MyApology Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I am in a friendly, light, drama free relationship, but am mixed up as to how to make it's rules. It seems I disappoint him that I am not able to meet him when he calls at the last minute. I am a little stubborn in that I will not go out of my way to satisfy him at the cost of my freedom. I do want to see him at these times but am not available unless I reschedule my day. He can be difficult to read, i know when he sounds disappointed, and he always expresses we will talk about it when we meet, but by then we are happy in one another's presence, and these issues are lost and not thought of at all when we spend time together. I am not at all demanding, and if I make a request, he seems to go along. I believe we are FWBs and want to keep it that way with rules. Is it plausible to have a FWB type rel. with respectable mutual rules? I want to do this in a manner in which it does not make this a BF-GF type scenerio. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 When he asks for last-minute dates, just tell him you'd love to meet him, but you need more notice than that in order to be able to arrange your schedule. Tell him that he should give you a day or two (or three or however much time you normally need) notice to be able to schedule a meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyApology Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 When he asks for last-minute dates, just tell him you'd love to meet him, but you need more notice than that in order to be able to arrange your schedule. Tell him that he should give you a day or two (or three or however much time you normally need) notice to be able to schedule a meeting. Thank you for the response. I will make a note to do that. I have also had a difficult time expressing excitement at meeting up. I made an effort today to sound happy, and I believe he noticed. I am happy, but extremely reserved, because I do not wish for it to be more, although absolutely no emotions are hard for both of us, but we are doing our best to not do that. I am getting better, cause I at first dodged a kiss, and he almost hit the wall with his face:) And was uncomfortable and jumped up when he tried to cuddle, it just surprised me, the cuddling, everything else is passionate. I have decided to make him happy with a request of his and we never re approached it, and hope he likes it the next time we meet. This is my first FWB and actually am starting to really like it, because there are no worries of drama, games, or abuse. If I see a peep of that occurring, then it will be time to jump ship. My question here, though, is when he does call and I decline, I cannot tell if he is dissappointed we cannot meet or if he feels he is entitled to do so. He does sound nervous at times and then at others it seems his reaction is he is not used to someone declining. I know there would girls who wouldn't decline and do as he wishes, but hopefully with rules, some boundaries this will not become an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 FWB's are no guarantee of a drama-free, worry free relationship. In fact, they are quite the opposite. FWB's almost always end in disaster. Not always, but often. It is precisely the assumptions and "rules" that create the drama. You are dealing with human beings. It is rare they both FWB partners are on the same page with their expectations. And even if they are at the start, humans change. They have thoughts and feelings and wants and needs, and they bring all that into the FWB relationship, too. Be very, very careful with this, and be very, very honest with him about what you want out of this and how you feel about him. Make sure he understands exactly what this relationship is for you. And be sensitive to any changes in behavior or attitude. If you think he might have feelings for you, end the FWB immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyApology Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 You may be right. The rules alone is giving me anxiety, now that you mentioned it. BF-GF, H/W relationships have rules. Maybe limits and boundaries set. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyApology Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Well we met up, had a really pleasant time with one another. We talked and I semi joked about some boundaries and rules, and he on his own (very important to me, I refuse to make someone do something) has been initiating them. Thanks for the Advice! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Good - I'm glad things are going well for you. Don't be afraid to talk with him often about how things are going as you move forward. It's good to check in with each other and make sure there aren't unspoken issues or concerns or misunderstanding. Have fun and play safe! Link to post Share on other sites
EnchantedOne Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 I am in a friendly, light, drama free relationship, but am mixed up as to how to make it's rules. It seems I disappoint him that I am not able to meet him when he calls at the last minute. I am a little stubborn in that I will not go out of my way to satisfy him at the cost of my freedom. I do want to see him at these times but am not available unless I reschedule my day. He can be difficult to read, i know when he sounds disappointed, and he always expresses we will talk about it when we meet, but by then we are happy in one another's presence, and these issues are lost and not thought of at all when we spend time together. I am not at all demanding, and if I make a request, he seems to go along. I believe we are FWBs and want to keep it that way with rules. Is it plausible to have a FWB type rel. with respectable mutual rules? I want to do this in a manner in which it does not make this a BF-GF type scenerio. My ex and I are FWB. Its kind of new to us both. Right from the day we decided we would have sex together but not be together, we came up with guidelines. We did that before we entered our relationship together as well. I just straight out said to him -If you start to date, I want to know so I can end it if I want to. -If you even start to see someone or talk, let me know again so I can decide what I want to do. -If I start to hurt bad and want more then FWB, I will tell you and we will discuss if we need to end our FWB thing or see if we want more. -No calling late at night. -No constant talking/texting/emailing(we did when we were together) -Birth control is a must and even though we dont have sex with others, condoms are required b/c we dont even want an accidental pregnancy Those are our basic rules. I just came right out with what I need to be happy in this FWB thing and he agreed to the same rules. Unlike some FWBs we do still go on dates, see the others family and hang out even if we arent having sex that day. Link to post Share on other sites
EnchantedOne Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Thank you for the response. I will make a note to do that. I have also had a difficult time expressing excitement at meeting up. I made an effort today to sound happy, and I believe he noticed. I am happy, but extremely reserved, because I do not wish for it to be more, although absolutely no emotions are hard for both of us, but we are doing our best to not do that. I am getting better, cause I at first dodged a kiss, and he almost hit the wall with his face:) And was uncomfortable and jumped up when he tried to cuddle, it just surprised me, the cuddling, everything else is passionate. I have decided to make him happy with a request of his and we never re approached it, and hope he likes it the next time we meet. This is my first FWB and actually am starting to really like it, because there are no worries of drama, games, or abuse. If I see a peep of that occurring, then it will be time to jump ship. My question here, though, is when he does call and I decline, I cannot tell if he is dissappointed we cannot meet or if he feels he is entitled to do so. He does sound nervous at times and then at others it seems his reaction is he is not used to someone declining. I know there would girls who wouldn't decline and do as he wishes, but hopefully with rules, some boundaries this will not become an issue. Me and mine do get excited when we have a day come up we know we will see each other. Like 2 weeks ago, I bought some sexy night wear and told him. Then I text him some glimpses of it on me for the next couple days. He sent some pics I had requested. When the day before we were going to meet up, we ended up on a last minute date. We were both still excited for the next night even though we had had sex the night before. I have started to decline a few invites here and there, but mainly its b/c I feel emotionally like I couldnt handle it. Since we used to be in a BF/GF relationship I can tell him why I decline. And if he declines same thing. I dont usually get upset when he declines but I will send him a little frown. However I also know I cant expect he will see me whenever I want b/c we are not GF/BF. There is no expectations and rules about how often we have to see each other. It takes a lot of stress off us. If something comes up for you that you wonder, you need to be able to talk to him and let him know you arent comfortable about whatever it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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