leah_kely Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 I have been dating this guy for 8 months now, and we are really in love. We've maintained an open & honest relationship. Over the past couple of months we have developed a problem.... His mother hates me. The thing is she hated me before she even met me. When she saw me she said she didn't like me because I'm a "big girl." So I guess now she feels she has a valid reason to dislike me now. From day one she has misjudged me. I am a really smart, caring person. I'm not beautiful, but I am pretty. She thinks that I'm this loud, rowdy, fat girl. Which, with the exception of the over weight part , is the complete opposite of who I really am. But being a little over weight doesn't make me a bad person. The thing is.. I love her son very much. I do everything and anything I can to make him happy. And I do make him happy, but his mom never gets off of his back. We're both 23, and we both live at home with our parents. Before anyone says "you two need to move out," let me just say that we both can't afford to. I guess my question is: Has anyone been in a situation similar to this before? How does a person hating them? Especially when you're a good person, and you've been completely misjudged. Link to post Share on other sites
a_passionate_leo Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 I'm going on 26, and have done a lot of living in my 26 years, so I feel more like I'm pushing 40. I think I have some words of advice that might make you feel better. I remember when I was in highschool, I went through the same sort of thing. Friends' mothers, boyfriends' mothers, girlfriends' mothers...didn't matter who they were, their mothers just always seemed to hate me when I never did anything wrong. So I have an idea of how you feel, and my years of experience tell me that the problem doesn't lie with you or me, it lies with what we represent to nasty old Mommy Dearest. See, I was too independent for most of my friends' moms' tastes, so they didn't like me because they thought I'd expose their babies to areas of life they weren't ready to allow them to know and cause them pull away from the nest. Your bf's mom is probably afraid of losing her son. If that's the case, the only thing you can do is continue to be civil and show her your niceness (don't go overboard, don't give extra if she doesn't deserve it) and hope she'll come around. Maybe she will and maybe she wont. Doesn't matter, it's her problem. If she gets nasty to your face, then that's a little harder to keep a stiff upper lip about, so then you have to just avoid situations where you'll come into contact with her. Hang out at your place instead of his or go out. Now, if she truly doesn't like you because of your physical stature, then she must be a materialistic pretentious bitch afraid of what her son dating a "fat" girl will reflect on her or the family. If that's the case, then I say you should use it to your advantage and take every opportunity you can to rub your relationship in her face. Honestly! Learn to enjoy making her uncomfortable by being in her sight every chance you get. Make sure to constantly have your arms around him, and call him "Baby" and "Sugar" and "Honey" and all that lovey-dovery crap. Exhaust her to the point of vomitting. Trust me, you'll feel vindicated! Bottom line: Don't let other people, even if they carry the title of "Mom" interfere in your good relationship. He loves you and wants to be with you, so screw everybody else's opinions. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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