a couple of questions for the ladies.......

[rd1978]

has there ever been a time in your life in your early to mid 20's that you have been with someone for a couple of years and you decided that you wanted to go out and have your FUN,,,just kinda go crazy drink more often hang out with random people do what you had to do to get your mind away from the ex?not have to worry about awnsering to anyone......... be able to go out w/ and see whom ever you wanted? WELL my qusetion is most likely you needed to do that for your own good ,, just to know,, BUt did you ever regret it because it wasnt all that its cracked up to be ,,or you wanted your EX back after you realized it wasnt all worth it,, for those who did want the ex back did they take you back?ANd were you ready to move on and have a more serious relationship then?

[Pookette]

I was in a two year relationship that ended by his choice. I wouldn't say I went "Girls Gone Wild" but I had my fun. I had the best time with the freedom aspect of it. I was able to hang out with all my friends - most of which were guys - and not have to answer to anyone.

 

As for regretting anything, no. I hooked up with two guys in my "time off" before I started dating the guy who is now my husband. It was good for me to shake it up a little, and after having fun, I was ready to settle down and still have fun with hubby.

[lexnmike4enomore]

I know what your trying to say. Im 20 and i am in a VERY serious relationship. Sometimes i just want to go out and drink and go nut...but i cant b/c of my BF. So i just deal with drinking and having fun with him. Him and i go out and have fun and im ok with that. As far as going back out with your EX, as long as you didnt say that you want a break b/c u want to expierence whats out there, i dont think that it wil be a problem to get back together. Just try to find things that are fun that you guys can do together. ME and my BF have a lot of common friends so its easy for all of us to hang out and have a good time. Good luck

[Becks84]

I can relate. I did in fact take a "break" from my boyfriend about a year and a half into our relationship. (He's 24 and I'm 20 by the way.) One of the stupidest things Ive ever done. I felt maybe I was missing out on "college life" and bla bla bla...but I quickly found out that I am not into "everything" my friends are into -- excessive drinking, drugs, sleeping around, etc. -- normal college life I'm assuming. And I realized right away that the best place for me, and where I am happiest, is with my bf. He gladly took me back right away. This break thing lasted only a few weeks, and I ended it simply with a cute card telling him how much I missed him and what I have come to realize. He was just very relieved and didn't even think twice about getting back together or not. I have however since then stopped taking him for granted and I am sure I will never do such a thing to him and to our relationship again! I wouldnt expect to be taken back a second time.

[rd1978]

yeah i dont believe i will be taking her back again,,,, as much as i thaught i wanted to see a future with her a couple of weeks ago ive been doing alot of thinking,, i dont need some unstable girl in my life ,, i dont need to have a family and wonder when she is goign to flip and leav or something along the lines of that,, i do love her alot, i was with her form 20-25 so we went through alot of thigns togethor,, we were bolth our firsts with each other and just life experiences,,, i think thats what makes it the hardest letting go,, first true love,, i know how she feels about me,,,, she is making herself think otherwise by drinking hanging out with her friend ,, the list goes on and on,, she made a comment like your mid 20's are the best years of your life,, she might have a point but i would like to differ and say between 16 23-24 are the best ,, from there up its more important to start looking at the future and settling down to some degree,, i almost think she expects i will take her back,,, she might think this because, in the moment of being upset i told her i wanted to work things out and what needs to be done to do this,, but instead that gave her a power trip and she has been hanging out with some other guy thats isnt very attractive in my opinion,, and other girls,,,so when she's done with her fun she'll be by herself

[lexus]

Wow, you sound like a smart man. I'm 28 and take it from me that everyone who desires to sow their wild oats should. If they want to and they don't they will probably eventually cheat on the other person and that is worse. I think you should feel better that she was honest with you and must still love you to let you go, instead of cheating on you.

 

Be sure to know the difference between wanting to take a little time and experience life or just wanting to break up because you two have grown in different directions. The early twenties are full of fun and opportunity and some people just want to know what is out there. However, if it seemed like you two were heading in different directions, she will probably never come back. Take it from me, I broke up with a man that I was with and got engaged from 19-26, he was the love of my life so far and now I have no desire for him but he's one of my best friends and I also have no regrets about leaving because we grew in different directions.

 

If I were you tell her to keep protected and have the fun she wants and desires and if she wants you back and you are free maybe you will let her back in. Don't shut the door completely on someone you love if they are asking you for time and space, let them take it now and get it out of their system. All the best to you!

[lost_in_chgo]

rd1978, just to follow some of lex's comments...

 

take it from me that everyone who desires to sow their wild oats should. If they want to and they don't they will probably eventually cheat on the other person and that is worse.

 

Excellent point! When you get dumped, maybe it was the best thing that could have happened. Consider a life of unhappiness and cheating to be worse.

 

Be sure to know the difference between wanting to take a little time and experience life or just wanting to break up because you two have grown in different directions. ...However, if it seemed like you two were heading in different directions, she will probably never come back.

 

Another excellent point! Why the breakup? You know you don't own her. Why close the door to the future? Go out find someone to spend time with and if your ex returns, maybe you wont be as bitter about things as you are now. You don't have to turn to hating her.

 

Don't shut the door completely on someone you love if they are asking you for time and space, let them take it now and get it out of their system. All the best to you!

 

Right, what she said.

[lost_in_chgo]

Lexus,

 

Take it from me, I broke up with a man that I was with and got engaged from 19-26, he was the love of my life so far and now I have no desire for him but he's one of my best friends and I also have no regrets about leaving because we grew in different directions.

 

What if the direction thing wasn't diverging?

Was that the reason for the breakup? Or just the reason for staying broken?

What would you be doing now if you two were (or ever are again) on the same path?

[maria72]

You just described me. I got divorced at age 25 after a year and a half of marriage…my ex was 7 years older than me and too controlling. I went to a club for the first time in my life a few months later and had a blast. It was the first time in my life that I had no one to answer to and I LOVED it….I had a good job, nice place to live, was taking trips all over the country. and having a great time. I dated a lot of nice guys but didn’t want to “settle down”…I didn’t want a long term relationship so I specifically dated guys who lived in other cities so I wouldn’t have to see them as often…I was a commitment phobic.

 

 

As far as wanting to go back to my ex-husband…no. I divorced him and have no regrets about that particular relationship….never should have married him. But about a year and a half ago I met and fell in love with my dream guy….but we broke up six months ago. I was devastated but have accepted that it’s the right thing to do. But, yes…seven years after my divorce I am very ready to have an “adult” relationship…I’ve learned so much…I’ve sowed my wild oats, have had the same great job for 10 years and I’m only 32.

 

 

I think there should be a law forbidding people to marry in their 20’s. Those years are needed to figure out who you’re going to be. I couldn’t WAIT to turn 30 because be I knew this was going to be a great decade and it is so far even in spite of my recent break-up.