Bullet Proof Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 So I've never been in a serious committed relationship, and all the people I am surrounded by have all failed relationships so it doesn't really make me want to jump into one! I have a hard time trusting people so I figured a FWB would be good for me. So I started a good FWB with a guy I used to work with. We are both pretty horny, send dirty texts/pics and have amazing sex. We just started this a few weeks back. However, I'm not really sure how these 'relationships' work. In fact we aren't really even friends anymore. We see each other, have sex, and part ways. Don't hang out or anything (fine with me). However, I feel like I want sex ALL the time but don't want to bother him, I mean we both still have lives. Is there like a usual protocol with FWB? Or F*ck buddies? How often is too much? I also like to keep it interesting as well so neither of us get bored. So far I think we are good in that department - we can't keep our hands off each other when we meet up. Also I know everyone says FWB NEVER work. Well I WANT this to work. I don't really have interest to be in a relationship right now but I know everyone always says girls just get attached. I do not want that to happen with me. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 How sad that you degrade yourself like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 To give you a real answer to your question, as opposed to patronizing insults: Relationships work the way that the people in them want them to work. This is especially true in nontraditional relationships that have no "default settings." Since there are no defaults, you have no choice other than to set the parameters yourselves--- by discussing them. If you want your FWB relationship to work a certain way, then you need to communicate that. People say that FWB never works primarily because it doesn't fit into their narrative of what relationships are supposed to be. If FWBs can work (and, in the actual, real world, they can and do), then they must be wrong about relationships, and that is a difficult thing to face. It's easier just to claim (without evidence) that they don't. But they also say that because nontraditional relationships are harder to maintain, because they require constant frank and open communication to succeed (unlike traditional relationships, which can squeak by without good communication by falling back on defaults). So keep that in mind. If you get to a point where you miss the "friends" part of this relationship, you can say, "I love the hot sex we're having, but I miss being friends with you too." If you want more hot sex than you're getting, you can say, "I know we both have to manage our time, work vs. play and stuff, but if you have the time, I could really use even more of this amazing sex we're having!" Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Buck see that line where she says I want sex all the time but I don't want to bother him...why would his feeling concern her if she just wants FWB. She wants to keep it interesting...who cares sex it's just sex right? Sorry but I'm concerned for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Buck see that line where she says I want sex all the time but I don't want to bother him...why would his feeling concern her if she just wants FWB. Presumably, because the "F" in "FWB" is for "friends." People care about their friends. I don't think it's all that complicated. Sorry but I'm concerned for her.Then post something constructive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bullet Proof Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Buck see that line where she says I want sex all the time but I don't want to bother him...why would his feeling concern her if she just wants FWB. She wants to keep it interesting...who cares sex it's just sex right? Sorry but I'm concerned for her. No need to be concerned. I am a caring person and respect anyone's space, including a FWB. I don't want to text him all the time .. 'what are you doing tonight?!' I want to keep the sex interesting so I don't get bored too. I like to keep things interesting and surprising, not so I don't 'lose him', but so I do not get bored and want to move on. It's hard to find a FWB and I'd like to keep it around because we both get what we want and we are having fun. So basically yes I am concerned for everyone's feelings, because I'm a nice person .. does that make me bad for a FWB type situation? I don't think so. he's a friend of mine and I don't want to smother him with my needs of sex, lol. And yes I want to keep it interesting because that's what makes sex so GREAT. Who wants boring sex all the time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bullet Proof Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 To give you a real answer to your question, as opposed to patronizing insults: Relationships work the way that the people in them want them to work. This is especially true in nontraditional relationships that have no "default settings." Since there are no defaults, you have no choice other than to set the parameters yourselves--- by discussing them. If you want your FWB relationship to work a certain way, then you need to communicate that. People say that FWB never works primarily because it doesn't fit into their narrative of what relationships are supposed to be. If FWBs can work (and, in the actual, real world, they can and do), then they must be wrong about relationships, and that is a difficult thing to face. It's easier just to claim (without evidence) that they don't. But they also say that because nontraditional relationships are harder to maintain, because they require constant frank and open communication to succeed (unlike traditional relationships, which can squeak by without good communication by falling back on defaults). So keep that in mind. If you get to a point where you miss the "friends" part of this relationship, you can say, "I love the hot sex we're having, but I miss being friends with you too." If you want more hot sex than you're getting, you can say, "I know we both have to manage our time, work vs. play and stuff, but if you have the time, I could really use even more of this amazing sex we're having!" Thanks a lot for being open minded and not judging me and my decisions. I will tell him exactly how I feel, I'm sure he feels the same way I guess but he never initiates any of 'I want sex now', so I feel like a jerk always getting in touch with him, lol!! He never objects though, so I guess it's still alright! Link to post Share on other sites
zaphodb2002 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Man, I wish I had a girl bugging me all the time for sex, lol. Seriously, though, I think the key to making any relationship work, FWB maybe more so, is communication. As long as you guys are on the same page, and you feel comfortable asking, and he feels comfortable telling you he's busy, or vice versa, seems like a sweet deal. Honest, open, and direct. It's how I handle things, and it works out for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
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