Popehappycat Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 He's fishing. He dumped you, remember? If he cares about you and regrets his decision, he can say so. By answering him truthfully, you'll just boost his ego. He didn't seem too interested in your relationship when he was with you, so it's none of his business now. And along with his insecurities, and his reply, of course he'd be jealous. The typical I don't want you, but nobody else can have you either crap. Avoid the question and avoid the conversation that comes with it, he's trying to work pieces out of you by continuing to talk about it. Better yet, avoid him all together. He left you, now he has to live with it. Link to post Share on other sites
ThinkPink218 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Ok so this is his answer: "ok you dont need to tell me,i wont ask you again,it doesnt matter....even if you have a boyfriend i am not jealous hahha" what the :S I'd say "great " then go NC! He's playing games. If he wants you back, he should say so. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Just ask him..if you have an offer I'm open to considering it if not please do not contact me again. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Do you see where the game playing got you, to remind him that you have not changed, your still the same person as the old relationship, he has became defensive. He's backing away again. If you want to get back together i would suggest saying "Im single at the moment if thats what your asking" don't imply your seeing anyone else. Game playing gets you nowhere. Like someone else said be honest. If your honest and it doesnt work atleast your not kicking yourself for playing games. Yes he is fishing, but would only fish in that department if he was interested in you again.. If you dont want to get back together again then go nc. If you do want to get back together again.. are you emotionally in a postion to take a rejection? If not go back to nc and tell him only to contact you if he's interested in dating again. If you are then you need to play the "ive changed and dont need you but would like you in my life " game, not the im dating others game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Do you see where the game playing got you, to remind him that you have not changed, your still the same person as the old relationship, he has became defensive. He's backing away again. If you want to get back together i would suggest saying "Im single at the moment if thats what your asking" don't imply your seeing anyone else. Game playing gets you nowhere. Like someone else said be honest. If your honest and it doesnt work atleast your not kicking yourself for playing games. Yes he is fishing, but would only fish in that department if he was interested in you again.. If you dont want to get back together again then go nc. If you do want to get back together again.. are you emotionally in a postion to take a rejection? If not go back to nc and tell him only to contact you if he's interested in dating again. If you are then you need to play the "ive changed and dont need you but would like you in my life " game, not the im dating others game. I know honesty is important but these "games" are necessary to some point in these kind of situation. Not saying i will lie,i will just keep silent,the truth is i have been dating but nothing serious...he doesn't need to know that.I don't even know if it would make him jealous,as he says it would not i guess i will have to wait and see Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Just ask him..if you have an offer I'm open to considering it if not please do not contact me again. I will do that.But i haven't replied yet to him ,he made me wait ,he can wait too , Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I think if you continue to play this little back and forth you got going, you are going to fail at what you are trying to accomplish. I would just stop responding to him and see if he persues you further because god knows if someone was interested in you they would be bugging the crap outta you, especially for reconciliation.... Remember, words are cheap and easy....actions on the other hand are not. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Rorschach...Lana was dumped by this guy so it changes the game. It is important that she let him know that she can live without him and that she's not waiting around for him. It maybe that he is fishing or he may want her back. We can't read this guys mind so she's got to keep it cool and not act out in desperation. If he knows she is waiting for him she loses. Also, it will give her time to think about whether she really wants him back. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I think if you continue to play this little back and forth you got going, you are going to fail at what you are trying to accomplish. I would just stop responding to him and see if he persues you further because god knows if someone was interested in you they would be bugging the crap outta you, especially for reconciliation.... Remember, words are cheap and easy....actions on the other hand are not. i completely agree with this. no point in making him wait-- that's just continuing to play into his game. just let it go. if he comes back he comes back. if not - - you were fine without him before he came into your life - - you'll be fine now. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I wasn't suggesting that she chase him, I was saying she should just go back to NC and if he was really serious about wanting her back then he will make it very obvious. Playing these little games will only serve to cause anxiety and ultimately failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 i wish it was all black and white like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Well the OP never actually said she officially wanted him back... I agree he dumped you, why make it easy? If he's truly interested, he won't be scared off. If you feel it's "game playing" to evade the question, ask (in a flirty tone) what would be his intentions with this information? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Well the OP never actually said she officially wanted him back... I agree he dumped you, why make it easy? If he's truly interested, he won't be scared off. If you feel it's "game playing" to evade the question, ask (in a flirty tone) what would be his intentions with this information? I asked and as you know he replied in a defensive way "i am just asking i have no goals" Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Well I wish you luck Lana and I cannot wait to hear how this pans out for you. You know the guy better than us, obviously, but what makes you think he isn't playing a game with you? Do you want him back? You seem to be dodging that question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Well I wish you luck Lana and I cannot wait to hear how this pans out for you. You know the guy better than us, obviously, but what makes you think he isn't playing a game with you? Do you want him back? You seem to be dodging that question. Yes i do wish him back,i don't know if he plays,do you see anything here that makes you think he is playing with me? i do not know maybe i am naive but i do not see a reason why he would do it? we live far away,why would he bother`?(since the only reason i can think of is sex,and that he can not get as we are in 2 different countries right now) his latest mail was "ok i wont ask you again,you are being a coward,just ignoring my question like that,but doesn't matter,i am not jealous hehehhe" and then he continued about other not that important stuff in the mail Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Yes I think he is playing games initally but yes it is a tad bit odd that someone from a LD would be like this...logically speaking at least. Though I still stand with the whole, if he wanted to be with you he'd make it clear to you because I know personally I would do whatever it took to have my loved one back. I still advise on NC and see how he responds to that. On the side note...he was being extremely rude calling you a coward, it shows to me he is in it not for you but for himself. I say this because he became libelous when you didn't give him what he wanted like a child. I am basically saying I think this is an ego boost manuever by him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 An ex asked me several months ago if I was still single. Did it mean that he wanted to get back together with me? No. And guess what? I got nothing but game playing from him- and he was the dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 well at least he stopped that topic as he saw i wont tell him,now he is only "light chatting" asking about how i am at work,telling how he is tired today and so on...nothing important at all An ex asked me several months ago if I was still single. Did it mean that he wanted to get back together with me? No. And guess what? I got nothing but game playing from him- and he was the dumper. That sounds terrible,but i am emotionally ready for anything,Its been almost 4 months of NC so i can handle it i hope Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 (edited) well at least he stopped that topic as he saw i wont tell him,now he is only "light chatting" asking about how i am at work,telling how he is tired today and so on...nothing important at all That sounds terrible,but i am emotionally ready for anything,Its been almost 4 months of NC so i can handle it i hope Huh? What do you mean it been almost 4 months of NC? Hello? Not to be rude but you HAVE been communicating with him. You have been emailing each other, thats communication. NC means no text, emails, phone calls, skype etc.. Means you competely disappear from his life. Edited December 1, 2011 by bittersweet memories Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Huh? What do you mean it been almost 4 months of NC? Hello? Not to be rude but you HAVE been communicating with him. You have been emailing each other, thats communication. NC means no text, emails, phone calls, skype etc.. Means you competely disappear from his life. I know before that it was total silence,this emailing started only 2-3 weeks ago Link to post Share on other sites
sardeen Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Do not listen to people telling you to play games and pretend you are not single because the issue will resurface if the two of you get together. Think about whether you really want to take the plunge and talk to him, really talk to him and find out if getting back together is a good thing If you two do get back together, take it very slow and make sure all resentment you may have felt over the break up is completely gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lana_sa Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Do not listen to people telling you to play games and pretend you are not single because the issue will resurface if the two of you get together. Think about whether you really want to take the plunge and talk to him, really talk to him and find out if getting back together is a good thing If you two do get back together, take it very slow and make sure all resentment you may have felt over the break up is completely gone. Thank you for your opinion he stopped asking,he is only friendly so i don't know where this will go,i will take it easy.most people tell me don't bring up the relationship yet but be friendly Link to post Share on other sites
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