of frightful and abusive relationships with the opposite sex.

 

One very attractive girl, a nurse, started living with another nurse as lovers after being married twice and having three children. I think she and many others are driven to this lifestyle, possibly because their homosexual tendencies were genetically latent and their adversities in relationships drew it out of them.

 

Books are filled with men who divorced their wives to be with other men...and women who left their husbands to be with a woman.

 

So, I feel strongly that whenever these behaviors seem to be behaviorally rooted, the person's personal emotional history becomes combined with genetic and chemical factors in determining the sexual orientation. I don't think these people went bisexual or homosexual because they got tired of heterosexuality...I just think life experiences pushed them over the line into new lifestyles.

[Jenna]

I think you could be right-

 

I personally don't believe that there is one clear cause that fits for every person who is homosexual. I think there could be numerous reasons and explainations for sexual preference. I think it is highly possible that there are individuals who may be homosexual for one simple reason- and that there are some who may have a multitude of factors leading them to the same destination.

 

How knows- just when you think that there has been a break through in finding the cause(s) of sexual preference- someone else comes along and offer evidence that appears to disprove or dismiss the previous facts.

 

I saw this humorous statement the other day- "A fact is one person's "opinion" that he has managed to convince others of." I thought it was funny at the time- but in light of this issue- I think there may be some validity to it.

 

Jenna

I have identified an adult phenomenon in which people in their mid-thirties right on up suddenly develop feelings for the same sex. Upon closer examination, and more so in women, I find those people have a history of frightful and abusive relationships with the opposite sex.

 

One very attractive girl, a nurse, started living with another nurse as lovers after being married twice and having three children. I think she and many others are driven to this lifestyle, possibly because their homosexual tendencies were genetically latent and their adversities in relationships drew it out of them. Books are filled with men who divorced their wives to be with other men...and women who left their husbands to be with a woman. So, I feel strongly that whenever these behaviors seem to be behaviorally rooted, the person's personal emotional history becomes combined with genetic and chemical factors in determining the sexual orientation. I don't think these people went bisexual or homosexual because they got tired of heterosexuality...I just think life experiences pushed them over the line into new lifestyles.