Venting, hope someone reads.

[SkyEmtRN]

Hun....its been almost 2 months since our break up and I still think about us. I know why you broke up with me and I'm sorry for everything.

 

I know I kept pushing you away but I wasn't doing it on purpose. I was just so busy with school and I wanted to do my best so I know we would have a great future. I tried so hard in school for us. Yes there have been times where I said hurtful things or did not want to spend time with you. But that was just me being stressed out with school. Its not easy going through my first semester of the nursing program.

 

You always gave me the strenght to fight through all the challenges I faced.

 

I may not have spend time with you but when I did I always enjoyed it. I know you became angry and grumpy at me becuase I wouldn't hang out with you. But please understand I was stressed out.

 

I saw you drifting away and I wanted to changed this around. I had 4 tests in one week and I asked and asked to please let me get through them. I know I said that before but this time I wish you would have believed me. I was going to asked you out on a date to the movies after my last test.

 

But then you had your car accident. When I read that message about your accident I quickly left the classroom as soon as I read it. I called you as fast as I can. I was affraid that I lost you or you got hurt. But when I heard your laughs I felt as if I dodged the bullet. Then you said you felt worried about everything. School, job, living at home when your 24, being under paid and having to go back to school. I got to your house as fast as I can.

 

But then...you lost it. You lost your way for me. It hurt so much hearing it from you. I had so many things planned out for us to change my ways and make more time for you. I wanted to take you to rockafeller center to go ice skating, and take you out to a nice restaurant and tell you that I love you all for your x-mas gift.

 

I know I may not have said I love you as much as I should, but that was becuase I wanted it to be speacial everytime I would say it. I wanted it to mean something and just be a routine word or saying. But the truth is I do love you so much.

 

You have me here almost 2 months after still thinking about us. I want to keep fighting but I know its not getting me any where. I want to not talk to you any more but I'm affraid you'll be gone for good.

 

I know you said that you don't have feelings for me anymore, and that part of you wants to see other people and that you just want to be alone. But is that REALLY how you feel. You say your angry at me becuase I took you for granted. But if you would have waited one extra day, if you never had that accident I could have changed this hole situation around.

 

Now I'm kicking myself in the ass and trying so hard to fix my mistakes. I been working out so much and I reduced my school stress. I have more time on my hands now. I told you that after those tests school would have lightened up. And it did, but you ran out of patience for us. Why?? Was it all worth it??

 

You say you felt trapped and now that your free? But yet you can't give me one reason why you felt that way. I feel as if your just making escuses to hide your true feelings.

 

All this time I been working on myself to be a better person. The person I was when you first met me. The person I should have been throughout the entire relationship. Your my first love and I'm yours to.

 

I know there have been times in the relationship where I thought I wanted to end it, where I thought I too lost feelings for you. But the fact is, I woke up and I realized what I would have lost. And everytime that happened, I became better and stronger, and learned from my mistakes.

 

Now, you went on your trip with your family. You said it hurts to take the teddy bear I gave you with you to the trip. But you took my pillow pet with you. Why would you do that and then tell me "idk". Part of me feels like you still have feelings but your hiding it from us.

 

Its been a little over a month since I saw you and I wish I could see you just to give you a real hug and the most passionate kiss. I want to prove to you that I made changes in my life to have a better us for when/if you do come back. I know we are meant to be.

 

I hate the days that we don't talk. It kills me slowly inside and I wish I knew what you were up to. I wish I could just see you one more time.

 

Stupid me still sees us in the future no matter how much you hurt me but I know I can move on from that pain once you come back. I know I hurt you in the past with my attempts to break it off with you but I was being confused and lost. But you were always there to help me through everything, like I was always there to help you.

 

I asked you to give me 5 reasons why our relationship was bad besides me not spending time with you. And all you said was that I didn't say i love you as much.

 

I could easily changed that but I wanted it to be special when I say it. I have time now for us. And I know I told you all this already but still nothign has changed. I'm out of ideas of what to do, I don't know what to do.

 

I'm trying to hide my true feelings from you everything we talk so you don't see that I'm lost and sad. You have me making up lies saying that I was out with friends when I really wasn't. You say it makes you made becuase I did all these changes after your gone. But better late then never.

 

You may seem like your gone now becuase we havn't talked or texted. But then you say "at the moment the feelings are not there" WTF is this at the moment excuse. Feelings don't just disappear. I always made you smile and laugh and I still do that even after the break up. Stop hiding your feelings and just wake up and realize that the man of your dreams is right infront of your eyes. The man thats going to treat you with the greatest respect.

 

And another thing, I always respected you belief of saving yourself for marriage. I never once pressured you into having sex becuase I respected your choice. And a week before the break up, you were getting more physical. I don't understand....

 

If this is a goodbye, then I wish you the best. You said overall we had a good relationship....then why throw it away? You just got up and left, you could have talked about this first. But you chose to just end it.

 

I'm not a religous person and you know that but for once in my life I actually made a promise to Him. I told him that if you were to ever come back I promise I would give you the world, give you my full happyness and my full attention with no more mistakes and no more stress, I would give you the greatest future you could possible have. :o

[stitch702]

Hey...it's not your fault. To be honest that is the only real advice I can offer you...it's not your fault. It may be hard to accept that right now with all the feeling of guilt you may have for what you "could" have done, but honestly you can't change the past. I also want to say that it's not his fault either for feeling the way he did...neglected perhaps.

The truth is no one will ever truly understand the physical, emotional, and mental stresses of the nursing program...except for your fellow students who are going through the same thing with you. In my experience, I was a laid back and care free kind of person before I was accepted into my program. However due to all the stresses I had to maintain my focus and I prioritized school over all else...my friends, my g/f, even my family. With so much studying, care plans, and all the extra B.S. work and the fact that you are afraid of "failing" out I somewhat alienated them from my life for the time being. I told my g/f that I truly loved her, but that I had to focus on this for now so that when I graduate we can have a better life. Unfortunately she couldn't really understand why I was studying so much, or why I was so stressed. We fought constantly because all she wanted was to spend time with me...but the problem was I didn't have the time. So I guess as I moved through the program closer to graduation...she moved and drifted a part from me. She eventually found someone new and I lost her...I struggled for a while, but I just kept focusing on myself and I eventually moved on. I blamed myself for a while, but soon came to realize that it wasn't my fault...nor was it hers...it was just not the right time for me to be in a relationship.

[stitch702]

For now I'd say give him some space. It seems that he is angry and both of you are in an emotional state. Take some time away so that both of you can clear your heads. You can do N/C or still keep in touch depending on whether you are strong enough to do that. Right now focus on school...that should be your main priority right now. If it's meant to be he MAY contact you once things cool off, but don't hope on things...nothing in life is certain. Surround your self with all your nursing friends or family or whatever.....and most of all DON"T BLAME YOURSELF...some things in life are beyond your control...

[SkyEmtRN]

For now I'd say give him some space. It seems that he is angry and both of you are in an emotional state. Take some time away so that both of you can clear your heads. You can do N/C or still keep in touch depending on whether you are strong enough to do that. Right now focus on school...that should be your main priority right now. If it's meant to be he MAY contact you once things cool off, but don't hope on things...nothing in life is certain. Surround your self with all your nursing friends or family or whatever.....and most of all DON"T BLAME YOURSELF...some things in life are beyond your control...

 

 

Stitch....Thank you so much for your reply and thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm glad that there's someone else that understands my side of the story. I hope SHE (lol, I'm the guy) soon realizes what she lost.

 

I started no contact yesterday, Idk what is going to happen but so far I'm almost through day 1.

 

Unfortuneatly there is another guy involved but she told him that she is not ready to date anyone. The good news is, the guy is just some autotechnician. He may have all that muscle and stuff, but its deffinately not the guy I know she would go for based on who she was when I knew her. Also, c'mon would you rather have a husband thats a nurse or a autotechnician??? I obviously have the bigger heart, he's just some meathead with muscles. Also being that she is a virgin and he is a party go'er....and that she waiting for marriage....I have a high chance that its not going to work and she'll just end up getting hurt and hopefully comes running back. Only then will she realize what she left behind.

 

But until then, I am working on myself to be a better person. Been hitting the weights hard and seeing improvements. I understand all my mistakes and know how to fix them. I hope she can wake up and see everything.

 

I don't want to see her get hurt by this guy, but maybe she has to in order to realize. But she said she is not going to date anyone anytime soon. We'll see how true that is. Hope the man upstairs watches over her and guides her back to me.

 

 

Thank you again for reading/replying. You made me feel a lot more calm during this.

[Sugarkane]

Hi OP my sister has a friend studying nursing and is doing work placement. My sister told me a bit about it. How stressful it is for her and how she doesn't have a lot of spare time. Apparently they were told at the start if they have a relationship with someone, they won't be seeing a lot of that person anymore! It didn't sound easy at all. And my aunt somehow managed to go through nursing school, when she was a single mother with 3 children. I don't know how she did it.

 

Just try and think that you'll have your career at the end of it. And if your ex couldn't handle it, than I don't think she was the person for you. I mean, what if something bad happened? How would she have handled it?

[SkyEmtRN]

Hi OP my sister has a friend studying nursing and is doing work placement. My sister told me a bit about it. How stressful it is for her and how she doesn't have a lot of spare time. Apparently they were told at the start if they have a relationship with someone, they won't be seeing a lot of that person anymore! It didn't sound easy at all. And my aunt somehow managed to go through nursing school, when she was a single mother with 3 children. I don't know how she did it.

 

Just try and think that you'll have your career at the end of it. And if your ex couldn't handle it, than I don't think she was the person for you. I mean, what if something bad happened? How would she have handled it?

 

Thank you for responding. Yes it is hard but I was trying extra hard for her so we would be garunnteed a good future. I was doing a lot for her. I hope she wakes up and realize that she left behind. But I cAnt control her and I'm not going to.

 

The day she left .... I had so much planned out and I cleared up my schedule. She just gave up. But I hope I still there in her

[stitch702]

Just imagine when you are done! You will have an edge above most of the competition. You seem like a nice and charming guy from your posts and you seem to have a very sincere personality. That accompanied with a profession that is in demand and pays very well for this day and age will make you very attractive to many women out there. Nursing itself is not an easy profession and not for everyone. Therefore by simply becoming a nurse shows that you have some ambition, a drive to succeed, and confidence in yourself. It may also show that you are compassionate because you are there to tend to the sick, heal the wounded, and comfort the dying. Those characteristics are also attractive to most women. Also if you haven't noticed already the ratio of men vs women in nursing is on the better side for us men. You will be working with a lot of attractive female co-workers...who will have attractive female friends. On top of that depending on your hours you will most likely work 3 or 4 days a week which will give you enough time to enjoy the things you want to do such as vacationing, going out on dates, etc, etc. Trust me dude, these feelings of loneliness and guilt will come to pass. You may not realize your self worth as of now, but you are worth much more and can provide much more than some auto mechanic with bulging muscles...it's funny because I used to be an auto mechanic, then went to school for nursing so I can tell you, you will definitley get more girls with a higher quality than that mechanic can pull.

 

Trust me once you have that BSN RN by your name...everything else will fall into place. I pray too that one day she will realize your worth...but the thing is its possible she may not...but TRUST ME...there will be many other girls who WILL...just stay focused on studies, better yourself, love yourself, and build your career.

[SkyEmtRN]

Just imagine when you are done! You will have an edge above most of the competition. You seem like a nice and charming guy from your posts and you seem to have a very sincere personality. That accompanied with a profession that is in demand and pays very well for this day and age will make you very attractive to many women out there. Nursing itself is not an easy profession and not for everyone. Therefore by simply becoming a nurse shows that you have some ambition, a drive to succeed, and confidence in yourself. It may also show that you are compassionate because you are there to tend to the sick, heal the wounded, and comfort the dying. Those characteristics are also attractive to most women. Also if you haven't noticed already the ratio of men vs women in nursing is on the better side for us men. You will be working with a lot of attractive female co-workers...who will have attractive female friends. On top of that depending on your hours you will most likely work 3 or 4 days a week which will give you enough time to enjoy the things you want to do such as vacationing, going out on dates, etc, etc. Trust me dude, these feelings of loneliness and guilt will come to pass. You may not realize your self worth as of now, but you are worth much more and can provide much more than some auto mechanic with bulging muscles...it's funny because I used to be an auto mechanic, then went to school for nursing so I can tell you, you will definitley get more girls with a higher quality than that mechanic can pull.

 

Trust me once you have that BSN RN by your name...everything else will fall into place. I pray too that one day she will realize your worth...but the thing is its possible she may not...but TRUST ME...there will be many other girls who WILL...just stay focused on studies, better yourself, love yourself, and build your career.

 

 

Thank you, finally someone who can shine light on my situation with words of encouragment. I hate running into a lot of downer people on this site. After working out and reading your post, day 2 of nc got a whole lot easier. He can have all the muscles in the world, but I'm the one that's going to be able to support her ass and give her the very best in the future. Give her that nice house and go on all those vacations and spend a lot of time with her. But hey she wants to talk to that guy so be it. In the end I know where my life is going, I know my path....its her choice if she wants to be apart of it or not. And she will be stupid not to be apart of it.

 

I'm glad you switched into a better career. Hope everything is working out for you and wish you the best with your patients. Thank you again for helping me lift me back onto my feet!