Any other happily childfree Loveshack-ers?

[SecretlySad]

I am a 29 year old woman and I am certain I never want children. I LOVE my life and couldn’t possibly be happier. I get to travel overseas whenever I please, sleep in and have more spare time than I know what to do with, not to mention my disposable income – these are only a few of the wonderful things I enjoy about being childfree!

 

It has taken me YEARS to be ok with this decision. People always made me feel like there was something wrong with me for not wanting children.

 

Anyone else here childfree?!

 

EDIT: I wasn't quite sure where this belonged, sorry if it's in the wrong spot!

[Vesna]

There is nothing wrong with being childfree. I knew from the age of 13 that children were not a part of my future and I have no regrets. I planned on lots of travel, glamorous careers, endless freedom and a body that would never be 'ruined' by childbirth.

 

Life didn't really turn out as I had planned then. Other women either respect me, envy me or pity me for living childfree and alone.

 

Enjoy your freedom but be ready for all the mixed opinions when your peers are grandparents.

[Nikki82]

I'm also 29 and both my long-term boyfriend and I feel the same about children. I mean, there's still time that we may change our minds, but we really enjoy being child free. Many of our friends now have children and it's fun visiting with them. We like children, but just not sure if we're ready to give up all the freedoms of not having them! I know his mother would want us to one day have kids...so if we never change our minds, we may disappoint a few people, but hey, what can ya do?

[carhill]

Child-free here and always have enjoyed children but was unable to have any. I'm comfortable with that now but wouldn't go as far as to say happy with it. I do enjoy my friend's grandchildren

[stillafool]

Are you sure you aren't Secretly Sad about it? (Just kidding.) I too am childfree and much older than you. I'm married and have never regretted my decision. I like kids very much but never enough to want my own.

[cerridwen]

I've made peace with not being able to have children.

It was heart-wrenching for awhile and I'd do the whole well-up-with-tears-upon-spying-a-pregant-woman thing.

But, it's not in the cards so I've learn to become happy with finding out what is.

It's not been a bad hand so far!

[Emilia]

I'm 39 child-free and I have known all in my adult life that I didn't want to have children. It caused troubles in my dating life because more men want kids that you would believe but I have always felt very strongly that it wasn't the right path for me.

 

I see happy families around me all the time and I'm very pleased for them but the sacrifice and responsibility aren't for me. I listen to my colleagues telling me about their weekend stories (most of my friends don't have children) involved around kids and they do sound delightful but ultimately boring.

[El Brujo]

Mememememe!!!

 

My late mother wanted me to be something like a prize breeding stallion (this was the same mother who used to get all psychotic on me and threaten me with a carving knife), but I put the kibosh on that when A) I came out of the closet about my lack of desire to have sex (an even worse sin than pederasty in today's world) and B) told her that if I had a kid, I'd give him all the cool toys I was never allowed to have---BB guns, go-karts, all that fun stuff.

 

I've never enjoyed being around kids, my own kidhood was NOT fun, and anyways raising a kid in today's USA is probably a lot like trying to raise a kid in Nazi Germany---screw up once, you go to the gas chambers.

[stillafool]

I've made peace with not being able to have children.

It was heart-wrenching for awhile and I'd do the whole well-up-with-tears-upon-spying-a-pregant-woman thing.

But, it's not in the cards so I've learn to become happy with finding out what is.

It's not been a bad hand so far!

 

Your situation sounds different. Your post made me sad. If you still want children there are so many that want and need to be adopted. It isn't over for you if you still want them. All the best.

[setsenia]

I totally support those who choose not to have children. There are so many unwanted children in this world, by people who didn't make a conscious decision to prevent themselves from having children when they don't want to be parents. My husband has first hand experience in this. His mom was never really meant to be a mother, but got pregnant at 20 and decided not to raise him. It's really quite sad. However, she thinks it's totally okay to abandon responsibility and she acts as if she has no children. That's fine, if you don't have any children! LOL! But if you chose not to protect yourself, you have to live with the fact that you are a parent, not make excuses such as "I'm not maternal" etc etc. Great! Don't have children then! Kudos to all of you who've made the decision to protect yourselves and not have kids. There's too many parents out there who don't want kids, but don't protect themselves.

Edited November 29, 2011 by setsenia

[cerridwen]

Your situation sounds different. Your post made me sad. If you still want children there are so many that want and need to be adopted. It isn't over for you if you still want them. All the best.

 

Stillafool, I'm an utter one.

My post was hastily written and now I see, completely misleading.

I KNEW what I wanted to say but in type, it came out differently.

 

"Not being able to have" was a poor choice of phrase.

I can get pregnant and carry children (as far as I know).

What I meant was because of my upbringing I don't see myself as a worthy candidate for motherhood.

I'd rather cut off my own arm than put a child through what I went through.

But I fear it's somehow seeped into me.

It's not in my heart, but what if I unconsciously do similar to what my mother did?

I adore children too much to risk it.

 

So pregnant women made me well up.

I was envious of their ability to undertake the endeavor with confidence.

I was hurt by the burden I bore and the lot I felt was given me.

 

However, I've learned to let the latter go and find happiness without children.

Thanks for your sensitive response, Still.

Again, my apologies for the mislead.

[stillafool]

I completely understand.

[cerridwen]

I completely understand.

 

 

Thank you.

It means a lot to me.

[RiverRunning]

What country do you live in?

 

In the western world a good percent of adults do not have children. it's been that way for a few decades. Completely acceptable by the majority of people.

 

 

I still think it's very common in the U.S. for married couples to get odd looks when they choose not to have any children, especially among their more conservative family members and friends.

 

I still think the assumption among many is, "Wouldn't you rather have kids and possibly regret them than not have any, never know what it's like, and let the opportunity completely pass you by?" Not exactly the most sensible, but I still think that's common in the U.S.

 

On a humorous note, my brother is 30 and works in a factory. He has been married for 8 years. He works with several Indian co-workers. They routinely ask if he has any children. When he tells them 'no,' he says they usually gasp and say, "I will pray for you that you have many children." He said they don't seem to grasp that it's a choice, but instead react as though my brother and his wife are afflicted with infertility.

 

Many parents and grandparents of today's newly-adult generation are also eager to become grandparents/great-grandparents themselves.

 

It helps, though, if your parents have multiple kids. That way, if one of your siblings has kids - you're off the hook!

[quankanne]

I guess we've been blessed in that people seem to accept our childless state without bugging us about it. Not that we weren't open to having children, just that for some reason or another, I never got knocked up. I figured if it was the path that God put me on, I was cool with it because we've got a bunch of kids in the family we can just as easily love and pamper (and sugar up, then send back to their mamas, as my husband says). Husband's outlook is "how do you miss something you've never really had?" I'm not gonna work myself up over it, just accept it as a fact of life and move on with it ...

[Breezy Trousers]

My husband and I are childfree, and we're content. My husband is great with kids -- all children adore him! -- so I worried my life preference might be holding him back, but he's always assured me that wasn't the case.... Frankly, I had too many residual childhood issues to clean up and, by the time I finally turned the corner on that, I felt we were too old to have kids ... I think I would be a great mom now, but there's no doubt I would have been a disastrous mother in my twenties and through much of my thirties .... As a child, I saw firsthand how painful it is for someone to parent out of social expectation rather than private desire, and that no doubt influenced my own decision not to have children. Having said that, I have no regrets about the way my life has turned out. I have 16 nieces and nephews and 2 cats to fuss over! .... Parental love is probably the most important form of love there is, but it's still only one of many forms of love and intimacy.

 

My best friends are in their 50's, longtime marrieds and childfree. None have regrets. We agree that most of the self doubt and societal pressure we experienced occurred in our thirties. It passed.

Edited December 4, 2011 by Breezy Trousers

[cerridwen]

My husband and I are childfree, and we're content. My husband is great with kids -- all children adore him! -- so I worried my life preference might be holding him back, but he's always assured me that wasn't the case.... Frankly, I had too many residual childhood issues to clean up and, by the time I finally turned the corner on that, I felt we were too old to have kids ... I think I would be a great mom now, but there's no doubt I would have been a disastrous mother in my twenties and through much of my thirties .... As a child, I saw firsthand how painful it is for someone to parent out of social expectation rather than private desire, and that no doubt influenced my own decision not to have children. Having said that, I have no regrets about the way my life has turned out. I have 16 nieces and nephews and 2 cats to fuss over! .... Parental love is probably the most important form of love there is, but it's still only one of many forms of love and intimacy.

 

My best friends are in their 50's, longtime marrieds and childfree. None have regrets. We agree that most of the self doubt and societal pressure we experienced occurred in our thirties. It passed.

 

That's how I felt in my 20s.

Now as my early 30s begin (and after reflecting on the issue again because of this thread) I realize with some work, I might be the "fantastic mother" my friends believe I'd be.

It's one thing to feel happy with one's childlessness.

It's another to try and be happy because of a perceived "fate".

 

Anyway...

 

Speaking of parenting out of obligation...

I used to work with a woman, a mother of two adolescent boys.

More than once, she'd enviously look me up and down and say, "You have no children. You're so lucky. How lucky."

It made me feel so bad for her boys.

[Ross MwcFan]

Oh I'm more than happily childfree.

 

I'd think I'd make a good and bad father. On the one hand I would put their happines before mine, I would care about them, show them love, be supportive, and I'd try and make sure that they wanted for nothing. But at the same time, I just don't think I'd be any good at bringing them up in the right way.

[Eddie Edirol]

I dont like being around kids, and i cant stand babies. So I knew I'd be child free for as long as I can remember. More encouragement came when I met my real estate agents who all have their own little child free club. They are all childless couples, by choice, and they go anywhere and everywhere in a pack. Thats the kind of life I am looking forward to. So youre perfectly normal around here!