ShiningEyes Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I am heartbroken. I have caught my boyfriend lying to me several times over the last year and a half. He has lied about conversations he's had with co-workers about our personal relationship (i.e. the problems we have, my "issues") but it's made it's way back to me and he acts "dumb" until finally he admits that's he's shared these things. He's lied about locations of dinner with his friends and who is there/who isn't. And most recently he lied about email contact he had with a student of his (he's a professor) by "doctoring" an email he forwarded to me in order to "show" me that the email had been sent on a specific date. He changed both the date and minor contents of the email to support his lie. The student is a young 20 yr old who has a crush on him, flirts with him in front of me though he denies it. She is now asking to work with him on a project - I objected, he agreed to it behind my back and when I called him out on it he forwarded me a modified email to show me that the communication was recent & "kosher". He said I force him to lie because I am always in "persecution" mode... I caught him on his first lie 3 weeks into the relationship, 1 year and a half ago. He's right in that I have had trust issues since then... Am I enabling the lies?? He's 53 and I'm 39. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 When there's nothing to hide - people don't hide anything. There's no trust - which means there's no foundation in the R. You also have evidence that he betrays you... By talking about your personal stuff without your permission. None of it looks good. What is the reason you stay and pretend by telling yourself that this is acceptable? If he is causing you to forfeit your peace of mind by the way HE participates - why are you still with him? No man would get my time or attention if he was participating that way. Never settle! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShiningEyes Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 I appreciate your sincerity. This is a painful realization for me because I have sacrificed a lot in the last year... i.e. being patient throughout his slow divorce process. But I have become paranoid and confrontational with him in the past and he says that he has become afraid of telling me things I don't want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Is this the same guy that was 45 six months ago? Is this the same one who is still married? Is this the same guy who cheats in his wife and keeps you his secret? Is this the same guy who lies and covers up his reality to his wife and co workers because you are willingly his mistress? Why are you sacrificing everything good about you for one cheating, lying, selfish man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShiningEyes Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Yes it is... We are now out in public, open, have met his family & friends and are visibly a couple at work. After posting here 6 months ago I had courage to tell him how I really felt about being the secret GF. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Looks like you lie too... You say hes45 then six months later he grew 8 years. When you get honest with yourself you may understand you get what you give. You lie - he lies... It may very well be perfect - as long as you believe your own lies and his as well. Go along with it - you know exactly what you're going to get - he's a cheat... But you knew that when you started... He looks like he's consistent... He's gonna cheat on you too. But you knew that, right? Link to post Share on other sites
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